A/N: My new favorite word is aphrodisiac.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, but I do own this nifty little album called Want One by Rufus Wainwright. I'm beaming!
WARNING: IF YOU'VE MADE IT THIS FAR THERE'S NO SENSE IN TELLING YOU, IS THERE?
Dedicated to: My reviewers. SEXY BEAST!
Once again, there are footnotes, but since doesn't let us use asterisks (Those star thingies, I'm just excited that I learned the correct word!), they will be marked by #'s.
Chapter #6: You Pick a Naughty Word, Add a Clever Phrase To Go With It, And That's The Title.
They were both sitting at the table, Sirius wagging his now nonexistent tail, and Remus pouring tea.
Sirius sniffed at the contents of his cup delicately. He couldn't quite place the... extra-ness... about it. He half-shrugged. Must have been a new medicinal herb, or something. After all, Remus had a habit of make evening tea... well... exciting.
And by no means was that a sexual reference, thank you.
He recalled once that Remus had tried powdered octopus tentacles. Had a strange after effect, that tea.
Sirius, after drinking it, had the vague suspicion that his spleen had gone missing for days.
He had to forgive Remus, though. After all, if there was anything Remus did exceptionally well, it was make a good cup of eucalyptus honey mango kiwi chamomile ylang ylang# sugar French vanilla paprika lemon tea#. That, and Sirius was considered to be borderline retarded when it came to the matter of operating muggle kitchen appliances. In fact, he was considered to be brain-dead when in the presence of any muggle appliance what so ever. And Remus had banned him from touching any instrument that could damage him or his health. That meant nearly every device in the house sans the shower and the toothbrushes were off-limits.
He still wondered what was in the tea, though. Seemed somewhat suspicious.
They're aphrodisiacs, you great prat. Said the Voice testily.
Sirius smirked. "And I should believe you why?"
You'll know soon enough, you dim-witted git.
From the other side of the table, Remus blinked, hands folded around his cup, eyebrows raised.
"Sirius, are you talking to yourself?"
Remus' Point Of View
Remus J. Lupin was seriously wondering if lacing the tea with aphrodisiacs was the best idea he'd ever had. Well... technically it wasn't, because in his seventh year at Hogwarts, he was able to solve the entire Quantum Theory by using just a simple equation using integers and some strangely shaped symbols.
But, honestly, he was still wondering.
Sirius' Point Of View
Sirius looked up. "No, Rem, absolutely not."
He noticed that Remus was still eyeing him strangely.
Now, there was a long pause in which no one took a single sip of their tea.
Finally, Remus smiled sweetly. "Darling, go ahead and drink your tea. I spent thirty minutes making it for you."
There was something odd about that smile, Sirius thought, something he didn't see in Remus often. It was more so something that he'd expect from himself.
Oh, no. There was no possible way he was going to drink that tea.
Unless, of course, there were certain persuasion involved. Obviously, Sirius Black was a man who never passed up a good offer. Unless Remus threatened to beat him over the head with a chair leg. His head hurt nostalgically at the memory of that one incident at the market place.
Sirius sighed internally. Damn super markets, always parading around their raw chickens like little stuffed and plucked prostitutes. He couldn't resist. Bah.
Sirius returned Remus' smile. "Oh, Remus, but I'd be delighted if you'd please take the first little drink."
He could see Remus' smile growing tense. "Oh, but no, I'd much rather you tasted it, after all, I made it specifically for you."
"Really, I'm flattered, but I'd prefer that you taste your own creation." Sirius was now grinning wildly, showing off his pearly whites. He spoke through his teeth.
Remus finally took a forced sip from his cup.
Sirius watched warily.
His eyes widened as he saw Remus take another sip.
(5 minutes later)
Remus had almost drained his cup of its dark contents and Sirius still sat there, dumb with wonderment.
"Sirius, darling, drink your tea now." There was a semi-long pause and Remus continued. "Siri-darling, it's your favorite... you know..." He said coaxingly. "You remember how much you love eucalyptus honey mango kiwi chamomile ylang ylang sugar French vanilla paprika lemon Jesus-Christ-how-many-more-ungodly-susbtances-can-be-in-this-beverage tea."
With just a hint of aphrodisiac, sniggered the voice.
Sirius shrugged it off.
The aroma of the tea was getting to him, though. He could smell its seductively sweet scent wafting up into his nostrils, tickling his brain wantonly. He had to keep strong.
But the fragrance called to him.
It bloody beckoned him.
Well, damn. He'll drink the bloody tea.
The downed the cup in one gulp.
He saw Remus smile from behind the rim of his own cup.
He began to let his mind wander...
Remus had such a lovely smile...
With those sexy little eye-teeth popping out like vampire fangs...
Wait... just a moment ago he was thinking about... well, now he didn't really remember what he was thinking about, really... what he really wanted to do was pounce on Remus from across the table and...
Really, the after-affect of an aphrodisiac, said The Voice. But Sirius wasn't listening to the voice anymore.
Instead his eyes were drifting over to the small brown paper bag that lay at his feet.
He smiles. "By the way, lovely, I bought you a little something at the marketplace just before I came home..."
Remus' Point Of View
Remus stared at the chocolate. Damned aphrodisiac was doing something to him...
"You... bought chocolate... for me?" The words stumbled out of his mouth as he felt the blood rush into his cheeks and he reached up sluggishly to loosen his collar.
Sirius leaned across the table to kiss him on the cheek. "Yes, dear. Though you might enjoy it."
Oh, God, the emphasis he put on that damned word. Remus squirmed a little.
He breathed in deeply.
Chocolate.
Tea laced with aphrodisiacs.
Oh, Merlin.
He couldn't contain it any longer.
He swallowed. Hard.
"Sirius. Chocolate. Clothes. Off. Bedroom. NOW."
He yanked Sirius out of his chair by the front of his shirt and dragged him out of the kitchen.
# Note that ylang ylang is found on the labels of shampoo bottles.
## With a slight sprinkling of sexual stimulants.
Mmmmm. Yes. I feel a good shag coming on. Or maybe not. The plot calls for thickening, as a reviewer told me! The wheels in my brain are turning...
-The Absynth Fairy