RAISING MERIDIAN
Inventive Tortures
Disclaimer: Legacy of Kain created by Eidos. Krobelus created by Volition & THQ: Kurt Wagner belongs to Marvel comics. Lupa and Vladimir and their Nexus belong to Angel: Celia was created by Syvia out of a background of Mercedes Lackey. Most other characters have wandered onto the set by mistake.
Angel: (looks exceedingly apologetic) I have no excuses.
Syvia: What, not even the "my dog ate it?" one?
Angel: No, not this time. I'm just a bad, bad authoress and I deserve to be punished and get no reviews for leaving this story so long.
Syvia: (reflectively) We COULD say the plot bunnies ate it….(smiles maternally at the small paddock she has been forced to corral said bunnies in) Awww. Lookit them lolloping about. Run, little bunnies! Be free!
Angel: (gives Syv a look) Actually…my dog DID eat it…now! Review Responses…
Marina's Myst: (grin) Glad you're enjoying it…oh, and I hope you sort out your muse issues very soon…
Varewolf: (hugs) yeah..I know…okay, he's not green, I take it back. And yes…there will be more Magnus..
Smoke: Hi there! Kain on Kain action huh? (grin) we're glad you like it…
Fallen Templar: Here is an update! At last! (and yes…the Order get EVERYWHERE…) Raz is just modest about his Twister skills…
Lady Lu Bu: Always happy to make people laugh!
Flame of Corruption: I think I e-mailed you about Krobelus…and get ready for Kain…!
HealerAriel: Isn't she just such a lucky cow, you could just kick her? :P
Tom T Thomson: Breathe! Breathe, damnit! Stay with us!! Oh…and here's the update…
Chalcedony Blue: (hugs) great to see you're still here! Thanks for reading…and yes, more Sebby for ya…
Guardian: (Vladimir is very grateful…but read on…!) and yes…it's MY woodshed…! Behave yourself, woman!
Nezzera: Hi there! Sorry it's been so long for an update…you've probably given up in disgust, haven't you?
Spectral Sereda: (super glomp) I'm so happy you're liking it.. (hands you your own LoK Twister set)
Shiwolf: (VA hugs) Yes, Raz fights like a girl. It's official.
Seedydeedee: (more glomps from us…) Is your computer all right after being sprayed with orange juice? And by the way…if that was your evil twin, I want to meet her.
Now! On with the story…
Kain waits for Marcus and Faustus to notice him. However, as this older and more skilled Kain is so very good at blending in with his surroundings (when it suits him) the younger vampires simply fail to notice that he is standing right in front of them.
Bored after a few minutes, Kain clears his throat.
The two fledglings visibly flinch. Then Faustus smiles. Marcus, the fact that Kain had been there watching them not going unnoticed, cannot look confident - only stern and foreboding.
Faustus: What on Nosgoth took you so long, Kain? We were tempted to eat your paranoid friend and be done with it.
Kain: (mildly) Indeed? Well now I am here. Where is Vladimir?
Marcus: The terms first. You will agree to surrender to us and allow a binding to be placed upon your dark gifts, whereupon you will go back with us to Meridian and submit to the will of the Sarafan Lord.
Faustus: And give me my jacket!
Kain bares his teeth a little in disgust at the mention of the Sarafan Lord. Otherwise, his lips are twisted slightly into an amused expression. Marcus notices this, and can't completely hide his nerves.
Marcus: If you do not- we will kill your cat-creature.
Kain: (smirking) Do you still fail to understand me, Marcus? Do you think I will bargain for Vladimir any more than I did the Bishop?
Faustus: Your little friend the wolf-woman seemed quite attached to him.
Kain only gives a tight-lipped smile.
Marcus bares his teeth in a hiss. He has not forgotten the Bishop- and only just escaped with his life after his battle with Kain in the church. However- this time he has not quite underestimated Kain. In a pre-planned move, Marcus launches himself towards the staircase that will take him to Vladimir's makeshift 'cell', planning to kill both Vladimir and the sister before escaping.
Faustus jumps into the air and flings himself at Kain, a feint that will allow Marcus time, and Faustus a chance to finish what he had started with Kain earlier.
Kain merely rolls his eyes and lifts a hand, which he tightens into a fist. Marcus is halted in his tracks, his chest surrounded by glowing green energy. Kain tosses his hand negligently to the side and Marcus is flung across the room, where he hits the wall.
All this is done in enough time for him to unclench that hand and grab Faustus out of the air. The fledgling goggles as Kain's disguise melts away, revealing the milliennia-old horror Kain has become.
Kain: What need have I for bargaining when I can simply take what I want?
Faustus: (stammers) How- but-
Kain: (smiling) You always were so erudite….
Kain unsheathes the Soul Reaver- unnoticed before now, and holds the blade under Faustus' chin. The young vampire turns, impossibly, even more pale than his usual complexion.
Kain: Now, Faustus, where is Vladimir?
Above, on the stairs outside the makeshift cell, the other half of Kain's rescue plan has just arrived, having climbed up the vertical wall with no more difficulty than if it had been a stepladder.
Kurt Wagner, a peaceable soul by nature, is becoming quite alarmed by the sounds he can hear coming from within the locked room.
Vladimir's voice: Owwwwwww!
A pause.
Vladimir's voice: What are you thinking? For Goddess' sake! That hurts!
Kurt: Mein Gott, they're torturing him already. I'm too late.
He teleports in a cloud of smoke and reappears inside the room. To his amazement, Vladimir is sitting on a loveseat with Sister Dantea. Rather, she is sitting, Vladimir is sprawled half in, half out of her lap, and she is combing knots out of his mane.
Vladimir: ...and you KNOW how hard it is to cope with split ends, especially when everyone else has such, you know, AMAZING hair...
Sister Dantea: (with her tongue stuck out in concentration) I know. It is so hard to be a woman in today's world.
Vladimir: (handing her some curlers) So true. The world is a bitch.
Kurt: Vladimir, I've come to rescue you…although now I see you, I wonder what I'm rescuing you from, exactly…
Vladimir: (noticing him for the first time) Ooh, how kind of you.
Sister Dantea: (upset) But you cannot leave, Mr Furry. I am not finished with painting your nails.
Vladimir: (pats her hands) I'm so sorry, my dear. Another time?
Kurt grabs him and they both vanish in a cloud of purplish smoke.
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Below, in the courtyard, Marcus sits up from where Kain flung him against the wall and groans.
Marcus: (mutters) I'm sure he never used to hit THIS hard…
He looks up in time to see Faustus on his knees, with Kain standing over him. The older vampire has Faustus' ponytail in a tight grip, the Soul Reaver poised like a saw on the hair.
Old Kain: Tell me.
Faustus: (eyes watering) Mercy! Not the hair!
Old Kain: (pets Faustus's head almost paternally) Oh, Faustus, Faustus…you know me better than that.
Marcus can't watch: he flees up the stairs, unlocks the door and bursts into the room. He glances wildly about, taking in the fact that Vladimir is gone and that Sister Dantea is sniffling, teary eyed, on the loveseat.
Marcus: Dark Gods, no….
He is suddenly very aware that by this stage Kain is extremely unlikely to be forgiving, even if the cat-man makes it home alive.
Marcus: Woman! What happened? Where is the cat-creature?
Sister Dantea: (wailing) He was so nice….
Marcus goes cold.
Marcus: Did you eat him? Answer me!
Sister Dantea: He was going to give me the recipe for (sob) chocolate and apricot fondue!!!
Marcus: (becoming frantic as he hears the unmistakeable sounds of Faustus getting his head slammed repeatedly into a ten-gallon soup vat) Where IS he?
Sister Dantea: The little blue man took him away from me.
She cries even harder.
Sister Dantea: (baritone wail) I want his babies!!!
Marcus: (desperate) Strip!
Sister Dantea: (surprised) What? You mean you want to…
Marcus: Get 'em off! (he gestures at her voluminous Happy Contact robes)
Sister Dantea, looking only a little happier, strips off her robes.
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Back at Vladimir's house, Raziel is holding Sebastian up by the scruff and regarding him: Krobelus is next to him, electricity playing idly over his hands like a cat's cradle. Celia is watching them both, still looking angry at Krobelus – Lupa and Young Kain are leaning against the wall together. Lupa giggles as he whispers something to her.
Raziel: ….I don't think so.
Krobelus: (sniffs) What? How could you not like that idea?
Raziel: It's too kind to him.
Krobelus: How much of a bastard are you?
Raziel: (smugly) Oh, you wouldn't believe.
Celia: For heaven's sake…(she pushes between them and pokes Sebastian hard in the chest) Look, you. Tell us what you're doing here or – or I WILL let Krobelus cover you in sweets and throw you in the… (she glances back at the mage for confirmation) …Nexus Playgroup for Disturbed Toddlers.
Raziel: (shakes his head) Not nearly inventively cruel enough.
Krobelus: You haven't seen the toddlers.
Sebastian: I do not fear you. Any of you. (his gaze flicks to Raziel, who glowers and beckons with the wraith-blade) …all right. Possibly I can admit to being a little scared of you. But I'm not actually "in fear", if you know what I mean….
Krobelus: You should see me before I've had a cup of coffee in the mornings. I'm quite petrifying.
Celia: (dryly) Now that I CAN believe.
Krobelus: Thank you, matchless beauty. Tell me, do you have to spend hours every day making your skin look that blotchy or is it natural?
Raziel groans.
Raziel: If you're quite finished…Lupa?
Lupa looks up from her place snuggled into Young Kain's shoulder.
Lupa: Huh?
Raziel: If you can bear to tear your attention away from your pallid boyfriend there…what should we do with this idiot?
Celia: (annoyed) Which idiot? The one you've got in the armlock or the one who's standing next to you making smart-ass comments?
Krobelus: (scowls at her) If you're not going to let me torture him, we should take him to the drunk tank until Kain comes back.
Celia: (sweetly) Gosh, Krobelus, hun, you actually had a sensible idea. Do you think you should lie down?
Krobelus: (grins at her) Why, is your bed free?
Celia: (furious) It most certainly is NOT!
Krobelus: (still smiling infuriatingly) No, thought not. The Nexus rugby team told me you were charging rent for it by the hour.
Lupa sensibly grabs Celia's arm as the watermaster prepares to give the mage a ringing slap around the face.
Lupa: (leans in and whispers to Celia) No! Let him…I think he fancies you! He's always far more nasty if he likes someone…
Celia: (hisses back) WHAT? Yuck!
Lupa: Trust me! (she winks)
Sebastian: (still struggling) Did you think I would have come here alone, you fools?
Raziel: (sigh) And suddenly I'm so painfully bored…. Someone give me a hand, I want to hold his head under the cold tap.
Lupa: Why would you need a hand with that?
Raziel: Have you forgotten what house you're in? There's so much crockery in the sink there just isn't room to fit a swollen arrogant vampire head in there as well.
Sebastian writhes, but Raziel has a grip like a vice.
Lupa: I think Krobey is right…we should take him to the cells. We can't keep him here. If he's telling the truth, people may come looking for him.
Krobelus: (inscensed) "Krobey?"
Celia: Oh, I like it. (she turns on him and flutters her eyelashes) Krobey, can you find me a jacket to wear if we're going out?
Krobelus: Do I look like a butler?
Celia: Do I look like I'm joking?
Young Kain: (grins) You could have THIS coat….
Celia: (shuts her eyes) I thought someone told you to put some clothes on, young man….
Sebastian snarls and tries to bite Raziel's arm.
Sebastian: I will never tell you anything!
Celia: (rounding on him) oh really? The sink may be full, but there are other ways…(she rolls up a ball of water between her fingers and regards him narrowly) Hold him still, Raz….
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Meanwhile, halfway across town, The Glyph Knights, exhausted in their search for Sebastian, or even one of the Sarafan Lord's other Vampire Guardians, stagger into a bar and commandeer a few tables.
Knight 1: What are we going to do about Magnus, sir?
Knight Commander: Nothing yet. We have to find someone willing to pay for his release.
Knight 2: With all due respect- why don't we just leave him to rot, sir?
Commander: Our Lord's (grimace) servant told us to go round up Magnus. If we come back empty handed-
Knight 1: We're Cabal bait.
The knights gulp audibly.
Knight 3: Don't we do that every night anyway?
Knight one cuffs him on the ear. They sit in silence for a while, flinching every now and then as a vampire walks by and all of their armour lights up. One fledgling, quite drunk, finds this immensely funny and walks past their tables several times, sniggering all the while. After the fifteenth time of this a man with shoulder-length wild dark hair sitting at the opposite table in a long leather trenchcoat and hat, gets annoyed and gets up, punching the vampire square in the nose. The fledgling goes off into a corner to sulk.
Knight Commander : My thanks. This damned 'kill none' mandate is driving us insane.
Van Helsing : Tell me about it.