Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha...but that was a painfully obvious given.

This chapter is kinda the beginning of Kagome being pretty unstable. This will only last a chapter or two at the most and I apologize if it is disturbing to anyone. But it does turn out alright, I swear. Please tell me what you like and don't like... R&R

Chapter 4: Memories and Beginning to Heal

The others settled in for the night as Kagome stared blankly at the ceiling. She felt very weak. Her body was on fire and she could do nothing but lie awake and take the pain. Inuyasha sat against the wall a few feet from her head and was keeping a silent vigil over the slightly insane woman. Kagome felt detached. The pain in her body was all encompassing to point of being numb. She felt like she was floating and watching Inuyasha and her friends through eyes not her own. Control and sanity were just beyond her reach, though their counterparts were still sulking from her energy blast. She was nothing but her mind then. In the quiet of her head she began to think of Cyrus. What would he think of her? She remembered his first intense attack on her. She was barely 10 years old since her rebirth.

FLASHBACK:

"Let go." Cyrus, dressed in his black leather as always, demanded. He didn't yell, he didn't hiss, he didn't hint a bit at any emotion other than a clear demand for obedience. His voice was harsh and even those two simple words felt like a vial insult to the fledgling vamp.

"I won't." Kagome mumbled. Her body was bruised and her head was hung in submission but she wouldn't fall before him or let loose the beast. She was determined. But also surprised that by sheer will power she was able to keep the demon inside from even attempting to break loose. She felt in control of herself. She had watched as Cyrus when he let go of his demon. The sheer destructive power behind that form of release terrified Kagome. She vaguely recalled the look of despondency in Inuyasha's eyes when he recovered from his full demon state with the knowledge that he had massacred in cold blood. Her purity and compassion was just as strong as ever, she would have to be broken to lose her self like that. And she wouldn't be broken, especially if it would please her sire.

A feral roar was the only warning Kagome got before a clawed hand rammed into her sternum and lifted her a good two feet of the ground before slamming her against a wall. Cyrus' demonic irises shone a bright blood red from two or three inches Kagome's face. "Let it out!" Cyrus' demanding roar shook the walls of their New York apartment. Kagome's still brown eyes bored into his and she was surprised to still not detect any anger. Where she was in control of herself, Cyrus effortlessly was in complete control of everything. He held her very life in his hands and there was very little she could do about it. The blood transfer upon her turning made it damn near impossible for her to ever turn against him. It was one of the strongest forms of compulsion and protection. The thought made her shiver.

Kagome stiffened. "No." She ground out as his claws dug themselves around her breast bone. His other hand grabbed her fisted right hand and while he put his face even closer to hers with a vicious snarl slammed her hand against the wall, breaking the bones in her fingers with the impact and crushing in the wall. Kagome let out an involuntary whimper.

"Weak." Cyrus snarled. 'Strong.' Kagome mentally retorted as she locked smoldering brown eyes with his terrifying red ones in defiance.

Cyrus growled and grabbing Kagome by her sternum threw her across the room and onto their glass coffee table. It shattered at the impact and sent shards into Kagome's back. She slowly stood and felt her energy pulse within her. She let her miko and demonic energy blend and flow into her muscles. She wouldn't be nearly as strong as him but she wouldn't let him beat her submissively. With an almost sweet smile she launched her self into Cyrus, her shoulder slamming into his stomach and lifting him off the ground and into the wall that he had held her up to moments before. She felt her shoulder jar out of the socket on the impact but dug her claws into his sides as she snarled against his chest. "Why?" She growled into him. "Why won't you leave me be?" She felt his arms slid around her and embrace her tenderly.

"Because little one, I worry about you." His voice was softened and kinder. Kagome let go of him and sagged in his arms and whimpered in pain. "I'm afraid you will get yourself killed and not be able to defend yourself."

"Cy. I can't. You don't understand." Kagome felt as weak as he saw her. "I'm still a miko, just as much as I am a vampire, I can't embrace one and forsake the other."

"Shh, little one, rest. I will watch over you." He placed a tender kiss on her nose.

END

Kagome began to laugh from her position on the floor, but it was cynical, humorless laughter. He could always disarm her with his kindness. Kagome couldn't see the worried golden eyes that were locked on her form from the wall behind her. Inuyasha was terrified for Kagome. She seemed to be slipping. Not physically, she was surprisingly uninfected and healing well. But mentally she seemed lost and that was what terrified him. Yes. He'd admit to himself he was scared. Physical wounds could be healed with herbs but mental wounds took so much more. And for once no amount of intimidation or brute strength could help him.

For Kagome, the night slipped on slowly. Seconds and minutes blurred into an incomprehensible flow of time and Kagome was surprised when she saw the first rays of sunlight slip into the hut. After a night of nothingness, Kagome lashed out and regained her sanity though she could feel that it was slippery and shifting. Who knew how long she could hold on?

"Inuyasha?" She called softly. She could feel her wounds healing and knew that it would only take another day or two for her to recover completely.

In a moment he was squatting at her side with a questioning raised eyebrow. Kagome scanned his eyes and saw the worry that she could feel as soon as she had come to her senses.

"I'll be fine."

Her friends, even Shippou avoided her that morning with almost painful deliberation. Kagome braced herself trying to understand that she look horrible. She hoped that by that night her body would be healed enough for some of the bandages to be removed. She focused all her healing on fixing her face first. She was left in solitude for most of the day as the others went about various business that she wasn't privy to. She couldn't help but feel lonelier then than she had living with Cyrus the last 80 years. Even amongst people she had considered her family for many years, she felt shunned. She had a feeling it was unintentional. In her many hours of solitary confinement that day, she began to worry that perhaps her friends were incapable of accepting such a changed person. She rationalized that they were above petty things like that and some where deep inside she knew it was just paranoia but that didn't help the gnawing fear in her gut. It was night before she saw any of them again. The entered the hut almost single file, Miroku first, who gave her a weak smile, Sango who offered her the same, Kaede with Shippou and then Inuyasha a few minutes later. Kaede started up a fire and some water to boil and they all sat in uneasy silence.

Kagome's eyes strayed to Inuyasha who was looking at the floor and she sighed, when had her world gone so skewed? She forced herself to sit up, causing everyone in the room to stare disbelieving at her. She went to unwrap her facial bandages when she looked at her right hand that was still mangled and sighed again. "Kaede?" The old woman looked at her obediently. "Please help me to remove the bandages on my face. The others need to be changed but I think my face is okay now." Her voice was soft and resigned. Kaede moved to do as she was asked without questioning the young looking woman who now held more years to her name than she. Kaede's eyes widened when she saw only smooth skin on the other side of the bandages. "It takes a lot of energy to heal. Inuyasha could agree. The rest will take longer, I need energy to do it, and I can't sleep to replenish my energy until I am healed. I will just have to rest."

"Who did this to you, Kagome?" Inuyasha demanded in a gruff slightly worried voice.

Kagome cocked her head slightly. "I did." She said simply. Then her brows furrowed. "Well not initially." She felt herself slipping as memories assaulted her and a bubble of laughter came forth from her. Her friends stared at her with something a kin to horror.

Sorry if Kagome's a little OOC but shes got a lot going on right now. Hope everyone can see that. Are the chapters okay length... or should I make 'em longer? Click the Review button...