Chapter 15
The single moon shone down on the sleeping keep as a dark, slender figure climbed down to the beach. The graceful strides revealed their heritage just as surely as the moon glinting off golden hair and the tip of a pointed ear poking through. His strides were sure as he made his way to the beach; the imprints he left were shallow and indistinct for elves walk softly, as if they're floating. He stared out across the sea, standing backlit by the glowing orb in the sky, his sharp eyes unfocused, the moonlight glittering in the dark orbs. He had much to think about as he stared across the ocean waters as they lapped against the shore. Silvara. She was an enigma. He'd been searching for her for so long he'd started to think she'd disappeared. But no. She'd simply donned another disguise and now she was fighting against him. Against herself.
And now she was running. Oh, not physically, not yet, but Gilthanas had a feeling it wouldn't be long before she did. And the question was would she take him with her? Would she want to? That hurt, but he had to consider it. She still loved him, he could see it in her posture, feel it in her touch, but would she turn her back on him all the same?
He walked in silence, the moonlight turning the slight caps on the waves to silver as he settled on the very rocks where they'd sat earlier. He turned, staring at the waves, his thoughts crashing against each other like the waters. Only they didn't dissolve, they became more bothersome. He couldn't lose her. If nothing else, Gilthanas knew he'd die if she left him, turned him away, for good. Would she? He didn't know. He didn't know if he'd hurt her beyond repair by his abandonment, by his sudden reappearance. He didn't know if he deserved her forgiveness, no matter how much he wanted it, needed it. He didn't know if he could live without her. Exist, yes, but live? He hadn't been living for more than thirty years, since the day he'd awoken to find the Lady Arlena Plata had come to his rescue.
He tilted his head back, inhaling deeply. The salty smell rolling in off the ocean was calming to his nerves and right now he needed to be calm. He needed a clear head to think his way through this. He sighed softly, tracing the damp rock at his back, finding grooves and niches with his sensitive touch. He idly traced the patterns, allowing the breeze to cool his face, though he was slowly losing the feel in his cheeks. He didn't care. Perhaps it would simply be better to have died, never having found her again, he thought caustically. Then he wouldn't have had to find the gut-wrenching fear at being told she needed time. He wouldn't be here now, on the coats below her window, thinking of her and the decisions, the changes, she'd have to make if she chose him. If! He sighed again, bowing his head. It was no longer a certainty that she'd choose him in place of her position in the knighthood, in the life she'd created for herself.
He stood and kicked at a stone, sending it skipping across the sand. He couldn't let her lock him out of her life. He couldn't let her make them both miserable for the rest of their lives. He'd searched for her because he loved her, because he needed her, just as she needed him. Why couldn't she see that? She wasn't happy, she was content, and content was like existing. It was fine until one day you woke up knowing you couldn't continue as you were, that something vital was missing and then spent the rest of your life searching for it. Only they'd found it with each other. They'd found that missing piece, and now she could turn her back on him forever. He couldn't let her do that, could he? Did he love her enough to let her go, knowing that one day she'd come back? Did he really know she would?
"Give me a sign, Lady, of what you intend." he whispered softly, the breeze tearing the words from his lips before they could go any further. He waited silently, still as a statue, as the breeze teased his hair and clothing, brushing softly across his skin. Elves didn't feel the cold, not to the same degree as human's did, and though his cheeks were cool, they weren't frozen, and wouldn't be for a long time yet. His eyes slowly closed and he inhaled deeply before straightening his shoulders again. Settling back against the rock, he made himself comfortable and continued to stare into the dark waters of the sea.
For long hours he sat, still and unmoving, his gaze on a point only he could see. It was nearly dawn when he finally pushed himself from the rock and started back towards the keep. He'd spent the night thinking, of examining what he'd need to do to win Sil- Arlena's trust and heart again. Of what he'd have to do to protect her. And finally, with the sky becoming lighter, the clouds taking on the soft hues of the morning sunrise, he thought he had an answer. He didn't like it, didn't want to think of it as an option, but he loved her enough that no sacrifice was too great. Swallowing the fear he felt, he carefully gathered his courage as he climbed the bluffs back to the keep and slipped back inside. This morning heralded a day of difficult decisions and actions. And to face it, he'd need to be at his best. He could accept nothing less.
The single moon shone down on the sleeping keep as a dark, slender figure climbed down to the beach. The graceful strides revealed their heritage just as surely as the moon glinting off golden hair and the tip of a pointed ear poking through. His strides were sure as he made his way to the beach; the imprints he left were shallow and indistinct for elves walk softly, as if they're floating. He stared out across the sea, standing backlit by the glowing orb in the sky, his sharp eyes unfocused, the moonlight glittering in the dark orbs. He had much to think about as he stared across the ocean waters as they lapped against the shore. Silvara. She was an enigma. He'd been searching for her for so long he'd started to think she'd disappeared. But no. She'd simply donned another disguise and now she was fighting against him. Against herself.
And now she was running. Oh, not physically, not yet, but Gilthanas had a feeling it wouldn't be long before she did. And the question was would she take him with her? Would she want to? That hurt, but he had to consider it. She still loved him, he could see it in her posture, feel it in her touch, but would she turn her back on him all the same?
He walked in silence, the moonlight turning the slight caps on the waves to silver as he settled on the very rocks where they'd sat earlier. He turned, staring at the waves, his thoughts crashing against each other like the waters. Only they didn't dissolve, they became more bothersome. He couldn't lose her. If nothing else, Gilthanas knew he'd die if she left him, turned him away, for good. Would she? He didn't know. He didn't know if he'd hurt her beyond repair by his abandonment, by his sudden reappearance. He didn't know if he deserved her forgiveness, no matter how much he wanted it, needed it. He didn't know if he could live without her. Exist, yes, but live? He hadn't been living for more than thirty years, since the day he'd awoken to find the Lady Arlena Plata had come to his rescue.
He tilted his head back, inhaling deeply. The salty smell rolling in off the ocean was calming to his nerves and right now he needed to be calm. He needed a clear head to think his way through this. He sighed softly, tracing the damp rock at his back, finding grooves and niches with his sensitive touch. He idly traced the patterns, allowing the breeze to cool his face, though he was slowly losing the feel in his cheeks. He didn't care. Perhaps it would simply be better to have died, never having found her again, he thought caustically. Then he wouldn't have had to find the gut-wrenching fear at being told she needed time. He wouldn't be here now, on the coats below her window, thinking of her and the decisions, the changes, she'd have to make if she chose him. If! He sighed again, bowing his head. It was no longer a certainty that she'd choose him in place of her position in the knighthood, in the life she'd created for herself.
He stood and kicked at a stone, sending it skipping across the sand. He couldn't let her lock him out of her life. He couldn't let her make them both miserable for the rest of their lives. He'd searched for her because he loved her, because he needed her, just as she needed him. Why couldn't she see that? She wasn't happy, she was content, and content was like existing. It was fine until one day you woke up knowing you couldn't continue as you were, that something vital was missing and then spent the rest of your life searching for it. Only they'd found it with each other. They'd found that missing piece, and now she could turn her back on him forever. He couldn't let her do that, could he? Did he love her enough to let her go, knowing that one day she'd come back? Did he really know she would?
"Give me a sign, Lady, of what you intend." he whispered softly, the breeze tearing the words from his lips before they could go any further. He waited silently, still as a statue, as the breeze teased his hair and clothing, brushing softly across his skin. Elves didn't feel the cold, not to the same degree as human's did, and though his cheeks were cool, they weren't frozen, and wouldn't be for a long time yet. His eyes slowly closed and he inhaled deeply before straightening his shoulders again. Settling back against the rock, he made himself comfortable and continued to stare into the dark waters of the sea.
For long hours he sat, still and unmoving, his gaze on a point only he could see. It was nearly dawn when he finally pushed himself from the rock and started back towards the keep. He'd spent the night thinking, of examining what he'd need to do to win Sil- Arlena's trust and heart again. Of what he'd have to do to protect her. And finally, with the sky becoming lighter, the clouds taking on the soft hues of the morning sunrise, he thought he had an answer. He didn't like it, didn't want to think of it as an option, but he loved her enough that no sacrifice was too great. Swallowing the fear he felt, he carefully gathered his courage as he climbed the bluffs back to the keep and slipped back inside. This morning heralded a day of difficult decisions and actions. And to face it, he'd need to be at his best. He could accept nothing less.