Chapter 9: Death Wish
The Ebon Hawk: Yesterday
While Jolee prepared a meal for Juhani, who was still recovering in the med bay, Mission absently flipped through the pre-recorded programs on the holoscreen in the Ebon Hawk's common room. Jolee was worried, the last five days had been absolutely miserable for everyone, especially Mission, who had been caught in the fallout between the Jedi and the pilot.
After their escape from the Leviathan, Min had locked herself in her office and no one had seen or spoken to her since. Mission had tried to bring her food and she'd stood at the door for hours pleading for Min to let her in, but Min hadn't answered. Jolee had found the girl curled up next to the door crying with a plate of food by her feet. He and Zaalbar finally had to coax her away. Since then, both of them had kept a careful eye on her.
Carth hadn't exactly locked himself away, but he wasn't much better. As the days passed he'd grown more isolated, drawn out and tense. He buried himself in working on the Ebon Hawk, readjusting the sensor array, the power converters and the field generator. Jolee knew that Mission had tried to help Carth, but he'd snapped at her several times for no good reason, although to his credit he always apologized for it. Finally, Carth just told her that he needed to be alone.
When Carth wasn't working on the ship, he was assaulting the punching bag with grim ferocity. But the worst were the moments when he thought no one was looking. The look of pain and grief on his face was so raw that Jolee had to look away. It was too familiar to the old Jedi.
Mission scowled and switched off the holoscreen, throwing the controller to the side so hard that it missed the couch entirely and it clattered to the floor, breaking apart, little pieces rolling everywhere.
"Stupid controller," she grumbled, as she knelt down on the floor and scooped up the parts.
[Here, let me.] Zaalbar took the pieces out of her hand and deposited them on the dining table. After fetching his tools, he sat down and began to reassemble the controller.
She joined him, slouching into one of the chairs, and watched him in morose silence.
[It's late. You should go to bed.]
Mission looked in the direction of the office. "I was hoping…."
[She won't come out until we go to bed.] They knew that Min sometimes came out at night to eat because of the occasional dirty dish left in the sink.
"But she'll come out tomorrow, right? When we get to Manaan?" She looked at Zaalbar and then Jolee, "She can't stay in there forever."
Jolee wasn't so sure about that. He knew all about the kind of grief that made a person want to crawl into a hole for the rest of their life. Jolee had known that it would take time for both of them to accept it, but he'd hoped that when the inevitable truth came out that Min and Carth would eventually turn to each other for support. He wondered now if he had just been naive.
Who would have thought that after all this time and everything that has happened, Jolee Bindo is still a romantic fool.
The Wookiee roared mournfully, [I don't know. She smells broken and afraid.]
Jolee nodded as he assembled the dinner of xachihik broth and pawei juice. That pretty much summed up what he had sensed from the room.
Mission appealed to Jolee. "Can't you talk to her? She'll listen to you."
"I don't think she will." He remembered the anger he'd sensed from her several days ago. "She's very angry with me right now." Min wasn't the only one; Carth had given him his fair share of scowls as well.
Mission's exasperation, which had been building for the last five days, exploded. "Well we have to do something! We're her friends."
[Mission, she needs time to lick her wounds. She will come out when she is ready.]
Jolee sincerely hoped that Zaalbar was right, but he knew that some wounds were too deep to heal.
He studied the office door for awhile, trying to sense her emotions within, but currently he was getting nothing. He looked down at Mission's hopeful face and told her the truth. "There's nothing that we can do now except wait."
Telos: Four Years Ago
As he entered the fluorescent lit garage, the familiar smell of engine grease and dust greeted Carth. His wife sat at a stool in front of her workbench and studied a large holoscreen mounted on the wall.
He walked past the neat workbenches and drawers that held all of Morgana's tools, spare parts and incomplete projects. There were also disassembled droids and other pieces of random machinery that had caught her eye. Morgana had an insatiable curiosity when it came to machinery and a disturbing tendency to tear anything mechanical apart just to find out how it worked. Fortunately, she was so good that she was usually able to put it back together. Except for that one unfortunate time that she had torn one of his favorite blasters apart because she wanted to experiment with the energy cell. He'd never been able to figure out what the hell she'd done to it, but it had never fired the same since.
It was a large garage, custom built for Morgana when they moved to Telos, and most of the space was taken up by two prototype sublight ion engines suspended from grav hooks, a XC-01 and a T-C40. Both engines were used in the Republic fleet's most common fighter the A-3 Interceptor. The walls were plastered with concept drawings she had sketched, schematics, and diagrams. She used the garage as her informal lab, although most of the heavy work was done in her large professional lab in the city. But being the obsessive workaholic and night person that she was, she still did a good deal of work at home.
His own project, a fire red M-31 hot rod speeder that he had bought last year, took up a small section of its own. It sat there forlornly unfinished, since he never seemed to find the time to work on it.
Carth found it highly entertaining that while this was their garage, there was no room in it for their family speeder, which sat out in the driveway.
He dragged a stool up next to her, took a seat, and watched her face while she worked. She absently chewed on her thumb as she absorbed the data streaming across the screen. It looked it was the preliminary field report for her new sublight ion drive. She'd been obsessively checking the data as it came in.
Carth loved watching her work, whether it was tearing apart an engine or pouring over schematics. She threw herself into it with such amazing intensity that she was capable of tuning out almost everything around her and often she lost track of time completely. Carth knew that the only reason she ate meals on a regular basis was because she had to make sure their son was fed. Dustil was the exception to her work oriented single mindedness. Morgana had an uncanny ability to know what he was doing and how he was feeling.
Knowing that she might sit there for the next several hours without Morgana realizing that he was even there, he reached out and touched her cheek. She turned her face into his hand and closed her eyes for a moment. Then she sighed and pushed a button. The holoscreen blinked off.
"How did it go?" she asked.
"Badly. He's still mad at me."
Morgana didn't look all that surprised. Talking Dustil out of the tree house had been a very minor victory since his surly attitude had only gotten worse over dinner. Since Morgana usually got caught mediating between the two of them, Carth sent her out to the garage so he and Dustil could talk it out on their own.
It hadn't worked. A shouting match followed and he'd sent Dustil to bed early. Dustil had gone into his room and thrown a tantrum, tossing stuff around and yelling at the top of his lungs.
"He's grounded for the next two weeks by the way." Although he hated to discipline his son and ship out leaving Morgana holding the bag, it was the only way of getting Dustil under control.
Morgana didn't look happy about it, but she didn't argue. "Maybe we should tell him about your resignation," she said pushing a stray strand of her long blonde hair behind one ear. "It might make him feel better."
"I don't want to do that. It's too early."
A look of anger and hurt flashed across her pretty features. "You're not thinking about staying in the fleet are you?"
"No! Look, I promised you I wouldn't and I meant it."
"I just thought that maybe you'd talked to Admiral Karath again." Her lips formed a slight frown, they way they always did when she talked about Saul.
"Other than my orders, I haven't heard from him since last week." Carth was worried, the last conversation he'd had with Saul had been damn disturbing and had left a bad taste in his mouth. The more Carth thought about it, the more uncomfortable he became.
"I understand why you don't want to be a part of the Republic fleet, but there are…other options," Saul said cryptically. "The Republic is losing, and a man has to think about his survival." Saul's grey eyes swept over the backyard and the house, and finally met Carth's, "And his family's survival," he added softly.
Carth looked at him intently. "What are you talking about? What other options?"
Annoyance flooded Saul's voice. "I think you're being deliberately obtuse."
Carth knew where this was going and cut Saul off with a sweeping wave of his hand. "I'm done with the fleet."
"It doesn't have to be like this, you don't have to give up your whole career because of the ingratitude of the Republic."
"I'm not, I told you. I made a promise to my wife and I am going to keep it."
Annoyance turned to anger. "She's holding you back. She's making you weak."
Carth's temper flared up. "Don't talk about my wife like that, Saul. Morgana is not holding me back. I chose to resign."
"Would you have done it if she hadn't pushed you?" He didn't wait for Carth to answer, his frustration pushed him ahead. "You're throwing everything you've worked for over the last seventeen years away!" Saul stood and pointed at Carth. "You belong in the military Carth, and I don't mean the two-bit Telosian militia. The military is who you are. You won't last five minutes as a civilian. You are going to lose everything because of your misplaced guilt."
"No. I'd lose everything if I decided to stay."
At that point Saul had exploded. His words were full of pent up anger and bitterness and venom that Carth hadn't even known was there. After arguing voraciously for a few more minutes, Saul had stalked off and left, without even eating dinner.
The things he said, if they had come from anyone else….
Carth's guts started to churn, but he dismissed his suspicion.
He's just under a lot of pressure. I'll catch up to him when I get to Nigel Three.
Not wanting to spend any more of his last night downside thinking about Saul, he dismissed his doubts and focused on his wife.
"Anyway, forget about him. There's something I want to show you."
She cocked her head curiously and Carth took her hand and led her out of the garage. By this time it was full dark and Telos' two moons hadn't risen yet, so the stars that spilled over the sky were bright and clear.
Carth stopped at the base of the wormwood tree, and gestured for her to climb up the rope ladder. She obliged, her curvy figure illuminated by the soft glow from within the tree house. He followed, enjoying the view.
The tree house was lit by one of the lightsticks they used when they went camping. A six pack of Corellian Spiced Ale, sat next to it.
Morgana looked at Carth quizzically and he pointed to the drawings on the wall. Her face lit up. "Oh!" He handed her a bottle while she inspected them closer and Carth could see her swelling with maternal pride. She thoroughly inspected every single one, especially lingering on the drawings of ships. He leaned against the wall and watched her.
She grinned and it was infectious; he couldn't help but smile back. "They're really good aren't they?"
"Yeah. There's more in here," he held up Dustil's sketch pad, "but you have to promise not to tell him you saw them or tell anyone about them."
"Why not?"
"I was informed that it would be embarrassing."
Her face fell, and he wished he hadn't said anything. "Oh," she said quietly. "He used to show me everything."
Carth dropped his arm over her shoulders and tucked her head under his chin. "Don't worry kitten, it's just a phase. I'm sure he'll show them to you eventually."
They sat on the floor together, drinking their beer, pouring over the sketchbook and commenting on their son's creative genius. When they were finished, she sat back and looked at him intently. He knew from hard earned experience that whatever she was about to say next was Very Important.
"Carth, do you ever…." She hesitated for a second, gathering up the right words. "Do you regret marrying me?"
He was completely thrown for a loop. "No! I - Why would you even think that?"
"I've asked you to give up your entire military career." He had intended to resign several times over the last couple of years, but he had never seemed to be able to bring himself to do it. Three months ago, Morgana had flat out told him that she'd had enough. It was the worst fight that the two of them ever had and Carth had finally realized that if he wanted to have anything left to come home to, he was going to have to resign. They had stuck a compromise of sorts; he would stay until the end of the year so the undermanned fleet could have time to find a replacement.
"You've just got command of your own ship and I know that if you stayed, you would eventually make Admiral. You're good at what you do and the fleet is part of who you are. If you asked me to give up engineering, and told me that I couldn't work on engines or ships I would do it, but I'd resent you."
Ah, so that's where this is coming from.
"I don't resent you. I joined the fleet because I wanted to fly fast ships and see the galaxy, but I stayed in the fleet because I believe in the Republic. I don't care about becoming an Admiral. I fight to protect you and Dee."
"But what about this new war with Revan and Malak? It's going to kill you to sit on the sidelines."
"It's going to be hard, but I'm going to do it anyway." He took her hands in his. "You were right when you said that there will always be a threat to the Republic, but Dee will only be twelve once. I've missed a lot already, and it's not fair to either of you. I've been an idiot, Ana. If I don't have the two of you to come home to, then there really isn't any point in fighting in the first place."
She still looked worried. "But what are you going to do? I know you, after about a month, you'll be going crazy."
"I was thinking, if you wanted to we could go back to Corellia." Carth saw the wistful flicker in her eyes. He knew that she missed her homeworld terribly, and he had always felt guilty for being the reason she left it.
"No. We've made a good home here, and Dee has finally made friends. He loves it here and I don't want to uproot him again. Besides, it's your homeworld, and I know how much it means to you."
Carth had anticipated that answer. "Well, I've talked to General Talvik," he was the head of the local Telosian militia; his title was somewhat pretentious for being the head of a disorganized group of rag-tag military. "They want me to help put together some real planetary defenses and they told me that they have a place for me whenever I'm ready." Morgana looked both relieved and pleased.
"But," he leaned forward pulled her hair loose from the messy knot and watched it spill down her back, "I thought I'd take some time off first." He grinned. "You know, chase you around the house a little bit." Carth began nonchalantly unbuttoning his wife's shirt.
"Oh, you don't have to wait until then to chase me around the house," she observed helpfully while turning a delightful shade of pink. "Dustil should be sleeping by now."
"Good," he stated in all seriousness as he pushed the shirt off her shoulders. "But I think the house is a little too far away now."
He pulled her onto his lap and kissed her as if he had all the time in the world.
Three days later, his world came to an end.
Carth steered the speeder that he had ruthlessly commandeered in the general confusion from the local rescue teams though the panicking crowds. He'd already checked his house which was a smoldering pile of rubble, and Morgana's downtown lab, which was miraculously mostly intact and he hadn't been able to find either of them yet. The only other place he could think to look was Dustil's school. He stopped the speeder in front of the charred building. The raging fires had already swept through it and there was only a rickety husk now.
He might have missed her entirely if he hadn't seen her long blonde hair tumbling out from underneath a pile of rubble. Carth's stomach lurched as he spotted the blonde strands streaked with blood, and he knelt down and quickly began to dig through the debris with his bare hands. After an eternity, he reached her. Morgana's face was smeared with soot and blood, and she was unconscious. Her breathing was shallow and a jagged piece of metal was sticking out from her stomach. The entire lower half of her body was drenched in blood.
Carth bottled up his panic, called upon his years of military training and assessed her wounds. He ripped off his jacket and tried to stop the bleeding, but the wound to her stomach was too severe. Carth looked around, people were milling around everywhere in confusion. He realized that he was going to have to get her to the medical teams himself.
He scooped her broken body up, carried her to the speeder and gently placed her in the back seat. Carth guided the speeder through the burning city as quickly as he could, but it was slow going since the streets were clogged with debris and the dying.
When he finally reached the rescue teams and their makeshift base, he lifted her out of the back of the speeder and carried her to the tent. Once he got inside he realized that there was no place to put her. There were wounded people everywhere. He desperately searched for a medic, but he couldn't find one.
Morgana began to convulse and he couldn't carry her any longer. He sank to the floor still holding her in his arms.
"Medic!" he shouted into the general pandemonium. "Come on Ana, stay with me now! Medic!"
The tremors that racked Morgana's body became worse and Carth had been in enough battles and seen enough wounded men to know what this meant.
"No. Come on Ana. No! Medic!"
It was too late. Her body shook one final time and she was still. He tried to resuscitate her for several minutes until eventually he realized that it was futile. Finally, he just sat there on the floor clutching her body, soaked in her blood, weeping.
The Ebon Hawk: Now
After six days, Carth still couldn't get over the fact that he'd been sleeping with a monster.
Carth wrapped his hands around the warm mug of caf he had just taken from the kitchen and clung to it. He settled into the pilot's seat and checked the instrument panel. The long swig he took seared the cotton out of his mouth and cut through the cobwebs in his overly tired mind. After six days of travel they were almost to the neutral water planet of Manaan. It had taken them longer than it normally would have to get here since Carth had done some sneaky flying just in case they were being tracked by Sith ships. Finally, after a bunch of seemingly random hyperspace jumps they were almost there.
The problem was that he didn't know what he was going to do when they got there. He picked up the datapad with his report to Admiral Dodonna and sighed.
In the days after their escape from the Leviathan, Min hadn't come out of her office or if she had, no one had seen her. He tried to think of it as her office and not their bedroom just like he tried not to worry about her and he tried to think of her as Revan. Although it wasn't exactly their bedroom anymore, he'd been shocked to discover all of his belongings sitting in a crate in the hallway. His first reaction, surprisingly, had been anger at the audacity of her summarily removing him from her life. She hadn't even asked him if that was what he wanted, she'd just done it. He knew that he should have been relieved, but instead it just pissed him off.
Once he realized that one of his blasters was missing, fear joined the anger because he couldn't forget what he saw on the Leviathan. Min snapping her lightsabers off, and just standing there while Malak's lightsaber swept down as the doors started to close.
She was going to let him kill her!
He hated the fact that a very large part of him wanted to go over to that room, make her come out and make sure that she was alright.
But she's the reason Morgana's dead!
Which was why he left her in there with his blaster; a very small part of him hoped that she would use it. He hated that part of himself too.
All of the pain, grief and guilt that had finally started to heal had swelled up again and Carth couldn't help but feel that he had somehow betrayed his wife. The memories that had begun to lose their sting, kept playing over and over again in his mind and the horrible nightmares had returned, but instead of Morgana accusing him in his dreams of failing her and Dustil, she now accused him of betraying her.
Carth felt like the biggest fool, and he wanted nothing more than to be able to wash his hands of her. She'd betrayed him, even though she hadn't meant to. He wanted to wrap his anger and hatred around him and let it sweep through him forcing her out of his life and mind, but he just couldn't. Maybe if she'd lied to him about who she was he could hate her, but he'd seen the look on her face when she realized the truth and he didn't question that she didn't know. She'd always been open and honest with him, even when it would have been easier to lie. It was hard to hate her when he knew that she had to be just as scared, hurt and angry as he was.
Part of him was still in denial that she could be Revan even though he knew for certain that it was true. It wasn't just because of all of the good things that she'd done. Although she'd saved his son, helped the Wookiees, been kind to Mission and Zaalbar, and even helped Canderous and Juhani, Carth had seen too many good people go bad, Saul especially. He knew first hand how good people could be twisted into something that they once despised. By all accounts, Revan and Malak had been good people before they fell. That didn't change what they'd become.
It was the little things that really killed him. The fact that she wore silky underwear and painted her toenails red. That she'd changed her lightsaber crystals to match each other. The fact that when he'd finally managed to concentrate enough on Dejerik to actually beat her, she'd sulked because she was such a poor loser. That once he'd made the mistake of wearing a navy blue shirt with black pants and had been on the receiving end of a ten minute lecture about why those two colors never, ever should be worn together. That she'd do almost anything not to cook.
It was the wicked smiles that she'd give him that made his blood burn. And the petty revenge she'd gotten on Bastila. And the way she'd comforted him without thinking on Korriban. And the way she deliberately provoked him. The way she smelled. Her short temper. Her stubbornness. The way she felt when he touched her.
When he combined that with her honesty, intelligence and deep sense of responsibility he got all of the things that he loved about her.
All the things that made her Min.
It just killed him to think that that was all a lie.
She'd begged for his life and she told Saul that she loved him and he just couldn't fathom how that person could also be Revan. But he knew that was denial, because he'd seen her become Revan when she almost attacked him with Ajunta Pall's blade.
Revan was responsible for running his life. For the death of millions. That she couldn't remember didn't change that. That council had given her a new identity didn't change that either. He knew that somewhere inside of her Revan was waiting.
And he remembered Morgana covered in blood and dying in his arms. His brilliant, absentminded, beautiful, obsessive wife, buried under debris for hours and convulsing as she died. He placed the datapad to the side and he reached out for his anger and hatred again as he prepared to land.
Get up.
Min lay unmoving on the leather sofa in her office. She knew that they had finally reached Manaan because the Ebon Hawk was silent. She reached out with her Jedi senses and she could feel them, all of them, waiting in the common room for her to come out. She'd had the vision not long ago, about where the location of the Star Map was and it had disturbed her because she now knew that it wasn't a vision, it was a memory.
They needed her to find it, but she just couldn't summon up the will to move.
Get up, Revan.
Over the last six days she had seriously considered ending it; she desperately wanted the pain and guilt to stop. It would have been easy just to put the blaster to her head and pull the trigger so she could go and 'join the force' or whatever the hell the Jedi called it, but she had reached one inescapable conclusion.
She didn't deserve to die, because death was too good for Revan.
Committing suicide would be the ultimate cop out. She needed to clean up the mess that she'd created and killing herself, however appealing, would solve nothing in the long run. She owed it to Bastila, who'd saved her life twice, and the Jedi Council and everybody she'd ever wronged to try and make it right. And while she didn't believe that atonement was possible for her, she could at least find the Star Maps and stop Malak.
But that didn't mean she couldn't try alcoholism.
Unfortunately, after a six day bender she never wanted to see a whiskey bottle again. She was turning out to be a piss poor alcoholic. Carth was right; crawling into a bottle had accomplished nothing but creating one amazingly gigantic hangover. It was an experience she wasn't eager to repeat.
So now she was sprawled over the couch, hung over, trying to summon up the will to move.
I guess it comes down to whether or not you believe your own bullshit, Revan. Do you want to fix this mess or not?
Min pried herself off the sofa and stood on her shaky legs. Stepping over the empty whiskey bottles, she stumbled into the fresher to clean herself up. She winced as the fluorescent light came on, momentarily blinding her.
She'd replayed her fight with Malak over a hundred times. It was strange that someone who had been so close to her, she couldn't even remember. She looked into his eyes and felt absolutely nothing. Somehow, that just seemed wrong.
Bastila, on the other hand, was a whole different story.
She stepped out of the 'fresher and pulled her clothes on. She couldn't bring herself to look in the mirror.
Min was ready now. She just had one more thing to take care of.
She spoke into the comm. "Jolee."
"Yes."
"Will you come in here please?"
"Sure, kid," came the tentative reply.
Min unlocked the door, picked up Carth's blaster, and sat on the couch.
Jolee joined her shortly. He entered the room and scrutinized it with his gaze. "So, I see you've decided to join the land of the living."
We'll see about that.
She didn't answer. Instead she asked, "How did you know I was Revan?"
"I met you twice before."
"Tell me."
He sank gracefully into one of the overstuffed chairs. "The first time was thirteen or so years ago. Despite my best efforts to not be found, an old friend of mine from the Order had discovered I was living on Kashyyyk. He had come to try to convince me to rejoin the Order and he brought his two rambunctious Padawans with him."
"Malak and I."
"Yes. He thought that spending some time tracking down crazy Jolee Bindo would teach you some humility."
"Who was my Master?"
"Vrook."
Min was shocked. No wonder he disliked me so much.
"You were friends with Master Vrook?" She couldn't picture it. Vrook had been the stuffiest of the Jedi Council that Min had met. He was like the anti-Jolee.
"Yes. He was young once you know, and not quite so stodgy. That had changed of course; by that time, the Jedi Order had bled away his sense of humor. At any rate, he stayed for about a week. He wanted me to return to the Order."
Min had to ask the question, even though she wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer. "What was I like?"
Jolee told her, and it was the answer she was dreading, but she pushed aside her despair and focused on more important things.
"I wonder if that's where I first learned of the Star Maps."
"It might be. You and Malak would often explore the woods on your own. It's quite possible you found it then. However, I didn't find it until much later."
"And the second time?"
"About five years ago. That time I know you accessed the Star Map because I watched you do it. By that time you were wearing a cloak and a mask, but I could still sense that it was you. You had changed, I could feel the darkness in you then."
"Why didn't you say something when I met you again on Kashyyyk?"
"You didn't appear to remember me and you had changed again. I wasn't sure why, so I kept silent. Eventually, I found out from Bastila."
"I see." Min's voice was tight and sharp.
"Easy kid. I know you're angry, but being mad at me, Bastila or the Council isn't going to accomplish anything."
She looked him squarely in the eye. "I'm not angry with Bastila or the Council. The only person I'm angry with is you." She'd said it to him many times before in jest, but she'd never meant it until now. "I hate you old man."
Jolee looked at her like he'd been blindsided, and for once he didn't know what to say.
"Bastila and the Council had no choice but to do what they did. I don't hold a grudge against them for wiping my memories or trying to give me a new identity. If I were them, I would have just killed me. As far as I'm concerned my rights ended the minute I started killing innocents." She continued and her anger began to bubble over into her voice. "Bastila was just a scared kid put into an impossible position, and even then she tried to protect us, but you…you knew and you encouraged us, even though you knew what I am." She was shouting now, and her voice was venomous, even to her own ears. "I'm Revan, Jolee and I slept with him. He loves me and now a good man is torn apart because of you!"
Jolee sounded old and tired. "What would you have had me do? Tell you?"
"No. But you could have told him!"
"And you think that would have stopped him?"
She looked at him as though he were insane. "You don't?"
"I think you're underestimating your young man."
"I'm responsible for his wife's death. I think that would have stopped him." She pinned him with her intense gaze. "So now I figure you owe us one."
Jolee raised his eyebrows at this. "Really."
"Yes. Promise me that you'll kill me if I fall."
The old Jedi's eyes brimmed with sorrow. "Oh, kid-"
"No games old man. No cryptic wisdom. No rambling stories." She picked up Carth's blaster and put the barrel underneath her right ear. "Give me your word, or I don't walk out of this room." Min ruthlessly suppressed the twinge of guilt she felt. Not only did he owe her, but he was the only one she was sure that would do it. She was not about to risk releasing Darth Revan on the galaxy again.
"Melodrama doesn't become you, Min. You don't want to do this."
She stared at him. "Don't I?" she said softly.
After a minute of silence he spoke. "I give you my word."
She lowered the blaster. "Good. Now we can get down to business."
Carth strode down the Ebon Hawk's boarding ramp with Min, Jolee, Juhani, and Canderous at his heels.
Knowing that the Sith were most likely waiting for them on Manaan, he'd requested docking space from the heavily guarded Republic Embassy. His request had not only been granted, but they had been given the space usually reserved VIP's and visiting dignitaries. While Carth wondered why they were getting the VIP treatment, he was fairly grateful. After the Leviathan, the Sith had to have agents waiting for them on Manaan.
Manaan enforced its neutrality strictly and any fighting on the planet between Sith and Republic could result in the combatants being incarcerated or worse. The only reason the Republic or the Sith complied at all was because of the planet was the sole known source of Kolto, which had incredible healing properties. Both sides had embassies on the planet and neither one wanted the Selkath, the somewhat unfriendly fish like native sentients, to exclusively choose the other side. The uneasy peace was mostly kept, but Carth knew that there were other, less obvious, ways for the Sith to eliminate the competition, so he was grateful, if wary, for the Republic's protection.
It looked as though they were going to need the Republic's help. They were unable to pinpoint the location of the Star Map from space, which was unsurprising considering that Min's completely unhelpful vision showed that it was on the ocean floor. There was only one city on Manaan which non-water breathing sentients could stay in, the artificially created Alto City. The entire planet was one vast ocean, and they were going to need a ship to get to the map.
Carth ran a hand over his unusually clean shaven jaw. Knowing that they might need to cash in on the goodwill towards a Republic war hero, he'd cleaned himself up, although he didn't actually have a uniform anymore since he'd ditched his on Taris. He approached the distinguished looking man in the Republic uniform; they exchanged firm handshakes.
"Captain Onasi, it's good to finally meet you. Your reputation proceeds you, and it is an honor to have you here. I'm Ambassador Roland Wann." He and the Ambassador exchanged introductions and he could feel Min's eyes on his back as he introduced her as Jedi Avery.
What did she think I was going to do? Call her Revan?
While the three Jedi were an impressive sight, it was the big Mandalorian who was drawing all of the stares from Wann's staffers. Some were merely curious while others were openly hostile.
Great, just what we need.
When Zaalbar and Mission descended the ramp the stares became even more curious. Everyone ignored the droids.
After the introductions were made, Wann nodded towards one of his underlings. "Porter here will show you to the guest quarters. Then we need to have a meeting in say, forty-five minutes." Carth nodded his assent and wondered what was so important that the Ambassador himself would meet them at their ship and insist upon a meeting.
"Very good." Wann said, and Carth wondered what they had stumbled into.
The meeting was very enlightening.
They all sat around an oval hardwood table with a holo emitter in the center of it as Ambassador Wann addressed them. Carth had been purposely vague when explaining to the Ambassador what they were doing on Manaan, stating only that they were on an important mission on the behalf of the Jedi Council and the Republic. He'd already sent his report to Admiral Dodonna by tight-beam transmission protected by a high level encryption code.
Min sat across from him on the other side of the table, and to him she looked brittle. Carth could tell that she'd lost weight, which worried him since Min had never had much extra to begin with. If she lost anymore, she'd be almost gaunt.
"Four days ago, our intelligence officers here on Manaan intercepted this." Wann pushed a button and the ghost green image appeared. It was a picture of Min and a physical description of her as well as the names and physical descriptions of all of the Ebon Hawk's crew. Carth noticed that the description of Min called her Minuet Avery and not Revan. The sum of money underneath her picture was astonishingly large.
Damn.
"We have discovered since then that the hit was commissioned by the Sith high command." He looked at Min, "Would you care to tell us why there is a bounty out on you that could buy a small planet, Jedi Avery?"
Min looked at Carth as though she was waiting for him to speak. It was then that Carth realized that she was serious when she told him that she'd let him turn her in. He looked her in the eye for a few seconds and finally spoke, choosing his words very carefully.
Carth gave him a very brief rundown of their mission to find the Star Maps and a very edited version of what happened on the Leviathan. He finished by stating, "Jedi Avery has specialized knowledge of the Star Maps that is crucial to the success of our mission." It was a partial truth that would have made the Jedi Order proud.
"I see." Ambassador Wann didn't seem completely convinced, but he didn't push the matter further. "Do you have any idea where the map is located on Manaan?"
"No." Min loaded a data chip into the holo emitter and an image of a Star Map appeared.
Ambassador Wann's eyes became round. "That's what you're looking for?"
"You've seen it," Min stated.
"Yes," he said as his dark brows knit together. "We may be able to help each other."
Ambassador Wann explained that the Republic had built an illegal Kolto harvesting base on the ocean floor and had discovered the Star Map nearby. No one had yet been able to access it, and they'd had no idea what it was until Min had told them. Recently, the Republic had lost communications with the base and every group of soldiers and mercenaries they sent down disappeared. For a week they'd heard nothing, but then one of the science team's observation droids had surfaced, but it had been intercepted by the Sith and was being held in their embassy. They needed to get that information before they went down to the Republic harvesting base, if they had any chance of figuring out what went wrong down there. The Ambassador made it clear that he would only help them if they recovered the information from the droid and left them to discuss their options.
Min pulled up the picture of her with the bounty. "Shit," she muttered under her breath. She looked at Carth, speaking to him directly for the first time in six days. "Did you tell them about me in your report?"
"No."
"You need to. It's only a matter of time before they find out. You could be court-martialed for not telling them."
Carth snapped at her. "I know what might happen." He took a deep breath and reigned in his temper. "If I tell them, they'll throw you in the brig."
Or worse.
Amazingly, she became angry with him. "If you don't tell him, I will. I won't let you take the fall for this."
"We need you to access the map and you're the best shot we've got. It's got nothing to do with…you." He saw her flinch and ignored the guilt he felt. "We don't have time to deal with the red tape it would create."
Right Onasi, it has nothing to do with how you feel about her.
She started to object, but he didn't have the patience to listen. "This is my decision Min. Respect it."
Min looked like she wanted to protest some more, but she shook her head and changed the subject. She looked at the others sitting around the table. "We need a plan."
Canderous spoke. "The Sith probably know you're here already, and they'll be watching you closely. Any attacks on you will have to look like an accident, otherwise they risk pissing off the Selkath. They won't want to lose their source of kolto."
Jolee studied the information. "They'll be watching all of us closely. Sneaking in isn't going to be easy."
Mission piped up. "I can do it. It'd be easy."
Min wouldn't even consider it. "No."
"That has possibilities." Canderous said. "They probably won't be paying much attention to a scrawny blue kid."
"Hey! At least I'm not a crusty old loser. And I'm not a kid!"
"Watch your mouth, girl. I've got socks that are older than you."
Mission pulled a face. "Ewww!"
Carth looked at Min. "They'll be watching you especially, if we create some kind of distraction-"
"No. It's too risky."
"But I can do this Min."
"Who else are we going to send?" Canderous asked. "Everyone will be watching the rest of us. There's no way we'll even be able to step out of this base without them knowing. She has the skills to do it."
"He has a point." Juhani added. "She has the best stealth skills of all of us and she has the best computer knowledge as well. I would go with her, but with my injuries I think I would be a hindrance to her." Juhani was still recovering from the battle on the Leviathan. The medics at the Republic Embassy had looked her over, and said that she would have a full recovery, but she was still healing.
"We'll find another way."
"I don't want to send her either, but another way will take too much time," Carth interjected. "Malak's forces are gaining too quickly. If the Republic is going to strike, it's going to have to do so soon. We don't have time for elaborate plans."
"Then we'll make time."
"You say that I'm part of your team and that you need me, but you never let me do anything important!" Mission pointed out.
"Yes I have."
Mission persisted. "No you haven't. You wouldn't let me go with you into the shadowlands on Kashyyyk, you wouldn't let me go with you into the Academy on Korriban and on Tatooine you wouldn't let me go with you when you went to talk to the sand people." She looked at Min earnestly. "I know I'm not a strong fighter, but I want to help. This is something I can do."
Min looked to Zaalbar for help. The Wookiee shrugged. [She's right. She can do this.]
Carth knew that Mission's abilities wasn't really the issue. He watched Min's emotions struggle across her face. It seemed that her soft spot for Mission hadn't changed since the Leviathan.
"Alright. We'll look at the intelligence that Wann has for the Sith embassy, and then we'll decide."
Mission grinned. "You won't regret it, Min."
"Tell me a story Canderous," Min said as she looked across the table at him. She desperately needed the diversion since Mission was on her way to the Sith Embassy as they spoke.
"Statement: I could tell you a story master. Surly one of my exploits is more entertaining than the adventures of an antiquated organic meatbag."
Canderous glanced sideways at the droid, giving it a glare that would have sent any actual organic meatbag running.
"No, don't. Just keep an eye out for assassins, okay," Min stated wearily. She wasn't sure that she could take one of the droid's gruesome stories right now. Min had found the tales of his grisly exploits as a former assassin droid funny but disturbing and was amazed at the high body count and how many of his former masters ended up accidentally dead.
When she had emerged from her self imposed exile, she had been gleefully greeted by the homicidal protocol droid, who apparently had been waiting six long days to inform her that she was in fact his master. The information that Min was actually Revan unlocked some encrypted data in his warped memory core. HK-47 told her that she had commissioned him to be built and that he was lost when she sent him on an assassination mission. After learning that, she almost retreated back into the office for another six days. Min didn't want to learn about any more deaths that she was responsible for.
Even though he didn't really have expressive facial features, the protocol droid somehow managed to look put out. Min turned her attention back to Canderous. He was sitting with his back to the corner, eyeing the other patrons in the bar suspiciously. The cantina they were currently patronizing was a lot classier than any of the other dives they'd been to. Min was grateful; she was tired of dingy, smoky, smelly cantinas.
"Sure. I'll tell you one about you."
"I don't want to hear one about me."
"Too bad." But Canderous was distracted by the waitress who brought their drinks. He caught her eye and the waitress almost dropped their drinks in fear. After quickly depositing them on the table she scurried away. He looked down at his whiskey and took a drag of his cigarra. "It's a damn shame to waste such a fine drink." In an attempt to appear casual, they had ordered drinks, even though they had decided before hand not to eat or drink anything outside of the embassy due to how easy it could be poisoned. Canderous fingered his glass in irritation.
The smell of the whiskey made Min almost lose her lunch right there. She still wasn't quite over her attempt at alcoholism.
"Query: Master, do you wish me to scan your drinks for poisonous substances?"
"You can do that?"
"Answer: Oh yes, master. My sensors are equipped with a ChaumScanner Five, which can detect twenty thousand four hundred and fifty three different poisonous substances. You used it quite frequently when you were the Dark Lord. But I do not understand why anyone would poison meatbags when they can blast them instead."
"Scan the drinks."
A beam of red light shot out of HK's eyes and scanned her cup of caf as well as Canderous' whiskey. After a minute the droid spoke.
"Presence of the lethal toxin known as Chall present in the Master's drink. The whiskey has a ninety nine point five percent chance of being clean."
Lovely.
Min moved her hand back from the mug of caf and stared at the cup. Canderous apparently decided that a point five percent chance at being poisoned was an acceptable risk and drank his whiskey as he scanned the room. "Chall, that's a poison from Ryloth, right?"
"Answer: That is correct."
"You think it came from a Twi'lek?" Min asked.
"Maybe, although the poison could have been bought by anyone. It's hard to tell who's trying to kill you. There are at least four different bounty hunters watching us right now. Not to mention that table of Sith soldiers over there."
Min rubbed the bridge of her nose with her hand.
"We should go back to the embassy. You're asking to get killed."
"No. Not until we hear that she's finished." Min hoped that their plan worked. Hopefully they would be too busy trying to kill her that they wouldn't notice Mission.
Min stared in silence at her poisoned drink for a few minutes while Canderous continued his watch. He startled her by speaking softly.
"You were a great warrior Revan. A great general. I don't understand why you don't embrace who you are."
She looked up at him. "I guess if I have to explain it to you, you wouldn't understand."
"I was there when you fought and killed Mandalore. I still remember that final battle in the skies above Malachor V. The two fleets filling the space around it, outshining the stars. It was not your ships or your men or your vaunted 'fight for freedom' that won this, the final battle of the war. It was by the actions of one person - you - that the Republic prevailed.
He took another drag of his cigarra and blew the smoke out of his nose. "Your strategies and tactics defeated the best we could send against you. Even Mandalore himself was taken aback by the ferocity of your attacks, the tenacity of your defenses and the subtleties of your plans. You fought us to a standstill and then began pushing back. We didn't really have a chance."
"I fought the Mandalore in a blood duel, didn't I?"
"Yes. Malak was your second."
And suddenly, Min remembered.
Revan looked up from the casualty reports she was scanning when she heard the swoosh of her office door opening. The battle over Malachor V had been a costly one, but it had been worth it. The Mandalorian forces were broken, now all she had to do was end it.
Her scarred battle mask lay on the desk, next to the computer terminal. Revan knew that she needed to get rid of it, since it was becoming frighteningly easy to put on. Initially it was necessary to disguise her gender from the notoriously misogynistic Mandalorians. She'd known at the start of the war that the Mandalore would never accept defeat from a woman. Revan had purposely chosen a mask out of Mandalorian legend, one that their ancient god of death wore. While the Mandalorians were too cagey to buy into superstitious idiocy, the mask and armor she wore over the course of four years, now inspired fear on the battlefield. She was beginning to like it, and it scared the hell out of her. Fortunately, she only had to wear it one more time.
"Well?"
Malak's large frame filled up the doorway as he held up the blood scroll. The Mandalore had accepted her challenge.
"Good. What are his terms?"
He walked into the room and the door slid shut behind him. "Full armor, dual blades. Just like you said he'd choose."
Revan was not surprised. She'd been preparing for this moment for over three years. After studying Mandalorian customs and the Mandalore himself, she knew that it was all going to come down to this. Killing the Mandalore in an official blood duel was the only way that Mandalorian custom would allow a war to end. Otherwise, the remaining Mandalorian forces would refuse to admit defeat and stretch out the fighting into a long protracted conflict that could last for years.
Malak scowled at her, his worry evident across his strong, serious face. "I should be the one dueling. I'm better at it than you." He was not exaggerating. While Revan was proficient, Malak was a master swordsman.
"I know, but he won't fight anyone he considers lesser." She gave him a tired smile. She knew he was upset that she was going to fight this duel; they'd argued about it for months. "Besides, you taught me everything you know. I'll be fine." She tried to sound more confident than she felt.
"I still say that two handed style is less efficient," he grumbled.
Revan stood and walked over to him. Slipping her arms around his waist, she rested her cheek against his chest. He enveloped her in his arms and held her.
Malak put his hand under her chin and tipped her head up and his hazel eyes searched her face. "You'll let me be your second won't you?"
"Of course. Who else would it be?" It hadn't even occurred to her that he wouldn't.
His eyes crinkled as he favored her with one of his very rare smiles. "You never know. Sometimes spoiled rich girls can be very dense."
She arched an eyebrow at him. "Not as dense as some farm boys that I know."
Malak snorted.
She enjoyed the moment of togetherness for a bit longer, but eventually duty won out. "They're waiting for us, aren't they?"
"Yes."
"We should go."
"We should," he said, although he made no move to let her go. His arm tightened around her waist as his other hand delved into the short cropped curls of her hair.
Revan laughed. It was something that she hadn't done in quite a while, and it felt good. But she knew that they didn't have much time. "Mal-"
"Quiet." He bent down and kissed her, and she savored his presence as their minds touched.
She sighed and they reluctantly moved apart.
"Ready?" he asked.
"Yeah."
Malak opened the door and followed her out onto the command deck of the Nightwind where High Admiral Hawke, Admiral Karath, Admiral Dodonna and Admiral Durvil were waiting along with the bridge crew and a large group of Jedi Knights.
The rest of the fleet above Malachor V watched by holoscreen. Revan had wanted to skip this bit of military theatrics, but Malak had, quite rightly, insisted that it would bring much needed morale to the troops. The crowded bridge was amazingly silent, entranced by the scene that was unfolding. Revan had to hand it to the Mandalorians, their ceremonies had quite a barbaric flare to them.
They stood on either side of a metal table, which had been set up for this event. She nodded for Malak to begin and he laid the scroll on the table in between them. They faced each other across the table and Malak ran a ceremonial knife swiftly across his right palm, and handed it back to Revan. She did the same. They grasped palms over the table, his large callused hand enveloping her long slender fingers, forearms touching. Their blood mingled and dripped down their arms onto the scroll.
They spoke the words together; she'd taught them to him months before. Although the oath was a part of Mandalorian custom, she meant every word and she wouldn't have wanted anyone else across the table from her.
They spoke in basic instead of Mandalorian so the troops would understand. "Win or lose, I will guard your honor. If you falter, I will stand in your stead and spit in the eye of death. If you die, I will light your pyre and honor your memory. The galaxy will tremble before your name's honor."
"Will you accept me as your second?" Malak asked.
"Yes. My enemies are yours, and yours are mine."
"Then it is done."
The bridge exploded in cheers and applause….
Min jerked back from the table so hard that her poisoned cup of caf overturned, splattering all over the metal surface. Canderous looked at her in irritation in surprise as she stood.
"Air," she gasped. "I need air."
Min practically ran out of the cantina while Canderous and HK scrambled to follow.
Mission stood absolutely still behind a stack of canned topato, her least favorite vegetable, while the bulky transport lurched into movement. She'd snuck aboard the Sith transport at the large industrial docking bays. Unlike the bay where the kolto was kept, the overflow docking bay, which warehoused the Sith Embassy's kitchen supplies, was not heavily guarded. Sneaking past a pair of very bored and young Sith guards using her stealth field generator and sound dampener was the easiest part of what she was about to do.
She could barely contain her excitement; she knew that Min was only trying to protect her but sometimes it was frustrating. She was tired of cooling her heels while the others got all the fun. While both Carth and Min had both reassured her that she was necessary, they rarely let her do anything remotely dangerous and Mission was desperate to prove her worth.
Eventually the transport stopped, lurched again and began backing up slowly. After another bump, the transport powered down and the large metal door rolled open revealing a pair of kitchen droids who began hauling crates into the service entrance.
Mission dodged in between them deftly and entered the embassy. She worked her way through the hot, busy kitchen area where chef droids were working away on what looked to be a very elaborate and delicious looking dessert. After briefly considering filching a taste, she finally made it to the hallway where she crouched down in one corner and whispered, "I'm in."
Juhani's tinny voice came from Mission's earpiece. "At the third intersection take a right."
Using the schematic provided by Republic intelligence, Juhani guided Mission through the Embassy, past the offices, storage rooms, kolto treatment center and training areas to the droid diagnostic labs, which were the best guess as to where the droid itself would be located.
Mission waited until the corridor was empty until sliding the security spike into the lock on the door. After a few seconds of maneuvering the spike, the door opened, thanks to Mission's finely honed breaking and entering skills she'd picked up from her brother Griff.
Luck was with her and the lab was deserted. The dull red droid lay on one of the diagnostic tables in the back. She withdrew T3's remote access chip from one of her many pockets and attached it to the droid's input socket.
"Okay, it's ready," she told Juhani. The remote uplink beeped to life and T3 began accessing the droid's memory core.
Mission waited a slow, agonizing fifteen minutes while T3 probed the memory core, uploaded the encrypted information and erased the vital information. When he was finished, and Mission was convinced the droid was a he, she detached the remote link and began to work her way back to the sewer entrance, intending to leave the same way she entered.
Easy.
Trouble struck while she was contemplating how she might be able to steal some of the tasty desert in the kitchen. Hearing footsteps coming up from the corridor behind her, Mission flattened herself against the boring gray wall and froze. It was the same thing she'd done every time someone appeared in the hallway, and she didn't expect any problems from them. But when she saw the black robes, she knew she was in big trouble and for the first time since she entered the embassy she was scared.
Aw, crap!
She concentrated on being as still and small as possible. The cloaked Dark Jedi strode quickly by her, obviously in a hurry and Mission hoped that he was too preoccupied to sense her. But at the end of the hall he stopped abruptly and turned, scanning the corridor. He looked directly at her and she heard the snap-hiss of his dual bladed lightsaber igniting. Mission knew that she had to move or she was dead.
He threw his lightsaber at her as she ducked and yanked a flash grenade off her belt. She crouched down just in time. The lightsaber hit the metal wall where her head had been and hot sparks showered down as the blade connected, singeing Mission's lekku. Mission pulled the pin on a flash grenade and rolled it down the hall.
As she turned and ran, she heard the grenade go off behind her and the Dark Jedi shout a string of expletives. She didn't look to see if he was following.
The stealth field around her began to crackle and break up and she knew if anyone stepped into the hallway now they'd see her.
"Juhani! I need another way out!" she shouted as she ran blindly down corridor, not knowing which way to go.
"Mission, do not panic. Where are you?"
Don't tell me not to panic!
Mission looked around frantically. "Um…I'm in front of the med bay."
The sound of running boots got closer and she knew that she didn't have time to wait for Juhani to figure it out. Mission ran, following the corridor until it ended at a large unlocked metal door.
Since she didn't really have any other choice and hoping fervently that this wasn't a dead end, she opened the door. When she saw the very startled Twi'lek receptionist, she knew that she was at the front entrance to the embassy.
Mission barely heard the screaming Twi'lek's demanding questions as she bolted for the front door. Before she could make it, she was jerked sideways off her feet and slammed into the wall. She slid down and hit the floor.
She looked up to see a very angry looking Dark Jedi with flash burns on his hands and face standing right in front of her. When she drew out her dagger and stood defiantly on her feet, he looked almost amused, and she realized that he was going to toy with her.
He leered at her, and Mission decided that this wasn't actually all that fun.
Min moved blindly, uncertain of where she was heading but with the overwhelming need to get away. She stopped about a half a block away from the cantina and leaned against the open railing that overlooked the endless blue vista of Manaan's ocean.
Closing her eyes, she let the salt air wash over her shaking body and tried to get herself under control. But it was hard because the emotions that she had felt in the memory were undeniable.
We loved each other, just as much as….
She shoved that thought away and tried to focus on her fight with Malak. All she'd felt from him then was a seething hatred that was completely pure in its ferocity when he told her how he'd betrayed her by firing on her ship. Not that she blamed him.
I did, after all, crush his jaw.
Min leaned over the railing and emptied her stomach.
Eventually, she felt a strong hand on her shoulder steadying her. When she finished, she looked up to see Canderous, whose black shirt and brown vest were covered in the poisoned caf she'd spilled, scowling down at her. He looked almost concerned, but mostly pissed. Silently, he handed her a rag he dug out of one of his pockets which smelled like the oil he used to clean his weapons. Min didn't care, she took it gratefully and wiped her mouth.
"That was stupid. You could have-"
Canderous was interrupted by the cantina behind them exploding.
The Dark Jedi raised his hand but hesitated when he heard the explosion. Mission took advantage of his split second distraction by shoving her vibroknife into his neck the way Canderous had taught her to. She hit the artery and the Dark Jedi's sticky blood washed over Mission's hand. She yanked the blade out as he collapsed, gurgling.
The receptionist began screaming again and Mission grabbed her blaster out of the holster and pointed it at the woman with her shaking hands.
"Be quiet!" she said, trying not to squeak and the woman swallowed and nodded.
Now what do I do?
"Um…get down. Face down." The woman complied and Mission was grateful because she wasn't sure if she would have been able to shoot her.
Mission gathered her shattered nerves, reset her stealth field generator and walked out the front door.
Min entered the guest suite that she shared with Mission and Juhani at the Republic Embassy and ordered HK to stand guard at the door. Sore and lightheaded from being knocked unconscious, she decided that what she really needed was a hot bath.
The shockwave from the cantina explosion had sent Canderous' very large body careening into her. They'd both hit a nearby wall, but Min had been knocked unconscious due to two hundred and seventy pounds of Mandalorian muscle slamming into her. Canderous had gotten the worst end of the deal since several large shards of glass were blown into his shoulder, back and thigh. It had to hurt like hell, but he'd managed to carry her back to the nearby embassy. The doctor said that his wounds weren't serious and that with his healing implant that he should be almost completely healed by tomorrow.
The data that Mission had recovered was badly corrupted and the Republic data techies were working on making sense of it. But until they did, there was nothing for her to do except try to get some rest.
Min wandered into the immaculate bathing room where an absolutely decadent bathtub, water not sonic, awaited. She filled the tub with soap and hot water, stripped her soiled clothes off and slipped into the tub. After a few minutes of soaking her bruised, aching muscles, fatigue overcame her and she fell into a fitful sleep, dreaming about exploding cantinas and dying innocents.
She awoke to the sound of movement in the suite. With a flick of her wrist, she called her lightsabers to her which she'd left on the bathroom counter. They turned out not to be necessary, since it was just Mission out there which was something she realized when she stretched her senses. Min was grateful, she just wasn't up to another assassination attempt today.
Grabbing the luxuriantly thick towel, she dried herself off and dressed in her silk pajamas. By the time she emerged, Juhani had joined Mission at a cart which was covered with food, and for the first time in days, Min was actually hungry. Both Mission and Juhani smiled at her cautiously, as if they were afraid she'd go back into hiding if they said the wrong thing.
"Did you have HK scan that?"
Mission nodded. Since they'd found poison in the food from the bar, the crew of the Ebon Hawk was having all of their food scanned by HK.
"Good." Juhani handed her a plate. "Thanks," Min said as she helped herself to a generous portion, hoping something solid would settle her still queasy stomach.
It was the first opportunity that they really had to talk since Min came out of the office, but no one really seemed to know how to start. For a few minutes they ate in silence, but finally Min couldn't stand it any longer. She took a stab at making conversation.
"You did a good job today Mission." She meant it; the girl had done amazingly well, especially considering she had to face off against a Dark Jedi.
"Thanks," Mission said automatically while pushing the food on her plate around with her fork. Min finally realized that maybe Mission's moroseness didn't actually have anything to do with her.
Yeah, not everything revolves around you.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah."
Now Min was really worried since monosyllabic answers were not like Mission at all. Min and Juhani exchanged concerned looks across the table.
"You don't seem okay."
"It's just that…." She looked at Min and Juhani and sighed. "You know that Dark Jedi I told you about, the one that was chasing me?"
"Yes," Juhani prompted.
"I killed him."
The Jedi women waited in silence for her to continue, but Mission clammed up and they were forced to pry information from a reluctant teenager.
Min was confused. "Mission, you've shot people with your blaster before." She was thinking about their raid on the Hidden Bek base and she was pretty sure that Mission had taken out her fair share of gang members.
"Yeah, but I stuck a knife in his neck. It was awful. There was blood everywhere. I've never…I just…."
Min didn't know what to say; she wasn't exactly the moral authority on killing. She just mentally cursed herself out for letting Mission go in the first place. Thankfully, Juhani came to the rescue.
"You were defending yourself," Juhani said. "He would have killed you if you had not struck first."
"I know. I shouldn't let it bother me."
"It is when it stops bothering you that you should be afraid." Mission nodded slowly. Juhani's words seemed to bring her comfort.
No doubt. "When I was Darth Revan, I had no problems killing people. You don't want to end up like me," Min said softly.
Mission turned to Min. "But you're not Darth Revan anymore."
Not hungry anymore, Min pushed her plate away. "I'm not so sure about that."
"You're not." Mission said with a confidence that Min wished she felt. "And I'm glad you're back. I was really worried about you."
"We all were," Juhani said.
It was amazing. Every time Min thought that she couldn't possibly feel guiltier than she already did, something else would come up and prove her wrong. "I'm sorry guys. I know it's been tough lately."
"You've got nothing to be sorry about! You didn't ask for this. Besides, whatever you used to be, you're one of us now."
Juhani chimed in. "I have faith in you. I would follow you into battle with Malak himself."
Min swallowed the lump in her throat. "I don't know how you can even stand to be near me."
"Minuet, you saved me twice. How could I not?"
At Min's questioning stare, she elaborated.
"When you and Malak were recruiting soldiers for your crusade against the Mandalorians on Taris, you ordered your troops to disband the slavers market and free the slaves." Juhani looked at her with a reverence that hurt. "When I saw a Jedi for the first time they lived up to everything my imagination had created them to be. I was awed...and maybe a bit enamored," she said ruefully. "You were the reason I became a Jedi."
"Did you know all this time that I was Revan?"
"No, I only saw you once briefly and I was just a child. You looked different back then. I honestly did not know."
Min nodded.
"I idolized you. You seemed invincible. I knew when I heard that you had become the Dark Lord of the Sith that something was wrong with it. The woman who saved me, who I...who I had come to admire, could never go completely to the dark side."
Oh, but I did.
"I am glad you are here and I am honored to fight by your side."
"Me too," Mission said.
Min could barely find her voice. "Thanks." While she knew they were trying to give her comfort, their complete and utter faith in her was both horribly painful and absolutely terrifying. She changed the subject quickly, afraid that she would start crying; knowing that once she started, she wouldn't be able to stop. Mercifully, they let her.
The next day they descended into hell.
The observation droid had contained a very garbled distress call from a pair of trapped Republic scientists. What the techs had recovered didn't make any sense. From the panicked ranting, all they could tell was that the Republic base had been attacked, that most of the scientists were dead and that the survivors were trapped down there with no way out.
Carth piloted the small water craft on the journey down to the clandestine Republic base. It was a long, drawn out, tense ride. He and Jolee sat in the front of the craft, while Min and Canderous took the rear. Since Carth didn't really want to talk to any of the three of them, he stayed silent for almost the entire trip and focused on piloting the craft. Jolee napped most of the way or at least pretended to. Carth had noticed that Min had been frosty and terse with the old Jedi, ever since she'd come out of seclusion. He was curious as hell as to what had happened inside the office between them, and toyed with grilling Jolee about it. Had he thought that Jolee would actually give him a straight answer he would have tried, but that was highly unlikely and he really wasn't in the mood for Jolee's cryptic stories and evasive answers. And Min, well, he just wasn't ready to talk to her yet.
Canderous appeared unaffected by all the drama of the last week and a half. He and Min occasionally spoke in low tones in rapid Mandalorian. Usually, she would have made him speak in basic but apparently she didn't feel the need to make Canderous be polite. Carth wondered what the two of them were talking about. He suspected that it wasn't anything important, but that Canderous was doing it just to make him angry and it was working. By the time he reached the Republic station, he was in a completely foul mood.
They almost didn't even make it. When they were within a couple of kilometers of the base, something very large, dark and fast almost collided with them. If it hadn't been for Carth's quick reflexes and that he's seen something moving in his peripheral vision, they would have crashed. He had to take the craft into a rolling dive in order to avoid hitting it. Min must have taken off her safety harness, because he felt her crashing into the back of his chair as a string of expletives assaulted his ears.
He was grateful the ride was over when they surfaced in the docking bay.
They exited the ship into the eerily quiet docking bay. It looked like the base was running on a back up generator since most of the flickering lights were dim and the air was stale. The room was deserted, but what was really disturbing was the wide smear of blood on the far wall trailing down to the floor and the bloody handprints over by the computer terminal.
Min tried to access the main computer terminal, but apparently everything had gone off-line which dashed their hopes of accessing the security cameras. Since they hadn't had the room to bring T3 along, they were going to have to go in blind.
Canderous and Carth stood behind the pair of Jedi who had ignited their lightsabers, and prepared to cover them.
"Do you sense that?" Min asked Jolee.
Jolee nodded grimly and Min shivered.
"Sense what?" Canderous barked.
"The Selkath in this base, they're…wrong." Min said.
"What do you mean wrong?"
"They're insane. There's no sense of reason or comprehension left in them, just pure hatred, and a need to kill," Jolee explained.
"Great," Carth mumbled.
Min opened the door and the first thing that hit them was the stench. It took a second for Carth's mind to register what his eyes were seeing and when it did it took all of his training as a soldier not to turn around and run the other way.
A pile of decomposing, rotting corpses was stacked in the middle of the room. Limbs and body parts stuck out at odd angles and sticky thick layer of blood covered the floor. Surrounding the pile of dead scientists and feeding off of it were twenty or so Selkath. They all turned and looked at the newcomers almost in unison, with a feverish hunger in their eyes as blood and bits of flesh clung to their sharp fishy teeth while they burbled incoherently.
"Oh shit," Min said.
The Selkath, smelling fresh meat, charged, their crazed eyes glittering. The four of them acted on pure survival instinct. Min released a ball of lightening on them which cascaded through the nearest Selkath, charring and electrocuting the ones it touched while Jolee hit many of them with a fierce force wave that had over half of them flying backwards and crunching into the far wall. Many landed at odd angles and didn't get up. Carth and Canderous opened fire while Min and Jolee cut down the rest with their lightsabers.
While the Selkath were crazed, they were still just scientists and workers. In less than a minute, it was over, but Carth was certain he would never be able to scour that vision out of his mind.
They didn't leave any of them alive.
The four of them moved through the base as quickly as possible and thankfully, while they found other dead scientists and a few more crazed Selkath, they didn't encounter anything nearly as bad. What they did encounter at the other end of the base, near a series of air locks, was a group of dark Jedi, most likely sent down to either kill them or sabotage the Star Maps.
As they moved through the base and the initial shock of what they had seen wore off, Carth began to realize that Min was acting more and more reckless by charging into rooms without waiting for the rest of them. It had culminated in her charging into the room of Dark Jedi, which almost got her killed. As strong as she was, even Min couldn't take out five Dark Jedi, who were attacking her a once. If it hadn't been for Jolee and Canderous' quick reaction, she would have been dead. It had scared him more than he wanted to admit, which was why he was blasting her now.
"What the hell did you think you were doing?"
She didn't even look at him. Instead, she shrugged him off and began inspecting a row of diving suits inside a metal storage locker. Jolee was over by one of the computer terminals, trying to access an area map and get the system back on line, and Canderous watched them while guarding the doorway from any other nasty surprises that might be out there.
"I'm looking for a diving suit, so I can access the Star Map," she said. Carth was infuriated, because he knew that she was deliberately misunderstanding his question.
"That was damn stupid of you, Min. You could have been killed."
She ignored him and continued to rifle through the gear; there wasn't much to choose from as most of the suits were gone or damaged. Carth glared at her, stewing in his anger, and then it hit him.
"That's what you wanted, isn't it?" he demanded, comprehension dawning. "You wanted them to kill you."
Min pulled out a jumpsuit that looked to be her size and held it up to inspect it, still ignoring him.
"Damn it woman, look at me!"
She didn't. She just turned her back to him and started pulling the bulky diving suit over her armor.
He grabbed her by the elbow and spun her around to face him.
"Let go of me." When he didn't, she jerked her arm away.
He refused to be put off and cupped her chin in a movement that was far from gentle and forced her to look him in the eyes. He saw it then, the look of complete and utter self loathing in her eyes. It was a look he was far too familiar with because it had greeted him every time he looked in the mirror for the first year after Morgana's death.
"You don't care whether you live or die anymore, do you?"
"If I was going to kill myself, I would have done it by now. I have to finish this mission." She pulled away from him again, concentrating on donning the rest of the suit.
Now he understood, and it left a cold lump of fear in his throat. It was a twisted logic that he'd convinced himself of once. It cut him up that she was hurting that badly. "You can't kill yourself because it would be dishonoring the dead, but it's okay if you die in a fight, right? Then no one can accuse you of quitting."
She didn't answer, but he saw her finch as she picked up a helmet and headed to the airlock.
"No! You're not going out there by yourself."
She didn't even turn around as she attached the head piece to her suit. Carth moved towards her, determined to physically stop her from going out there when he ran into the invisible barrier that she must have created with the force. She silently slipped into the airlock and he gave up trying to physically stop her, instead going over the pile of diving gear. By the time he realized that there wasn't a suit big enough to fit him, she was out of the airlock and had vanished into the inky black depths of the ocean floor.
"Damn it!" His anger and helplessness got the better of him and he took it out on the offending storage locker, slamming his fist into the door and giving it a vicious kick.
He strode towards the door.
"Where are you going?" the Mandalorian demanded.
"To find another suit."
Canderous stepped into the doorway filling it with his large form. He crossed his arms and stared at Carth.
"Get out of my way, Canderous."
"No. I don't think so. We don't know what else is out there, and if anything happens to you, Revan will have my ass."
"Don't call her that," Carth bit out.
"That's her name. That's who she is."
"She's not Revan anymore."
"Is that what you think?" Canderous shook his head as his voice dripped with contempt.
"That's what I know." Carth shot back. "Her mind was destroyed in Malak's attack and she was programmed with a new identity. Bastila confirmed it."
"Sure, Onasi. You believe whatever you want to believe."
Carth's temper went from simmering to a full boil. He knew that kicking the shit out of Canderous wouldn't solve anything, but he damn near indulged himself and hit him anyway. "What do you mean by that?"
"The council may have tried to reprogram her, but they obviously failed. Do you honestly think that they'd give her a personality that would turn them down? She's hot tempered, she's independent, she's mouthy, she's stubborn, she's opinionated, she's vain and she has little to no respect for authority. I doubt that'd be the council's first choice for a new personality. They may have given her a new name and some false memories, but she's still Revan."
Before Carth could retort, Jolee spoke. "He's right. She may not have her memories and she's definitely not evil anymore, but her personality is basically the same."
"How the hell would you know?"
The old Jedi took a seat on a bench in front of the large glass window and told Carth how he'd met Min before. "She was a good kid; they both were. She was a younger, stupider, teenage version of herself, but then, who isn't stupid as a teenager. From what Vrook told me, she and Malak were giving the council fits." He chuckled softly, remembering. "I liked her immediately."
Defeated, Carth sat down on the bench next to Jolee and tried to process what he'd just heard.
Jolee looked as tired as Carth felt. He continued, when Carth didn't say anything. "I'm very worried about her."
"You're afraid she'll fall to the darkside."
"No, I'm afraid she'll lose her mind. The other day, when she called me into her office she held a blaster to her head and told me if I didn't promise to kill her if she fell she'd kill herself right there. She would have done it, too."
Carth was horrified. "And you agreed to do this?"
"Oh yes, and if she does, I'll do my best to stop her. That's why she asked me and not you. She knew I'd do it. Let's face it, Carth, you wouldn't be able to do it."
"How do you know?"
Carth saw old grief flicker in Jolee's eyes as he spoke. "My wife, Nayama, was force sensitive. She was intrigued by the idea of becoming a Jedi. She liked the idea of power too much, perhaps, but I certainly didn't see that at the time. I believed in her and trained her in secret. I ignored her willful nature. I loved her too much to see fault in her." Jolee continued softly. "And she loved me, too. I know she did."
Carth's anger with Jolee began to dissipate. It was too hard to stay angry in the face of so much regret. "What happened?"
"Exar Kun is what happened. Nayama was inspired by Exar's promises of a new Golden Age. She wanted to join him. She came to me, pleading with me to throw aside what she called the decrepit trappings of the Jedi and to join her in Exar's war. I pleaded with her to reconsider, to think about all that she was throwing away, to think about what she would become. She would have none of it. Finally, in frustration, she attacked me. She drew her lightsaber and attempted to strike me down."
Jolee drew a deep breath before continuing and Carth could tell that the years had done little to lessen Jolee's pain. He looked Carth in the eyes. "I defeated her. I had her at my mercy, disarmed and defenseless. She looked up at me and she knew...she knew I couldn't do it. And I let her go. To my shame, she went on to kill many Jedi during the war until she, herself, was slain in the final battle." His gaze seemed to pierce right through Carth. "You wouldn't be able to kill Min for the same reason I couldn't kill Nayama."
He's right. I couldn't strike her down.
The thought of Min lying bloody and broken was gut wrenching enough. He couldn't even fathom being the one to kill her.
"She's slowly unraveling." Jolee said. "I don't know how much longer she'll be able to hold it together."
Frustrated, angry and helpless, Carth stared out into the inky black ocean, worried sick about a former Sith lord.
When she returned, things began to happen quickly. Min had found survivors, who'd managed to isolate themselves from the flesh eating Selkath. They'd told her that the vibrations from the kolto harvesting machine had awakened a giant shark whose sound waves had driven the native Selkath scientists crazy. Min, had flooded the fuel tanks, which ignited in a massive explosion. The shockwave had rippled through the entire base, and for a horrible minute, Carth thought that she was dead. He'd been frantic with panic, until Jolee reassured him that he could sense that she was fine.
With the base securely under control and the giant shark gone, Min was able to access the Star Map, while the scientists worked to get the base back on line. The four of them left as the Republic rescue teams arrived. Thinking of the pile of bodies, Carth didn't envy their job.
With the last piece of the Star Map, Min was able to pinpoint the exact location and of the Star Forge. Carth, spoke directly to High Admiral Dodonna, who, after receiving his report and speaking to the surviving members of the Jedi council, had moved her fleet within transmission range. She asked him to scout out the area where the Star Forge was located, while she gathered the fleet for battle. Once the fleet was in position, they would follow and attack. Carth knew that it was a huge, desperate gamble, but that the Republic had little choice. If Malak went unchecked for much longer, he'd be on the core worlds soon. Carth agreed to do the scouting, but didn't tell High Admiral Dodonna about Min.
They left as soon as they could, eager to leave assassins, giant sharks and flesh eating Selkath behind. It had been officially decided by the Selkath authorities that the explosion at the cantina had been due to an accidental gas leak, although no one was really fooled. It was a good thing though since it prevented the Selkath from detaining Min and Canderous for questioning. Once they were safely in hyperspace, Carth decided to seek Min out.
She was sitting in one of the bucket seats in the gun turret, watching the stars streak by. He took the other bucket seat, and they sat together for a small eternity in silence, neither one knowing where to begin.
Thanks again everyone for such lovely, detailed feedback. Your comments are not only encouraging but also very, very helpful. It's good to know that my elaboration of Saul's character/story worked out.
Yet another big thanks to Lord Valentai for the beta.
Xenzen: It honestly never occurred to me that officers would be encouraged to marry. D'oh! Oh well, we'll just assume that it's a quirk that is specific to Saul. ;) Hopefully, this chapter will satisfy your craving for Carth angst…
Emeraldstargazer: We got a bit of the nastyness in this chapter, but the next one (which will most likely be the last), well, let's just say that it's going to get really ugly…
For anyone who is curious, the second scene in this chapter was originally going to be the scene that I posted as a separate vignette a few weeks back (Common Ground) where Carth meets his wife. I felt that that scene didn't work for a number of reasons in this chapter, not the least of which it was far too lighthearted, but I'd be interested whether or not you all think I made the right choice (since this story basically is a creative writing learning exercise for me). If you feel like it, let me know what you think.
Anyway, thanks again.