Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, or any of its characters. Me: Elladanwhat are you doing? Elladan: Nothing. Me: What do you mean "nothing?" You're wearing Thundercat Under-roos on your head. Elladan: No, I'm not. Me: Yes, you areI'm not blind, you know. Where did you get them from? Elladan: K-Mart. Me (reading nametag on inside of waistband These are Orlando's! How did you get these? Elladan: He gave them to me. Elrohir: Can I let Orli up now? He's beginning to turn purple. Me (snatching Under-roos from Elladan's head): I am putting these in the "Actors Who Play Elves Museum! Elrohir - get off of Orlando, and give him back his pants. Elladan: I never heard of that museumwhere is it? Me: In a sequined shoebox under my bed.

Chapter 11

The Fundraiser

The fundraiser was being held at the majestic Kodak Theater, home to the Oscar ceremonies. Hours before the event was to start, crowds began to gather behind the barriers, waiting to try to get a glimpse of the actors from the Lord of the Rings trilogy, as well as the fabled Elves themselves. Legolas had casually mentioned to several gossip columnists that the "original" Elves would be attending the event, and everyone was curious.

The front of the Theater was a madhouse of cameras, lights, and reporters, who lined the sides of the red carpet that led to the front doors of the Theater.

Limousines began arriving, and celebrities, dressed in their very best formal wear, dripping in gems, and waving and smiling at the cameras, stepped down the red carpet.

The Elves arrived in three limousines, pulling up to the curb at the same time. Flashes went off like strobe lights as the drivers opened the doors of the limos, and the Elves alighted onto the red carpet.

Arwen looked stunning in a full length, satin strapless gown of the palest pink. Legolas had requested that they all wear their hair in the traditional Elven braids, and her gleaming dark hair set off her mithril crown, which caught the light and sparkled.

Galadriel had chosen a flowing, gauzy gown of blue, trimmed with pale rosebuds. Her flawless, ageless complexion combined with her long, blonde hair and mithril crown made her look a bit like the Blue Fairy from Pinocchio, but the effect still worked for her.

All the males of the group were dressed in finely tailored black tuxedos, except for Eldarion, who had insisted on a powder blue tux with a white ruffled shirt. Regardless, there wasn't a human male in the crowd that could hold a candle to them. Evidently the females in the crowd agreed, because as they walked down the carpet the screams rose to such a pitch that several reporters later needed to be treated for temporary deafness.

Legolas had instructed the Elves to walk directly into the building, and not to answer any questions - there would be a press conference held after the event. Privately, he worried about what might escape Elladan and Elrohir's mouths without supervision.

Ushers led the Elves down to the first row of seats in the Theater, just in front of the orchestra pit. The stage was gigantic, and a heavy red velvet curtain trimmed with gold tassels hung all the way across it.

"We're in the wrong business, bro," Elladan said to Elrohir as they took their seats.

"I know what you meandid you hear those women screaming back there? We don't get that kind of reaction from the blue haired old ladies we sell timeshares to."

"Arwen, please try to refrain from weeping tonightyour mascara will run, and Legolas said that we'll need to pose for photos later," Galadriel whispered.

"Piss off, Galadrielyour husband's right next to youmine's dead. I'll cry whenever I want to" Arwen hissed. Nerves and PMS were working to make Arwen very irritable. "Ada, tell Grandmother to leave me alone!"

"Galadriel, reallyleave her be. You know how she gets this time of the month," Elrond cautioned his mother-in-law.

"ADA!" Arwen cried, smacking her father on the arm. "You don't need to advertise it!"

"Motherplease try not to shriek. It's not very attractive," Eldarion whispered, rubbing his ear. "I'd like to be able to hear what's going on tonight."

The auditorium filled up behind them, and soon enough, the lights were turned down, and a single spotlight illuminated the curtain on the stage. The conductor stood, held his baton aloft, and began to lead the orchestra in a beautiful medley of the music from the LOTR trilogy.

"Legolas," whispered Haldir, "why aren't you backstage?"

"Peter Jackson has agreed to emcee for me, since I'll need to be part of the introductions." Legolas answered, smiling. "Oh, by the way, about halfway through the presentation, I'll need everyone to come backstage with me to get ready to be introduced. Pass it on," he instructed Haldir. Haldir turned to Glorfindel and repeated Legolas' message. One by one Elven heads turned and whispered to the person next to them, until the last Elf in the row, Thranduil looked down the aisle at his son, and gave him a thumbs-up sign.

The orchestra's last note faded away, and the curtain parted. Peter Jackson walked out, looking every bit as disheveled as usual, in wrinkled tux and high top sneakers, and stepped up to a microphone and podium that was located to the far right of the stage.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Elves and Elleths, welcome to the Fundraiser for Elven Studies. It is my honor to host this event"

Peter, evidently feeling rather longwinded that night, went on for about an hour, lecturing the audience on Elven history. Legolas rolled his eyes and whispered to Haldir, "I asked him to make it briefI should have just written his speech for him."

Eventually, Peter wound it up, and a large white screen was lowered from the ceiling in front of the curtain. A compilation of clips from the three Lord of the Rings movies was to be shown, complete with commentary from Peter. This was Legolas' cue to get the Elves backstage.

Quietly standing up, the Elves filed backstage with Legolas, where he brought them into two large dressing rooms that were connected by a green room. In the green room, Legolas addressed the Elves.

"Okaythis is it. As I explained to you yesterday, You'll find everything you need in these two dressing rooms. Please change quickly, and meet back herewe don't have much time. Legolas directed Arwen and Galadriel into the dressing room to the left, and everyone else into the dressing room on the right.

Several minutes later, the Elves met back in the green room, each smiling broadly at the others. Legolas led them all to the left wing of the stage, just as the movie clips were over. He took them onstage, behind the curtain, and up a flight of stairs to a platform that stretched across the stage. Lining them up, he stood in the middle of the line, and readied himself.

Peter waited until the applause had died down, then said, "It is my supreme pleasure to introduce the fine cast of these movies! Please help me welcome to the stage Viggo Mortenson, Ian Mckellen, Sean Astin, Billy Boyd, Dominic Monaghan, John Rhys-Davies, Elijah Wood, Sean Bean, Liv Tyler, Cate Blanchett, Marton Csokas, Craig Parker, Hugo Weaving, and Orlando Bloom!" The actors walked out, resplendent in their evening finery to thunderous applause. Each walked over to the microphone and said a word or two about the cause for the fundraiser.

After Orlando finished speaking, he, Craig Parker, Hugo Weaving, Marton Csokas, and Viggo Mortenson each picked up a round, flat object, about two feet in diameter. Jogging to the back of the auditorium they spread out against the back wall.

The lights were turned out in the theater, and the curtain silently opened revealing a completely black stage. Five thin spotlights illuminated the five targets that the actors in the back of the theater were now holding above their heads. Before the audience could blink, five silver arrows whizzed over their heads and embedded themselves in the center of the targets.

Applauding loudly, the audience turned back to the stage as crisscrossing spotlights revealed nine figures walking slowly through the fog that was now creeping all across the stage. As they entered the light, the Elves were revealed, each wearing a costume that was fashioned after their own wardrobe back in the Third Age. The five archers, Legolas, Haldir, Elladan, Elrohir, and Glorfindel carried their bows, leading the other four to the front of the stage.

Rising to their feet, the audience gave the Elves a five-minute standing ovation.

The introduction of the Elves went better than Legolas had dreamed possibleand he fervently hoped the after-ceremony party would go as smoothly. Unfortunately, considering the amount of alcohol that would be served, he doubted it.