Captain Jack Sparrow, pirate, had decided that giving up sex sounded like a great idea. This had come after much deliberation and persuasion. The persuasion being the flock of young girls that were clinging to his coat, his vest, his shoulders, anything that could be grasped was held onto tightly.

"Daddy! Father!" The girls kept calling him as such. Jack had done the math in his head and concluded for him to have this many offspring, every wench he had ever bedded must have born him a child. Giselle and Scarlet had given him at least five. The whole Tortuga island must've been crawling with the brats.

He yanked himself away and started off down the street, sprinting for all he was worth. Like a flood breaking through a dam, the girls started off after him. In more modern times, it would've looked like the Tortuga Marathon. Jack raced ahead of them, looking for a place to find shelter. As tavern keepers saw him coming, they quickly boarded up windows and doors.

At the moment, Jack's sanity was barely holding on and he wanted to crawl into a corner and start gibbering again. He thought the horrors of it all would be over when Elizabeth had destroyed the notebook. How careless he had been to think such a thing. Sue authors and the destroyers of canon were many against the small army made up of he, Will, Norrington, and Elizabeth. Groves had joined them for a few days before mysteriously being carried off by a Sue in the middle of the night. Norrington, less than eager to go after a Sue, had resigned to saying that Groves had fought bravely for his country and let it be.

Jack glanced back over his shoulder to see the stampeded was still following him. Most of them were girls who resembled none other than him. A good portion of them were pirates as well, and if he had thought about stopping and asking them, they probably would've told him that they were captains of their own ships too. But seeing as how Jack was an intelligent man, he didn't think stopping to ask would help his prospects anytime soon.

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Weatherby Swann had known his brother Theodore to be a loose man even though he was happily married. He'd had affairs with a few women while his wife was away, but this was absolutely ridiculous. At the moment, the mansion was now playing host to thirty of his nieces and they were all replicates of each other at that. All of them hated what they called 'this dreadfully boring life' and wished for excitement, not to mention had a slight obsession with pirates. All in all, they reminded him of Elizabeth.

James Norrington and Will Turner stood side by side in the foyer, staring at the thirty young women who called themselves Elizabeth's cousins. The young women seemed to be leering back at them, whispering amongst themselves.

"Are you thinking what I am?" James whispered out the side of his mouth towards Will.

"Yes." Will said hoarsely. "I do believe that these girls mean to take us alive." He slowly took a step back, eyes never leaving the girls. James did the same, his breathing shallow. At any moment, the tension in the room might burst.

"Where did they come from?" James whispered again.

"Out of nowhere. You know how Sues are." Will's hand slid around the cold metal of the doorknob and pushing down. The door opened slightly. "Go." James turned and sprinted out the door, followed by Will.

"Get them!" Came the scream from inside. Both men panicked and took off running down the dirt road. Inside the mansion, Elizabeth came flying out of the closet, tugging off the ropes that the imposters had tied her up with. She was the open door and heard the terrified masculine screaming. Her eyes grew wide and she picked up an umbrella, sprinting out the door.

"Get away from them, you tramps!"

Governor Swann finally emerged from the study, half empty glass of whiskey in one hand and the bottle in the other.

"Are they gone?"

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Jack had finally managed to lose them in the twisting alleyways that Tortuga boasted to have. He found his way back out to the small row boat at the dock and as quickly as he could started rowing back towards the Black Pearl. Suddenly the crowd appeared back out on the deck, the hell spawn watching him row back towards the ship.

"You'll always remember this as the day that you almost made Jack Sparrow your daddy!" Jack shouted triumphantly, standing up in the boat. "You'll never…" He hadn't exactly thought of the balance issue in his moment of triumph and the whole rowboat flipped over, dumping him into the ocean.

On board the Pearl, Anamaria slapped her forehead. "Bloody hell, Jack." She groaned. Gibbs winced and grabbed the coil of rope by his feet.

"This is getting ridiculous." He said, throwing the rope over the rail for Jack to latch onto.

"I'll save you, father!" Both pirates realized in horror that suddenly the dock was becoming quite empty as the Sues dove forth into water and started swimming for Jack. Gibbs had never and would never see another man swim faster in his life. Jack swam for his very life as the mob swam after him.

"Giiiiiibbs!" Jack shouted as he grabbed onto the rope. "Pull me up! Pull me up!" With a nod to the crew, Gibbs started pulling back on the rope. Jack shot out of the water just as the first offspring reached out for him. He clung tightly to the rope, curled up in a ball as Gibbs pulled him upwards. As soon as he was close enough, Jack latched onto the rail and pulled himself over, flopping to the deck like an oversize fish.

"Get us out of here." He commanded, getting to his feet and sprinting for the wheel. As soon as they realized they wouldn't be getting on board, a wail started from those down in the water below. The sobs mixed to form a sound similar to the Greek Siren's wail, only not alluring, just annoying. The crew and captain of the Black Pearl slapped their hands over their ears. Some fell to the deck, writhing in pain. Jack pulled his bandana down over his ears and started screaming orders to his crew.

The wailing continued.

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"Think we lost them?" Will glanced over to Norrington with a hopeful expression on his face.

"So it would seem." James responded, taking a seat over by the workbench. They'd agreed to come to the blacksmith's shop to hide. It was no secret they would hide there, but now they were on turf Will knew intimately and had many sharp objects at their disposal.

Over in the corner, Brown gave off a rumbling snore and shifted in his sleep, empty bottle falling from his hand and rolling away. Will jumped at the sound, but allowed himself a laugh as he realized what it was. James chuckled as well. Suddenly his face went pale and his eyes went wide. "Behind you…"

Will whirled around to see the young woman standing there. Well, more like seven of them. All were dressed in outfits he suspected they had made on their own since he had never seen the likes of design or material before. They all had long dark hair and eyes, and each one was giving him not an I-Want-To-Kidnap-You-And-Make-You-My-Cuddle-Monkey look, but the look a sibling gives another sibling when they're amused.

"Dear brother." They chorused and stepped towards him. At that point, the brave blacksmith who had gone up against undead pirates to save his beloved screamed like a little boy and took off running. James wasn't too far behind. Both men slammed into the door, trying to unlock it as the girls approached.

"Really now, is that how you treat your sister?" The girl in the lead queried. She pulled out her sword. "How about we dance, you and I? Like old times."

"Ai!" Will shouted and banged on the door. "Help us! Please!" His next plea was cut off as a bottle slammed into the door beside his head. He turned to see Brown unsteadily wavering on his feet.

"I'm tryin' to sleep ya little bassard…" He drawled before his head lolled to the side again. As one, the girls turned towards Brown.

"You can't talk to my brother that way!" One of them shrieked. James took advantage of the moment to finally wrench the door open and allow himself and Will out into the street. Another scream ripped through the alleyway as James spotted Elizabeth's cousins sprinting towards them, shouting declarations of love.

Blacksmith and commodore sprinted down the alley and out into the street, pushing through the crowd. They made it to another alleyway and turned down into it, still sprinting.

Eight hands reached from one of the doorways and pulled the two in. Before they could scream, hands clamped over their mouths. Somewhere in the darkness a match was struck and a candle was lit. Will sagged in relief as he saw Elizabeth's face. James relaxed as well and they were both released. The other three turned out to be none other than Jack, Anamaria, and Gibbs.

"What are you doing here?" Will asked Jack.

"What?"

"I said what are you doing here?"

"What?" Jack said loudly, straining to hear. Will stared at him before turning to Anamaria.

"Would you tell him that I said…?"

"What? I can't hear you! Jack's bloody daughters' wailing made us all go deaf for a while." Ana said loudly. James raised an eyebrow and mouthed 'daughters' in Elizabeth's direction. Elizabeth simply shrugged and put the candle down on the table.

"The question is what do we do now?" She said, looking at all of them. Her question was never answered, as there was a knock at the door.

It was the first time anyone had heard Norrington mutter an obscenity.