Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, or any of its characters. Legolas: Who ARE all these people, and what are they doing in your fic? Who's the guy with the eyebrows? Me: You know who they are, Legothey're the actors who played you and your friends in the movies. The guy with the eyebrows is Hugo Weaving. Legolas: Who names their kid "Hugo?" Hugo: Who names their kid "Greenleaf Greenleaf?" Legolas: You're doing the "eyebrow' thing againdon't do that - it freaks me out.

Chapter 12

Elves Just Wanna Have Fun

The press conference was held immediately following the end of the presentation. Legolas had paired the actors with their corresponding Elves for a photo opportunity, and had put Elladan, Elrohir, Glorfindel, Erestor, and Thranduil together with Sir Ian Mckellan, John Rhys-Davies, and the other actors who had played humans and hobbits. Presently, Elrohir and Elijah were involved in a rather intense staring competition.

"You're rather tall for a Hobbit," Elrohir said, looking down at the top of Elijah's head.

"I'm not really a HobbitI just played one in the movies."

"I don't believe you. Let me see your feet."

"For the last time, I am not showing you my feet!" Elijah retorted, narrowing his eyes at the big Elf. Unfortunately, considering the size of Elijah's big baby blues, the effect was not nearly as intimidating as he had hoped.

Elrohir smiled to himself - this was fun! Did this little twerp actually think that Elrohir believed he was a Hobbit? Elrohir elbowed his twin, who immediately caught on.

"Of course you're a Hobbitno human has eyes like that," Elladan said, advancing with Elrohir on Elijah. "Now, let us see your feet!"

"NO!"

"YES!" the twins cried, chasing after Elijah with every intention of pulling off his shoes and socks.

Haldir stood next to Craig Parker, who seemed absolutely fascinated by Haldir's hair.

"Is this really all yours? Come on, you can tell meyou've got extensions, right?" Craig said, trying to finger the hair flowing from Haldir's scalp.

"If you wish to keep those fingers still attached to your hands, I would suggest that you remove them from my head immediately," Haldir growled, shooting Craig an evil look.

"Jeezyou're pretty feisty for a dead guy."

"Do I look dead to you? I am not dead!"

"I distinctly remember the death scene in the Two Towers - I was absolutely fabulous in that scene, by the way - and you went down looking like an overgrown porcupine."

"Were you born this dense, or did you need to study? That scene was written for the movieit did not happen that way. I was, eram a hero! I don't know what got into Legolas' head to allow them to kill me off like that anyway!" Haldir replied haughtily, shaking his head free from Craig's searching fingers.

Liv Tyler was having problems of her own. She had found herself holding an inconsolable Arwen in her arms, as the Elf weeped uncontrollably, blubbering to her about her dead husband.

"SOB! Surely you, of all people, can understand how I feel? No one else does! SOB! SOB! SNIFF. How can I go on without him? SOB!"

Liv rolled her eyes and patted Arwen's back. Privately, Liv thought that if this weepy creature didn't stop leaking all over her brand new Versace, she might very well put her out of her misery herself, with a hard blow to the head with a heavy object.

Looking over to her left in an effort to find something to distract Arwen, Liv spotted Viggo standing to the side, speaking quietly with Erestor. Smiling, Liv took Arwen by the arms, and shook her lightly.

"Arwenlook over there," Liv whispered, nodding to the left, "who do you see?"

"Erestor."

"No, not himthe other oneARAGORN!" Arwen flew across the stage, throwing herself at Viggo, knocking both of them to the ground. The force of the impact slid them both several feet across the stage. Arwen attached herself to Viggo by the lips, while Viggo's arms and legs waved weakly from underneath her.

Elrond was fascinated by Hugo Weaving's eyebrows.

"Come ondo it!'

"I've done it six times already, ElrondI refuse to do it again!" Hugo answered testily. "No one made this big a fuss about my eyebrows in the Matrix."

"Come onjust one more time"

"You are a most annoying Elf. Fine! But this is the last time," Hugo replied, giving in. He raised one eyebrow to his hairline.

"That is SO freaky!" Elrond laughed, trying to mimic the eyebrow thing, but found that he couldn't get his own to move independently of each other. They both just bobbed up and down over his eyes at the same time.

"Stop that! You look ridiculous," Hugo said, frowning at Elrond.

"Oh, wow! They're just as freaky when you frown!" Elrond observed, now trying to get his own eyebrows to meet together in a frown like Hugo's.

"You haven't taken your medication tonight, have you?" Hugo sighed, backing away from the frantically frowning Elrond.

Cate Blanchett and Marton Csokas stood with Galadriel and Celeborn. Marton kept trying to put his arm around Cate, who kept wiggling away.

"For the last time, Marton, do not touch me!"

"Come on, Catelook at them! They're such a terrific looking couple!"

"They are marriedwe are not!"

"We were"

"We were never married! That was only in the movie for like five seconds!"

"Kiss me."

"Get away from me you freak!" Cate yelled stepping away, backing into Celeborn.

Cate's face suddenly froze. "Kindly remove your hands from my buttocks," she said, addressing Celeborn.

Celeborn snickered, "Why, wifewhat do you expect from me when you dress so provocatively?"

"I'm not your wife!"

"That's not what it said in the credits"

Galadriel had approached Marton, and was eyeing him up and down. "You resemble my husbandare you like him in every way?" she said breathily, her eyes roaming down to his zipper.

"Huh? UmI think your husband's having a little problem with Cate."

"He can handle himselfI'd rather handle you."

"LadyHEY! Leave that alone! You're marriedto the big guy standing right behind you!"

"When you've been married for as long as we have, you need a little diversion now and then."

Marton and Cate slowly backed away from the advancing, lewdly smiling Elves.

Orlando stood with Legolas, posing for pictures.

"Why do you still have a mohawk?" Legolas asked, eyeing the fringe of dark curls that ran down the center of Orlando's head from his brow to the nape of his neck.

Orlando looked a bit flustered at the question. "Can you keep a secret?" he asked Legolas, looking around to make sure no one else could hear him.

"Of courseI never told anyone about the day on the set when you had that, er'zipper accident,' now did I?"

"Argh! Don't remind methat hurt."

"Sowhat's the secret?"

"Well, sometimesat nightwhen I'm aloneI like to wear the wig."

"No way!"

"And the contact lenses."

"Orlando"

"And the costume."

"Orlando!"

"And I stand on the bed, shooting arrows at the wall."

"Too much information, Orlando."

"I make the maid call me 'Legolas.'"

"You really need to get some help, you know."

Just then Elrohir and Elladan ran past, each holding a shiny black dress shoe and a black silk sock in the air, chased by an irate, barefoot Elijah.