Prologue
Chandler stared out the window of the plane, watching the city slide by underneath him in shades of brown and gray as they circled lower toward JFK International. It was a dreary December evening in New York City, quite befitting a homecoming of this sort.
He glanced to his left, his eyes lingering on Monica's face. Even in sleep, her expression was pained… an echo of the twisted mask of disappointment and grief she'd worn since the outcome of their meeting with Erica this morning.
He took a shaky breath, reaching over and lifting her hand from where it rested limply in her lap. Her fingers were cold, and he rubbed them between his own, feeling his own emotions rise up to choke him. Swallowing hard, he turned to look out the window again, fixing his eyes on a point in the distance.
Why us? Unconsciously, he gave her hand a gentle squeeze. Why her?
It was so unfair.
Their attempts to become parents had seemed jinxed from the beginning – his move to Tulsa, the distance – both geographically and emotionally – that that had caused, their efforts turning into an obsession for her that had created even more tension between them. And then, last spring… finding out that it wasn't likely that they'd ever be able to conceive a child of their own…
That had been agonizing. He'd felt that he had failed her. But she hadn't seen it that way, and somehow… somehow it had made them stronger. They had reconnected, found comfort and strength in one another; another test of their young marriage passed.
But this…
She'd had her hopes up so high, and he had too, and they'd been so sure – bubbling over with excitement for days, talking about colors they could paint the spare bedroom on the flight west, already almost taking for granted that they would be returning home with joyful news.
But they were coming back with broken hearts and a growing emptiness between them. Because once again, he had failed her.
How many times, he wondered, can we do this? How many times can she do this?
Monica was one of the strongest people he had ever known. But everyone has their breaking point.
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Author's Note: This idea has been floating around in my head for awhile, so I'm going to give it a go and see what happens. Comments are much appreciated. :) The title is shamelessly stolen from the title of the song by Jefferson Airplane (heard in the last moments of the Friends series finale).