As if the invading Mary Sues and Gary Stus hadn't thrown Port Royal into enough chaos, things managed to get worse. Jack wasn't quite sure what this new ordeal was, but he could already tell he didn't like it. There was only one Captain Jack Sparrow and it was him. So why was there another strange looking man standing on the deck of his ship staring at him as if he were the crazy one? In fact, Jack was more than convinced that this man needed mental help in the worst way. He wasn't the only one thinking that way.
Mort Rainey stared back at Jack, wondering who the hell this look-a-like freak was and what he was doing here. The last thing he remembered was typing away at his computer when the storm had made the electricity go out. The next thing he knew, the computer had flickered back on in the dark and then there was a flash of light. Now he was here, bothered, and bewildered. It didn't help that the female was walking around him, prodding him in various places. Finally it got on his nerves and he grabbed the assaulting finger. "You mind not doing that? Thank you." A moment later there was a pistol in his face and he was backing towards the rail, hands held up. "Nice psycho. Put the gun down."
"What did Barbossa do to my bloody ship?" Jack ranted to Gibbs. "I get it back from him and all of a sudden girls are appearing on the ship out of nowhere, and then there are the types that start telling me they're from modern times, and now my odd looking twins!" Gibbs bit his tongue, deciding not to tell Jack that between him and the other man, he was the odder looking one. He just let the unstable captain pace on the decks. "I tell you, this happens to no other man!"
-----------------
Elizabeth sighed happily as she snuggled up to Will in bed, his body warm against her back. She smiled and rubbed his hand softly, not wanting to get up. Her hand paused in mid rub and slowly pulled away. The hands she had been rubbing were softer than her blacksmith's rough hands. She opened one eye and peaked down at the arm encircling her waist. It was pale, not his Caribbean tan. With a shriek she darted out of bed and grabbed for the candlestick on the bedside table. The shriek awoke the other occupant of the bed and he sat up, startled.
Her chest heaved, staring at the blond man who bore an odd resemblance to her Will. "Tell me who you are!" She shouted at him. Her eyes widened as she took in the curve of his ears, unlike any man's that she had ever seen. He had piercing blue eyes that gave her the chills and made her take a step closer to the door, ready to run. "Tell me now or I shall scream again!" The stranger got out of bed, looking at Elizabeth with concern in his eyes.
"Elizabeth, what's wrong? It's me." He protested. "Did you hit your head? Are you not feeling well?" He queried, taking a cautionary step towards her. She raised the candlestick higher.
"What do you mean, me? Who is 'me'?" She growled, shaking slightly. He even sounded like Will.
"Will..." He said slowly, staring at her as if she were crazy. The candlestick dropped from Elizabeth's numb fingers and she stared at him, one eye twitching.
"You're who again?" She asked, her voice strained.
"William Turner. Elizabeth, you must really not be feeling well." He reached for her and she dodged his grip again, pointing at the mirror.
"Look!" She told him. "I'm not the one who isn't feeling well." He gave her a strange look and turned to look into the mirror. His eyes grew wide for a moment before rolling up into his head and with a loud thump he passed out on the floor.
Elizabeth winced. "That can't be good."
----------------------
"An overly bizarre plot device by the author designed to ruin the canon characters, says I." Gibbs said quietly to Jack as they watched Anamaria's further investigation of Mort, who was cooperating more now that she'd threatened to put another hole in him. Jack stared at his friend for a moment.
"Say that again?" He asked finally, trying to wrap his thoughts around the quickly blurted words. Gibbs took a deep breath and repeated what he'd said. Jack nodded. "That's what I thought you said. I do believe you're right." He glanced around. "The same evil that brought Mary Sues upon us is not trying to weaken our sanity with...this..." Anamaria walked back over to them, looking disappointed.
"I didn't get much out of him. His name is Morton Rainey and he lives in that strange place called the United States again, except he's from a town called Maine." She made a face. "Do you think that's close to Oregon?"
Jack held up a finger. "I've got it! All of these evil creations come from this United States. So if we find out where it is, we can stop them!"
"I don't think he's a Gary Stu, Jack. He says he was working on something called a com-pu-ter when there was a strange light and he ended up here." She licked her lips. "He's also very funny. If we don't figure out how to send him back, could I keep him?" Jack stared at her deadpan.
"No! You're not keeping the strange man that looks like me for a pet!" He growled, waving his hands around. "I just want this all to stop. No more shrieking girls clinging to me and feeling parts that only wenches should be touching! No more sensitive talks and rescues from mean husbands/boyfriends/tavern keepers and so on! No more invading my bloody ship by falling on it or appearing on it either!" He was quiet for a moment. "Think we can find a voodoo woman who could clear the problem up?" He asked thoughtfully.
"Ye know, it's scary knowing that someone out there is controlling all our fates with the tip of a pen. You know, writing our destinies, deciding what to do next with us." Gibbs murmured. As on, all three pirates looked up in the air, looking for the mysterious entity that enjoyed scribbling their torture so. The thought that they were mere pawns in some mysterious author's game, and one that was so bad at the game too, was enough to make even the bravest shiver and wonder if there was going to be enough rum to dull the pain when the writer revealed whatever painful plan was in motion for them.
Curiosity overriding anything else, Mort wandered over behind Jack and Gibbs and stared up into the sky as well. "What are we looking at?" He asked, narrowing his eyes. "Is it just me, or is there nothing except the normal clouds and sun up there?" Jack looked back down at Mort.
"Go away." He said firmly. Mort glared at him.
"You know, I'm having a very bad day. The least you could do is tell me who the hell you are and get me home." He said, crossing his arms over his tattered bathrobe, unintentionally mirroring Jack.
"I don't owe you a thing." Jack snapped back. "I should just throw you overboard."
"Just you try..." In a second, both men had latched onto each other and were yanking and pulling, cursing furiously and demanding that the other one let go. Anamaria, Gibbs, and the rest of the Black Pearl's crew were treated to a spectacle that they wouldn't forget until their dying day.
"What's going on?" Elizabeth asked, coming up beside Anamaria. Anamaria shrugged.
"We finally got a guy in all those girls that kept appearing on deck. One of them looks just like Jack." She said. "He's very strange." Elizabeth bit her lip and turned to look at the two pirates.
"So strange things have been happening to you too?" She asked. Gibbs peered at her.
"What's wrong?" He asked finally. Elizabeth shook her head and waved a hand. Reluctantly Will came to join her. His hair was tucked underneath a handkerchief, but the blond roots could still be seen. Elizabeth yanked it off anyway, the golden locks tumbling around his shoulders. Ana's jaw dropped and Gibbs stared at him. Self conscious, Will reached up to rub his goatee, a nervous habit he'd had, only to find it missing. On the deck, Jack and Mort stopped grappling and stared at Will.
Suddenly they broke into two identical peals of laughter, rolling on the deck. Will's face turned red and he quickly snatched the handkerchief from Elizabeth, pulling it over his hair again. Elizabeth stood with her hands on her hips, glaring at the twins on the ground.
"I wouldn't be laughing if I were you, Jack Sparrow. You still have your odd looking twin to contend with!"
"Hey! Who are you calling odd looking?"
"Taken a look in the mirror lately, mate?"
"Well, yeah. What about you, Long John Silver?" And once again, the two men were drawn into the fight again, cursing, swearing, kicking, punching, biting, and whatever else they happened to come up with.
Gibbs looked to Will. "Don't worry, mate. Sooner or later this has to end. The plot must end and leave us all be. Or else we'll be stuck like this." A whimper escaped the blacksmith and he looked like he wanted to go lock himself in a room.
"Elizabeth!" She turned to see James running towards her with a big smile on his face. He grabbed her hands, holding them to his chest. "Elizabeth! I've just been informed that I get to produce the Navy's musical this year! Isn't that just fantastic?" Elizabeth stared at him blankly, not quite sure how she was going to answer that one. A minute passed, and then another, and by the time the third minute came, she was no closer to finding something to say. "Oh, and what happened to Will?" With a frustrated scream, Will stomped off down the deck, the crew making way for the infuriated elf man.
"He's having a rough day." Elizabeth said finally. She shook her head, turning back to face Ana and Gibbs. "Is there anyway to sto...what is this?" It was clear enough what it was, but she wasn't sure what to make of it. Gibbs had Ana pinned to the bulkhead and both were making out like there was no tomorrow. Elizabeth turned her head to the side slightly, mouth opened to say something but not quite being able to think right again. "This has to end. You, Commodore. You're coming with me to find the culprit." She said, grabbing his arm. He followed after her, talking about his plans for songs and dialogue and sets. She tried to tune him out but the inane babble leaked past the barricades and into her brain, giving her a headache. After this was over, she was going to make Will give her a nice massage and make dinner for once.
A thorough check of the Pearl brought her to one last place. Jack's cabin. Steeling herself, she pushed the door open. On Jack's bed sat a girl, scribbling in her notebook with a fervor unmatched by any living creature. "And then they will all be mine, preciousss...mine." She coughed and went back to writing. "Everyone's going to love my plot. Well, not really a plot but it has all the hot guys in it and it's funny and..."
"And makes no sense whatsoever! It's not even funny and my husband looks like..." She paused for a moment. "...feminine!" In one quick movement she had crossed the room and grabbed a handful of the mad writers hair, pulling her to her feet. She snatched up the notebook. "What else were you..."
"MARY SUE!!" Outside, Jack and Mort could be heard screaming the name. Suddenly the fight was forgotten and the two were backed into a corner, wielding sword and shovel at the perfect character who had, of course, suddenly appeared on the deck.
"My loves! Both of you, for me!" She put her hands over her heart, hair flowing out behind her despite the disturbing lack of wind. She closed emerald green eyes and sighed happily. "Long have I waited for this moment when we will be together. The three of us." She paused as she heard shoes on the deck and turned to see Elizabeth running towards the railing of the Pearl, the crazy author and her creator in hot pursuit, a strange blond man running after her and screaming for her to stop, and a commodore skipping after. She shook her head and turned back to the frightened pirate and writer. "Where were we? Ah yes, we were..."
Elizabeth held the notebook over the railing and began shredding it into pieces before throwing them overboard into the water. With a piercing shriek, the Sue disappeared and the writer screamed. Ana started screaming the moment she opened her eyes and her lips were still pressed firmly against Gibbs' chest. Mort disappeared and Jack toppled onto the deck. Will reached up and was quite happy to find his facial hair restored, his hair it's normal dark color, and normally rounded ears.
As one, the victims of the horrible plot device turned towards the author. She stared defiantly at them, crossing her arms. "I can make you do whatever I want." She said, raising her chin.
The look in Will's eyes was malicious. "Oh, can you now..."
Mort Rainey stared back at Jack, wondering who the hell this look-a-like freak was and what he was doing here. The last thing he remembered was typing away at his computer when the storm had made the electricity go out. The next thing he knew, the computer had flickered back on in the dark and then there was a flash of light. Now he was here, bothered, and bewildered. It didn't help that the female was walking around him, prodding him in various places. Finally it got on his nerves and he grabbed the assaulting finger. "You mind not doing that? Thank you." A moment later there was a pistol in his face and he was backing towards the rail, hands held up. "Nice psycho. Put the gun down."
"What did Barbossa do to my bloody ship?" Jack ranted to Gibbs. "I get it back from him and all of a sudden girls are appearing on the ship out of nowhere, and then there are the types that start telling me they're from modern times, and now my odd looking twins!" Gibbs bit his tongue, deciding not to tell Jack that between him and the other man, he was the odder looking one. He just let the unstable captain pace on the decks. "I tell you, this happens to no other man!"
-----------------
Elizabeth sighed happily as she snuggled up to Will in bed, his body warm against her back. She smiled and rubbed his hand softly, not wanting to get up. Her hand paused in mid rub and slowly pulled away. The hands she had been rubbing were softer than her blacksmith's rough hands. She opened one eye and peaked down at the arm encircling her waist. It was pale, not his Caribbean tan. With a shriek she darted out of bed and grabbed for the candlestick on the bedside table. The shriek awoke the other occupant of the bed and he sat up, startled.
Her chest heaved, staring at the blond man who bore an odd resemblance to her Will. "Tell me who you are!" She shouted at him. Her eyes widened as she took in the curve of his ears, unlike any man's that she had ever seen. He had piercing blue eyes that gave her the chills and made her take a step closer to the door, ready to run. "Tell me now or I shall scream again!" The stranger got out of bed, looking at Elizabeth with concern in his eyes.
"Elizabeth, what's wrong? It's me." He protested. "Did you hit your head? Are you not feeling well?" He queried, taking a cautionary step towards her. She raised the candlestick higher.
"What do you mean, me? Who is 'me'?" She growled, shaking slightly. He even sounded like Will.
"Will..." He said slowly, staring at her as if she were crazy. The candlestick dropped from Elizabeth's numb fingers and she stared at him, one eye twitching.
"You're who again?" She asked, her voice strained.
"William Turner. Elizabeth, you must really not be feeling well." He reached for her and she dodged his grip again, pointing at the mirror.
"Look!" She told him. "I'm not the one who isn't feeling well." He gave her a strange look and turned to look into the mirror. His eyes grew wide for a moment before rolling up into his head and with a loud thump he passed out on the floor.
Elizabeth winced. "That can't be good."
----------------------
"An overly bizarre plot device by the author designed to ruin the canon characters, says I." Gibbs said quietly to Jack as they watched Anamaria's further investigation of Mort, who was cooperating more now that she'd threatened to put another hole in him. Jack stared at his friend for a moment.
"Say that again?" He asked finally, trying to wrap his thoughts around the quickly blurted words. Gibbs took a deep breath and repeated what he'd said. Jack nodded. "That's what I thought you said. I do believe you're right." He glanced around. "The same evil that brought Mary Sues upon us is not trying to weaken our sanity with...this..." Anamaria walked back over to them, looking disappointed.
"I didn't get much out of him. His name is Morton Rainey and he lives in that strange place called the United States again, except he's from a town called Maine." She made a face. "Do you think that's close to Oregon?"
Jack held up a finger. "I've got it! All of these evil creations come from this United States. So if we find out where it is, we can stop them!"
"I don't think he's a Gary Stu, Jack. He says he was working on something called a com-pu-ter when there was a strange light and he ended up here." She licked her lips. "He's also very funny. If we don't figure out how to send him back, could I keep him?" Jack stared at her deadpan.
"No! You're not keeping the strange man that looks like me for a pet!" He growled, waving his hands around. "I just want this all to stop. No more shrieking girls clinging to me and feeling parts that only wenches should be touching! No more sensitive talks and rescues from mean husbands/boyfriends/tavern keepers and so on! No more invading my bloody ship by falling on it or appearing on it either!" He was quiet for a moment. "Think we can find a voodoo woman who could clear the problem up?" He asked thoughtfully.
"Ye know, it's scary knowing that someone out there is controlling all our fates with the tip of a pen. You know, writing our destinies, deciding what to do next with us." Gibbs murmured. As on, all three pirates looked up in the air, looking for the mysterious entity that enjoyed scribbling their torture so. The thought that they were mere pawns in some mysterious author's game, and one that was so bad at the game too, was enough to make even the bravest shiver and wonder if there was going to be enough rum to dull the pain when the writer revealed whatever painful plan was in motion for them.
Curiosity overriding anything else, Mort wandered over behind Jack and Gibbs and stared up into the sky as well. "What are we looking at?" He asked, narrowing his eyes. "Is it just me, or is there nothing except the normal clouds and sun up there?" Jack looked back down at Mort.
"Go away." He said firmly. Mort glared at him.
"You know, I'm having a very bad day. The least you could do is tell me who the hell you are and get me home." He said, crossing his arms over his tattered bathrobe, unintentionally mirroring Jack.
"I don't owe you a thing." Jack snapped back. "I should just throw you overboard."
"Just you try..." In a second, both men had latched onto each other and were yanking and pulling, cursing furiously and demanding that the other one let go. Anamaria, Gibbs, and the rest of the Black Pearl's crew were treated to a spectacle that they wouldn't forget until their dying day.
"What's going on?" Elizabeth asked, coming up beside Anamaria. Anamaria shrugged.
"We finally got a guy in all those girls that kept appearing on deck. One of them looks just like Jack." She said. "He's very strange." Elizabeth bit her lip and turned to look at the two pirates.
"So strange things have been happening to you too?" She asked. Gibbs peered at her.
"What's wrong?" He asked finally. Elizabeth shook her head and waved a hand. Reluctantly Will came to join her. His hair was tucked underneath a handkerchief, but the blond roots could still be seen. Elizabeth yanked it off anyway, the golden locks tumbling around his shoulders. Ana's jaw dropped and Gibbs stared at him. Self conscious, Will reached up to rub his goatee, a nervous habit he'd had, only to find it missing. On the deck, Jack and Mort stopped grappling and stared at Will.
Suddenly they broke into two identical peals of laughter, rolling on the deck. Will's face turned red and he quickly snatched the handkerchief from Elizabeth, pulling it over his hair again. Elizabeth stood with her hands on her hips, glaring at the twins on the ground.
"I wouldn't be laughing if I were you, Jack Sparrow. You still have your odd looking twin to contend with!"
"Hey! Who are you calling odd looking?"
"Taken a look in the mirror lately, mate?"
"Well, yeah. What about you, Long John Silver?" And once again, the two men were drawn into the fight again, cursing, swearing, kicking, punching, biting, and whatever else they happened to come up with.
Gibbs looked to Will. "Don't worry, mate. Sooner or later this has to end. The plot must end and leave us all be. Or else we'll be stuck like this." A whimper escaped the blacksmith and he looked like he wanted to go lock himself in a room.
"Elizabeth!" She turned to see James running towards her with a big smile on his face. He grabbed her hands, holding them to his chest. "Elizabeth! I've just been informed that I get to produce the Navy's musical this year! Isn't that just fantastic?" Elizabeth stared at him blankly, not quite sure how she was going to answer that one. A minute passed, and then another, and by the time the third minute came, she was no closer to finding something to say. "Oh, and what happened to Will?" With a frustrated scream, Will stomped off down the deck, the crew making way for the infuriated elf man.
"He's having a rough day." Elizabeth said finally. She shook her head, turning back to face Ana and Gibbs. "Is there anyway to sto...what is this?" It was clear enough what it was, but she wasn't sure what to make of it. Gibbs had Ana pinned to the bulkhead and both were making out like there was no tomorrow. Elizabeth turned her head to the side slightly, mouth opened to say something but not quite being able to think right again. "This has to end. You, Commodore. You're coming with me to find the culprit." She said, grabbing his arm. He followed after her, talking about his plans for songs and dialogue and sets. She tried to tune him out but the inane babble leaked past the barricades and into her brain, giving her a headache. After this was over, she was going to make Will give her a nice massage and make dinner for once.
A thorough check of the Pearl brought her to one last place. Jack's cabin. Steeling herself, she pushed the door open. On Jack's bed sat a girl, scribbling in her notebook with a fervor unmatched by any living creature. "And then they will all be mine, preciousss...mine." She coughed and went back to writing. "Everyone's going to love my plot. Well, not really a plot but it has all the hot guys in it and it's funny and..."
"And makes no sense whatsoever! It's not even funny and my husband looks like..." She paused for a moment. "...feminine!" In one quick movement she had crossed the room and grabbed a handful of the mad writers hair, pulling her to her feet. She snatched up the notebook. "What else were you..."
"MARY SUE!!" Outside, Jack and Mort could be heard screaming the name. Suddenly the fight was forgotten and the two were backed into a corner, wielding sword and shovel at the perfect character who had, of course, suddenly appeared on the deck.
"My loves! Both of you, for me!" She put her hands over her heart, hair flowing out behind her despite the disturbing lack of wind. She closed emerald green eyes and sighed happily. "Long have I waited for this moment when we will be together. The three of us." She paused as she heard shoes on the deck and turned to see Elizabeth running towards the railing of the Pearl, the crazy author and her creator in hot pursuit, a strange blond man running after her and screaming for her to stop, and a commodore skipping after. She shook her head and turned back to the frightened pirate and writer. "Where were we? Ah yes, we were..."
Elizabeth held the notebook over the railing and began shredding it into pieces before throwing them overboard into the water. With a piercing shriek, the Sue disappeared and the writer screamed. Ana started screaming the moment she opened her eyes and her lips were still pressed firmly against Gibbs' chest. Mort disappeared and Jack toppled onto the deck. Will reached up and was quite happy to find his facial hair restored, his hair it's normal dark color, and normally rounded ears.
As one, the victims of the horrible plot device turned towards the author. She stared defiantly at them, crossing her arms. "I can make you do whatever I want." She said, raising her chin.
The look in Will's eyes was malicious. "Oh, can you now..."