A/N: Great to be amongst the world of the living! I've been reading and re-reading a book called Good Omens, by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett recently, and I will probably use it as an inspiration to this chapter and the others after. Also, I've been listening to a mind-numbing mixture of Rufus Wainwright and Nine Inch Nails (Trent Reznor and Rufus should have babies together...), so it's bound to have SOME effect, right?

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any characters synonymous with Harry Potter.

WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS MUCH HOMOSEXUALITY, BECAUSE IT VERY MUCH IS SLASH, WHICH CONTAINS HOMOSEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN MEMBERS OF THE SAME SEX. THIS ALSO MAY BE VERY GRAPHIC WHEN IT COMES TO SEXUAL SITUATIONS, SO IF YOU ARE NOT TOO KEEN ON GRAPHIC SEXUALITY, OR HOMOSEXUALITY, PLEASE READ SOMETHING THAT IS NOT SO OFFENSIVE. THANK YOU.

Dedicated to everyone who's read my stuff so far and is continuing to read, and also to the people who have helped me in the process, including the people who critiqued me, because I will be making changes in later chapters soon. Love you all dearly, because I'm, lonely!

Chapter #3: Have You Counted The Number Of Times You've Stirred Your Tea, Lily?

"I beg your pardon?" Sirius said, raising one fine ebony eyebrow.

"Well, why did it turn you on?" Lily asked, a trifle impatient, as she stirred her tea. She vaguely thought that there must be a point in time where you've stirred your tea too much, and that she'd passed that particular point ten minutes ago. Her attentions were directed back toward Sirius when he started to answer her question.

"Well," Sirius said, twirling a lock of dark hair around his finger. "It's hard to say, I mean, we've done it so many times, it's all sort of bled together. I think we once made love in a broom closet at Remus' mother's house... and then we... I think we did it in a wardrobe at Hogwarts in the teacher's lounge in seventh year, a few weeks before the term ended, on the floor of my apartment after my row with the other Blacks, and then plenty of times on the kitchen countertop, a couple of times on the dining room table, three times on the coffee table in the living room..."

Lily raised her eyebrows. If her intuition was correct, which it mostly was, that was the coffee table Remus gave to their good friend Peter a month ago before he and Sirius had purchased a new one. Well, she mused, at least it's properly christened, and she continued to listen to Sirius.

By now, Sirius had started counting on his fingers. "I do remember that when we moved into our current residence, we shagged on the empty den floor. Plenty of times in the shower, on our couch, millions of times in bed, and I do believe in the chair Remus and I gave from our old apartment. In fact, it may be the one you're sitting in..."

Lily looked down, suddenly, and blinked. She immediately flew out of her chair with a squeak, her hand over her mouth.

"Anything wrong, Lil?" Sirius asked, sipping his tea quietly.

Immediately, Lily grabbed a large wash-clothe, without Sirius' noticing, of course, and placed it over the seat of her chair. "Oh, nothing, Sirius..." She said sweetly as she sat down. "Just thought I heard a mouse, that's all, really, it is." She smiled weakly.

Sirius looked up. "Should I continue?"

Lily shook her head. "Well no wonder you're spent, Sirius. You shag that much, you're liable to take an eye out or something."

Sirius looked down guiltily.

Sirius' Point Of View

"But there's still hope." Lily said pointedly.

"And how, pray tell, is that?" Sirius leaned in on one elbow.

"Well..." Lily began, a knowing smile spread across her face.

Eh, yes. This chapter is relatively short. But another is coming much sooner, and that might be short as well, but there will be a much longer one after that, believe me. Just finished Good Omens. I might write slash. Aziraphale and Crowley seriously need to.... But I shouldn't let my mind wander...

- The Absynth Fairy