RAISING MERIDIAN

Correct Care and Feeding of Vampires

Disclaimer: Legacy of Kain created by Eidos. Krobelus created by Volition & THQ: Kurt Wagner belongs to Marvel comics. Lupa and Vladimir and their Nexus belong to Angel: Celia was created by Syvia out of a background of Mercedes Lackey. Most other characters have wandered onto the set by mistake.

At Vladimir's, Celia is holding a sphere of water above Sebastian's head as Krobelus and Raziel interrogate him. The three of them especially delight in a little trick where the water mage allows one drop to fall from the sphere, then stop in mid-air just above Sebastian's eye. It has not taken them long to get him to talk.

Krobelus: (sweetly) And how exactly did you find us?

Sebastian: ... It- it was a book. A sheaf of papers with drawings of Kain inside it. I found it by the portal.

Raziel tilts his head.

Raziel: Do you have it still?

The water begins to drift downward and Sebastian nods wildly.

Sebastian: Under my chest plate.

Raziel goes after said book, but the water continues to drop. Sebastian whimpers. Krobelus gives the sphere an odd glance and then turns to Celia. He raises an eyebrow at the mage's stunned expression. Obviously she has ceased to pay attention to her waterworking.

Krobelus: Celia?

Celia: Huh?

She flinches and loses the spell completely. Sebastian screams in terror as the water falls toward his face- and stops abruptly when a chunk of ice slaps him in the head. Krobelus lowers his hand, still glowing from the freeze spell, and continues to eye Celia suspiciously. Sebastian whimpers pitifully. Raziel, unconcerned by the goings on around him, finally produces the book.

Krobelus: (hisses at Celia) Well? What is wrong with you?

Celia: (winces) That's my sketchbook.

Raziel looks at it, then at her, and gives Celia an exasperated look.

Krobelus: (sardonically) Oh, well done- leading the vampire here.

Celia: (defensively) No one got hurt.

Raziel: Only because the sight of Kain (shudder) naked startled him so badly.

Celia: (ignoring that) And not only did no one get hurt- we even caught him! I'd say leaving that sketchbook was a good thing.

Raziel: It was still poor stealth tactics…

Celia: But a good lure!

Raziel: (shakes his head) It is not a lure unless you intentionally leave it.

Celia: (inscensed) Well if you'd seen a maniac vampire fall out of a Gate, what would you have done?

Raziel & Krobelus: (without hesitation) Killed it.

Celia: Vladimir said run, so we ran. I forgot the book and …oh dear....

Raziel: 'Oh dear'? 'Oh dear' what?

But Celia has already run out of the kitchen and into the living room, where Lupa and Young Kain are curled on the sofa, now fully clothed... or at least as much as they ever are.

Celia: Lupa- ( she swats at the wolf-girl's arm) there's no time for that right now- we forgot about that other vampire!

Lupa: Mmm? (languidly) What other vampire?

Celia: The crazy one- the one with the potbelly stove on his back!

Lupa: (bored) So…not a pretty one, then.

Celia: (exasperated) If Vladimir was here he'd be worried…he saw the thing…it was huge and had less sane brain cells than a rabid dog…

Raziel: (happily digging his talons into Sebastian's arm) ..or Kain.

Krobelus: (from behind Celia) Don't worry…my subordinates will no doubt have picked him up. Anyone showing any signs of violent mental instability around here is soon noticed. You're quite safe…..what are you looking at me like that for?

Celia: (who has, in truth, been looking at him oddly) Nothing. Just something Lupa told me.

Krobelus: You mean you actually LISTEN to her?

Celia: Better than listening to YOU.

Krobelus: (clasps big gauntleted hands to his chest, mock-wounded) Oh! She got me...I'm...I'm dying...

He slumps dramatically against the sofa, eyes closed. Lupa giggles at him.

Celia: (crossly) You know...you really ARE a freak.

Krobelus: (opens one eye) I know. It's what makes me so deeply loveable.

Celia: (pause) ....Ewwww.

Raziel has hoisted Sebastian up by his collar and is dragging him through the kitchen and towards the utility room.

Lupa: What are you doing with him?

Raziel: (thoughtfully) nothing..nothing…does Vladimir have a hose to water the plants out here with?

Sebastian starts to shriek. The door to the utility room bangs loudly behind Raziel.

Sebastian's voice: I shall tell you nothing! Nothing!

Raziel's voice: (mock-surprise) Why, whatever can this be? Is it a plant mister?

Sebastian's voice: No!!

Raziel's voice: Oh, I think it is.

His unsettling laugh is almost drowned out under the sound of Sebastian's terrified screaming. Celia rolls her eyes.

Celia: (after a moment, to Krobelus) Wanna go blow stuff up?

Krobelus: (pause) …Yeah, okay.

They sneak off to the back garden and square off on the long sides of the new swimming pool, unheeded by either Young Kain or Lupa. Celia does a few stretches. Krobelus waits until she has finished before cracking one shoulder, then the other, then his elbows, wrists - Celia raises an eyebrow as he continues with his knuckles and finally his neck. The watermaster makes a face, shuddering, and Krobelus attacks.

A gust of wind picks up half the contents of the pool, casting them in a wave over Celia's side of the pool. Krobleus follows it up with a bolt of lightning. For a moment there is silence, and Krobleus grins at the thought of such an easy victory. Then the glow of violet energy clears.

Celia gazes at him calmly from within a sphere of water, the shields she had collected during his display have absorbed the water he cast at her. They have also absorbed the electricity into their gently twisting walls.

Krobelus glares, then jumps back as Celia's undine fountains up out of the swimming pool. He freezes the undine in seconds, just barely managing to call up the wind needed to push back Celia's follow-up; a sphere of electrified water from her shields. The sphere leaves a scorch mark on the eucalyptus tree it hits.

The two mages eye each other from across the pool, and smirk.

Krobelus: Have we dispensed with the foreplay then?

Celia: (raises an eyebrow) And the duration of your last relationship was what - two days?

Krobelus's eyes narrow: he throws his arms out and icy fire crawls down from his elbows to gather in his palms.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Krobelus correctly assumed, Magnus is still confined in the cells of the Insane and Dangerous Lock-up. Two new Duty Mages have just come on shift, and are watching the (currently) single prisoner carefully. Magnus is curled up like a puppy... an especially grotesque and mutilated puppy, in the center. Every so often he whines and his legs twitch as if he is running in his sleep.

Mage 1: Is it just me... or is he kind of sweet?

Mage 2: (gives her a look) Believe me, it's just you.

Mage 1: What? Look- he's all sleeping and helpless.

Mage 2: (boggles at her) Were you there when we caught him? (the other mage shakes her head) This creature can rip a through a car - and I mean literally through it- as if the car were tissue paper. It tried to incinerate one of the mages with his mind. Luckily all it got was a postbox. He's insane, and cannot be reasoned with. I don't see how you can find that 'sweet'.

Mage 1: (eyes melt, looking at Magnus) ...But look at his widdle wegs moving-

Mage 2: (groans) You're just an idiot, you are.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In Vladimir's back yard, Krobelus and Celia are leaning up against the same side of the now empty swimming pool. Both are sopping wet, Krobelus' dark hair, revealed, as his helmet had been knocked off by a stray sphere, is plastered to his face. He wipes it back slowly and sighs, giving the watermage a sidelong glance.

Celia's blouse, although not see-through, is clinging to her skin, leaving nothing to the
imagination. Krobelus is not unaware of this, nor was he unaware of it when it happened, which allowed his opponent to get in the blow that knocked him into the pool.

Celia: (panting) I still say - that I won.

Krobelus: (equally out of breath, scoffs) I tricked you - on my last bit of energy. I could have done it - any time.

Celia: You - only tricked me – because - you couldn't go anymore. I won.

Krobelus: (glares) I can go - for as long as I want - any time I want.

Celia looks at him, smiling, then begins to laugh weakly. Krobelus raises an eyebrow at her.

Krobelus: What?

Celia continues to laugh, slumping against the pool wall. Krobelus' glare melts into confusion, and he thinks about what he'd said. Celia continues to laugh and suddenly Krobelus understands why. He smirks, then begins chuckling. It isn't long before the mages are leaning against each other, weak with mirth.

As their laughter slows, Krobelus realizes that Celia is sitting very close to him - almost snuggling underneath his arm, and she seems to be aware of this.

Celia: (relaxed) I still say I won.

Krobelus: (amused) Can you never give me the last word?

Celia: (also amused) Why should I give it to you? You take so often.

Krobelus: (shrugs) Call it a gift.

Celia: Call this a gift instead…

Krobelus: Call what a -

He is cut off by Celia's lips on his.

At the front of the house, Kurt and Vladimir reappear on Vladimir's graveled driveway. The mutant staggers, the effort of teleporting with a passenger taking its toll on him, and sits down heavily on the gravel.

Vladimir: (relieved) I'm home! And this time no-one's blown up my house!

Kurt: (weakly) My head…ouch…

Vladimir: Where is everyone? Lupa? Krobelus…?

Kurt: (crossly, to himself, as Vladimir hurries off around the side of the house) "Why, thankyou, Kurt. You saved me from a truly horrible fate." "Ach, it was nothing, Vladimir. It was simplicity itself." "But you must be exhausted." "Nein, nein, it is nothing, I don't even need a hand getting up, I like sitting on the ground…"

Vladimir finds Lupa hovering in the back doorway of the house, peering out with interest into the garden, which is drenched, water dripping from trees and flowers alike. She hugs him happily, glad to see him safe. Behind her, Young Kain is looking at all the water in disgust and staying very carefully indoors.

Vladimir: What is going on? Why is everything all wet?

Lupa: I'm not sure…Celia and Krobelus went out here a while ago… (her eyes widen) Oh no! They've killed each other! Oh, I knew it was a mistake, mages don't play well together…

Vladimir: (looks at her in horror) You knew, and you didn't stop them?

Lupa: (thinking) Although…If Krobelus had died, the elemental inside him would have been released…not the kind of thing that goes ignored. But he might've killed Celia…

Vladimir: (quickly) No, no, no…the entire Nexus would've been flooded if he'd done that – her Undines would have thrown a fit.

Lupa: (relieved) Then they must both be okay! (soothingly rubs Vladimir's back) See, Mir, lovey, all that fuss for nothing.

Vladimir: They may not have died, but that doesn't mean Krobelus hasn't turned evil again! (panicking again) You know what he's like!! The last time he went bad it took us weeks to subdue him! Oh, we don't need this right now.

He goes cautiously around the hedge and peeks down into the empty pool. Lupa, who is right behind him, catches on to what's happened immediately and smirks widely.

Lupa: (admiring) Why, Krobelus…I never knew you had it in you.

Vladimir: (aghast) my pool! What did you do to my pool?!!

Lupa: (eyeing the flood destruction all around) Well, if this is what happens when you make out with a mage – no offence, Krobelus, hun, but I'm glad I missed it.

Krobelus: (who is an exceptionally poor liar) We were not making out!! (Celia jabs him in the ribs) …oh, all right.

Celia: I'm sorry about your pool, 'Mir…we were fighting and we got a bit carried away…

Lupa: (grinning) So I see…

Krobelus: (looking slightly embarrassed at Vladimir's stricken expression) I can fix it. Really. A quick rainstorm? (he flexes one hand, and a few sparks crackle, but nothing more impressive)…but you may have to wait an hour…or…so…

His voice tails off because Lupa is giggling helplessly.

Lupa: (between giggles) Oh…oh my…Celia, whatever have you done to my poor mage?!

Celia: (going crimson) Nothing!

Lupa: (pursuing relentlessly) You've completely drained him! You MUST be good!

Vladimir: Spare me the gory details, please! We have other problems more pressing than Krobelus losing his mojo!

Krobelus: What?!! I'm FINE!!

Celia: (pats his arm) Yes, yes, you're fine. Don't listen to the silly kitty.

Krobelus: Celia, light of my life…don't patronise me. (a tiny lightning bolt leaps from the end of his finger to her nose, and she squeaks with laughter)

Vladimir: (practically bouncing with annoyance) Hello? Rogue vampires in my Nexus?

Old Kain: (from behind them all) One less now.

He drops a stunned Faustus onto the lawn, narrowly avoiding a puddle, and looks patiently smug.

Old Kain: Well? This is where you all tell me I'm wonderful.

Vladimir: Do I have to? Haven't I suffered enough?

Lupa: (staring at Faustus) Oooo. He's still so pretty…apart from the bruises… (she catches the old vampire's glower and rapidly changes tack) Oooh, Kain. You're amazing.

Vladimir: (peering at Faustus) What happened to the bald one?

Old Kain: (shrugs) Marcus? Escaped. But he won't get far. He never did have the courage of a baby rabbit.

On the ground, Faustus groans. Old Kain off-handedly kicks him in the temple and the younger vampire relapses into unconsciousness.

Lupa: (indicating the house) Raziel has another one in there. He was last seen trying to extract more information using Vladimir's plant mister.

Old Kain: (almost visibly, his hackles go up) Another one?

Celia: Yeah, a silver-haired speed freak.

Old Kain: (big, happy grin) Sebastian…

He stares suspiciously at Lupa's neck, and his eyes flare angrily.

Old Kain: Did he…bite you…?

Lupa clamps a hand over the hickey on her throat.

Lupa: (suddenly subdued) Uh…no.

Old Kain: That looked like a vampire bite…I should know.

Lupa: Nope! Cut myself..uh..shaving! (she backs off as Old Kain advances)

Old Kain: (to Vladimir and the others) If Sebastian has bitten her, she may be in his thrall.

Lupa: I'm not in anybody's thrall! Look at me! See? Completely without thrall!

Young Kain peeks out of the house, curious as to what all the fuss is about. He has put his trousers back on, but is still lacking in shirt. Lupa's eyes glaze over.

Lupa: Must…have…pretty…vampire…

Vladimir: (nods) Completely without thrall. That's my girl.

Old Kain: (realisation dawning) Oh, NO. No, no, no…

Celia: (to Krobelus, stroking his hair) Well, at least no-one's going to be bothering about US for a while…(Krobelus grins)

Old Kain: (face screwed up in disgust) If I was still capable of throwing up…

Vladimir: (in a self-imposed agony of anally-retentive cleanliness) Not in the pool! I'd have to have it cleaned…

Old Kain: (turning on his younger self in a fury) YOU! You over-sexed, half-witted, blood-lusting parody of a vampire!!

Young Kain: (eyes narrow) What? Are you talking to me? (he grins with a flash of fangs) Oh no, I'm sorry…you must be talking to yourself.

Old Kain roars furiously and chases his younger self back into the house. From inside, Raziel's sardonic tones can be heard quite clearly.

Raziel's voice: What, are we allowed to kill him now? You should have said…I'd have saved you the trouble…here…do you want to borrow the spray-bottle?

Sister Mattie, fervent doyenne of the Order of Happy Contact, stands in the middle of a crowded mall giving hugs to all the people of the Nexus she can reach (or just those not quick enough to get out of the way). Abruptly, she feels a tug on her sleeve. As is her wont, she turns and hugs the person trying to get her attention before she knows who it is.

Marcus, said attention-grabber, grunts and quickly pushes her away.

Sister Mattie: (delighted) Brother Flutey! Where in this cute little Nexus have you been for so long, and...whatever happened to your vestments?

Marcus glances down at the robes he has 'borrowed' from Sister Dantea, which are hanging off his lanky body. He lifts the hem to keep from stepping on it and steps close to Mattie.

Marcus: (frantically inventing) I've received a message from Agoran. There's a shortage on hugs and they need my aid right away!

Sister Mattie: (gasps) How terrible! I'll send a few of our acolytes to help-

Marcus: No! No, no the thought is appreciated, but this is a job I alone can do. I am skilled in…uh…power-hugging.

He gnashes his teeth as she snatches him up to cuddle him.

Sister Mattie: Oh Brother Flutey, you are a shining beacon of the Order. We are so blessed to –

Marcus: (trying to forestall) Indeed. Blessed.

Sister Mattie: Agoran has surely spared us its finest son in our hour of need!

Marcus: Yes, yes I get the point.

Mattie finally releases him, only to smile up at him with tears in her eyes. Marcus waits. She continues to smile. Marcus clears his throat.

Marcus: ...Um... my mind?

Mattie: Yes?

Marcus: The psychic shield you put on my bloody mind?

Mattie: Oh, it was easy.

Marcus: Yes, and can you remove it now?

Mattie: Oh!

She places her hands on his head, and for once, Marcus enjoys the contact, because with the touch, suddenly he can hear the minds around him.

Marcus: (slowly, a little smile spreading across his face) Why, thankyou, Sister. Do you know, I think I shall go and meditate for a little while on the nature of…Contact…before returning to Agoran…

Mattie: Wonderful!

She grabs his arm with far more strength than anyone of her stature should possess.

Mattie: You can perform the Meditation of the Soup! And I thought meditation was outmoded in our sister dimensions…

Marcus growls. Mattie drags him back to the soup counter and fits him with another Official Apron. As she turns to leave, Marcus eyes the other acolytes briefly before deciding it would be safer to take control of one of the mallgoers. He picks a likely candidate and unobtrusively raises his hands.

A small hand catches his, and Marcus flinches as he realizes Sister Mattie has come up beside him again.

Mattie: Be nice to the hug-less ones, Brother Flutey. It would be just awful if any of them began acting strangely because of your charming personality.

Marcus flinches, looking at her in shock which he hastens to conceal. How much of his mind had been revealed while she took down the shield, let alone when she put it up in the first place?

Mattie pats his face affectionately and gives him a brief cuddle before leaving. Deciding it would be safer to lay low for a while longer, Marcus keeps his head down and goes back to spooning soup and dispensing hugs. Soon, however, he hears a semi-familiar voice becoming louder with each passing moment.

Glyph Knight: Look, free food!

Glyph Commander: Let's go, men.

Marcus looks up and swears under his breath as the Knights troop over to the soup counter and immediately recognize him.

Glyph Knight: Sir Marcus?! What in hell are you doing here?

Marcus: (hissing) I'm handing out soup, you fool, what does it look like? Now get out of here before you blow my cover!

The Knight Commander seems to understand, even if the others don't, and orders his subordinates to get soup and seat themselves nearby.

Commander: Sir, we found Magnus in this dimension's dungeons. They're holding him upon pain of billing and we don't have enough money to retrieve him.

Marcus: (groans) Well get someone else to deal with it! Do you think I have that kind of authority?

Commander: We haven't seen Sir Sebastian for hours, Sir. We would have simply broken him out, but the mages there were too powerful.

Marcus sighs heavily and glares at the knight.

Marcus: Very well, idiots. Here is what we shall do.