SEVERUS SNAPE AND SOMETHING THAT I SWEAR TO GOD WAS VERY FUNNY AT THREE IN THE MORNING WHILE DRUNK
...a small ceramic cat.
"Hewo, Mistah Twinklepaws, isn't you the cutest THING, yessss you is! YES YOU IS!" Snape cooes idiotically at the hideously adorable ceramic figurine. A small felt cap with bell trim rests on its head. A velvet bow is tied around its ceramic neck.
The Ceramic Kitten of the Month Club has done its job well. Master Twinklepaws is now in Snape's possession. His rare "Cats of Christmeows" collection is now complete. This one shall go in the cupboard with the others.
At the press of a button, the shelves of peculiar and pickled potion ingredients swing back to reveal row upon row of ornate curio cabinets, each with its glass shelves filled to collapse with teeny tiny itsy bitsy oh-so-precious ceramic kitties. The irony should be palpable at this moment. If it's not, please adjust your monitor settings.
"No one must ever know," Snape hissed to himself as he placed his newest acquisition among the others. Here now, is the complete Cats of Christmeows limited edition set. Over there, the Belles of Buckley Meownor House. Three rows down, Puss-in-Boots, Rapurrzel and Fur White. A shelf to the left, Fluffums Dupin, Miss Meowple and Pawlock Holmes. All have been carefully and painstakingly collected, arranged and cherished. God only knows why.
"And now the collection is complete," Snape smiled inwardly. "Fan-freakin-tastic."
He pulled up a chair to the middle of the room and sat silently, basking in the imagined gleam of so much ceramic treasure.