Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, or any of its characters. Legolas: I throw a wicked party. Me: No, you don'tI've been to one of your real partiesI don't consider playing parcheesi and drinking Kool-aid to be wicked. Legolas: This last party was wicked. Me: Only because I planned it. If you had planned it, the elves would have been drinking milk, and the humans would have been serving it. Legolas: What's wrong with milk? Me: Nothingas long as it's not in my glass at a party.

A/N: Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing! I can't tell you how much I appreciate the feedback. That was a really fun chapter to write, and so was this onewell, this one was fun for me, not necessarily fun for the Elves

Chapter 14

The Morning After

"Argh! For the absolute last timeI am NOT ARAGORN!" Viggo bellowed, trying to wriggle out of Arwen's arms. He had awakened on the floor behind the bar, covered only by a tablecloth, with a horrific headache, and a 115-pound Elf hanging around his throat like a giant, drool-encrusted necktie.

"Don't say that, Aragorn! I'm not listeningI'm not listening" Arwen said in a sing-song voice, shaking her head but never letting up on her iron grip around Viggo's neck.

"Could you at least let me sit up? I'm lying on your freaking crown and it's digging a hole into my kidneys. And please, stop calling me ARAGORN!"

"Okay, Estel, whatever you say."

"ARGHH!"

Sometime during the night, Thranduil had climbed up on the bar, stretched out and went to sleep. This morning, his formal robe was wide open, exposing his well muscled - for an Elf his age - stomach. There was a small pool of tequila in his bellybutton. He began to stir, and, forgetting where he was, rolled off of the bar and on to the floor with a very large thud.

"Ooof!" Thranduil said involuntarily as the wind was knocked out of him. Slowly standing up, he looked down at his stomach as tequila ran down into his pants.

"Yuck. What the hell is this stuff?" he asked no one in particular. Dipping his finger into the liquid, he brought it up to his nose and smelled it, making a face. "Why am I covered in tequila?"

"Belly shots," Sir Ian explained from his seat at the bar. "You had half the party lined up here last night. You were a most popular attraction."

"How embarrassing! How degrading! And in front of a KnightI do apologize, Sir Ian"

"Don't apologizethey were delicious," Sir Ian replied with a half smile, as he sauntered off, apparently one of those rare people who do not get hangovers. Thranduil turned a rather pasty color, watching the old actor walk off. He looked down at his stomach and decided that, when he got back to Legolas' house, he was a taking a bath in Lysol.

Elladan, Elrohir, and Elijah were lying in a pile in the middle of the dance floor. Elijah, at least, still had most of his clothes on. The twins, however, would likely feel the chill in the room immediately. Picking his head up off the floor, Elijah looked at the two dark haired naked Elves.

"Wake up. HeyWAKE UP!" He yelled, picking up his shoe and poking them with it.

"It's Sundaywe don't have to work today" Elladan groaned, blinding swatting at the offending shoe with this hand.

"I don't want to go to archery class today, AdaI'm sick," Elrohir moaned, turning over.

The poking and yelling continued until the twins pried their eyes open, and blearily looked at Elijah.

"Why are we naked?" Elladan asked, looking down at himself.

"Why are we naked on the floor with the Hobbit?" Elrohir asked, looking at Elijah.

"I am NOT a HOBBIT!" Elijah roared, causing the twins to wince, holding their heads.

"Shouldn't we be naked on the floor with a couple of beautiful women?" Elrohir asked, looking at his twin.

"What did you do with our women, Hobbit?" Elladan asked Elijah.

Elijah began to beat the two naked Elves with his shoe.

"Aren't those your boys lying naked on the floor with Elijah?" Hugo asked Elrond when the two of them were able to focus their eyes.

"Yesunfortunately," Elrond replied.

"Did you know they were gay? I'm surprised at Elijah - I know he's not gay."

"I don't think that they arethey've always had female dates."

"Bi?"

"No, they've never had to pay for it."

"No, not buy"

"Bye? You're leaving? Me too, I guessas soon as I can get some clothes on those two nitwits."

"You really aren't the brightest crayon in the box, are you, Elrond?" Hugo asked, cocking an eyebrow, and immediately regretting it, since it caused Elrond to start trying to mimic him again.

Hugo walked away, thinking that if he had known what the real Elrond was like, his role in the LOTR movies would have been the comic relief. He was just passing the D.J.'s booth when something caught his eye. Looking up, he saw Peter Jackson peeking out from the behind the sound mixing board.

"Peter? What are you doing up there? Why are you wearing a crown?"

"Don't let them find meplease, Hugo! The Elf was bad enough, but that female nearly killed me!" he whispered, shaking like a leaf.

"Oh Godhere they come! Don't tell them you saw meI'll give you the starring role in my next epic if you won't tell them where I am!"

Hugo looked over and saw Galadriel and Celeborn walking toward him, looking under tables as they walked.

"Well, good morning, Hugo" Celeborn said with a broad smile. "Have you seen Peter this fine morning?"

"Umcan't say that I have," Hugo lied, already mentally racking up the bucks that a starring role in one of Peter's movies would bring.

"Celebornhave you ever noticed how truly sexy Hugo's eyebrows are?" Galadriel sighed, reaching out with one slender finger to touch one. The brow immediately shot up to Hugo's hairline - probably in an involuntary effort to get away from Galadriel's finger.

"They are quite magnificent, Hugo" Celeborn agreed, taking the actor by his elbow. "Walk with us, and let us discuss the erpossibility of using you as a spokesman for our chain of health food storesthat's it - a spokesman."

Smiling, Celeborn and Galadriel walked on either side of a totally unsuspecting Hugo, steering him to the same small back room from which the two of them had just exited.

Elrond watched the exchange and smirked, "and he thinks I'm not the brightest crayon in the box"

Haldir awoke with a strange, heavy feeling around his groin. Putting a hand to his forehead in response to the blinding headache he had, he shifted his eyes downward trying not to move his noggin.

"Oh, Eruplease let that be a woman and not who I think it is," he murmured, seeing the spray of long blonde hair in his lap.

Screwing his eyes shut, he poked the head that was attached to the hair with his finger.

"Knock it the frig off, whoever you are, or I'll break that finger off at the knuckle," growled the deep voice that belonged to the head.

"Oh, nono! Glorfindel," Haldir whispered, not wanting to attract anyone else's attention. "Glorfindelwake up and get off me."

"You get off me."

"I'm not on you, you moron!" Haldir replied, his voice getting a little louder.

"I'm not on you, you son of a warg!"

"Yes you ARE, you worm eaten pile of dung!" Haldir's voice got louder still.

"Bite me!"

"GLORFINDELGET OFF ME NOW!" Haldir thundered, losing his patience completely.

Every head in the restaurant turned to stare at the famous model and the famous hockey player laying on the floor by the bar. Several camera flashes went off, and tomorrow's headlines flashed in front of Haldir's eyes.

"GlorfindelI am going to kill you. This is not a drill. Commence running, because when I catch you, you trumped up figure skater, I am going to tear your head from your body."

Glorfindel opened his eyes, and lifted his head from Haldir's lap. Seeing the brutal look in Haldir's eyes, Glorfindel grinned.

"A fight - this early in the morning? This is gonna be a great day!"

Eldarion rolled over, and his head noisily knocking into several empty peach schnapps bottles lying on the floor next to him. Sitting up, holding his head, he looked at Erestor, who was still snoring.

Erestor's upper lip was swollen into a sneer, his right eye was completely swollen and black, his nose had bled during the night, and, Eldarion believed, that might very well be a bald spot on the right side of his head where a clump of hair had been snatched out.

"Oh, yesI remember now. He actually touched Liv Tyler's boob - there's something for his scrapbook. That girl can really throw a punch, thoughwonder if she learned that from her Ada, Steven? She can really take care of herself - she beat the crap out of poor Erestor."

Erestor rolled over, moaning, "pleasekill me. Just kill me now."

Legolas woke up in strange surroundings. It took a moment for him to realize that he was in the kitchen of the restaurant, lying on the long stainless steel counter. He sat up, and noted with surprise that he was dressed in a tuxedothough he distinctly remembered being in his jerkin from the presentation.

Shrugging, he stepped off the table, nearly tripped over Orlando, who was spread-eagled on the floor of the kitchen. Legolas' eyes widened as he took in the sight before him.

Orlando was dressed in Legolas' jerkin and leggings, and had an old, dirty mop on his head. On top of the mop was Legolas' mithril crown.

Legolas rolled his eyes, dimly remembering Orlando dancing on top of the stainless steel table singing, "we're menwe're men in tights! We rob from the rich, and give to the poorthat's right! We're menmanly men! We're men in tights"

He sighed, stepped over Orlando's prone form, and went into the restaurant to collect his friends.