Chapter Fourteen
Hermione, Ginny, and Ron looked at each other as the extendable ears slithered back up the stairs and to their landing. Hermione put a finger to her lips, motioning for the others to follow her back to the room she shared with Ginny. Once the door was closed, Ron burst with laughter.
"Shoulda guessed ol' Snape was an alkie," he said between wheezes. "Wait 'till Harry hears-!" He broke off suddenly as a red-faced Hermione turned furiously to him.
"Don't you understand what this could mean?! Ron, that 'alkie' has our lives in his hands! He's the Order's spy! If he were to get caught..." She left the sentence unfinished.
Ginny nodded. "Hermione's right, Ron." She turned back to the other witch. "What d'you think we should do?"
..................
::The King's Head, Rufus Street.... The Broken Crown...:: A thrill of anticipation set his stomach on pins as he increased his speed. He felt drawn along, a miniscule silver fish pressed forward by unfathomable currents. A shiver of desire left his heart quivering and he almost began to run. A tiny part of him was horrified by his weakness, his lack of control, but it was drowned by the thirst gnawing at his skull.
"Eh, Snape! Bring a frien', eh? 'E waun' sum smeck, too?"
Snape's stomach squirmed, sick anticipation sparking through his nerves and lighting fire in his fingers. His teeth chattering in anticipation, he spun around.
..................
Remus jumped, his fraying nerves snapping as he turned to face a gap toothed smile. A sooty face under a greasy tweed cap had materialized out of the heavy shadows and Remus felt a tingling disgust. The man was of indeterminable age, his dirty clothing blending in with the grime-streaked walls.
"Eh, Snape! Bring a frien', eh? 'E waun' sum smeck, too?"
Remus felt a wave of nausea slide through his gut and creep cross his skin. "Absolutely not!"
"Loivly, 'e is, Snape. Naw, wot kin I get ye?" The weedy man reached a hand into his pocket. Remus stared as Snape gazed transfixed upon the man's stubby, calloused hands.
"Two, three days... worth..." Snape's breath caught and he licked his lips. "A-a-and a c-c-couple of of of needles...." Remus saw the man glance shrewdly at Snape from beneath his filthy cap.
"Weeell, Snape, I'm a likkle low, mate. Tell yeh wot, mate, I'll give yeh four grems an' a needle fer six'y pounds, seein' as I know yeh frum way back."
Remus didn't need to smell the man's duplicity to tell that he was cutting a sharp deal. Snape however, reached into his pocket and pulled out a curled up wad of limp bills, oblivious to the werewolf's seething distaste.
"L-l-lupin, d'you 'ave any c-c-cash?"
Remus turned to see Snape gazing desperately at him, sharp, sallow face pale in the gloom. Remus took a step back, bile rising in his gorge as the situation began to overwhelm him with heavy, electric waves of panic.
"No!" He tried to take a deep breath but couldn't force the air past his lungs. "No, Snape, don't do this, don't do this..." His muscles itched to do something, anything, but he couldn't extract any air from the brown miasma surrounding him.
Slumped against the rough, soot stained brick of the alley wall, he tried to catch his breath as Snape obediently, gratefully handed over a wad of cash in exchange for several small plastic bags of white powder.
The relief and desire glittering in Snape's black eyes pushed Remus over the edge of disgust. Snape - arrogant, proud, independent Snape - left a desperate, helpless fool by a drug.
The Snape Remus had harbored in his head for the last twenty-four years would never have let something so base control him, would never have stooped so low as to let a Muggle swindle him of his money.
..................
Snape felt the hot grip of desperate jealousy as Doiger wasted time talking to Lupin.
"Absolutely not!" Snape felt shame trickle through his veins at Remus' horrified yelp. Gods, he had sunk so low even the werewolf was sickened by him.
A moment later any rational thought was burned out by need as Doiger turned back to him. "Loively, 'e is, Snape. Naw, wot kin I get ye?" Snape found his gaze transfixed on Doiger's grubby hand as it drifted toward....
"Two, three days... worth..." Snape could barely concentrate as his gut tightened unbearably with desire. "A-a-and a c-c-couple of-of-of needles...."
"Weeell, Snape, I'm a likkle low, mate. Tell yeh wot, mate, I'll give yeh four grems an' a needle fer six'y pounds, seein' as I know yeh frum way back."
Snape's heart lurched and he almost panicked as he fumbled through his coat pockets for his stash of Muggle money... Cold fire lanced up his arm as his fingers found it. Not enough, not enough... In desperation he turned to the werewolf. "L-l-lupin, d'you 'ave any c-c-cash?"
The werewolf stepped back in disgust. "No!" Shame blazed into anger in Snape's chest as Remus continued. "No, Snape, don't do this, don't do this..." Stupid beast didn't understand what was going on, what was at stake. He turned back to Doiger, who's eyes shifted nervously between the two of them.
"'Ow much d'yeh 'ave, Snape?" Snape's fingers shook as he counted out bills. fifty-five pounds, not enough, not enough... "Look, Snape, keep yer frien' away frum 'ere. I'll give yeh th' four fer yer fif' five, but dun' bring 'im out 'ere agin, eh?" The sooty face was drawn tight with anxiety as he glanced at the groaning werewolf. Relief left Snape weak kneed and his fingers curled and uncurled around the now sweaty bills.
"Okay, okay... 'ere ye go, 'and it over...!" Snape felt ready to burst with need, sweat streaming down his face as his bones ached for the sweet sting of the needle. Doiger pulled out the heroin and fished a capped needle from somewhere in his jacket.
"Awroight, Snape." Doiger muttered as he melted back into the gloom. Snape's attention was riveted on the small plastic bags filled with fine white powder and he barely noticed the hurried footsteps echoing through the dank alleyway.
..................
Remus watched Snape stare at the powdered drug in his hand, and was almost floored by a sudden torrent of hate? pity? towards the shadowed figure. His chest seemed to shrink around his swelling lungs as the full force of the lie that Snape was hit him.
This wasn't the boy he had known, the man he had grown to reluctantly respect. That was a shadow, a dark construct dancing in a mad parody of reality in Remus' head. This - this was not - this was - Anger gritted Remus' teeth.
"How could you just do that, Snape?! Do you have any sense of self respect?" When he got no response, he shoved Snape's shoulder. The gaunt wizard stumbled backward before turning with a growl.
"What th' fuck do ye know?!" Spit flew from the furious wizard's mouth. "Ye're nothin'! Ye're bloody worthless! Ye want teh talk ter me abou' worth?! Ye're Dumbledore's soddin' charity case, fer Merlin's sake! 'e sends ye on bloody 'opeless missions to keep ye busy an' out o' everyone else's 'air, ya bloody fucked up sewer filth!" He launched himself at Remus, managing to topple him, but after a few seconds of furious scuffling on the cold, dirty cobblestones they were startled by a bucket of soapy water.
"Shut th' bloody 'ell up down thar!" A hoarse screech echoed from above. Remus heard the rattling slam of loose shutters as he tried to catch his breath and calm down. Fighting in the street like children - was that what it all came down to? Wiping water out of his eyes, he muttered a drying charm and looked around for Snape.
He was leaning against the dingy wall, the dirty ochre fog blurring his face. He seemed to be searching frantically for something.
"Severus?" At the sound of his name, Snape's head shot up, and with a silent snarl he took off down the alley, the wet hem of his trench coat snapping behind him. "Snape! Wait!"
Remus hauled himself to his feet, wincing at the bruises where he landed on the grimy cobblestones, and took off after Snape. Greasy puddles splashed at his feet and dumpsters loomed out of the fog as he scrambled across cracked pavement.
With an almost tangible change in air pressure, he burst out of the alleyway and onto a street. A huge blast of sound and light sent him reeling, and he stepped hastily back onto the sidewalk and out of the way of Muggle automobiles. Across the street he saw Snape disappear into a crowded pub.
..................
He had it - he had it in his hands -
"How could you just do that, Snape?! Do you have any sense of self respect?" Snape barely registered the werewolf's mounting anger until he shoved his shoulder. The precious drug almost slipped from his fingers as he turned in fury, fueled by an icy shame at his lack of control over the heroin.
"What th' fuck do ye know?! Ye're nothin'! Ye're bloody worthless! Ye want teh talk ter me abou' worth?! Ye're Dumbledore's soddin' charity case, fer Merlin's sake!" All his own venomous insecurities boiled up from his gut, a pressure at the back of his throat he refused to acknowledge. "'e sends ye on bloody 'opeless missions to keep yer sorry carcass out o' everyone else's 'air, ya bloody fucked up sewer dreck!"
The pressure in his chest and throat exploded outward and he leapt at Lupin, knocking the bigger man off his feet. Kicking and biting, dirty grit from the street jamming under his scrabbling fingernails, Snape fought until a sudden deluge of soapy water from above blinded him.
For a moment he saw Potter, laughing as he shoved Snape's head into a bucket full of water and scrubbed his scalp with lye soap, but mind consuming need dragged him back to the present. Leaning against the tenement wall, he searched frantically through the gloom. There, mercifully dry, glowed the white powder. A foot further lay the cheap insulin needle. Grabbing both, he shoved them into his pocket.
"Severus?"
The sound grabbed his ear, painfully sharp through the heavy gloom. ::He knows...:: He was running, carried on a wave of hot shame.
"Snape! Wait!" Pounding footsteps behind him. With a jerk, he broke free of the alley and into the false sodium suns of the streetlamps haloed by smoky fog. All he needed was a pub where he could use the sink and mix up a shot -
He dodged a car and slipped into the crushed anonymity of a bar.
..................
Remus waited until the way was clear and crossed the slick, oily asphalt to the pub spilling gritty light and drunk patrons onto the pavement. Sidling through the crowd, Remus saw Snape's black clad form disappear through a door marked 'Gents'. Remus managed to get to the door and haul it open.
The cramped room beyond had once been white, but most of the tiles had cracked and fallen to expose the dark gray cement beneath. A urinal hung suspended by its pipes against one wall, and against the other wall, two stalls held toilets. The graffiti scrawled across the black Formica was interrupted by a missing stall door.
At a tiny, cramped sink stood Snape, worrying his lower lip with his crooked teeth as he worked furtively with his bony hands. In one hand he held a Muggle cigarette lighter, and in the other a small vial half filled with tap water.
Setting down the lighter on the sink, Snape took a measured a pinch of powder from one of the small plastic bags. After carefully dropping the pinch into the vial, he licked his fingers and picked up the lighter.
Remus watched with a strange fascination as Snape flicked on the lighter and began heating the liquid. A thin, tingling smell rose from the vial and Remus could almost feel the air crackle with Snape's tension. Remus stared as Snape took the needle off of the syringe, carefully poured every drop of the liquid into the syringe before screwing the needle back on.
A quiet sound dragged Remus' eyes from Snape's hands to find Snape watching him with dead black eyes.
"Wha' th' bloody fuck are ye doin' 'ere?!" Snape's voice ripped from his throat. "So, Lupin... So, you've come to watch me 'umiliate myself?" he spat. A tear leaked from the corner of his eye and he dashed it angrily away with his sleeve, and a quiet whine slipped through his teeth before be bit his lip again, adding a fresh line of bright blood to the cut on his chin.
Remus felt a lump rise in his own throat as he watched. "Snape, why don't you just stop-" The door behind him suddenly swung open, cracking him on the back of his head as a large, sweaty man in a stained shirt stumbled in, unzipping his fly. Remus' sight swam with tiny points of black light for a moment before his vision cleared.
Snape had shrunk into the doorless cubicle and unbuttoned his sleeve cuff. In the light of the single naked bulb hanging from its wires in the ceiling, Snape's porcelain white skin was blotched by ugly yellow and purple bruises. The long tracks of injection scars stood out starkly against the hemorrhaged flesh. Before Remus could say another word, Snape slipped the needle into the blue veined skin of his wrist.
Snape wobbled slightly, eyes half closing as a smile bared his snag teeth. Remus stepped quickly out of the way as the big, dirty Muggle pushed back out into the noisy pub. A hot squirming in Remus' stomach left him ill as he turned back to Snape and watched him fall under the effects of the heroin.
"Oh, Severus, why do you do this?" He caught the skinny wizard as he half stepped, half fell forward. The thick musk of sweat coated Snape's usual smell of damp rock and singed herbs, and the sickly sweet tang of the narcotic stung Remus' nose. Snape didn't step back, but instead leaned in closer.
"Lupinnn..." Remus turned his face away from Snape's sour breath and crooked smile. "Lupin... Remusss...Remuslup'n..."
"Snape-" Remus felt ridiculously self conscious, standing in the washroom with his arms full of another man. "Snape-!" The other wizard was pressing closer, forcing Remus backward. Remus let go of Snape and let him slither to the floor, a beatific smile still pasted lopsidedly on his thin face.
"Where y' goin', Reem S'lup'n? Heh, S'loopin, tha's a funny name...heh heh..." Snape leaned against the wall, head lolling disconnectedly on his shoulders. "'s a loopy name... hah, fer a loopy loopy werewol'...." Snape half sung the words.
Remus stared, dumbstruck. A minute before, the man had been a shivering bundle of nerves, and now he was lying on the dirty floor, laughing and singing nonsense.
::There's a reason for that,:: he told himself angrily. ::He's relaxed because he's s stoned out of his bloody mind!:: A small part of him wanted to lash out and kick Snape for being so much trouble, for making Remus' life even more difficult than it had been. "Damn you, Snape."
Taking deep breaths, Remus tried to quiet his roiling stomach. He felt a heavy guilt at his angry thoughts, and a not so insignificant twinge of fear. Violence was the wolf, not Remus. Only the wolf. ::Focus on helping, not hurting.:: After a moment, he knelt down in front of Snape.
"Hey, Severus? I'm gonna Apparate us back to Headquarters." Snape blinked owlishly at him. "Give me your hand, Severus."
"Where're they...?" Snape shifted his arms slightly, as if they were weighted down.
"At the ends of your arms, Snape!" Sighing, Remus reached out and grabbed one of Snape's hands, prickly discomfort itching along his spine. Snape's hand was very hot and slightly moist with sweat.
Remus closed his eyes and with conscious effort blocked out his surroundings. His last thought before he apparated was that Snape was singing again.
..................
They landed in a slumped pile on the cracked pavement in front of Grimmauld Place. Remus pushed himself up and dusted off his transfigured Muggle clothes before turning around and looking for Snape.
The black clad wizard lay sprawled across the still warm pavement and Remus felt a spike of panic until he saw Snape move slightly. "Snape?" He paused. "Can you-?" A low, half-choked laugh shook Snape's bony frame. "Snape?"
"Whatta rush..." Snape mumbled.
"What?" He kneeled over the still prone wizard, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Snape, can you get up?" When he got no response he hooked his hands under Snape's arms and hoisted him off the cement. He took a step backward as Snape slumped against his chest, but managed not to trip over the curb. Glancing up and down the deserted street he whispered "Number Twelve Grimmauld Place," and the Muggle townhouses shifted aside to make room for the foreboding bulk of the Black mansion.
"Okay, Snape," he grunted as he tried to get a better grip on Snape's limp body, "can you stand?" When he got no coherent response, Remus sighed and with a grunt shifted Snape and managed to sling him over his shoulder into a fireman's grip.
The dark haired man muttered something into his back, but Remus was too busy feeling his tired spine threatening to telescope under the added weight to pay any attention. With another grunt he staggered through the rusty gate and up to the door, opening it awkwardly with his wand in his left hand.
It was with a sense of relief that Remus stepped into the stuffy, musty old air of the front corridor and saw old Mrs. Black dozing in her frame. He set Snape down on one of the dusty chairs and lit the hall dimly with a whispered "lumos."
Snape watched him through half lidded eyes, a strange smile tugging at his face. Remus felt a tired spark of anger. "What's so funny?" he growled softly. Snape's grin widened.
"Th' eye... oh, th' eye... heh heh, 'e caught us, 'e caught us... an' ye kicked it..."
Anxious to get to the relative safety of his rooms, Remus glanced at the snoring portrait and tried to humor Snape. "Fine, then, Severus. Mobilicorpus." Snape threw his head back and laughed as he rose disjointedly into the air.
"Shhh!" Remus glanced frantically at the portrait on the wall, fear flooding his muscles as the painted eyes flickered. "Snape! Shut it!" he hissed, dread looming over him. If Snape was seen in this condition...
With a flick of his wand, he silenced Snape and it was with great relief that he saw Mrs. Black shift in her frame but not wake up. With a last quick glance, Remus began creeping up to his rooms, careful to avoid creaks and tricky boards.
As they disappeared up the stairs, an electric blue eye rolled silently back down the corridor and disappeared into the shadows.
Hermione, Ginny, and Ron looked at each other as the extendable ears slithered back up the stairs and to their landing. Hermione put a finger to her lips, motioning for the others to follow her back to the room she shared with Ginny. Once the door was closed, Ron burst with laughter.
"Shoulda guessed ol' Snape was an alkie," he said between wheezes. "Wait 'till Harry hears-!" He broke off suddenly as a red-faced Hermione turned furiously to him.
"Don't you understand what this could mean?! Ron, that 'alkie' has our lives in his hands! He's the Order's spy! If he were to get caught..." She left the sentence unfinished.
Ginny nodded. "Hermione's right, Ron." She turned back to the other witch. "What d'you think we should do?"
..................
::The King's Head, Rufus Street.... The Broken Crown...:: A thrill of anticipation set his stomach on pins as he increased his speed. He felt drawn along, a miniscule silver fish pressed forward by unfathomable currents. A shiver of desire left his heart quivering and he almost began to run. A tiny part of him was horrified by his weakness, his lack of control, but it was drowned by the thirst gnawing at his skull.
"Eh, Snape! Bring a frien', eh? 'E waun' sum smeck, too?"
Snape's stomach squirmed, sick anticipation sparking through his nerves and lighting fire in his fingers. His teeth chattering in anticipation, he spun around.
..................
Remus jumped, his fraying nerves snapping as he turned to face a gap toothed smile. A sooty face under a greasy tweed cap had materialized out of the heavy shadows and Remus felt a tingling disgust. The man was of indeterminable age, his dirty clothing blending in with the grime-streaked walls.
"Eh, Snape! Bring a frien', eh? 'E waun' sum smeck, too?"
Remus felt a wave of nausea slide through his gut and creep cross his skin. "Absolutely not!"
"Loivly, 'e is, Snape. Naw, wot kin I get ye?" The weedy man reached a hand into his pocket. Remus stared as Snape gazed transfixed upon the man's stubby, calloused hands.
"Two, three days... worth..." Snape's breath caught and he licked his lips. "A-a-and a c-c-couple of of of needles...." Remus saw the man glance shrewdly at Snape from beneath his filthy cap.
"Weeell, Snape, I'm a likkle low, mate. Tell yeh wot, mate, I'll give yeh four grems an' a needle fer six'y pounds, seein' as I know yeh frum way back."
Remus didn't need to smell the man's duplicity to tell that he was cutting a sharp deal. Snape however, reached into his pocket and pulled out a curled up wad of limp bills, oblivious to the werewolf's seething distaste.
"L-l-lupin, d'you 'ave any c-c-cash?"
Remus turned to see Snape gazing desperately at him, sharp, sallow face pale in the gloom. Remus took a step back, bile rising in his gorge as the situation began to overwhelm him with heavy, electric waves of panic.
"No!" He tried to take a deep breath but couldn't force the air past his lungs. "No, Snape, don't do this, don't do this..." His muscles itched to do something, anything, but he couldn't extract any air from the brown miasma surrounding him.
Slumped against the rough, soot stained brick of the alley wall, he tried to catch his breath as Snape obediently, gratefully handed over a wad of cash in exchange for several small plastic bags of white powder.
The relief and desire glittering in Snape's black eyes pushed Remus over the edge of disgust. Snape - arrogant, proud, independent Snape - left a desperate, helpless fool by a drug.
The Snape Remus had harbored in his head for the last twenty-four years would never have let something so base control him, would never have stooped so low as to let a Muggle swindle him of his money.
..................
Snape felt the hot grip of desperate jealousy as Doiger wasted time talking to Lupin.
"Absolutely not!" Snape felt shame trickle through his veins at Remus' horrified yelp. Gods, he had sunk so low even the werewolf was sickened by him.
A moment later any rational thought was burned out by need as Doiger turned back to him. "Loively, 'e is, Snape. Naw, wot kin I get ye?" Snape found his gaze transfixed on Doiger's grubby hand as it drifted toward....
"Two, three days... worth..." Snape could barely concentrate as his gut tightened unbearably with desire. "A-a-and a c-c-couple of-of-of needles...."
"Weeell, Snape, I'm a likkle low, mate. Tell yeh wot, mate, I'll give yeh four grems an' a needle fer six'y pounds, seein' as I know yeh frum way back."
Snape's heart lurched and he almost panicked as he fumbled through his coat pockets for his stash of Muggle money... Cold fire lanced up his arm as his fingers found it. Not enough, not enough... In desperation he turned to the werewolf. "L-l-lupin, d'you 'ave any c-c-cash?"
The werewolf stepped back in disgust. "No!" Shame blazed into anger in Snape's chest as Remus continued. "No, Snape, don't do this, don't do this..." Stupid beast didn't understand what was going on, what was at stake. He turned back to Doiger, who's eyes shifted nervously between the two of them.
"'Ow much d'yeh 'ave, Snape?" Snape's fingers shook as he counted out bills. fifty-five pounds, not enough, not enough... "Look, Snape, keep yer frien' away frum 'ere. I'll give yeh th' four fer yer fif' five, but dun' bring 'im out 'ere agin, eh?" The sooty face was drawn tight with anxiety as he glanced at the groaning werewolf. Relief left Snape weak kneed and his fingers curled and uncurled around the now sweaty bills.
"Okay, okay... 'ere ye go, 'and it over...!" Snape felt ready to burst with need, sweat streaming down his face as his bones ached for the sweet sting of the needle. Doiger pulled out the heroin and fished a capped needle from somewhere in his jacket.
"Awroight, Snape." Doiger muttered as he melted back into the gloom. Snape's attention was riveted on the small plastic bags filled with fine white powder and he barely noticed the hurried footsteps echoing through the dank alleyway.
..................
Remus watched Snape stare at the powdered drug in his hand, and was almost floored by a sudden torrent of hate? pity? towards the shadowed figure. His chest seemed to shrink around his swelling lungs as the full force of the lie that Snape was hit him.
This wasn't the boy he had known, the man he had grown to reluctantly respect. That was a shadow, a dark construct dancing in a mad parody of reality in Remus' head. This - this was not - this was - Anger gritted Remus' teeth.
"How could you just do that, Snape?! Do you have any sense of self respect?" When he got no response, he shoved Snape's shoulder. The gaunt wizard stumbled backward before turning with a growl.
"What th' fuck do ye know?!" Spit flew from the furious wizard's mouth. "Ye're nothin'! Ye're bloody worthless! Ye want teh talk ter me abou' worth?! Ye're Dumbledore's soddin' charity case, fer Merlin's sake! 'e sends ye on bloody 'opeless missions to keep ye busy an' out o' everyone else's 'air, ya bloody fucked up sewer filth!" He launched himself at Remus, managing to topple him, but after a few seconds of furious scuffling on the cold, dirty cobblestones they were startled by a bucket of soapy water.
"Shut th' bloody 'ell up down thar!" A hoarse screech echoed from above. Remus heard the rattling slam of loose shutters as he tried to catch his breath and calm down. Fighting in the street like children - was that what it all came down to? Wiping water out of his eyes, he muttered a drying charm and looked around for Snape.
He was leaning against the dingy wall, the dirty ochre fog blurring his face. He seemed to be searching frantically for something.
"Severus?" At the sound of his name, Snape's head shot up, and with a silent snarl he took off down the alley, the wet hem of his trench coat snapping behind him. "Snape! Wait!"
Remus hauled himself to his feet, wincing at the bruises where he landed on the grimy cobblestones, and took off after Snape. Greasy puddles splashed at his feet and dumpsters loomed out of the fog as he scrambled across cracked pavement.
With an almost tangible change in air pressure, he burst out of the alleyway and onto a street. A huge blast of sound and light sent him reeling, and he stepped hastily back onto the sidewalk and out of the way of Muggle automobiles. Across the street he saw Snape disappear into a crowded pub.
..................
He had it - he had it in his hands -
"How could you just do that, Snape?! Do you have any sense of self respect?" Snape barely registered the werewolf's mounting anger until he shoved his shoulder. The precious drug almost slipped from his fingers as he turned in fury, fueled by an icy shame at his lack of control over the heroin.
"What th' fuck do ye know?! Ye're nothin'! Ye're bloody worthless! Ye want teh talk ter me abou' worth?! Ye're Dumbledore's soddin' charity case, fer Merlin's sake!" All his own venomous insecurities boiled up from his gut, a pressure at the back of his throat he refused to acknowledge. "'e sends ye on bloody 'opeless missions to keep yer sorry carcass out o' everyone else's 'air, ya bloody fucked up sewer dreck!"
The pressure in his chest and throat exploded outward and he leapt at Lupin, knocking the bigger man off his feet. Kicking and biting, dirty grit from the street jamming under his scrabbling fingernails, Snape fought until a sudden deluge of soapy water from above blinded him.
For a moment he saw Potter, laughing as he shoved Snape's head into a bucket full of water and scrubbed his scalp with lye soap, but mind consuming need dragged him back to the present. Leaning against the tenement wall, he searched frantically through the gloom. There, mercifully dry, glowed the white powder. A foot further lay the cheap insulin needle. Grabbing both, he shoved them into his pocket.
"Severus?"
The sound grabbed his ear, painfully sharp through the heavy gloom. ::He knows...:: He was running, carried on a wave of hot shame.
"Snape! Wait!" Pounding footsteps behind him. With a jerk, he broke free of the alley and into the false sodium suns of the streetlamps haloed by smoky fog. All he needed was a pub where he could use the sink and mix up a shot -
He dodged a car and slipped into the crushed anonymity of a bar.
..................
Remus waited until the way was clear and crossed the slick, oily asphalt to the pub spilling gritty light and drunk patrons onto the pavement. Sidling through the crowd, Remus saw Snape's black clad form disappear through a door marked 'Gents'. Remus managed to get to the door and haul it open.
The cramped room beyond had once been white, but most of the tiles had cracked and fallen to expose the dark gray cement beneath. A urinal hung suspended by its pipes against one wall, and against the other wall, two stalls held toilets. The graffiti scrawled across the black Formica was interrupted by a missing stall door.
At a tiny, cramped sink stood Snape, worrying his lower lip with his crooked teeth as he worked furtively with his bony hands. In one hand he held a Muggle cigarette lighter, and in the other a small vial half filled with tap water.
Setting down the lighter on the sink, Snape took a measured a pinch of powder from one of the small plastic bags. After carefully dropping the pinch into the vial, he licked his fingers and picked up the lighter.
Remus watched with a strange fascination as Snape flicked on the lighter and began heating the liquid. A thin, tingling smell rose from the vial and Remus could almost feel the air crackle with Snape's tension. Remus stared as Snape took the needle off of the syringe, carefully poured every drop of the liquid into the syringe before screwing the needle back on.
A quiet sound dragged Remus' eyes from Snape's hands to find Snape watching him with dead black eyes.
"Wha' th' bloody fuck are ye doin' 'ere?!" Snape's voice ripped from his throat. "So, Lupin... So, you've come to watch me 'umiliate myself?" he spat. A tear leaked from the corner of his eye and he dashed it angrily away with his sleeve, and a quiet whine slipped through his teeth before be bit his lip again, adding a fresh line of bright blood to the cut on his chin.
Remus felt a lump rise in his own throat as he watched. "Snape, why don't you just stop-" The door behind him suddenly swung open, cracking him on the back of his head as a large, sweaty man in a stained shirt stumbled in, unzipping his fly. Remus' sight swam with tiny points of black light for a moment before his vision cleared.
Snape had shrunk into the doorless cubicle and unbuttoned his sleeve cuff. In the light of the single naked bulb hanging from its wires in the ceiling, Snape's porcelain white skin was blotched by ugly yellow and purple bruises. The long tracks of injection scars stood out starkly against the hemorrhaged flesh. Before Remus could say another word, Snape slipped the needle into the blue veined skin of his wrist.
Snape wobbled slightly, eyes half closing as a smile bared his snag teeth. Remus stepped quickly out of the way as the big, dirty Muggle pushed back out into the noisy pub. A hot squirming in Remus' stomach left him ill as he turned back to Snape and watched him fall under the effects of the heroin.
"Oh, Severus, why do you do this?" He caught the skinny wizard as he half stepped, half fell forward. The thick musk of sweat coated Snape's usual smell of damp rock and singed herbs, and the sickly sweet tang of the narcotic stung Remus' nose. Snape didn't step back, but instead leaned in closer.
"Lupinnn..." Remus turned his face away from Snape's sour breath and crooked smile. "Lupin... Remusss...Remuslup'n..."
"Snape-" Remus felt ridiculously self conscious, standing in the washroom with his arms full of another man. "Snape-!" The other wizard was pressing closer, forcing Remus backward. Remus let go of Snape and let him slither to the floor, a beatific smile still pasted lopsidedly on his thin face.
"Where y' goin', Reem S'lup'n? Heh, S'loopin, tha's a funny name...heh heh..." Snape leaned against the wall, head lolling disconnectedly on his shoulders. "'s a loopy name... hah, fer a loopy loopy werewol'...." Snape half sung the words.
Remus stared, dumbstruck. A minute before, the man had been a shivering bundle of nerves, and now he was lying on the dirty floor, laughing and singing nonsense.
::There's a reason for that,:: he told himself angrily. ::He's relaxed because he's s stoned out of his bloody mind!:: A small part of him wanted to lash out and kick Snape for being so much trouble, for making Remus' life even more difficult than it had been. "Damn you, Snape."
Taking deep breaths, Remus tried to quiet his roiling stomach. He felt a heavy guilt at his angry thoughts, and a not so insignificant twinge of fear. Violence was the wolf, not Remus. Only the wolf. ::Focus on helping, not hurting.:: After a moment, he knelt down in front of Snape.
"Hey, Severus? I'm gonna Apparate us back to Headquarters." Snape blinked owlishly at him. "Give me your hand, Severus."
"Where're they...?" Snape shifted his arms slightly, as if they were weighted down.
"At the ends of your arms, Snape!" Sighing, Remus reached out and grabbed one of Snape's hands, prickly discomfort itching along his spine. Snape's hand was very hot and slightly moist with sweat.
Remus closed his eyes and with conscious effort blocked out his surroundings. His last thought before he apparated was that Snape was singing again.
..................
They landed in a slumped pile on the cracked pavement in front of Grimmauld Place. Remus pushed himself up and dusted off his transfigured Muggle clothes before turning around and looking for Snape.
The black clad wizard lay sprawled across the still warm pavement and Remus felt a spike of panic until he saw Snape move slightly. "Snape?" He paused. "Can you-?" A low, half-choked laugh shook Snape's bony frame. "Snape?"
"Whatta rush..." Snape mumbled.
"What?" He kneeled over the still prone wizard, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Snape, can you get up?" When he got no response he hooked his hands under Snape's arms and hoisted him off the cement. He took a step backward as Snape slumped against his chest, but managed not to trip over the curb. Glancing up and down the deserted street he whispered "Number Twelve Grimmauld Place," and the Muggle townhouses shifted aside to make room for the foreboding bulk of the Black mansion.
"Okay, Snape," he grunted as he tried to get a better grip on Snape's limp body, "can you stand?" When he got no coherent response, Remus sighed and with a grunt shifted Snape and managed to sling him over his shoulder into a fireman's grip.
The dark haired man muttered something into his back, but Remus was too busy feeling his tired spine threatening to telescope under the added weight to pay any attention. With another grunt he staggered through the rusty gate and up to the door, opening it awkwardly with his wand in his left hand.
It was with a sense of relief that Remus stepped into the stuffy, musty old air of the front corridor and saw old Mrs. Black dozing in her frame. He set Snape down on one of the dusty chairs and lit the hall dimly with a whispered "lumos."
Snape watched him through half lidded eyes, a strange smile tugging at his face. Remus felt a tired spark of anger. "What's so funny?" he growled softly. Snape's grin widened.
"Th' eye... oh, th' eye... heh heh, 'e caught us, 'e caught us... an' ye kicked it..."
Anxious to get to the relative safety of his rooms, Remus glanced at the snoring portrait and tried to humor Snape. "Fine, then, Severus. Mobilicorpus." Snape threw his head back and laughed as he rose disjointedly into the air.
"Shhh!" Remus glanced frantically at the portrait on the wall, fear flooding his muscles as the painted eyes flickered. "Snape! Shut it!" he hissed, dread looming over him. If Snape was seen in this condition...
With a flick of his wand, he silenced Snape and it was with great relief that he saw Mrs. Black shift in her frame but not wake up. With a last quick glance, Remus began creeping up to his rooms, careful to avoid creaks and tricky boards.
As they disappeared up the stairs, an electric blue eye rolled silently back down the corridor and disappeared into the shadows.