Okay, since I received no reviews, I feel bad. I know I said I didn't care, but now I do. I am subject to mood swings. Anyway, this chapter is corresponding with Girl of the Plains and part of Footsteps of Fate.

Lyn and Chris stepped out of her house and onto the lush grass of the plains. Lyn hurried ahead while Chris struggled to keep up in his blue, revealing skirt.

"I see a bandit's ass!" Lyn screeched. "Tell me what to do, lard!"

Chris shuddered. "Uh...Lyn...you move closer to that bandit over there." Lyn moved closer.

"Die!" the bandit roared. Chris wished he had a nice six- pack like that random bandit guy had. But no, Chris instead had to wear a dress. It was kinda pretty, though.

Lyn basically sliced the bandit's ass like spam. She did take a hit, but unfortunately it was not fatal.

"Victory! But I am wounded. I have a vulnerary in my satchel." Lyn declared.

Chris reached for her satchel. All of a sudden, Chris was flipped backward and he landed on his head. All the wind was knocked out of him. It took him a few seconds to register that he was just backdropped by Lyn.

"DON'T YOU EVER TOUCH A LADY!" Lyn roared, foaming at the mouth.

"You're a lady?" Chris blurted out. Lyn then gestured to a rake nearby, then to Chris' bottom.

"Ehh....." Chris stammered.

Lyn poked her finger in the direction of another bandit. "Let's go beat the snot out of this guy!"

"I'm not sure..." Chris stammered again. Lyn gestured to a rake again. "ATTACK THAT GUY!" Chris sputtered.

A really ugly looking bandit was lurking at the front of some weird tent thing. "I am Batta the---hey! Is that a guy in a skirt? HAHAHAHAH!" he cried, pointing to Chris.

"I know, he's an asshole." Lyn disappeared, then reappeared, then sliced Batta the Beast to be barely recognizable in about three seconds.

"What---how---hey! You are still a guy in a skirt! HAHHAHA! (dead)"

"I was almost defeated!" Lyn declared, panting. "I must train so hard that no one will defeat me! BWAHAHAH!!"

"Err...I'll be leaving now." Chris muttered, starting to run away.

"You're coming with me, meat." Lyn said, threateningly, with a sword at Chris' throat.

Chris groaned.

The Beginning in Bulgar

Lyn and the Tactitian prepare for the long journey ahead at Bulgar.

"Chris, over here! This is Bulgar!" Lyn screeched. "Buy me supplies!"

Chris thought that Lyn had a real talent for stating the obvious. "But I got you that steak at Applebee's Tavern!" Chris whined. Lyn looked around, and then gestured at a shovel. "Hmm...." Chris thought. If he spent all of his gold on supplies for Lyn, he'd be broke, and alive. If he saved his money instead of buying stuff for Lyn, he'd be dead and have a shovel up his ass. Great. A win- win deal.

Just then, two men on horseback galloped up to Chris and Lyn. One was adorned in green armor, the other in reddish- orange.

"Oh my heart! What a dazzling vision of loveliness!" the cavalier in green swooned.

"Hmm?" Lyn said.

"Hmm?" Chris said.

"Hmm?"The cavalier shrugged. "Oh...wait...oh yeah. O beauteous one! Would you not favor me with your name? Or better yet your bra?" the green perverted cavalier asked.

"Where are you from, Sir Assalot, that you speak so freely to a stranger?" Lyn demanded, her eyes red and her mouth foaming,

"Ha! I thought you would never ask, o hot one! I am from Lycia! I hail from the Caelin canton, home to men of hot passion and FIRE!" the perverted cavalier said proudly.

"Shouldn't that be home to callow assholes with huge asses?" Lyn corrected. She then flipped the green cavalier off of his horse.

"Ooh...you're lovely, even when you're cruel." the green cavalier giggled.

Chris was disturbed by the scene of events taking place.

"Let's go Chris. This guy sucks ass." Lyn spat. Chris was happy to oblige. At least it's not me who's flipped this time by the crazy, ass- obsessed woman, Chris thought.

"WAIT!" the green cavalier said urgently. "I have roses!" He presented Lyn with a beautiful red rose bouquet.

"Do you always carry those around?" Lyn asked, accepting the roses, and then grinding them beneath her heel.

"Only for sexy singles with monster melons!"

"Well, I'm married."

"Yeah right. What are you, sixteen?"

"I'm married...uh...to a woman." Lyn said, obviously lying.

"Hmm...who are you married to?" the cavalier demanded.

Lyn pulled Chris to her side. "She's my wife."

"What? I'm not a..." Chris trailed off, noticing Lyn had just gestured to yet another shovel.

"You're married to a shovel! Ha ha!" the green cavalier laughed stupidly.

"AAGGHH! Let's go NOW, Chris." Chris sighed.

"Wait! Tell me your name, you hot babe!" the green cavalier begged.

"AAAGGGHHH!! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! SAIN, HOLD YOUR TOUNGE!" the red armored cavalier bellowed.

"Ah, Kent. My boon companion! Why so serious an expression?" the cavalier named Sain asked, making a puppy- dog face.

"If you were more serious, I wouldn't have to rip your ass open! We still have a mission to complete!"

"Snagging the sexy sasquatches?" Sain suggested.

"NOO!!!!!!"

"But how could I be silent?" Sain whimpered. "I would be discourte---

"WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT COURTESY??!!!" Kent nearly shrieked.

"I thought you liked me, Kent, but...you are just a big meanypants!" Sain blurted out.

"It's okay, Sain. I still love you."

Chris started to gag.

"Excuse me, but your asses are blocking the road." Lyn interrupted loudly.

"Excuse me, madam, but these horses are of the finest breed in all of Lycia. See? You wounded my poor Twinklepie's feelings." Kent sharply said.

"No, not your horses, YOUR asses."

"Oh, my apologies. I have been telling Sain that newfangled diet all goes to his---

hey...have we met before?" Kent inquired.

"What?" Lyn demanded.

"Hey! No fair! I saw this hot babe first!" Sain whined.

Chris shuddered. He REALLY wanted to go now. Why were they dragging this conversation out so long? That mega- large pint of rum was starting to catch up with him now.

"Tsk! You are both asswhelps! Come on, Chris." Lyn said, a vein pulsing in her forehead.

"You're a boy?" Sain asked disbelievingly, pointing at Chris.

"Yeah...uh...so? A REAL man can wear a dress." Chris said indignantly.

"You were my second option!" Sain wailed. Chris shuddered again, and started to take off.

Lyn flipped Kent for no particular reason, and then set off.

"Wait! It's not like that! ...Sain, you lout!" Kent screeched. But by then Chris and Lyn were gone.

"'What do YOU know about courtesy,'" Sain mocked. "And when did Foreblaze become Twinklepie?"

"Since now." Kent said, turning red. "Anyway, let's follow her."

"Why? Uhh....she's our mission? Wait!"

There. Finished. Please review.