A/N: From now on, I'll try to update at the end of each week (although
finals are next week, so. I'll try.).
Chapter Six
The memory of Snape throwing something in his desk and the man's scent afterwards spurred Remus down into the dungeons and towards the potions office.
Skidding around a corner, he saw the heavy timbers of the potions classroom door and the adjacent office. Dashing down the dim corridor, he caught himself on the scarred wood of the doorframe and yanked on the handle. He was surprised to find it swing open with a simple "Alohamora!" and stumbled through the door.
He lit his wand and almost jumped back out of the small room with fright when hundreds of baleful eyes seemed to glare at him from the walls. It was a moment before Remus realized they were the eyes of the long dead and painstakingly well preserved creatures that filled the jars lining the walls of Snape's office and classroom.
He gave a shaky laugh and paused for a moment to give his heart a chance to stop hammering before lighting the wall torches and moving to the desk. One drawer was ajar and Snape caught a faint whiff of...of...he wasn't sure what it was, but it made his nose tingle unpleasantly. He jerked the drawer open, and the smell intensified.
The memory of Snape's unkempt figure answering Remus' knocking at his shield door and the strange reek below the heavy, burning smell of gin nudged at the back of his mind. He had smelled it before, he realized.
In between two empty specimen jars and a battered copy of ::Moste Potente Potions:: was a glass syringe and a small, brown glass bottle half filled with an opaque liquid. The numbing, tingling scent of the two objects stirred the hairs on the back of his neck and an icy finger suddenly ran up his spine. Poison?
The scent was dizzying and unpleasant, but didn't smell like any poison Remus had ever had the dubious pleasure of running across before. Maybe a Muggle medicine? He remembered from Muggle Studies that Muggles often injected healing potions, but he couldn't really see the Head of Slytherin House depending on Muggle medicine.
But Snape needed this. As long as it isn't poison...
He snatched the two small items out of the desk and, after extinguishing the torches, closed the door and raced for the staffroom.
*********
The pain faded in and out, but Snape remained excruciatingly conscious. His hands - tie 'em up higher, boy, yeh don' wan' it squirming loose afore we're done wi' it - and feet were numb, and the familiar burning in his bones had returned with a vengeance. Why did I take it again? - weak, weak, weak - Because it was worth it - weak - Shut the fuck up, you're dead now!
He leaned against the side of an armchair, head back and eyes closed as he clenched his teeth and strained to carry the heavy pain. He, himself, felt almost immaterial, a hollow shell gutted by fire and ravaged by ice. He could feel hairline cracks forming, radiating outwards from his gut. His ears crackled and he flinched at the sound of the staffroom door swinging open.
"Severus?" The werewolf's voice seemed overly loud. Snape felt a rush of sick relief.
"D-did you g-g-get it...?" His voice rasped through his brittle throat.
"Yeah. What is it?"
"Give it to me....please..."
"What is it?"
Snape held in the curses that raged through his head. It would be best to humor the werewolf. "R-Remus, please g-g-give it to me..." He gagged on the words.
"Why do you want it?" Suspicion was creeping over Remus like fog over a fen. "What is it?"
"God damn it, give it to me!" Snape suddenly shrieked, heaving himself to his feet. "It's mine!" A wave of dizziness almost toppled him back over, but he clung to the chair and rode it out.
"Are you ill, Snape? Why do you want this so badly?" Remus' eyes narrowed.
"Give it to me! Do you have any idea what I've been through?!" Snape panted harshly, limbs shaking with the effort of standing upright. "You - ! Remus, g-g-give it to me, please..."
"Is this some kind of drug?" Remus asked incredulously. "You want me to give you some bloody drug?!"
"Damn you! It's mine!" Remus could almost see Snape's eyes kindle and flare with an unnatural greed. "The voices.... the voices won't leave m-m-me alone!" Snape finally lost the battle against his failing body and crumpled to the floor. "Y-y-you always hated me, y-y-you and P-p-potter and Black. What th' bloody hell did I ever d-do to you?!"
"Plenty!" Remus shouted. "You certainly made no effort to encourage friendship, did you?!" He was furious at Snape, furious with himself, and the fact that he hadn't gotten any sleep in the last twenty-four hours only served to compound the problem.
"W-w-why...? Why don't y-you just give it to me? Please please make 'em stop...shut up, go away!" His thin face was hidden behind bony hands and a greasy curtain of hair. "M-my father u-used to d-do that, too..."
A moan wrenched up and out of his throat, scraping the already raw cartilage. "It's n-not my fault, it's not... please, give it to me, please..." Broken sobs were muffled as he leaned against the side of the chair. "I can't keep...keep..."
Remus stood, mind frantically working, but no thoughts coalesced with enough strength to force his body into action. "Snape?"
He jumped back as Snape's body began to twitch, tremors running through his limbs. Snape moaned again and raised a clawed hand to his face before a sudden convulsion jerked his body and forced the breath from his lungs. A sharp scream, like a rabbit in a snare, split Remus ears. My god, he thought, Snape's dying. He's dying.
"Okay, Snape, you win." Remus tossed the bottle and syringe, warmed by his hand, down at Snape's feet. He felt absolutely disgusted, not just at this revelation of Snape's dirty little secret, but at his own weakness at giving into Snape's pleas.
He turned away when Snape's furtive hand snaked out and snatched the two items, and he left, shivers of revulsion dancing up and down his vertebrae, when he heard a groan of pleasure from the man on the floor. Remus had had enough. He headed for Dumbledore's tower.
He wasn't far down the corridor when his anger faded into regret, and a mantle of sadness drifted across his shoulders.
*********
Chapter Six
The memory of Snape throwing something in his desk and the man's scent afterwards spurred Remus down into the dungeons and towards the potions office.
Skidding around a corner, he saw the heavy timbers of the potions classroom door and the adjacent office. Dashing down the dim corridor, he caught himself on the scarred wood of the doorframe and yanked on the handle. He was surprised to find it swing open with a simple "Alohamora!" and stumbled through the door.
He lit his wand and almost jumped back out of the small room with fright when hundreds of baleful eyes seemed to glare at him from the walls. It was a moment before Remus realized they were the eyes of the long dead and painstakingly well preserved creatures that filled the jars lining the walls of Snape's office and classroom.
He gave a shaky laugh and paused for a moment to give his heart a chance to stop hammering before lighting the wall torches and moving to the desk. One drawer was ajar and Snape caught a faint whiff of...of...he wasn't sure what it was, but it made his nose tingle unpleasantly. He jerked the drawer open, and the smell intensified.
The memory of Snape's unkempt figure answering Remus' knocking at his shield door and the strange reek below the heavy, burning smell of gin nudged at the back of his mind. He had smelled it before, he realized.
In between two empty specimen jars and a battered copy of ::Moste Potente Potions:: was a glass syringe and a small, brown glass bottle half filled with an opaque liquid. The numbing, tingling scent of the two objects stirred the hairs on the back of his neck and an icy finger suddenly ran up his spine. Poison?
The scent was dizzying and unpleasant, but didn't smell like any poison Remus had ever had the dubious pleasure of running across before. Maybe a Muggle medicine? He remembered from Muggle Studies that Muggles often injected healing potions, but he couldn't really see the Head of Slytherin House depending on Muggle medicine.
But Snape needed this. As long as it isn't poison...
He snatched the two small items out of the desk and, after extinguishing the torches, closed the door and raced for the staffroom.
*********
The pain faded in and out, but Snape remained excruciatingly conscious. His hands - tie 'em up higher, boy, yeh don' wan' it squirming loose afore we're done wi' it - and feet were numb, and the familiar burning in his bones had returned with a vengeance. Why did I take it again? - weak, weak, weak - Because it was worth it - weak - Shut the fuck up, you're dead now!
He leaned against the side of an armchair, head back and eyes closed as he clenched his teeth and strained to carry the heavy pain. He, himself, felt almost immaterial, a hollow shell gutted by fire and ravaged by ice. He could feel hairline cracks forming, radiating outwards from his gut. His ears crackled and he flinched at the sound of the staffroom door swinging open.
"Severus?" The werewolf's voice seemed overly loud. Snape felt a rush of sick relief.
"D-did you g-g-get it...?" His voice rasped through his brittle throat.
"Yeah. What is it?"
"Give it to me....please..."
"What is it?"
Snape held in the curses that raged through his head. It would be best to humor the werewolf. "R-Remus, please g-g-give it to me..." He gagged on the words.
"Why do you want it?" Suspicion was creeping over Remus like fog over a fen. "What is it?"
"God damn it, give it to me!" Snape suddenly shrieked, heaving himself to his feet. "It's mine!" A wave of dizziness almost toppled him back over, but he clung to the chair and rode it out.
"Are you ill, Snape? Why do you want this so badly?" Remus' eyes narrowed.
"Give it to me! Do you have any idea what I've been through?!" Snape panted harshly, limbs shaking with the effort of standing upright. "You - ! Remus, g-g-give it to me, please..."
"Is this some kind of drug?" Remus asked incredulously. "You want me to give you some bloody drug?!"
"Damn you! It's mine!" Remus could almost see Snape's eyes kindle and flare with an unnatural greed. "The voices.... the voices won't leave m-m-me alone!" Snape finally lost the battle against his failing body and crumpled to the floor. "Y-y-you always hated me, y-y-you and P-p-potter and Black. What th' bloody hell did I ever d-do to you?!"
"Plenty!" Remus shouted. "You certainly made no effort to encourage friendship, did you?!" He was furious at Snape, furious with himself, and the fact that he hadn't gotten any sleep in the last twenty-four hours only served to compound the problem.
"W-w-why...? Why don't y-you just give it to me? Please please make 'em stop...shut up, go away!" His thin face was hidden behind bony hands and a greasy curtain of hair. "M-my father u-used to d-do that, too..."
A moan wrenched up and out of his throat, scraping the already raw cartilage. "It's n-not my fault, it's not... please, give it to me, please..." Broken sobs were muffled as he leaned against the side of the chair. "I can't keep...keep..."
Remus stood, mind frantically working, but no thoughts coalesced with enough strength to force his body into action. "Snape?"
He jumped back as Snape's body began to twitch, tremors running through his limbs. Snape moaned again and raised a clawed hand to his face before a sudden convulsion jerked his body and forced the breath from his lungs. A sharp scream, like a rabbit in a snare, split Remus ears. My god, he thought, Snape's dying. He's dying.
"Okay, Snape, you win." Remus tossed the bottle and syringe, warmed by his hand, down at Snape's feet. He felt absolutely disgusted, not just at this revelation of Snape's dirty little secret, but at his own weakness at giving into Snape's pleas.
He turned away when Snape's furtive hand snaked out and snatched the two items, and he left, shivers of revulsion dancing up and down his vertebrae, when he heard a groan of pleasure from the man on the floor. Remus had had enough. He headed for Dumbledore's tower.
He wasn't far down the corridor when his anger faded into regret, and a mantle of sadness drifted across his shoulders.
*********