Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, or any of its characters. Legolas: Really, Authorcelebrity cameos? Don't you think that they have better things to do than appear in your fics? Orlando: Hey! I asked to be in this fic - and so did Johnny. Legolas: Do you two ever do anything without each other? One would think you were joined at the hip. Me: Legoyou're pushing my buttons again. Leave them out of this, please. Legolas: I noticed you didn't drop their pantsdo I detect some favoritism here? Orlando: You're really fixated on the whole "pants-dropping" thing, aren't you Elf? You want to see pants dropping? Fine! (drops pants) There! Happy, now? Legolas: Do you really want the entire world to see that you're wearing Thundercats Underoos, Orlando? Me: Now do you see why I didn't drop their pants? You've just managed to ruin the fantasies of millions of fangirls - nice job, Lego.

Chapter 9

Glory and Hal in La La Land

Glorfindel and Haldir had spoken several times during the week, and had decided to fly out to L. A. a couple of days early. They booked seats on the same flight, and flew out two days before the event.

Riding in back of the limousine they had hired, Glorfindel turned to Haldir and asked, "Have you thought about what you're wearing to the fundraiser, yet? I only own a couple of suitsI hate that whole 'dressing up' thing. Guess I'll have to buy something while I'm out here."

"If there's one thing I have, Glory, it's clothes. But, I know every designer in townwe'll get you hooked up."

"Thanks. You know, I've been here for a few games, but I've never really taken in the sights."

"Let's go see a few things, then. We don't need to go directly to Legolas' house - he won't be home for a few hours yet anyway," Haldir suggested, looking at his Rolex.

For the next several hours, Haldir gave Glorfindel the grand tour of Hollywoodhitting every tourist trap in the neighborhood. Finally, they ended up in a bar somewhere off Sunset.

"I'm parched. Let's get a brew, okay?" Glorfindel said, pulling Haldir into the dim and dark interior. He walked up to the bar, and ordered a couple of Buds. Haldir looked around the bar with a growing feeling of unease.

"GloryI think maybe we should drink these fast and get out of here," Haldir said, sliding into a booth, trying not to make eye contact with anyone else in the bar.

"Why? My feet are killing meyou dragged me all over town today! I wanna sit for a while, if it's all the same to you."

"Glorythis is not just a neighborhood barthis would be a biker bar."

"So?"

"Glory" Haldir said through clenched teeth, "Think about it. We've both got long hair. We're both dressed in ripped jeans and tees. We're bothshall we say - attractive? Neither of us rides a hog. We" He didn't get to finish his sentence because at that moment the two Elves were approached by several very large, very tattooed gentlemen.

The biggest one, wearing a vest that had an evil looking snake on the breast with the word "Tiny" embroidered above it, stood looking down at the two Elves.

"What are you two pansies doing in my bar?" he asked through a ZZ Tops beard and a mouth several teeth shy of a full set. At first Haldir thought he was winking at him, but then realized the expression on the man's face was due to a large, jagged scar that ran diagonally over his right eye.

"Having a beer," Glorfindel answered, not looking up from his brew.

"Not in my bar!" ZZ Tops made the mistake of putting his hand on Glorfindel's arm. CorrectionZZ Tops made the huge, colossal, irreversible mistake of putting his hand on Glorfindel's arm.

Haldir sighed, silently hoping that he could manage to get through this fight without needing too much plastic surgery.

Glorfindel exploded from his seat, and with one hand, sent ZZ Tops flying over tables, coming to rest in a heap at the foot of the bar. Haldir stood up, quickly scanned the remaining few bikers, and picked the one that looked like he had most recently bathed. Grabbing his arms, Haldir neatly hung him from the coat rack on the wall, where the man hung, frantically kicking his legs three feet off the ground, and swearing up a blue streak.

Glorfindel, completely in his element, quickly dispatched the other three bikers in a flurry of smashed chairs and beer bottles. Standing amid the ruin of the bar, the two Elves high-fived each other, just before the police arrived.

"Legolas?"

"Glorfindel? Where are you guys? I've been waiting at the house for hours! Are you lost?" Legolas asked when he answered the phone, watching Elladan and Elrohir float around in his built in swimming pool.

"No, we're not lost. Look, I need to make this fastI only have three minutes. Can you come to pick us up?"

"I'm in my swim trunkscan't you catch a cab?"

"No."

"Can I send the car to get you?"

"Noyou have to come."

"Why?" Legolas asked, a little put off by Glorfindel's insistence.

"Because they said they'll only release us into your custody," Glorfindel replied, shooting the cop next to him a dirty look.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?" Legolas screamed into the phone, causing Elrohir and Elladan to fall off their floats into the water.

"Nothing! It was all a mix up, I swear! Just come and get us, okay?" Glorfindel replied, holding the phone away from his ear.

"How many bodies did this mix-up involve?" Legolas asked, running a hand through his hair, trying to calm himself.

"Just five. I've taken a lot more than that out during a game," Glorfindel replied.

"The difference being that it's LEGAL to beat people up during a game, Glory!"

"Hey - they started it!"

"They ALWAYS start it! Argh! All right, I'll get dressed and come and get you. Just remember - under NO circumstances are you to talk to ANYONE until I get there with my legal representativedo you understand?"

An hour later, Legolas led a sheepish looking Glorfindel, and a grumpy looking Haldir out of the police station. Both Elves had apologized profusely to Legolas for the trouble they caused, but secretly smiled at each other behind Legolas' back. Even Haldir had to admit that it had felt pretty good to use his fists after all the years of docility. If he had had his quiver, it would have been just like the old days.

As Legolas led them toward the car, they were suddenly hit by dozens of flashing lights as the paparazzi began snapping pictures, and sticking microphones in their faces. After all, word spreads quickly when one of the world's top male models and one of the world's best hockey players get arrested for fighting in a run-down, seedy biker barn in the worst section of Hollywood. Especially when they're bailed out of jail by one of the industry's biggest producers. The fact that all three were Elves wouldn't hurt publication, either.

Between the party last week and the gay rumors that had been floating around town since then, and now this, Legolas had a lot of damage control to do. Pushing Haldir and Glorfindel into the car ahead of himself, he wondered if California had the death penalty for Elves - because he was going to kill them all.