A sudden flash of frigid cold jolted Snape awake. He gritted his teeth
through the flare and then stood. As he stumbled towards his small
kitchen, he felt his bones begin a deep, throbbing burn in counterpoint to
the icy wind that froze his muscles. Withdrawal was the only thing Snape
had ever felt that came close to the agony of the Cruciatus curse, and he
stumbled over to the cabinet to pull out a half empty bottle of gin. He
slid to the floor, clumsily unscrewed the top, and drank straight from the
bottle. After a few coughs, he took another swig, then another.
Fifteen minutes or so later, he began to feel a touch better. The warmth of the alcohol had helped to banish the cold flashes and to dull the pain in his bones along with the ache in his head. He didn't feel all that bad, actually, he thought as he finished off the bottle. Whether or not he could still stand was another question entirely. He decided that it was quite comfortable enough on the cold tile floor of his kitchen.
*********
Remus Lupin was not looking forward to entering the dungeons to knock at the door of Snape's lair, especially if he was in a bad enough mood to deny Dumbledore access. Remus scanned the dark, moist stone walls for the shield that Dumbledore had said was the entrance to Snape's personal quarters. Why does he keep insisting on sending me to fetch Snape? he groused to himself as he turned left down an even gloomier corridor.
It wasn't that Remus didn't respect Snape now, but that didn't mean that he necessarily enjoyed having to deal with him. Remus would be willing to give friendship a try, but he doubted that the snarky Slytherin would appreciate his efforts.
Ahead he saw the green and silver shield that Dumbledore had described, with its embossed serpent glittering dully in the torchlight. Here goes nothing, he thought, and rapped three times on the shield, which boomed hollowly. When he received no answer, he tapped the cold metal with his wand and called out,
"Severus! It's me, Remus. Dumbledore wants you to come to dinner." A moment later he heard a shuffling scrape and the shield swung out an inch or two, letting a large, hooked nose and two bleary black eyes poke out.
"Wha' th' bloody 'ell do you wan'?" For a moment Remus was overpowered by the sour reek of gin, which combined with a slurred cockney accent left him wondering momentarily if he had knocked on the right door.
"S-Severus?"
"Oh, it's yeh... er, you." He scratched a stubbled cheek and blinked slowly. "Bugger off, I'm busy." Remus was shocked by Snape's appearance, and it suddenly hit him just how precarious Snape's position as a spy must really was. He immediately regretted having laughed at Moody's joke.
"Snape, let me in. Albus'll have your hide if he catches you like this." He easily pulled the door open against Snape's protests and entered the small antechamber. A snap of his fingers and the room was filled with light. "Alright, Snape. What's going on?" Snape's sneer was ruined as he swayed on his feet and collapsed bonelessly onto the dark blue couch set in front of the cold fireplace.
"An' why d'ye -you think there's anythin' goin' on?" He spoke slowly, as if he was concentrating on getting his words out clearly. Remus eyed Snape's wrinkled robes and bare feet and sighed.
"Look, Severus, I don't want to pry and I know it's none of my business -" he ignored Snape's muttered "It bloody well isn't," and continued. "- but, Dumbledore will pitch a fit if you show up at dinner looking like that."
He grabbed the other wizard's hand and hauled him off the couch. "Let's get you cleaned up and head to the staffroom - Dumbledore's planned an informal dinner for the Order so we can socialize or some such nonsense away from Grimmauld Place."
*********
Snape tried to jerk his hand free of the werewolf's grasp, but only succeeded in falling into him. "Let go 'a me! I don' need yer - your help, I can take care 'a me - mysel'."
Remus shot him an incredulous stare. "Yes, I can see that. Come on, Severus, I have to get you to dinner, so the more you cooperate the easier this'll be." Snape felt a surge of helpless anger - why can't anyone ever just leave me alone?!
The room continued to spin lazily as he staggered into the bathroom. Lupin turned on the faucet and without warning shoved Snape's head under the freezing cold stream. He struggled, but the werewolf was adamant.
A minute or so later, the iron grip on the back of his neck eased and he jerked upward in a spray of water, shivering and soaking wet. He glared at Lupin from behind a thick curtain of dripping hair and hissed through chattering teeth, "Wha' th' bloody hell was tha' for?!"
"To wake you up," came the werewolf's reply. "That, and you stink."
"Says th' o-o-one who spends three days out a' th' month as a filthy, r-r- ravening b-beast!" He whipped the hair out of his face and spat at the werewolf. A sudden wave of dizziness caused him to lurch against the wall and he fell to his knees with a groan. Lupin steadied him over the toilet as he retched.
"Alright, Severus, come on, we're gonna be late." He put a hand on Snape's shoulder, but Snape wrenched away and pushed himself to his feet.
"Get out."
"Sev-"
"GET OUT!" Snape screamed hoarsely, pushing roughly at Lupin's chest. "What more do you have to do to h-h-humiliate me?! Leave me alone, I don' need your pator - patronizing, yeh filthy-"
"Dumbledore said-"
"OUT!"
"I'll wait for you in the hall-"
"Why would I give a damn about were you spend your time? Now bugger off!"
*********
Remus paced the dim, dank hallway in front of the green and silver shield as his mind tried to wrap around what had just occurred. Remus knew that Snape was under a lot of stress, but he had always seemed to be... well, in control. Seeing him like this shook the foundations of Remus' perceptions of the dark slytherin.
Remus jumped, startled by the creak of the shield swinging out on its hinges, and turned to see Snape stepping out into the hallway. Snape had washed his face and changed into a fresh set of robes, although his hair was still wet and his gait unsteady. Remus fell into step beside him.
"Why am I being escorted to the staffroom, Lupin?" Snape growled.
"Because Dumbledore sent me to get you-"
"-And a faithful werewolf always does what its master commands," Snape sneered. Remus sighed.
"Do you realize how disagreeable you are sometimes?" Remus asked in exasperation.
"If you truly feel that you must trail after me like a lost puppy, then at least have the decency to be silent," Snape responded.
Remus cut a sideways glance at the other wizard and was mildly surprised by his appearance of normalcy. Well, as normal as Snape ever got. His voice had lost its cockney twang and he strode forward with almost his usual menace, and if Remus hadn't seen what he had not more than twenty minutes ago, he would not have noticed the subtle signs of well-hidden strain that he now saw in Snape.
*********
-Tearing flesh- He shook his head as he walked down the corridor flanked by the -snarling glittering wet feral bloodlust- werewolf. The spikes of pain were beginning to shoot through his bones again, and he was unable to suppress a shudder as a chill ran up his spine.
Panic began to settle into his gut - what if he couldn't make it through this stupid dinner? What if Lupin told the others what he had seen? Whipping around, he turned to confront the werewolf.
"You will tell no one what you saw," he hissed, pressing his fingertip into the werewolf's chest. Snape felt a cold sweat break out on his forehead as his desire for the forbidden nectar of dark magic began to overwhelm him. Vitality coursed through his veins, a heady brew of -writhing, squirming, weak flesh- power. Power - he would show this stupid mongrel that he wasn't afraid, that he wouldn't let Lupin walk all over him, that he wasn't weak, if he could just find his wand -
"Ah, Remus, Severus! On your way to dinner, I presume?" Dumbledore's jovial voice floated down the corridor and Snape spun on his heel, breathing harshly. Remus tried to still the racing of his own heart as he cast about for the trigger of Snape's wrath. Finding none, he turned towards Dumbledore's reassuring presence.
"Let's head up to dinner, shall we? I'm sure you remember where the staffroom is located, Remus." Dumbledore continued talking lightheartedly as Remus tried to make sense of what was going on. He had known Dumbledore for too long to think that his sudden appearance had been a mere coincidence. Remus made a mental note to speak to the Headmaster after dinner.
*********
Snape felt his jaws snap on thin air as Dumbledore's voice rang through his head, and he felt a deep sense of loss as the power was wrenched out of his system. When he realized what had almost happened, he began to panic. Control, control, you're losing control...
The marrow of his bones had turned to molten lead once again and he shivered from the ice in his veins. Snape latched on to the soothing murmur of Dumbledore's voice and followed it blindly until he found himself seated in a corner of the staffroom at the long oak table, surrounded by other Order members. The edges of the room blurred and darkened, then lightened again as he focused on not collapsing.
*********
Fifteen minutes or so later, he began to feel a touch better. The warmth of the alcohol had helped to banish the cold flashes and to dull the pain in his bones along with the ache in his head. He didn't feel all that bad, actually, he thought as he finished off the bottle. Whether or not he could still stand was another question entirely. He decided that it was quite comfortable enough on the cold tile floor of his kitchen.
*********
Remus Lupin was not looking forward to entering the dungeons to knock at the door of Snape's lair, especially if he was in a bad enough mood to deny Dumbledore access. Remus scanned the dark, moist stone walls for the shield that Dumbledore had said was the entrance to Snape's personal quarters. Why does he keep insisting on sending me to fetch Snape? he groused to himself as he turned left down an even gloomier corridor.
It wasn't that Remus didn't respect Snape now, but that didn't mean that he necessarily enjoyed having to deal with him. Remus would be willing to give friendship a try, but he doubted that the snarky Slytherin would appreciate his efforts.
Ahead he saw the green and silver shield that Dumbledore had described, with its embossed serpent glittering dully in the torchlight. Here goes nothing, he thought, and rapped three times on the shield, which boomed hollowly. When he received no answer, he tapped the cold metal with his wand and called out,
"Severus! It's me, Remus. Dumbledore wants you to come to dinner." A moment later he heard a shuffling scrape and the shield swung out an inch or two, letting a large, hooked nose and two bleary black eyes poke out.
"Wha' th' bloody 'ell do you wan'?" For a moment Remus was overpowered by the sour reek of gin, which combined with a slurred cockney accent left him wondering momentarily if he had knocked on the right door.
"S-Severus?"
"Oh, it's yeh... er, you." He scratched a stubbled cheek and blinked slowly. "Bugger off, I'm busy." Remus was shocked by Snape's appearance, and it suddenly hit him just how precarious Snape's position as a spy must really was. He immediately regretted having laughed at Moody's joke.
"Snape, let me in. Albus'll have your hide if he catches you like this." He easily pulled the door open against Snape's protests and entered the small antechamber. A snap of his fingers and the room was filled with light. "Alright, Snape. What's going on?" Snape's sneer was ruined as he swayed on his feet and collapsed bonelessly onto the dark blue couch set in front of the cold fireplace.
"An' why d'ye -you think there's anythin' goin' on?" He spoke slowly, as if he was concentrating on getting his words out clearly. Remus eyed Snape's wrinkled robes and bare feet and sighed.
"Look, Severus, I don't want to pry and I know it's none of my business -" he ignored Snape's muttered "It bloody well isn't," and continued. "- but, Dumbledore will pitch a fit if you show up at dinner looking like that."
He grabbed the other wizard's hand and hauled him off the couch. "Let's get you cleaned up and head to the staffroom - Dumbledore's planned an informal dinner for the Order so we can socialize or some such nonsense away from Grimmauld Place."
*********
Snape tried to jerk his hand free of the werewolf's grasp, but only succeeded in falling into him. "Let go 'a me! I don' need yer - your help, I can take care 'a me - mysel'."
Remus shot him an incredulous stare. "Yes, I can see that. Come on, Severus, I have to get you to dinner, so the more you cooperate the easier this'll be." Snape felt a surge of helpless anger - why can't anyone ever just leave me alone?!
The room continued to spin lazily as he staggered into the bathroom. Lupin turned on the faucet and without warning shoved Snape's head under the freezing cold stream. He struggled, but the werewolf was adamant.
A minute or so later, the iron grip on the back of his neck eased and he jerked upward in a spray of water, shivering and soaking wet. He glared at Lupin from behind a thick curtain of dripping hair and hissed through chattering teeth, "Wha' th' bloody hell was tha' for?!"
"To wake you up," came the werewolf's reply. "That, and you stink."
"Says th' o-o-one who spends three days out a' th' month as a filthy, r-r- ravening b-beast!" He whipped the hair out of his face and spat at the werewolf. A sudden wave of dizziness caused him to lurch against the wall and he fell to his knees with a groan. Lupin steadied him over the toilet as he retched.
"Alright, Severus, come on, we're gonna be late." He put a hand on Snape's shoulder, but Snape wrenched away and pushed himself to his feet.
"Get out."
"Sev-"
"GET OUT!" Snape screamed hoarsely, pushing roughly at Lupin's chest. "What more do you have to do to h-h-humiliate me?! Leave me alone, I don' need your pator - patronizing, yeh filthy-"
"Dumbledore said-"
"OUT!"
"I'll wait for you in the hall-"
"Why would I give a damn about were you spend your time? Now bugger off!"
*********
Remus paced the dim, dank hallway in front of the green and silver shield as his mind tried to wrap around what had just occurred. Remus knew that Snape was under a lot of stress, but he had always seemed to be... well, in control. Seeing him like this shook the foundations of Remus' perceptions of the dark slytherin.
Remus jumped, startled by the creak of the shield swinging out on its hinges, and turned to see Snape stepping out into the hallway. Snape had washed his face and changed into a fresh set of robes, although his hair was still wet and his gait unsteady. Remus fell into step beside him.
"Why am I being escorted to the staffroom, Lupin?" Snape growled.
"Because Dumbledore sent me to get you-"
"-And a faithful werewolf always does what its master commands," Snape sneered. Remus sighed.
"Do you realize how disagreeable you are sometimes?" Remus asked in exasperation.
"If you truly feel that you must trail after me like a lost puppy, then at least have the decency to be silent," Snape responded.
Remus cut a sideways glance at the other wizard and was mildly surprised by his appearance of normalcy. Well, as normal as Snape ever got. His voice had lost its cockney twang and he strode forward with almost his usual menace, and if Remus hadn't seen what he had not more than twenty minutes ago, he would not have noticed the subtle signs of well-hidden strain that he now saw in Snape.
*********
-Tearing flesh- He shook his head as he walked down the corridor flanked by the -snarling glittering wet feral bloodlust- werewolf. The spikes of pain were beginning to shoot through his bones again, and he was unable to suppress a shudder as a chill ran up his spine.
Panic began to settle into his gut - what if he couldn't make it through this stupid dinner? What if Lupin told the others what he had seen? Whipping around, he turned to confront the werewolf.
"You will tell no one what you saw," he hissed, pressing his fingertip into the werewolf's chest. Snape felt a cold sweat break out on his forehead as his desire for the forbidden nectar of dark magic began to overwhelm him. Vitality coursed through his veins, a heady brew of -writhing, squirming, weak flesh- power. Power - he would show this stupid mongrel that he wasn't afraid, that he wouldn't let Lupin walk all over him, that he wasn't weak, if he could just find his wand -
"Ah, Remus, Severus! On your way to dinner, I presume?" Dumbledore's jovial voice floated down the corridor and Snape spun on his heel, breathing harshly. Remus tried to still the racing of his own heart as he cast about for the trigger of Snape's wrath. Finding none, he turned towards Dumbledore's reassuring presence.
"Let's head up to dinner, shall we? I'm sure you remember where the staffroom is located, Remus." Dumbledore continued talking lightheartedly as Remus tried to make sense of what was going on. He had known Dumbledore for too long to think that his sudden appearance had been a mere coincidence. Remus made a mental note to speak to the Headmaster after dinner.
*********
Snape felt his jaws snap on thin air as Dumbledore's voice rang through his head, and he felt a deep sense of loss as the power was wrenched out of his system. When he realized what had almost happened, he began to panic. Control, control, you're losing control...
The marrow of his bones had turned to molten lead once again and he shivered from the ice in his veins. Snape latched on to the soothing murmur of Dumbledore's voice and followed it blindly until he found himself seated in a corner of the staffroom at the long oak table, surrounded by other Order members. The edges of the room blurred and darkened, then lightened again as he focused on not collapsing.
*********