Chapter 2
"Unexpected"
"We need to talk." Ryan said, as he closed the door and made his way into the penthouse. "Right now." He stated. He felt that his nervousness was worn on his sleeve. Greenlee knew him better than anyone. Why wasn't she next to him already? He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms, hug her and never let go. "Greenlee." He prodded. Couldn't she see it? Didn't she feel it? The tension – there was never tension between them – and he hated it. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to strangle her for not understanding him. Unexpectedly though, he just wanted to kiss her, feel her lips on his.
Suddenly she looked up at him and he knew. He knew he had broken something between them and it killed him. He had hurt her and he never wanted to do that, ever. He didn't even know if she could forgive him and get back to where they had been. He would do anything to get the hurt look out of her face. Her next words in turn broke something in him: "Don't worry I will be out of here in the next couple of minutes." She actually thought he wanted her to leave. That was the last thing on his mind actually. Did she know him at all? He was sure that no one knew him better than her. What happened? When did things start to go so wrong?
"What?" he asked, thinking clearly he had misunderstood – he had to have misunderstood? Where was she going? Better yet, she better start explaining what she meant? If he had anything to do with it, she was staying put, in his house and in his life.
"I know Kendall is on her way." Greenlee stated, trying her best not to let her tone be anything more than casual and polite. She would rather die than have him know that he was tearing her heart to shreds. She then tried to make her way past him and up the stairs to her room. He didn't let her. As soon as she was alongside him, his arm shot out and he grabbed her by the wrist, tightly. Holding on to dear life. He was not letting her go. He couldn't. He wouldn't. She was not leaving this house. Period.
"Greenlee wait." He said, almost pleaded. "Kendall..." he started, but she didn't let him finish. She was on a roll it seemed and what she wanted was to squeeze the life out of him. He couldn't even tell her that him and Kendall had no beautiful reunion because of her. Her memory had not allowed him to go seek Kendall out with a whole heart.
"Kendall is the one you want." Greenlee said, and forced herself to look him in the eyes and smile. "I need to get out of your life." She finished, "I get that." Greenlee looked at him and her stare turned his blood cold. She was looking at him like she used to years before. Before Leo, before their actual friendship – she hated him.
"No!" he shouted. She did not hate him. "No." he repeated a tad bit more softly. "You and I, we are a team. You aren't going anywhere. You're going to stay here." He tried, unsuccessfully. "Why would you want to leave?"
"Ryan, Kendall hates me." She said, like if it was the most natural thing in the world. "You want her. You lose me, simple as that." She said, as she wrenched free from his grasp and went to her room. This was so hard. Why did he come back? Why didn't he just stay with her? Why did he torture her like this? Why was he all of a sudden concerned with her leaving? Didn't he understand that things like this gave her hope? However, the truth was something else. Damn him! Damn him to hell! He had so much power over her - it was unnerving. But he would never know that. She would not give him the satisfaction. Not now.
Ryan saw her go up the stairs, impotent to convince her to not go. Not once did the thought of her leaving the house enter his mind until he walked in the door. Really. What was he thinking? When he went to go and ask Kendall to get back together, he didn't think of her moving in, of her stepping foot into his home, Greenlee's home, their home. He didn't think. Bottom line. His thoughts centered on maybe spending a few nights at Kendall's house, then come home, watch a movie with Greenlee and fall asleep smiling because Greenlee had of course made him laugh. Wow. He was a basket case. He was all over the place. Shit wasn't going to work out that way. When he had an idea, he called Greenlee. When he had a joke that made him laugh, he called Greenlee. When he was bored, he called Greenlee. When he felt like shopping, eating, dancing, watching movies, anything in his life: Greenlee, Greenlee, Greenlee. Always Greenlee. When had she become so instrumental in his life?
And if his feelings for Greenlee were so strong, why did he want Kendall back? His thought couldn't take root because he saw Greenlee bound down the stairs. He was so worried about her and her impending departure that his brain did not even register the fact of why he was scared of losing her. All he could concentrate on was Greenlee's tight face, lips pressed together in a thin line. She was upset. Very upset, with reason. "I'm leaving." She stated. "Have a nice life Ryan."
"This isn't over Greenlee." He said, before even thinking. That made her stop in her tracks. She turned to look at him, clearly surprised. What was he doing – she thought to herself for like the third time in the span of ten minutes. Why did it seem that he was panicked because she was leaving, but she did not let herself feel and said instead: "Over?" she questioned. "Ryan. What are you talking about?" she asked another question. "There's nothing to be over. Over would be if we were breaking up." Then it hit her. "Oh. You want our marriage over. So since it's not over you just want to make sure I sign the divorce papers." She stated, matter of factly. Why did she allow herself to hope? It was fruitless.
Huh? Ryan thought. No. God, couldn't anything go right for him tonight. "No." That's all he found himself saying. "No Greenlee that's not what I meant." He explained.
"What did you mean then Ryan?" she challenged. "Huh? Tell me."
"I meant that you and I are not over Greenlee." He challenged right back. "You are my rock. I need you." He insisted, not sorry that he had voiced it out loud. If there ever was a time to voice what he was feeling it was right here and right now.
"Need me?" Greenlee asked. "You need me." She repeated. "Right. That's why you're with Kendall now. Ryan, I can't help you if you won't let me. I tried to tell you, I begged you not to go back to her but you didn't listen. You went with your heart." She finished, as much as it pained her to say that. "And that's final. Your choice is made and there is no going back."
"Greenlee you're right." He stated. "I don't know what I want." He admitted. "I'm confused. Don't you see, I don't know if Kendall is right for me anymore. All I know is that if I go back to her, I don't want to lose you either." He confessed. "You're in my heart too and as each day goes by you take possession of another piece of my heart." He confessed to her at the same time as he confessed it to himself. Boy, oh boy, what was he going to do now?
"You can't have us both Ry." She said, much more calmly. "It's her or it's me." She said. "You can't have your cake and eat it too." Greenlee clarified.
"Why?" he asked, pained. "Why do I have to choose?" He knew he sounded ridiculous, boarding on insanity but he was starting to feel reality stare him in the face. The reality that Greenlee was leaving but furthermore that she wanted to leave. To make a life without him in it – and that hurt him.
Greenlee allowed herself to smile. "It's not a choice if you are in love with Kendall. It shouldn't be hard. You should not be able to live without her. I get that you will miss me, but you should not be in pain. You should be able to get over the fact that you won't see me anymore. You should not be able to live with the thought of not seeing Kendall. It's shouldn't have to be a hard choice Ry." She said, firmly believing her own words.
Ryan looked at her and almost yelled at her in frustration. She was right, it shouldn't be a hard choice but the thought of not seeing her anymore killed him and he admitted: "But it is a hard choice Greenlee. I went to her and I told her that I wanted to try one more time and as she smiled and was ecstatic I doubted myself. Doubting if she were the right one for me. She kissed me and I was thinking of you!" he said, as he grabbed her face and caressed it slowly and deliberately. "I don't know what you're doing to me but right now I don't want to live my life without you."
Greenlee was speechless. Maybe she had been wrong, maybe she had gotten to him, at least a little bit. "You still love Kendall though?" she questioned, already knowing the answer but needing to hear it, so she wouldn't melt and tell Ryan that she wanted to be with him and only him. She would not swoon. She would not!
"Yes." He said and as he said it, he couldn't quite believe it – fully --, especially not while Greenlee was standing right in front of him looking so enticing, so beautiful, so uniquely his. She was his. She was his wife. One thing was for sure he did not expect the next words that came out of Greenlee's mouth:
"Well then I guess you have to try it one more time but before you do that, let me just say this: I love you Ryan. I love you so much it hurts." She admitted. "But I don't want to make you stay because you need me as a friend. I need you to want me, as a wife and everything that entails. You are in love with Kendall, or so you think you are, then go to her, have your feelings for her crystallize and if she is the one for you, then I wish you the best. I will tell you this much: I have been waiting on the sidelines for you. I never let anyone in after Leo because I was afraid. With you I decided to risk it. I understand that your heart belongs to Kendall and I even accept that. Just know that I will no longer sit and not tell you what I feel. I love you Ry. I spoke my peace and I will not say it again. You won't get the chance to hear those words from me unless you can say them back to me, however, you know now exactly what my feelings are." She finalized, at peace with her decision of telling him. It needed to be said.
"Greenlee." He whispered, as he hugged her to him. He felt electric shocks go through his entire body and he smiled as he pulled her even closer. This is what he wanted to feel this is what he expected to feel when he went looking for Kendall. Greenlee loved him. He never thought that was possible. Was that maybe why he still held on to Kendall? Because he could get Kendall's love but in turn thought to only be able to have Greenlee's friendship? But now that he knew she loved him, what was going to happen? Did he love her back? He did. But was it enough? The fact of the matter was he still had not resolved his feelings for Kendall. They were not as strong as before but they were there. He pulled slightly back and looked into Greenlee's eyes, completely forgetting about Kendall in those seconds that they stared at each other: "You have given me such a wonderful gift."
Greenlee's heart broke all over again. "But you don't reciprocate my feelings." She stated, each word felt like a plunging knife in her heart. "It's flattering but that's all you can feel."
"Don't put words in my mouth. I do love you Greenlee." He stated. She deserved the truth. "But I don't know if I am over Kendall completely. I need to know. It's only fair." He said and continued: "I don't want to hurt you. That's the last thing I want to do but I do love you. I do. This is love."
"Okay." Greenlee said, as she set herself free from his embrace. Without his arms around her, she felt cold. This was it. She was leaving knowing Ryan had feelings for her. She wouldn't be second fiddle. She refused to be the rebound chic. She wanted all of him or nothing at all. She deserved that.
Ryan in turn had to hold himself in check when she left his arms. The first thing he wanted to do was pull her back to him. She was warm, but it went beyond that. She felt perfect in his arms. Like that was where she belonged always. God! What was he going to do!
"Ryan." She said, bringing him back to the present. "Listen, you go and you settle things with Kendall. Stay with her, love her, make love to her - I really don't care to know. I can't know and for that reason I can't stick around. I will not be around to see you chose her again." She emphasized.
"What?" Ryan asked. "What do you mean? I don't understand." He said, almost to the point of desperation.
"I will pick up my things from Fusion tomorrow. After that I don't know. You keep Kendall; let Kendall keep Fusion. I will be okay. I always land on my feet."
"Greenlee, I need you." He said, honestly. "You are right I need to make up my mind but I can do that with you in my life." He tried. "Fusion will be okay and Kendall might be okay, even you. But I won't be okay. I won't be okay if you are not by my side. Always together – you know this: Mr. and Mrs. Dynamite Kiddo. Please Greenlee don't do this to me. "
"No Ry." Greenlee insisted. "Please don't try to convince me because you won't like the answer. I am leaving. You just confessed to me that you have feelings for me and for Kendall. I am gracefully bowing out because I do not want to play second fiddle. Mr. and Mrs. Dynamite Kiddo only exist if you want to be with me and if you want to fight against the evil forces not if you side with them. You know that to me Kendall is the evil one, the enemy. You can't play it both ways."
"Greens come on." Ryan tried, for the tenth time. "You can't just leave. I understand you not wanting to bump into Kendall but me, it's me Greenlee. More than once you have told me that my friendship means everything to you." He said, even getting to the point of trying to manipulate the situation.
"Because it's you, I need to go. Because it's you I need to distance myself." Greenlee then approached him and went with her gut. She reached her hand up to caress the side of his face and instinctively Ryan pulled her to him, hard, flush against his body. She continued looking into his eyes and smiled, half of a smile as she cast her face upwards toward him. She proceeded to pull him forward so his face could come down towards her. Having him at the right spot, she slowly kissed his right cheek, and brought her mouth towards his. Ryan held his breath. If she didn't kiss him, he was going to do it. She was not going to caress him the way that she was and not follow through. He felt that his life depended on that kiss. He felt he would stop breathing if at that moment her lips would not touch his. Her warm breath caressed him first, then the light touch of her lips on his was his undoing, it was touching his soul. Stirring emotions in him he had not felt since Gillian. If this is what he was supposed to feel when he was in love then it was this woman he needed to spend the rest of his life with.
Without even hesitating, he picked her up and wrapped her legs around his waist. Instinctively Greenlee wrapped her hands around his neck and then slowly rubbed the back of his shoulders to bring him closer. Their kiss intensified as Ryan walked towards the door to push Greenlee up against it. His tongue caressed her bottom lip seeking entrance and Greenlee happily complied. They both moaned in unison letting all their emotions have free reign. He couldn't of have stopped kissing her if she asked him too. Feeling her, tasting her, loving her was the most important thing right now. They parted for air for a couple of seconds, looking at each other intensely – never once breaking their steady gaze. Ryan breathed in deeply and lunged for her again. He felt he couldn't get enough of her. He had to have her.
As Greenlee felt Ryan's hands fumble with the buttons of her blouse, she reacted, stilled and pulled back as if Ryan was on fire. She could not make love to him. Ryan, on the other hand, didn't notice right away that she had parted from him until her felt her arms push him backward, instead of forward. He tried to resist her pull but it was getting harder and harder. He decided to give it one last try. He grabbed the back of her neck and tried to pull her back to him, unsuccessfully. "Greenlee." He said, as he stopped trying. "What's wrong?"
"I can't do this." She muttered. She closed her eyes. She could not bare to see the look of hurt that passed through Ryan's face. "I'm sorry." She rapidly stated as she tried to unwrap her legs from Ryan's waist and hit solid ground. "Put me down Ryan." She said, as cool and collected as she could after that kiss.
"No." was all he muttered, not once breaking his hold on her. On the contrary, he tightened his grip. "Listen to me." He said, as she opened her eyes. Once her gaze fell upon his, he inched his face a fraction away from hers, and muttered once again, his lips almost caressing her as he said: "Listen to me."
Greenlee was in a trance as she felt Ryan move his lips along her cheek, then stop on the side of her left ear. "You are not leaving. I won't allow it." He finished. Ryan didn't care at that moment if he sounded possessive, macho, selfish or egocentric – it did not matter. He had not moved his face from her side and his lips were still pressed against her ear. He meant every single word he uttered. If he had to hold her against her will, he would. At that moment, nothing – not him, not Greenlee, much less Kendall could convince his heart to let her go. What was happening to him?
Greenlee was stunned. Even if she wanted to come back with a witty comeback, she couldn't. She should be offended that he would tell her that she wasn't allowed to leave but out of his lips, she felt loved – really loved. She finally bent her head down slightly and kissed his cheek. "Why?" she questioned.
Now it was Ryan's turn to be taken off guard. What was she asking specifically? Why? Why what? Why did he love her? Why did he just realize it now? Why had he gone to Kendall? Why after so long did he realize that Kendall and Greenlee were both women that he loved? Why could he not choose? Why was he afraid to choose?
That was it. The moment was gone and he was back to being more confused than ever. Before, he knew that Greenlee was important to him but he never thought that he was actually in love with her, as a man loves a woman. But now, now he had to face reality and he had to face the fact that he was in love with two women. Two very different women – two women that managed to make his head spin and his heart ache.
Greenlee felt that her question had made him distance himself a bit from her and that was what she wanted. She couldn't hold on much longer without losing it. "Please put me down Ryan." She stated once again.
He complied. He was at a crossroads. There was nothing left for him to say right then and there. She would leave out of this penthouse, he would be left alone and he would miss her. "I promise you Greenlee." He started. "That you will be back here soon. One way or another you will be back here soon." He promised.
Greenlee looked at him one last time, took a deep breath and half smiled. "See you around Ry."