Chapter 17
Gilthanas walked slowly through the trees, feeling the embrace of nature enfolding him like a mother's arms. He needed this, needed to feel the sense of belonging that was often absent in the cold keep of his lady. A part of him regretted leaving Leth in such an atmosphere, but he knew the younger elf would understand. Or, he corrected himself, if not understand, then accept it as only a man in a squire-like position can.
His steps were silent, sure, as he paced. His posture was relaxed, though his senses were tuned to the green world in a way that only elves can.
A twig snapped to his left and he had turned, notched an arrow, and strung it before even thinking about it.
In front of him was a very familiar elf.
"Gilthanas."
He lowered the bow, replacing the arrow in his quiver. "Kitiara."
She looked left and then right before taking a step towards him.
Gilthanas fought the urge to back off. "You're out late this evening."
"And you're dangerously close to forfeiting your lady's life." came the conversational reply.
"I offered to be a scout, to help protect the column. I did not come looking for you or the Blue."
She arched an eyebrow, crossing her arms over her chest. "I know your sources told you of Skie operating on the fringes of the Silver's protectorate. Yet you came anyway."
His smile was faint. "I do what I can to protect her. What brings you out this evening, Kit?"
She turned, the faint moonlight reflecting off her Highlord armor. "A word of warning to you and the Silver: another dragon, a green, has moved into this area and spread the word it's intends to challenge Skie. We are hunting for it, as it's small, but it's cunning. Protect your lady, elf, for it will come seeking her even if we do not. Dragons send auras to each other and this one has yet been elusive. Protect her well if you don't wish to lose her."
She turned to go.
"Kitiara?"
She paused, cocking her head at him.
"Thank you. How fare you and Khellendros?"
Her smile was crooked and completely Kit. "Far better than any of my previous relationships. Good luck, elf lord. You will need it."
He didn't stop her this time as she turned to go, shaking his head. Kitiara was a woman he'd not had much of an opportunity to meet during the War of the Lance. He knew the stories of how his sister's husband had been torn between Laurana and Kit. He knew the darker side of his brother-in-law, but he'd never really understood his chose until now. Kitiara was a woman that even Tanis couldn't have been able to control.
"Enjoying your contemplation, my lord?"
He spun, hearing her voice, "Silvara?"
A wilder elf he would have recognized anywhere stepped into the clearing. "Hello, Gilthanas."
"I thought you said you wouldn't... I mean, you said I had to..." he stopped. "I thought you had resigned yourself to being human?"
Her smile was slight. "I sometimes enjoy being an elf... or Kender."
He shuddered but smiled. "I have no doubt you're as beautiful as a Kender, as you are in your other forms. Dragon, human, elf or Kender. It doesn't matter; I would know you anywhere, lady."
Her smile faded. "You wouldn't have, once."
He turned away, finding a fallen tree a few feet away and moved to sit. "I was young and foolish. I had much to learn and didn't know what I would be losing in the process. I have no excuses for my actions, no explanations that are suitable, but I am no longer that elf."
"Your actions just now prove that. Don't you feel strange asking about a Dragon who would see me dead on a whim?"
He smiled slightly. "I lived with him, in his cavern to train, for years, Lady. My last five or more have been spent in his company. I can't simply let that go. Khellendros may be evil, but he is honorable. In a way, I don't believe he will ever come after you. He has what he wanted. Kitiara will allow him to achieve his goals more than anyone, or anything, else ever could. If he achieves nothing else in this life, the restoration to his side is enough."
"You say that as if you know."
He met her gaze, not surprised to find she hadn't moved any closer. "Khellendros is what I would have been had I lost you to the void. Instead, I lost you to a personal void. I lost what was within my grasp only to search for it for a century. He lost what could never have been his when she was here. He lost Kitiara to a fate he couldn't change. Not at the time. Now... He's achieved his final goal. The Red, Krynn, everything else is secondary."
She cocked her head, taking a step closer. "How so?"
"In my quest, I knew that to find you would be the beginning. No matter how many years I searched, that search didn't end with locating you. My journey, the most important one in my life, has just begun. I must prove to you that I've changed, that I can and do accept you for who and what you were born as. Khellendros already had that acceptance. Retrieving her was the final step of his journey. Finding you, retrieving you, is the beginning of mine. I know that as surely as the Blue knew it. I don't expect this to be easy, but I do know, if I can do it, the reward will be worth all of the time spent and more."
She was quiet, shifting into the form of Arlena as he spoke, and noting with satisfaction that his gaze didn't waver for a moment. She continued to hold her tongue as he continued.
"You see, Arlena, I know what I did was wrong. I know what I've been through this last century isn't enough to make up for the hurt I've caused you. I know you're hurt, you're angry and I know that I've contributed to it. I have been searching, Lady, for a way to make that up to you since we arrived. I promised myself I wouldn't allow you to pity me. I now see that you will never pity me for no matter what trials and pains I've suffered, yours have been far greater. You've watched your kind be destroyed, brothers and sisters killed so foreign dragons can grow in power. You've watched me walk away, to turn my back on you as completely as Krynn has turned its back on your kind. You've had to deal with the abandonment of your father and parent. Paladine isn't here anymore to offer you advice."
He took a deep breath, running a hand over his face. "I have felt like I've been through hell and back. My people suffer, but they still exist. I've been through cities that didn't truly exist, mingled with the dead from centuries past, but through it all I've had hope. Hope that I could find you and set things right. Hope that you were alive and hope that this will one day pass us by so that we might live in peace. You... you've watched hope die and persevered. I can't see my petty trials measuring up to your loss."
Gilthanas watched as she sat next to him, unable to take his eyes off hers.
"Your trials were not petty, Gilthanas." He began to shake his head but she placed on hand on his arm, stopping him. "Honestly. Those trials, those years, have given you the wisdom you lacked a century ago. You have watched friends fall and a civilization turn to ruin. You've grown through this century, more than any elf I have ever met. You've made peace with enemies and become their ally. The old Gilthanas I knew would never have done that."
He smiled faintly. "True. But then the old Gilthanas would have cracked in the dungeon of the Blue and not been able to be his personal prisoner."
She smiled. "You see? You've gained a poise and refinement I have only begun to notice. The naïve, headstrong, vain Gilthanas of old is no more. You have battle scars you wear with no small amount of pride. You think before you act and I have seen you think before you speak. You have grown much in our time apart."
He waited, sensing that this wasn't forgiveness, but something she needed to say.
"I'm afraid, though, even with how much you've grown, that I have more than just you or I to consider. I have the knighthood, the people I am sworn to protect, and my own kind. I have responsibilities and obligations that were not there a hundred years ago. I am bound by honor, and duty, to continue serving."
"Is that a no?"
She shook her head. "I haven't forgiven you. I believe it's now possible. I believe we could be together now, as we once were, but it will take time. I cannot simply jump back into our relationship. Neither can you. We've grown too much for that to happen. Your interest in me may also endanger the outpost. I can't allow that. We must find some way of either keeping our relationship a secret or making it plausible that you have lost the Silver for good, and in doing so, are now available."
"No one will believe I would simply give up my search. No, I refuse to be kept a secret, and I cannot pretend to forget you in favor of some human." He shook his head decisively, angrily. "I won't betray our feelings like that and am shocked you would ask something like that of me. Not after all we've been through to get here!"
She smiled, getting to her feet. "The answer I had hoped for, but dared not imagine. You really have changed!"
"You mean you..."
She nodded. "Yes. I had to see, Gilthanas. I had to know."
He pushed himself to his feet, grabbing her about the waist and pulling her close. He didn't even seem to notice that she was now almost eyelevel with him. "I love you. I have loved you since I first saw you. After everything that's happened I never want to hide you from anyone again. I don't care who knows you're a dragon and I'm an elf. I love you, Silver Lady. I will never, ever betray you like I did. All I ask, I beg, is that you'll give me one last change to set things straight. To do this right."
She tilted her head, kissing him softly before stepping out of his grasp. "I need to think, but consider that a sign in your favor. Join me for dinner?"
He blinked once before nodding. "Anything. Anything for you."
"Her smile turned playful. "Next time, accept the page's invitation. You might be surprised what I have to say at the dinner table."
He blinked again, shocked at her sudden tease and then laughed, falling into step beside her. "Thank you, Silver Lady. Thank you for reconsidering."
She didn't say anything as they walked back towards the camp but the atmosphere between them was more relaxed than it had been in a long, long time. And that gave her cause to smile.
Gilthanas walked slowly through the trees, feeling the embrace of nature enfolding him like a mother's arms. He needed this, needed to feel the sense of belonging that was often absent in the cold keep of his lady. A part of him regretted leaving Leth in such an atmosphere, but he knew the younger elf would understand. Or, he corrected himself, if not understand, then accept it as only a man in a squire-like position can.
His steps were silent, sure, as he paced. His posture was relaxed, though his senses were tuned to the green world in a way that only elves can.
A twig snapped to his left and he had turned, notched an arrow, and strung it before even thinking about it.
In front of him was a very familiar elf.
"Gilthanas."
He lowered the bow, replacing the arrow in his quiver. "Kitiara."
She looked left and then right before taking a step towards him.
Gilthanas fought the urge to back off. "You're out late this evening."
"And you're dangerously close to forfeiting your lady's life." came the conversational reply.
"I offered to be a scout, to help protect the column. I did not come looking for you or the Blue."
She arched an eyebrow, crossing her arms over her chest. "I know your sources told you of Skie operating on the fringes of the Silver's protectorate. Yet you came anyway."
His smile was faint. "I do what I can to protect her. What brings you out this evening, Kit?"
She turned, the faint moonlight reflecting off her Highlord armor. "A word of warning to you and the Silver: another dragon, a green, has moved into this area and spread the word it's intends to challenge Skie. We are hunting for it, as it's small, but it's cunning. Protect your lady, elf, for it will come seeking her even if we do not. Dragons send auras to each other and this one has yet been elusive. Protect her well if you don't wish to lose her."
She turned to go.
"Kitiara?"
She paused, cocking her head at him.
"Thank you. How fare you and Khellendros?"
Her smile was crooked and completely Kit. "Far better than any of my previous relationships. Good luck, elf lord. You will need it."
He didn't stop her this time as she turned to go, shaking his head. Kitiara was a woman he'd not had much of an opportunity to meet during the War of the Lance. He knew the stories of how his sister's husband had been torn between Laurana and Kit. He knew the darker side of his brother-in-law, but he'd never really understood his chose until now. Kitiara was a woman that even Tanis couldn't have been able to control.
"Enjoying your contemplation, my lord?"
He spun, hearing her voice, "Silvara?"
A wilder elf he would have recognized anywhere stepped into the clearing. "Hello, Gilthanas."
"I thought you said you wouldn't... I mean, you said I had to..." he stopped. "I thought you had resigned yourself to being human?"
Her smile was slight. "I sometimes enjoy being an elf... or Kender."
He shuddered but smiled. "I have no doubt you're as beautiful as a Kender, as you are in your other forms. Dragon, human, elf or Kender. It doesn't matter; I would know you anywhere, lady."
Her smile faded. "You wouldn't have, once."
He turned away, finding a fallen tree a few feet away and moved to sit. "I was young and foolish. I had much to learn and didn't know what I would be losing in the process. I have no excuses for my actions, no explanations that are suitable, but I am no longer that elf."
"Your actions just now prove that. Don't you feel strange asking about a Dragon who would see me dead on a whim?"
He smiled slightly. "I lived with him, in his cavern to train, for years, Lady. My last five or more have been spent in his company. I can't simply let that go. Khellendros may be evil, but he is honorable. In a way, I don't believe he will ever come after you. He has what he wanted. Kitiara will allow him to achieve his goals more than anyone, or anything, else ever could. If he achieves nothing else in this life, the restoration to his side is enough."
"You say that as if you know."
He met her gaze, not surprised to find she hadn't moved any closer. "Khellendros is what I would have been had I lost you to the void. Instead, I lost you to a personal void. I lost what was within my grasp only to search for it for a century. He lost what could never have been his when she was here. He lost Kitiara to a fate he couldn't change. Not at the time. Now... He's achieved his final goal. The Red, Krynn, everything else is secondary."
She cocked her head, taking a step closer. "How so?"
"In my quest, I knew that to find you would be the beginning. No matter how many years I searched, that search didn't end with locating you. My journey, the most important one in my life, has just begun. I must prove to you that I've changed, that I can and do accept you for who and what you were born as. Khellendros already had that acceptance. Retrieving her was the final step of his journey. Finding you, retrieving you, is the beginning of mine. I know that as surely as the Blue knew it. I don't expect this to be easy, but I do know, if I can do it, the reward will be worth all of the time spent and more."
She was quiet, shifting into the form of Arlena as he spoke, and noting with satisfaction that his gaze didn't waver for a moment. She continued to hold her tongue as he continued.
"You see, Arlena, I know what I did was wrong. I know what I've been through this last century isn't enough to make up for the hurt I've caused you. I know you're hurt, you're angry and I know that I've contributed to it. I have been searching, Lady, for a way to make that up to you since we arrived. I promised myself I wouldn't allow you to pity me. I now see that you will never pity me for no matter what trials and pains I've suffered, yours have been far greater. You've watched your kind be destroyed, brothers and sisters killed so foreign dragons can grow in power. You've watched me walk away, to turn my back on you as completely as Krynn has turned its back on your kind. You've had to deal with the abandonment of your father and parent. Paladine isn't here anymore to offer you advice."
He took a deep breath, running a hand over his face. "I have felt like I've been through hell and back. My people suffer, but they still exist. I've been through cities that didn't truly exist, mingled with the dead from centuries past, but through it all I've had hope. Hope that I could find you and set things right. Hope that you were alive and hope that this will one day pass us by so that we might live in peace. You... you've watched hope die and persevered. I can't see my petty trials measuring up to your loss."
Gilthanas watched as she sat next to him, unable to take his eyes off hers.
"Your trials were not petty, Gilthanas." He began to shake his head but she placed on hand on his arm, stopping him. "Honestly. Those trials, those years, have given you the wisdom you lacked a century ago. You have watched friends fall and a civilization turn to ruin. You've grown through this century, more than any elf I have ever met. You've made peace with enemies and become their ally. The old Gilthanas I knew would never have done that."
He smiled faintly. "True. But then the old Gilthanas would have cracked in the dungeon of the Blue and not been able to be his personal prisoner."
She smiled. "You see? You've gained a poise and refinement I have only begun to notice. The naïve, headstrong, vain Gilthanas of old is no more. You have battle scars you wear with no small amount of pride. You think before you act and I have seen you think before you speak. You have grown much in our time apart."
He waited, sensing that this wasn't forgiveness, but something she needed to say.
"I'm afraid, though, even with how much you've grown, that I have more than just you or I to consider. I have the knighthood, the people I am sworn to protect, and my own kind. I have responsibilities and obligations that were not there a hundred years ago. I am bound by honor, and duty, to continue serving."
"Is that a no?"
She shook her head. "I haven't forgiven you. I believe it's now possible. I believe we could be together now, as we once were, but it will take time. I cannot simply jump back into our relationship. Neither can you. We've grown too much for that to happen. Your interest in me may also endanger the outpost. I can't allow that. We must find some way of either keeping our relationship a secret or making it plausible that you have lost the Silver for good, and in doing so, are now available."
"No one will believe I would simply give up my search. No, I refuse to be kept a secret, and I cannot pretend to forget you in favor of some human." He shook his head decisively, angrily. "I won't betray our feelings like that and am shocked you would ask something like that of me. Not after all we've been through to get here!"
She smiled, getting to her feet. "The answer I had hoped for, but dared not imagine. You really have changed!"
"You mean you..."
She nodded. "Yes. I had to see, Gilthanas. I had to know."
He pushed himself to his feet, grabbing her about the waist and pulling her close. He didn't even seem to notice that she was now almost eyelevel with him. "I love you. I have loved you since I first saw you. After everything that's happened I never want to hide you from anyone again. I don't care who knows you're a dragon and I'm an elf. I love you, Silver Lady. I will never, ever betray you like I did. All I ask, I beg, is that you'll give me one last change to set things straight. To do this right."
She tilted her head, kissing him softly before stepping out of his grasp. "I need to think, but consider that a sign in your favor. Join me for dinner?"
He blinked once before nodding. "Anything. Anything for you."
"Her smile turned playful. "Next time, accept the page's invitation. You might be surprised what I have to say at the dinner table."
He blinked again, shocked at her sudden tease and then laughed, falling into step beside her. "Thank you, Silver Lady. Thank you for reconsidering."
She didn't say anything as they walked back towards the camp but the atmosphere between them was more relaxed than it had been in a long, long time. And that gave her cause to smile.