Chapter 36

"Lorne, you can't be serious." Buffy said.

"You've got sex appeal." Lorne said. "They want you."

"Why?"

"Because you're the hot new thing in the business world. This is your shot to make this law firm look good."

"By posing for Maxim?"

"Yes!"

"This is an entertainment magazine."

"Not necessarily."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It was until they got a load of the pictures they requested to see."

"What pictures, Lorne? What did you send?"

"Just a few home photos of you hanging around with your pals. They also saw the commercial."

Buffy covered her face. "Oh my God, Lorne! The people that pose for this magazine are people who are willing to be in Playboy. I'm not. I'm not taking my clothes off for anyone but Angel."

"Well, I can arrange for him to be there."

"Oh, Lorne!"

"It'd be a great birthday present for Angel."

"His birthday's not till next month."

"And the magazine wouldn't be out till next month."

"I can't. It's degrading."

"I'll make sure you're more covered up than Christina Aguilara in the early days." Lorne smiled. "And speaking of birthdays.... Dawn's is coming up soon. Have you got those party plans for me?"

"Yeah." Buffy pulled out a Wolfram and Hart file marked CONFIDENTIAL. "It's all in there." She handed it to Lorne.

"Thanks, Blondie. You're a doll." Lorne stood and headed for the door just as Angel walked in. "And think about that magazine spread, will ya?"

"What magazine spread?" Angel asked as he shut the door behind Lorne.

"Lorne wants me to do this magazine cover to promote Wolfram and Hart."

"Oh.... You should do it. It'd bring more human clients in."

"Yeah, more male clients."

"Of course it would."

"I think that's all it would bring. I don't know many women who read Maxim."

"Maxim? What's that?" Buffy held up the current edition of Maxim with a half nude celebrity that Angel didn't recognize. "Oh.... Oh! No way! You're not doing that."

"Didn't plan on it." Buffy shuddered and tossed the magazine in the trash. "And it's gonna stay there. I have more decency than that." The phone rang. "Yeah? He did? Good." She pushed another button on the phone. "Harmony, can you send Wesley in here please?"

"Who did what?" Angel asked, leaning against the desk facing Buffy.

"I had Wesley send Illyria in to get Gunn."

"What?"

"It was the only logical way to do it."

"You know that's dangerous."

"Only slightly. But I can't just leave Gunn in there. It's not what he deserves despite what he thinks."

Wesley walked in. "You wanted to see me?"

"Is Illyria back yet?"

"Not yet."

"I can't believe you two just sent her to rescue Gunn!" Angel said.

"We didn't send her. We were discussing Gunn. I explained his situation, our inability to get him out. She nodded, created a portal, and disappeared."

"So she's just, what, helping you two out? She's your little helper."

"I would hardly call her...."

"Well, she sure was helpful beatin' me up. Wes, do you have any idea why she's doing all this for you two?"

Buffy raised her hand. "I know why she does things for me." They looked at her expectantly. "She said that I defeated a god, so I must be in the league of gods or something like that and I was worthy enough of her company. I think she's scared of me." Buffy shook her head. "But really, Angel, does it matter? She may be able to get him out."

"Or she might get him killed. It doesn't track. Why would she take on any risk for us?"

"I doubt this poses a risk to her. She has the power of a god." Wesley said.

"She has the ego of a god."

"She was ruler of the world." Buffy said. "It goes to a person's head."

"Apparently."

"I am making progress." Wesley said. "There is distance, of course. She would never accept any of us as peers.... With the exception of Buffy.... But, I afford her some amusement at the very least. It may be why she's still here."

"She's still here because this place reeks of influence. She had everything. Everything. You think she's not lookin' to get that back?"

"I wouldn't presume to know what she wants. But I understand the resource, the power she represents. If we could just find some way to integrate her, to convince her to...."

"To do what? Join the team?" A portal suddenly appeared in the office and Illyria brought Gunn through it, pushing him to the floor at her feet. "Gunn."

Wesley stood. "Illyria."

Illyria grabbed Gunn by the throat and lifted him into the air. "This thing...."

"Let him go." Angel said.

"It's important to you."

"Illyria, stop." Wesley said.

"It holds value.... worth beyond price."

"I said, let him...." Angel started.

"Yes, great worth." Buffy said suddenly. "A big ol' honkin' debt. You're talking about the debt, aren't you.... of what we owe you?"

Gunn grunted as she dropped him and he fell to the ground. "Of what you owe me." With that, Illyria walked out of the office.

"Go team." Angel said.

The next day, Buffy watched as Illyria punched Spike in the chest, sending him across the training room floor. Spike slid across the floor on his feet, but didn't fall this time. "Ooh! All right, grandma. Give ya that. Good one." Spike said. Spike charged Illyria, who kicked and punched him, but missed. Spike caught her fist in his hand and punched her quickly in the face. She stepped back and circled him slowly, watching him constantly.

"This shell.... you had affection for it, for Fred." Illyria said.

"Tons. Loved the bird."

"Yet you strike at her form without sentiment."

"You ain't her. I can see it. Lord knows I can smell it. And I got no problem hitting it." Spike swung at Illyria, who caught his punch and kneed him between the legs.

Illyria clutched her stomach after Spike hit her there. "You're adapting."

"We do that."

"Adaptation is compromise." She swung a low kick at Spike's ankles.

He jumped to avoid it. "It's called learning. But then I guess you know everything there is to know."

"When the world met me, it shuddered, groaned. It knelt at my feet."

"'Dear Penthouse, I don't normally write letters like this, but.....'" Illyria punched him in the face, knocking him back a few steps. "Oh, ho ho!"

"Illyria was all they needed to know."

"Then came the Internet."

"You have nothing. Your kind has pulled this domain apart. Each of you has snatched a tiny piece of it. Even those with the mightiest hoards are paupers."

"The one who dies with the most toys wins, eh?"

"To never die.... and to conquer all, that is winning."

Spike started charging at Illyria again, but with a wave of her hand she slowed time. Spike soared through the air toward her at a snail's pace as she walked normally past him. When he reached the floor, he was back to normal time. He looked around, confused at not seeing Illyria. He turned to see her standing behind him. "Now that's cheating." Illyria kicked Spike hard in the stomach, sending him across the room. He hit the wall where the observation window was and fell to the floor in a heap.

Angel, who was standing beside Buffy, pushed the intercom. "Spike, talk to you for a minute."

"You may go." Illyria said.

"Huh!" Spike wiped blood from his lip. "Yeah, great. Thanks so much." He walked out and then into the observation room. "That time-stop thing is a royal bitch, but I'm starting to suss out her million-year-old moves. Cheeky mix. Little tae kwon do, little Brazilian Ninjitsu, ancestrally speaking."

"You have to stop these sessions." Angel said.

"Now hang on. Just now getting into it."

"Spike...." Buffy said.

"Don't suppose you think it's your turn, do you?" The Slayer raised an eyebrow. "I'm just testing her has sharpened technique I didn't even know was rusty."

"We're not testing her, Spike. She's testing us." Angel said. Illyria stepped out of the training room into the observation area. She doubled over in pain, clutching her stomach and panting.

"Got her winded at least, didn't I?" Spike asked. "That's right, little Shiva. Reckon you'll think twice next time. Good knee to the ribs does tend to catch up on you, doesn't it?"

Buffy's cell trilled. "Yeah? In the training room. What do you mean it's not in our records? Well, I didn't hire you for nothing. No, go down to files and records and look harder. Well, maybe you're searching for it wrong. I know the system a little better than you. I only designed it! Maybe you're putting in the information wrong. I'll be there in a minute." Buffy shut her phone. "Worthless."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just have an entirely worthless staff is all. I'll see you for lunch later Angel." Buffy glanced at Illyria as she walked out. "Are you gonna be ok?"

Illyria looked at the men and then back at Buffy. "I will follow you. These beings are of no value to me at the moment."

"Yeah, ok. Maybe you can stand and glare while I yell."

Half an hour later, Buffy was called to her office for a meeting. She told Illyria to watch the morons until she got back. When Buffy walked in, Spike was saying, "Ok, the upshot is you don't like babe the blue ox in your house, and you want to get rid of her." Buffy went and sat with Angel at the head of the conference table. Wesley sat to his left, and Lorne beside him. Gunn was at his right and Spike was pacing behind him near the window.

"Yeah." Angel said.

"So.... are we talking pasture.... or slaughterhouse?"

"She didn't have a problem killing Fred, did she?"

"Illyria infected Fred, with no more malice than a viral phage." Wesley said.

"Hey, look, Wes, I know you're bonding with her, but...."

"But she's unpredictable, dangerous, too powerful a being, too close to being an enemy. Yes, Angel. It's self-evident."

"Which means we have to find some kind of weakness, some point of vulnerability...."

"You want me to find a way to kill her."

"You got a problem with that?"

"No."

"Good. Because we got more than enough problems to worry about."

"Yeah, for example, what about the Apocalypse?" Gunn asked. "Still trying to get my head around that one. Lindsey said we're in the middle of it?"

"Oh, forgot to tell you. The thousand-year war of good versus evil is well under way." Buffy said. "Evil just hasn't told anyone about it yet, which is probably why they're winning."

"Oh, and by the way, we're apparently on the wrong side." Spike said. "Or the right side, if you like winning."

"Sounds like you guys are buying it." Gunn said.

"Next time you go out there, take a good look around. Cause it's true, Gunn." Angel said.

"Works for me. So what's that mean for us?"

"Tell us how we fight an invisible war. I don't even know who we're fighting."

"All the evil we've stopped so far, and we're still the partners' number- one earner." Buffy said. Hamilton walked into the room. "Oh goody, it's my stalker." She muttered to Angel.

He addressed only Buffy and Angel. "Not anymore. Let me ask you two something. Have you ever heard the term 'surgical strike'?"

"Ever heard the term 'appointment'?"

"Illyria destroyed 11 torture units before she found your man. 2 troop carriers, an ice cream truck, and 8 beautifully maintained lawns. Not to mention dozens of employees rendered useless to the company."

"Bill us." Angel said.

"Oh, we will. The damages are coming directly out of this division's profits. Congratulations. In one swift stroke, you've gone from leader of the pack to staggering at the rear."

"And...."

"You two are motivated go-getters at the top of the corporate ladder. Why don't you figure out what comes after 'and...'.?"

"We're workin' on that." Buffy said.

"Yes, I'm sure you are. In the meantime, the partners have a small task they'd like you to oversee. I'm sending Gunn the file. It's good to see you again, by the way. It's a simple matter, but with some very big players."

"If this is our chance to get into a better grace with the head office, I have to say it's not our priority." Angel said.

"Oh, no, don't think about us. Think about profits. It's profits that let you keep this plucky little boatload of good above water. It's a business, boys and girl, not a bat cave." He walked out.

"Well, I'll tell you what...." Lorne said. "Still like him better than Eve." Everyone got up to leave.

"I think I liked Eve better." Buffy said to Lorne as she walked him to the door. "She didn't stalk me half as much."

"What do you mean buttercup?"

"Ever since he got here, he hasn't stopped bugging me about every little thing. And he gives me lusty eye." She shuddered. "Ick."

"A man that goes after a married woman." Lorne tisk-ed. "Sad, sad world."

Buffy shut the door and looked at Angel leaning against the desk. "You ok?"

"Fine." Angel tossed, going around and plopping down in his seat behind the desk.

"What's wrong?"

"I said I'm fine."

"And I know you're not."

"Would you just stop?"

"Stop what?"

"Stop pushing."

"No. I won't."

Angel looked up at her sharply. "I don't want to argue any more than we already are."

"What are we arguing about this time?"

"What AREN'T we arguing about?"

Buffy shrugged. "I couldn't tell you."

Angel snorted and stood up. "It seems like lately, every time I turn around, we're arguing about something."

The Slayer crossed her arms. "Please, go on."

"It's this place! Haven't you noticed it?" When Buffy didn't answer, Angel continued. "Ever since we came here, it's been driving us apart."

"I noticed."

"You spend more time with everyone else than you do me."

"That's not my fault."

"I can't believe you. Every day I get more miserable because you're not around and when you are, we're arguing. Like yesterday.... You just send Illyria off without consulting me."

"Well, last time I checked, I have the authority to do that. I'm C.E.O. too you know."

"Buffy...."

Gunn walked into the office. "Just got the file from Hamilton. Skimming it now. Looks like some sort of ceremonial demon pact. You have to sign as witness for the firm." He looked up at Buffy and Angel who crossed their arms and looked away from each other. "Is this a bad time?"

"No." Buffy said as Angel said, "Yes."

"I could come back."

"No. Stay. We need to work this case before the Senior Partners pull a fast one on us." Buffy looked at Angel and he stared back for a minute. Then, he nodded his head and they looked at Gunn. Buffy nodded. "You've met Hamilton."

"Sorry?"

"The new liaison. You met him before today?"

"Yeah. Came down to my basement for a visit while I was getting carved. Offered to get me out."

"And what'd you say?" Angel asked.

"Do you really have to ask me that?"

"I really do."

"I turned him down. Not into making deals. Not anymore."

"Well, that's gonna make it tough to be a lawyer."

"It was tough already. Making business go smoothly for a bunch of hideous, scaly, evil clients."

A very pregnant blonde woman stepped into the office. "Excuse me.... I'm here about the demon pact."

Buffy, Angel, and Gunn sat at the conference table with the woman, Amanda. She looked like she was ready give birth at anytime. "They found me." She said. "They said that they had these seer people who told them my baby was some kind of holy one. They said it was a prophecy."

"How much do you know about the Fell Brethren?" Gunn asked.

"Well, they're really religious. I mean, their religion, not the God one. But they've been really supportive. They're always bringing me special shakes and vitamins...."

"You realize they're demons." Angel said.

"Uh-huh. They're very open about it."

"Well, any demonic pact should be entered into with caution." Gunn said. "They can be riddled with obscure clauses and doubletalk. As our client, we have to advise you...."

"She's not your client. We are." Three demons were standing at the door to the conference room, dressed in long black hooded robes. The demons had round, bald heads and uneven gray-green skin. The one who had spoken explained what was going on with the baby and Amanda.

"You're sure you want to do this?" Buffy asked Amanda.

"Yeah, because it's not too late, Amanda." Gunn said. "This contract has some wiggle room somewhere in there. They always do."

"But aren't you the guys that are supposed to tell me to do it?" Amanda asked.

"Oh, we are. And, well, we're not. We, uh...." Buffy tried.

"Angel Ears, this is Secret Demon. Come in." Lorne said on Angel's walkie- talkie. Angel covered it with his hand as Amanda said, "Listen, I've had this talk before, believe me. I know it sounds bad giving up your unborn baby to a supernatural cult, but...."

The walkie-talkie beeped again and Angel put his hands over it, muffling the speech. "Sorry." The walkie-talkie chirped as Angel turned it off and put it in his coat pocket. "Go on."

"See.... their entire nation believes my child is their next, you know, like the Dalai Lama. They're gonna worship him. He'll be cared for better than we could ever. And he'll be someone, somebody important. We'd never be able to give him that."

"Amanda, the Fell Brethren leader makes Jim Jones look like a Sunday school teacher." Gunn said.

"Who's Jim Jones?"

"It doesn't matter." Angel said.

"Mr. Gunn, we can't afford this baby. My husband, he was hurt at work. Brain-damaged, doctors say. Incurable. We're scraping by on food stamps and disability. But the Brethren.... they say they can make him whole again. Make him.... remember who I am. I mean, how does a person turn all that down?"

Gunn closed the file and walked out of the conference room. Angel stood. "Excuse us."

Buffy sighed. "I'll be right back." She stopped the door before Angel could fully close it.

"I'm not feelin' so good." Gunn said.

"First day back from a vacation in hell, you know, I'm not surprised." Angel said.

"Do you know what the worst part of that place was? Wasn't the basement. At least there, you knew where you stood. Demon was gonna cut your heart out and show it to you. Nah. It was the fake life they gave you upstairs. The wife, kids, all the icing on the family cake. But somewhere underneath it, there was the nagging certainty that it was all lies, that all the smiles and the birthday candles and the homework were just there to hide the horror. Is that all we're doing here.... just hiding the horror?"

"No."

"Cause I don't think I can stomach it anymore, not after all that's happened."

Buffy walked up to Gunn and looked at him. "You have to. Listen to me, Gunn. I need you to get through this, to get through all of it so we can figure out the big picture and plot our next move."

"Buffy.... she is our next move."

"Um.... the Brethren have finished their colas, bosses, and the sugar high isn't making them any less...." Harmony said.

"Send them in, Harmony." Angel said.