Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, or any of its characters. Me: Lego, I just heard from Orlando's attorney. He says you are to immediately cease and desist from mentioning anything about Mr. Bloom's underwear. Legolas: I didn't drop his pantshe did it himself. Me: I knowbut you were the one to point out what type of underwear he had on. Legolas: So? What's the big whoop? Me: Evidently, the type of Underoos he wears is a state secret. Legolas: Man, and this guy played me? Yeah, that's believable.

Chapter 10

Pre-Show Jitters

It was a full day before Legolas and his press agents could reverse some of the damage Haldir and Glorfindel had done in the few short hours they had been loose in Hollywood.

Glorfindel retold the story of the fight in the bar, much to Elladan and Elrohir's delight, but only when Legolas was out of hearing range - the Elf had actually turned purple when Glorfindel had begun to tell it in front of him.

Haldir, for his part, remained silent during the retelling - the only indication that he was listening at all was a very small smile that was barely one lip turned up a wee bit at the corner. He actually appreciated Legolas cleaning up their mess - the publicity might have damaged his career. Glorfindel, on the other hand, reveled in the headlines, clipping each one from each newspaper and pasting it neatly in a scrapbook purchased for the occasion.

The fundraiser was now just a day away, and the rest of the Elves Legolas had invited to attend were beginning to arrive. Erestor and Elrond had arrived together, and were now relaxing at the pool, both having liberally slathered on SP45 sunscreen all over their bodies, and bright blue zinc oxide on their noses and the pointed tips of their ears. Sporting Raybans and Speedos, they made quite the picture lying in their lawn chairs. It was however, the umbrella hats that made the twins collapse into fits of laughter, causing their father to throw his flip-flops at them.

Galadriel and Celeborn were the next to arrive, and had made themselves comfortable in the library. Heavily into the health scene, they had eschewed catching rays in favor of large glasses of carrot/wheatgrass smoothies and a couple of the classics in Legolas' collection. Galadriel was re-reading Jane Eyre, and Celeborn was re-reading this month's issue of Playboy.

Thranduil arrived, and was greeted warmly by the rest of the Elves. Still looking quite regal after all the centuries past, he immediately launched into a diatribe about the disappointment of never having been given grandchildren by Legolas. Legitimate ones, at any rate.

Next in the continuing line of arrivals were Orophin and Rumil, whom Glorfindel immediately pounced upon. Ushering them into one of the bedrooms, he told them the story of his and Haldir's bar fight, which by this time, was getting bigger and bigger with each telling. By the time Orophin and Rumil heard the story there had been over a dozen bikers, each of whom were at least 7 feet tall and weighed roughly as much as a mid-sized Chevy. Within moments, Orophin and Rumil had cornered Haldir and were ribbing him for all it was worth. They had just gotten him to the point of violence, when Arwen and Eldarion came in the front door.

Arwen looked as incredible as always, elegant and radiant in her short, white Channel suit and Prada heels. Eldarion was the spitting image of his father, except for having his grandfather's hair and his mother's ears. He was dressed more casually than his mother, in a pair of jeans, a button down shirt, and tweed jacket.

Legolas hugged Arwen, who immediately began crying. This was one of the reasons Legolas tried to avoid her as much as possible. The years without Aragorn had not dampened her sadness at losing him, and quite frankly, after a fifteen hundred years, it was becoming a drag.

"He loved you so much!" Arwen wailed, "He loved everyone so much! Did you know he loved the Hobbits, and Gimli, and Gandalf, and Boromir, and Faramir, and Eowyn?"

"and the chambermaid, the cook, the laundress, and quite possibly - if rumors are to be believed - the stableboy," Elladan whispered to Elrohir, causing his brother to start snorting. Elrohir quickly covered his laughter with a rough coughing spell.

"Uncle Legolas! It truly has been too longit seems ages since I've seen you!" Eldarion cried, catching Legolas in a huge bear hug. Every male Elf older than himself was "uncle" to Eldarion and received huge hugs from him. Legolas thought privately that Eldarion enjoyed hugging adult male Elves just a bit too much. Which probably accounted for the bright pink socks he was wearing.

"Well, now that everyone's here, we should go over the itinerary for tomorrow evening," Legolas said, rubbing his hands together and smiling.

"Itinerary? There's an itinerary? I thought we just had to show up," Elrond said, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, it really isn't muchjust a little, tinypresentation, that's all," Legolas said, realizing for the first time that the Elves might be a little gun shy of what he had planned.

"What kind of presentation, Legolas?" asked Erestor, immediately suspicious. He eyed Legolas' face, looking for any sign of deception.

"Umwell, I just have to introduce you, that's all," Legolas replied. It was the truth, after all. Perhaps not the complete truth, but the truth nonetheless.

"I suppose you would need to do that," Elrond agreed, "if no one knew who we were, it would defeat the entire purpose of our being there, right?"

There were general nods of agreement all around.

Erestor still wasn't convinced. "There's something you're not telling us, LegolasI've known you since you were an Elfling - I can tell when you're hiding something. Remember the time you broke Elrond's favorite mug and you tried to tell me that a balrog did it?"

"I was six at the time, Erestor"

"He broke that mug? I loved that mug! You told me I did it in my sleep! " Elrond lamented, staring at Erestor.

"How would Erestor know what you did in your sleep, Ada?" Arwen asked, clearly confused by the entire thread of the conversation.

Legolas decided that he had better come clean about what he had planned, rather than risk a mutiny at the fundraiser. He explained, in detail, exactly what would take place. Elladan, Elrohir, Eldarion, Haldir, and Glorfindel didn't bat an eye, but the rest looked rather shell-shocked.

"I cannot do that!" Erestor blurted out, his face pale beneath the zinc oxide.

"Yes, you can, Erestor. You fought Orcs and Eru knows what elseyou can do this!" Legolas said, patting the nearly weeping Elf on the back.

"I'll throw up," Elrond warned, looking a bit green just at the thought. "I truly willall over the actors."

"You were Lord of Rivendellyou should be used to making public appearances," Legolas countered, "you won't throw up."

"For the love of all that's holy, Legolas, how did you ever dream this up?" Thranduil asked. "If you spent half as much energy on supplying me with grandchildren as you did on stuff like this, I'd have a couple of dozen by now!"

"AdaI've told you time and time again - I just haven't found the right elleth yet."

"Elleth, smelleth. Find somebody for Eru's sake! After all these years, you shouldn't be too picky, you knowyou're not getting any younger!"

Legolas sighed, throwing his hands up in the air in defeat. He'd just have to play it by his pointy ear tomorrow night, and hope they'd all cooperate.