Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, or any of its characters. Legolas: All rightthat chapter was a bit better. I look good in Armani, don't I? Me: You'd look good in a burlap sack, Lego, and you know it. Legolas: I can't help it if I cut a striking figure! Me: Notice I didn't have you wearing a hat, though. Legolas: I did notice thatwhy not? Me: They don't make any big enough to fit over your swelled head.

Chapter 4

Driving Them Crazy

Legolas waited patiently for his friends to digest the proposal he had laid out for them. He knew they were intriguedat least they hadn't thrown their Margaritas in his face.

"When is this fundraiser?" Haldir asked, the first to recover.

"Two weeks from Saturday. There will be about a thousand guestsfilm crews from all the major networks, and quite possibly a documentary crew from Peter," Legolas answered, thinking about the endless list of things that he needed to accomplish in order to make the fundraiser happen in just over two weeks.

Haldir flipped open his phone and dialed a number. "Sylvia? It's Haldir. Let me speak to Arnie," he said to whoever it was he was calling. "Arnie? Yeah, I'm fineno, I had to take a quick trip to Florida. Floridayeah. Nothing you need to be concerned about - it's personal. Yeah. Yeah. No. Yeah. Listen, Arnie, what do you have scheduled for me two weeks from next Saturday? Uh huh. Yeahoh, thatcancel it." Haldir held the phone away from his ear as the person on the other end began screaming very loudly. "ArnieI don't care. I do not need another meeting with the Clairol people. You handle it. I'm going to be doing a fundraiser for a close friend of mine. Just do it, Arnie!" Haldir exclaimed, flipping the phone closed. He rolled his eyes at the phone, and exchanged a smile with Legolas.

One by one, each of the other Elves agreed to appear at the fundraiser. Legolas beamed, and nearly became emotional in thanking them all.

"I have to fly back tonight because I have a shoot tomorrow in New York, but I'll be in touch," Haldir said to Legolas as he got ready to leave.

Celeborn, Galadriel, Elrond, Erestor and Glorfindel also made their farewells, promising to clear their schedules for Legolas' fundraiser. Elrond promised to speak to Arwen and Eldarion about appearing at Legolas' fundraiser. Soon, the only ones left at the table were Legolas, Elladan, and Elrohir.

Elladan drained the last of his Margarita, and said, putting his empty glass down, "So what are three dashing Elves to do tonight? I vote for hitting the clubs."

"I second," Elrohir laughed, draining his glass.

"I really should get back to the hotel," Legolas said, smiling at the twins. "I have to fly back to L. A. tomorrow, and finish setting the details for the fundraiser."

"Man, Legolaswhen did you turn into your father?" Elrohir teased, causing Legolas to raise an eyebrow.

"I am not my fatherthough Thranduil will be at the affair, as well. I just have a lot of responsibilities"

"Sure, sure. The Legolas I remember used to jump at the chance for merrymaking. Remember the Prancing Pony? Man, we used to kick ass in there!"

"Speaking of kicking ass, I heard about a brand new club downtown called 'The Edge' that's supposed to do just that. We should check it out!" Elladan said. "Of course, it is geared toward a younger crowdyou may not fit in, Legolas." The twins' eyes lit with a mischievous light.

"Are you calling me old?" Legolas asked, "I'll have you know that the people I party with make our antics at the Prancing Pony look like Sunday School," Legolas scoffed haughtily.

"Hey! Don't get your Armani in a twist, palyou're the one complaining about all the responsibilities you have," Elladan laughed. "'You can't help it if you've let yourself go over the yearslost some of your staminathat's just normal as you grow older."

"I am NOT old! I'm only a few centuries older than you two!" Legolas said forcefully, his eyes narrowing at the twins.

"Then prove it! Come on, it'll be fun! You don't have to stay out all night" Elrohir laughed, knowing they had just found Legolas' weak spothis vanity.

"Fine! But I am not staying long," Legolas retorted, folding his arms over his chest. He called for the check, and handed the waitress a Platinum charge card. Signing the check, he smiled at the waitress as he handed it back to her. Elrohir and Elladan chuckled to see the waitress' phone number had been scrawled on the receipt.

"This is your car? Nice ride," Legolas commented on the midnight blue Mustang, as Elladan popped the locks. "You must be selling a lot of timeshares."

"Number one salesmen in the company!" Elladan said proudly.

"Number one salesmen in the industry!" Elrohir expounded, puffing out his chest.

"What do you drive, Legolas?" Elladan asked curiously as they pulled away from the restaurant and made their way downtown.

Legolas mumbled something under his breath that neither twin, even with their Elven hearing, could catch.

"SorryI didn't quite hear what you saidwhat do you drive?" Elladan asked again.

"I don't"

"You don't own a car? With all your cash?"

"I don't drive."

"You don't drive? Are you kidding? You mean, you don't even have a license? Why not, for Eru's sake?"

"I never learned how."

Elladan and Elrohir explode with laughter. "Oh, this is too rich! The legendary Legolas, former Prince of Mirkwood, former Lord of the Wood, current owner of a successful production company in L.A. doesn't know how to drive?"

Legolas shot them both a sour look. "I don't need to drive, anyway. I have a chauffeur on staff."

Elladan grinned at his brother, and pulled into the empty parking lot of a supermarket. The twins got out of the Mustang, and held the door for Legolas to climb out of the back seat.

"This does not look like a club to me," Legolas observed, looking around the empty parking lot.

"It's not the club. Get in," Elrohir said, pointing to the driver's door.

"I told you before, I don't drive," Legolas reiterated, a slight frown crossing his forehead.

"You will after tonight!" Elladan laughed. "Now get in!"

Legolas saw that the twins were not going to let up unless he gave it a shot. He slid behind the steering wheel, while the Elrohir got in the back, and Elladan took the passenger's seat.

"Okay, Legolasit's really easy. Just shift into drive, step lightly on the long pedal with your right foot, and steer the car."

Legolas shifted into drive, stepped on the gas and the car took off like a shot.

"You may want to explain about the brake pedal, 'Dan," Elrohir called from the back seat as the supermarket drew closer.

"Step on the other pedal to slow down, Legolas," Elladan explained, his eyes wide as he stared at the brick wall of the building that was looming nearer.

SCREEEEECH! POP! POP! Legolas jammed on the brakes, the car skidded to a stop inches from the building, and the airbags deployed.

Elladan looked at Legolas, his mouth hanging open, speechless.

'Ro's voice came from the floor of the back seat, "I think, perhaps, some Elves are not meant to drive, 'Dan."

"I think I'm getting the hang of thislet me try again," Legolas said, reaching for the shifter.

"NO!" The twins cried, both reaching out to keep his hands off the gearshift. Elladan quickly threw it in park, and pulled the keys out of the ignition.

"Might I suggest a driving school, Legolas?" Elrohir said, slumping back into the seat.

"I think perhaps you should leave the driving to the chauffeur - it's probably better for your image," Elladan added.

"It's probably better for anyone on the roads, too," Elrohir mumbled.

"Might I remind you that it was your idea?" Legolas admonished, still thinking he had done a credible job for his first time behind the wheel. "I think I may have to get a license when I get back to L. A."

"Just what the freeways need" Elladan chuckled. He switched places with Legolas, tucked away the airbags, and headed downtown.