Chapter 6: TTs vs. Jay & Silent Bob
Teletubbies vs. Jay & Silent Bob
*This is the chapter that changed the rating*
Jay: Yo, Lunchbox, say the fuckin disclaimer thing!
Silent Bob: *clear throat* The author of this story does not own anything Teletubby-oriented, nor does he own the Kevin Smith characters. He does, however, own what happens between the two.
Jay: Good job, Lunchbox.
(Start outside Quik-Stop)
Jay: Ok, Silent Bob. I think I'm gonna finally finish this rap. Hold up....and...
Fuck, Fuck Fuck!
Mutha Mutha Fuck,
Mutha Mutha Fuck Fuck.
Mutha Fuck, Mutha Fuck,
Noise Noise Noise.
1, 2, 1 2 3 4.
Noise! Noise! Noise!
Schmokin Weed, Schmokin Wizz,
Doin' Coke, Drinkin' Beers.
Drinkin' Beers, Beers, Beers!
Rollin' Fattys, Smokin Blunts.
Who Smokes The Blunts?
We Smokes The Blunts!
Rollin' Blunts And Smokin Blunts,
Shovin' Our Cocks,
In Cunts!
(5 min. silence)
Brodie: That was it?
Jay: Yeah, Fuckin' sweet, huh?
Brodie: But why did you capitalize every word?
Silent Bob: The author of this sto-
Jay: Shut the fuck up! You don't talk unless I tell you to. Hey Brodie, Mat-La time!
Brodie: Can I get a drum roll!
Jay:*deep breath* Mat, Mat, Mat,
Brodie: LaLaLa-
High-pitched voice: LAA LAA!
Jay: What the hell, Bob!? I told you to shut up!
Silent Bob: *shrug shoulders*
(Teletubbies come running in Quik-Stop)
Yellow: Laa Laa! Where my eckothise ball?
Purple: Tinky Winky! Ahn't I fab?
Green: Dipthy! Tubby pimp!
Red: Po! Da Tubby ho!
Jay: Brodie, what the fuck are these things!?
Brodie: Teletubbies. They're a little kid's TV show. And annoying.
Jay: Well, Snootch to the muthafuckin' Nootch!
[Battle sceen. Jay gives Po massive paper cuts using comics causing eternal bleeding, Silent Bob steals a bottle of milk from the Quik-Stop to smash it over LaaLaa's head, Jay gets Dipsy high, which kills Dipsy because a fucking stupid good little Tubby, and Silent Bob use his force powers to kill Tinky Winky.]
Jay: There we go. Stinky Weeny, Dipshit, CaaCaa, and Ho, all dead.
*ENDING* Jay: Yo, Silent Bob, end this story.
Bob: And they all lived--wrong story. So then--wrong story again! Ah! Here it--no, that's not it.
Jay: Yo, were you even readin the fuckin' story? All you have to say is...
Bob: Found it! THE END
*This is the chapter that changed the rating*
Jay: Yo, Lunchbox, say the fuckin disclaimer thing!
Silent Bob: *clear throat* The author of this story does not own anything Teletubby-oriented, nor does he own the Kevin Smith characters. He does, however, own what happens between the two.
Jay: Good job, Lunchbox.
(Start outside Quik-Stop)
Jay: Ok, Silent Bob. I think I'm gonna finally finish this rap. Hold up....and...
Fuck, Fuck Fuck!
Mutha Mutha Fuck,
Mutha Mutha Fuck Fuck.
Mutha Fuck, Mutha Fuck,
Noise Noise Noise.
1, 2, 1 2 3 4.
Noise! Noise! Noise!
Schmokin Weed, Schmokin Wizz,
Doin' Coke, Drinkin' Beers.
Drinkin' Beers, Beers, Beers!
Rollin' Fattys, Smokin Blunts.
Who Smokes The Blunts?
We Smokes The Blunts!
Rollin' Blunts And Smokin Blunts,
Shovin' Our Cocks,
In Cunts!
(5 min. silence)
Brodie: That was it?
Jay: Yeah, Fuckin' sweet, huh?
Brodie: But why did you capitalize every word?
Silent Bob: The author of this sto-
Jay: Shut the fuck up! You don't talk unless I tell you to. Hey Brodie, Mat-La time!
Brodie: Can I get a drum roll!
Jay:*deep breath* Mat, Mat, Mat,
Brodie: LaLaLa-
High-pitched voice: LAA LAA!
Jay: What the hell, Bob!? I told you to shut up!
Silent Bob: *shrug shoulders*
(Teletubbies come running in Quik-Stop)
Yellow: Laa Laa! Where my eckothise ball?
Purple: Tinky Winky! Ahn't I fab?
Green: Dipthy! Tubby pimp!
Red: Po! Da Tubby ho!
Jay: Brodie, what the fuck are these things!?
Brodie: Teletubbies. They're a little kid's TV show. And annoying.
Jay: Well, Snootch to the muthafuckin' Nootch!
[Battle sceen. Jay gives Po massive paper cuts using comics causing eternal bleeding, Silent Bob steals a bottle of milk from the Quik-Stop to smash it over LaaLaa's head, Jay gets Dipsy high, which kills Dipsy because a fucking stupid good little Tubby, and Silent Bob use his force powers to kill Tinky Winky.]
Jay: There we go. Stinky Weeny, Dipshit, CaaCaa, and Ho, all dead.
*ENDING* Jay: Yo, Silent Bob, end this story.
Bob: And they all lived--wrong story. So then--wrong story again! Ah! Here it--no, that's not it.
Jay: Yo, were you even readin the fuckin' story? All you have to say is...
Bob: Found it! THE END