Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, or any of its characters. Orlando: You have no right telling the world that I dress up like Legolas! Me: You didn't say it was a secret. Legolas: You really dress up like me? Manthat's just a little too weird. You're not going to go all Michael Jackson on me, are you? Orlando: I do not dress up like you! Me: Yes, you do - I have the photos to prove it. Orlando: You said that camera didn't have any film in it! Me: It was a digital, you idiot.

A/N: Well, I have some bad newsOctober starts the busy season in my industry, and I may not have time to email everyone individually for a whileI hate that 'cause I really appreciate everyone who reviews! Hopefully, I'll have time again in November. But, I will make sure to thank everyone at the beginning of the chaptersand you can, of course, still email me privately if you have any questionsThanks to everyone who read and reviewed!

Chapter 13

Why Elves Should NEVER Do Shots

Legolas put his fingers around the shot glass, and looked down the long bar at the line of humans and Elves that stood waiting for his signal.

He nodded his head, and tossed the fiery liquid down, shivering ever so slightly. Everyone slammed their shot glasses back down on the bar, and waited for the bartender to refill them.

Music was blaring, the dance floor was packed, and Legolas really couldn't have been happier.

The event went swimmingly, once Legolas had managed to get the twins to return Elijah's footwear; had gotten Celeborn and Galadriel to consider finding different partners and leave Cate and Marton alone for a while; had used a crowbar to pry Arwen off of Viggo; and had convinced Hugo that Elrond was not really crazyhe was just being Elrond. Now he could finally relax and have a little fun at the after-event party he was hosting at his favorite restaurant in town.

The Elves and their human compatriots had already done several rounds of shots, and were beginning to feel the effects.

"Huge-o" Elrond chortled, throwing his arm around the actor, "I believe you're drunk"

"I'm not drunkwell, maybe a littlehell, I'm plastered!" Hugo laughed. "I can't feel my eyebrows anymoreare they moving?"

"No. Try again."

Hugo turned very red in the face, trying to make his eyebrows move. "How about now?"

"hicNope," Elrond said. He put his index fingers over Hugo's eyebrows and manually lifted them up. "There, that's better."

"You know what? You know what?" Viggo slurred, pointing his shot glass at everyone within reach, "I love you guys. I do. I love you all you guys"

"Oh, AragornI love you, too!" Arwen cried, dropping her shot glass on the floor, and re-attaching herself to Viggo, who, in his current state, attached himself right back. They fell down to the floor and rolled themselves around behind the bar.

The D.J. began playing Bloodhound Gang's "The Bad Touch" and Elrohir and Elladan stumbled out to the dance floor, dragging Elijah with them.

The twins began wiggling around the dance floor, stripping out of their jerkins shrieking, "you and me baby ain't nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel" Elijah stood in the middle of the dance floor, weaving back and forth unsteadily on his feet, like a pendulum. He finally sat down firmly on his rump, kicking off his shoes, and peeling off his socks. Lifting his foot up to eye level, he murmured, "They aren't that hairy" before falling back, sound asleep, still holding his foot in the air.

By this time the twins were down to their silk skivvies, and had drawn quite a crowd.

"Kids!" Thranduil yelled, slamming yet another shot back with Ian, "Why do we have 'em? You have 'em, raise em', spoil the hell out of 'em, send 'em off on quests, and what do you get? NO grandchildrenthat's what you get!"

Ian nodded his head in sympathy, a tiny bit of Johnny Walker Red dripping down his chin, and let out a long belch. "Ungrateful bassidsever'one of 'em." His head fell forward on the bar, and he began to snore loudly.

Celeborn and Galadriel were working the crowd, looking for anyone interested in a little playtime with Elves.

When last seen they were leading Peter Jackson off to some dark little corner.

"Peteryou're very short, and very roundI like that in a human," Galadriel purred, pinching Peter's cheek.

"Me, too," Celeborn added lasciviously, causing Peter to jam on the brakes, looking up at him bug-eyed. Galadriel and Celeborn grabbed Peter's arms, and continued dragging him along.

Legolas was looking bleary-eyed toward the dance floor when a pair of silk skivvies flew over the heads of the crowd and landed squarely on top of his mithril crown. He never even blinked.

Orlando wandered over, weaving more than a bit. He looked up at Legolas, trying to focus his eyes. "Thas a nice hat. I'd like a hatlike that." No sooner had he said it, than another pair of silken skivvies flew out over the crowd and landed squarely on his mohawk. "Oooh. Thanks. Lessgo, Legodance with me"

"I don' wanna dance with you, Orli."

"You never liked me, did you? I could tellyou never let me wear your crown."

"I like youI jush don' wanna dance with you."

"Please?"

"Oh, finebut I get to lead."

Haldir and Glorfindel were still at the bar, tossing back shots. "I never repeatnever!" Haldir said conspiratorially to Glorfindel.

"Reallybut the bottles all say "rinse and repeat'," Glorfindel replied, leaning forward, as if this were the most interesting conversation he'd ever had with anyone in his entire life.

"Nopeno repeating. Repeating is what dries it out! Jush rinse" Haldir said, tossing back his long mane of silvery hair, and succeeding in losing his balance in the process, plopping down on his arse.

Glorfindel leaned down unsteadily toward Haldir, who sat on the floor, his head nodding up and down gently like a bobblehead. "No repeatgot it." He tried to walk to the dance floor, but passed out, falling to the floor, his head landing in Haldir' lap.

Erestor and Eldarion spent the entire night playing truth or dare. Erestor, in his infinite wisdom, not to mention alcohol induced stupor, consistently picked "dare."

"I dare you to go up and touch Liv Tyler's boob," Eldarion said.

"Fine," he agreed, and meandered away in search of Ms. Tyler.

Several minutes later, Erestor staggered back, the front of his jacket wrinkled and his mouth bleeding slightly, to where Eldarion sat drinking peach schnapps straight out of a bottle.

"What happened?" Eldarion asked, squinting at Erestor.

"Dunno. When did Liv grow a beard?"

Eldarion looked over Erestor's shoulder. "That was John Rhys-Davies' boob. That doesn't count."

As with all good things, the party did come to an endeventually. As dawn crept up over the mountains to the east, the restaurant personnel tried to clean the room, sweeping their brooms around the Elves and actors, in various states of undress, who lay snoring here and there on the floor.