Title: Changes, Doubts, Guilts and Love
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me they belong to whoever has their hands on the right of Xena: Warrior Princess. No money is made with this, entertainment only!!!
Summary: What if Gabrielle never followed Xena in her mission from A FRIEND IN NEED????
Ratings: General for now could change in the sequels....
Beta-Reading made by Smenzer who had enough patience to correct all my mistakes..Billion thanks, Sis!!!
- Where to now Xena? Asked a sleepy Gabrielle
- In the west, I heard they're in need of a girl with a chakrom. That could be nice to take a change of scenery what do you think?
- Hum,hum............zzzzzzzzzz
Xena smiled as she watched Gabrielle drifts in the land of morpheus. But for herself, she wasn't really sleepy yet. She felt strange, nervous, like something was about to happen. But of course, in their lives, something always happened. Tonight was different though, the night was beautiful and Xena stared into the stars but couldn't find peace. There was definitively something wrong. She sighed and gaze into Gabrielle peaceful face. She was mumbling in her sleep, "Perdicas", Xena shivered at the guilt the name made her feel. She still thought she could have done something to save him, Gabrielle never said anything about it but Xena could tell that the spark of doubt in her eyes had only grown bigger and bigger over the years. She had made so many mistakes towards Gabrielle, she had took her for granted, she had underestimated her so many times. But still, their friendship was stronger than anything else. Despise the betrayals, the deaths, the pain and all the changes they've gone through, they were still together. Xena could never be thankful enough for that. In the bottom of her heart, she knew she didn't deserve it, she knew that she wasn't redeemed yet for all her crimes. She sighed again and decided to try to sleep when Gabrielle started crying. Xena tried to wake her up and when Gabrielle opened her eyes, one last moan came out of her lips " Hope, I loved you so much" That was too much for Xena, she felt her gesture hardened. She had never been really good at dealing with pain.
- Come on Gabby! It was just a nightmare; you've been talking in your sleep since you closed your eyes.
- All right, all right, I'm awake now. Sorry to bother you. I've been having nightmares for weeks now. I thought I was over all of this by now.
- Well, you can't let your memories take control of your life you know.
- No need to lecture me Warrior Princess, I said I couldn't help it.
- Why don't you go back to sleep? It will all be better now.
-And how do you know that? Why don't you let me decide if I want to sleep or not? You were still awake as I can see, so I can be awake, too.
- No need to jump on me because.............
-What is it Xena?
-Sssssssshhhhh!
- There's someone out there isn't there, circling, trying to find us?
If Xena was surprised by Gabrielle quick grasp of the situation, she didn't let her partner on. They stood still, on guard when they saw a monk coming out of the surrounding woods.
-Are you Xena the Warrior Princess?
And there it was again. Another wrong Xena made years ago and that she had to take care of. Gabrielle was fed up with all of this. All those times they could have been helping others instead of repairing Xena's past. And who was this Akimi? The monk stayed with them for the night, telling all that Xena wanted to know and Gabrielle felt surprised at her lack of interest and her bitterness. Maybe it was a mission she was going stay out of. Last time they went to Chine everything went wrong, Gabrielle was not going to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. But she listened as Xena told the tale of Akimi, feeling a little jealous. When she heard the part of Akimi killing her father with the pinch, her anger exploded!
- You taught her the pinch?????????? She was a young girl! How could you??? You never taught me! I'm only allowed to take it off but you showed her how? What's wrong with you?
- Don't you see? That is exactly why I didn't want to teach it to you. Akimi destroyed her young and innocent life because of me; I didn't want to do the same with you!
- Haven't you realized I'm grown up now? I can live with my own mistakes, I make my own decisions, I don't need your blessing for everything, Xena. For too long I've let you decide what's best for me, but now I've had enough. I love you Xena but it's time that we go separate ways. This is a mission you don't need me for.
-But Gabrielle...
- No, I need time for myself, I've grown bitter and bitter for a long time now and the load is too heavy for me. I can't take it anymore, that's why I've been having those nightmares.
- About Perdicas and Hope?
- And Joxer and Eli, how you blamed me for all those deaths, how my mistakes are always too big but yours are OK, you made them because you had too. How about the times I put my life on peril for Eve's sake and yet again, you had to be at mad at me. You will never understand me.
Xena took a step back, taking all Gabrielle had said into consideration.
- That is where you are wrong Gabrielle, I do understand you, and I just wanted the best for you. If you think we should part ways, it's your call.
- I think it's for the best. I'll pack my things and go, you probably want to get going right away isn't it?
- Yes but Gabrielle? Will we see each other again? This isn't Goodbye?
- And it could never be, Xena. But we have to take different paths now; this redeeming life isn't for me anymore. It's what you need, not me.
- What are you going to do? Go back to the Amazons?
- Surprisingly yes! I could teach them so much and it feels like home there. They were the first to see the potential in me. They taught me how to fight and now I'll give all I've learn back to them.
- Brings the real meaning Strong Amazon Nation back right?
Gabrielle smiled, feeling relieved and more relaxed.
- Yes, I don't want us to be mad at each other, but it's something I have to do.
- I understand, well, I'll come and see you when things are back to normal in Chine.
They hugged, trying not to show each other how incredibly painful this was. But they were right. This splitting up was for the best. What they didn't know though, is that someone else had seen the scene and was pretty happy that Gabby was now alone.
The next morning, Gabrielle was on the shore of a river. She was trying to write her feelings down but couldn't get rid of her anger. Had her life been a waste? Xena hadn't even tried to make her change her mind. It was almost like she wanted to get rid of her. But no, that couldn't be, she knew it wasn't that. Being alone would help her regroup herself. Bursts of anger came through her mind. She had to move so she took her sais out and began training. But whit each strike a memory came back to her.
* Perdicas dying, Xena standing there doing nothing* * When she had Hope, Xena ordering her to kill her and then got suspicious* * Xena had a child without a father too but HERS had to be good* * She hadn't even wanted me to learn to fight, the Amazons showed me* * How many times had I died for her? Did I ever get a thanks? No* * Every time I tried to save her she got mad at me* * All those times she hit me, even with her chakrom almost killing me. When she was being possessed that was OK but when it's me, she has to try to kill me* * she had never wanted to help me deal with the whole Hope thing, how was I suppose to feel?* * Solan, she tried to kill me for that too, even if I had nothing to do with that. I sacrificed my own blood and bones for her.* * I got crucified for her* * I've been used more as a bait than fishes for God's sake* ..................
She felt a tear running down her face and she fell to the ground, exhausted.
- Did that felt good Gabrielle?
- Ares?
She stood on her feet, startled.
- What are you doing here? Xena's not here, you know that!
- Oh! Believe me, I know!
- Then what do you want? Have you been following me?
- In fact I have. I knew something was wrong with you since you couldn't sleep peacefully anymore.
- And how do you know that?
- I....I.... That's not the matter Gabrielle! What I wanted to talk to you about was what you were going to do now!
- And why would that be any of your business?
Ares smiled at her attitude, that was more like the Gabrielle he liked, all fired up. He always knew she had it in her.
- I have a proposition for you! Couldn't you guess it?
- Well I'm not going to lead your army, Ares!
- I know, calm down just a little will you? Just listen to me ok?
- All right, all right.
- Why don't we go in a more comfortable place to talk?
He snapped his fingers and they found themselves in one of his temples, sitting on giant piles of soft cushions. It reminded her of Gurkham's harem. He handed her a delicate goblet of the finest wine he had in his cave and smiled when she took a sip, closing her eyes to savor the sweet taste and the warmth she felt inside.
- That's good stuff Ares.
- Only the best for the best!
She gave him a shy smile, the one that made him feel vulnerable. For a moment, he completely lost track of time and why he had brought her here. She opened her eyes and stared at him, waiting for him to speak.
- I... Oh yes! As I was saying, I have a proposition for you. As you know my War duties have changed since Xena gave Dite and me our Godhood back! I'm not in lust for violence without purpose anymore.... I mean I enjoy more a fair fight these days than an army sacking an innocent village.
- Are you serious? Is that why the whole country is at peace?
- Yes! I never thought anyone had noticed. I realized a lot of my wrongs while I was a mortal, and wanted to make it up. No, don't get mad. It's not about redeeming myself. He winked at her, making her smile again. It's more about learning how to lead people the right way. I've been hanging a lot with Augustus Caesar lately and we're on the same page. Since he had to fight Livia for the control of the Empire, he also saw what war could bring. He came back to his Roma Paxa... Roman Peace, that's why the Empire has grown so powerful, he even gave a lot of power to the population. Well, Eve had a lot to do with that one but..
- What do you mean Eve? Is she in Rome?
- Actually, Yes! She is residing in the Palace as Augustus's adviser or priestess. I'm not sure which and I don't really care. But things have sure changed.
- I guess you're right! But what do I have to do with all this?
- The fact is I want you at my side Gabrielle! I need your wisdom, your advice, your skills, and your love...
He whispered that last one and she didn't seem to hear it.
- You want me to be your second in command??
- Not really, I want you to be my equal Gabrielle; I want us to finally be honest with each other, no more games, just you and me, face to face.
She choked on her last drops on wine when he said that. He slowly took the goblet off her hands and held her face in his large, amazingly soft and warm hands.
- What.... what do you mean Ares?
- What I've been trying to tell you since that Mavican story, that I need you, that I...Love you Gabrielle....I'm in love with you and I want you to marry me. We could do so much for each other. You made me see who I could be and you complete me. When I killed Eli, I came so close to reveal all I was feeling for you but you were so mad at me that I couldn't make you more confused. I had to let you grieve. You broke my heart when you refused to follow me; I thought you would never forgive me.
-But then you go and gave up your immortality to save me. That erased everything we've been through. You gave up your life for me! I wasn't going to forget that!
- How did you know?? Who told you?
- Eve, after the mess with Caligula, she told me about a little chat you had in your prison cell. That made me realize a lot too...Things I didn't want to think about, stuff that was too confusing for me.. But now, I want to be honest with you too Ares....
- So does that mean....
He couldn't finish his sentence as Gabrielle leaned over him to offer her lips. He met her and the sweet kiss seemed to go on forever, as Ares knew nothing could ever be the same. But so much was still unresolved......
Did you like? If so then maybe there's going to be a sequel!!!! lol
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me they belong to whoever has their hands on the right of Xena: Warrior Princess. No money is made with this, entertainment only!!!
Summary: What if Gabrielle never followed Xena in her mission from A FRIEND IN NEED????
Ratings: General for now could change in the sequels....
Beta-Reading made by Smenzer who had enough patience to correct all my mistakes..Billion thanks, Sis!!!
- Where to now Xena? Asked a sleepy Gabrielle
- In the west, I heard they're in need of a girl with a chakrom. That could be nice to take a change of scenery what do you think?
- Hum,hum............zzzzzzzzzz
Xena smiled as she watched Gabrielle drifts in the land of morpheus. But for herself, she wasn't really sleepy yet. She felt strange, nervous, like something was about to happen. But of course, in their lives, something always happened. Tonight was different though, the night was beautiful and Xena stared into the stars but couldn't find peace. There was definitively something wrong. She sighed and gaze into Gabrielle peaceful face. She was mumbling in her sleep, "Perdicas", Xena shivered at the guilt the name made her feel. She still thought she could have done something to save him, Gabrielle never said anything about it but Xena could tell that the spark of doubt in her eyes had only grown bigger and bigger over the years. She had made so many mistakes towards Gabrielle, she had took her for granted, she had underestimated her so many times. But still, their friendship was stronger than anything else. Despise the betrayals, the deaths, the pain and all the changes they've gone through, they were still together. Xena could never be thankful enough for that. In the bottom of her heart, she knew she didn't deserve it, she knew that she wasn't redeemed yet for all her crimes. She sighed again and decided to try to sleep when Gabrielle started crying. Xena tried to wake her up and when Gabrielle opened her eyes, one last moan came out of her lips " Hope, I loved you so much" That was too much for Xena, she felt her gesture hardened. She had never been really good at dealing with pain.
- Come on Gabby! It was just a nightmare; you've been talking in your sleep since you closed your eyes.
- All right, all right, I'm awake now. Sorry to bother you. I've been having nightmares for weeks now. I thought I was over all of this by now.
- Well, you can't let your memories take control of your life you know.
- No need to lecture me Warrior Princess, I said I couldn't help it.
- Why don't you go back to sleep? It will all be better now.
-And how do you know that? Why don't you let me decide if I want to sleep or not? You were still awake as I can see, so I can be awake, too.
- No need to jump on me because.............
-What is it Xena?
-Sssssssshhhhh!
- There's someone out there isn't there, circling, trying to find us?
If Xena was surprised by Gabrielle quick grasp of the situation, she didn't let her partner on. They stood still, on guard when they saw a monk coming out of the surrounding woods.
-Are you Xena the Warrior Princess?
And there it was again. Another wrong Xena made years ago and that she had to take care of. Gabrielle was fed up with all of this. All those times they could have been helping others instead of repairing Xena's past. And who was this Akimi? The monk stayed with them for the night, telling all that Xena wanted to know and Gabrielle felt surprised at her lack of interest and her bitterness. Maybe it was a mission she was going stay out of. Last time they went to Chine everything went wrong, Gabrielle was not going to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. But she listened as Xena told the tale of Akimi, feeling a little jealous. When she heard the part of Akimi killing her father with the pinch, her anger exploded!
- You taught her the pinch?????????? She was a young girl! How could you??? You never taught me! I'm only allowed to take it off but you showed her how? What's wrong with you?
- Don't you see? That is exactly why I didn't want to teach it to you. Akimi destroyed her young and innocent life because of me; I didn't want to do the same with you!
- Haven't you realized I'm grown up now? I can live with my own mistakes, I make my own decisions, I don't need your blessing for everything, Xena. For too long I've let you decide what's best for me, but now I've had enough. I love you Xena but it's time that we go separate ways. This is a mission you don't need me for.
-But Gabrielle...
- No, I need time for myself, I've grown bitter and bitter for a long time now and the load is too heavy for me. I can't take it anymore, that's why I've been having those nightmares.
- About Perdicas and Hope?
- And Joxer and Eli, how you blamed me for all those deaths, how my mistakes are always too big but yours are OK, you made them because you had too. How about the times I put my life on peril for Eve's sake and yet again, you had to be at mad at me. You will never understand me.
Xena took a step back, taking all Gabrielle had said into consideration.
- That is where you are wrong Gabrielle, I do understand you, and I just wanted the best for you. If you think we should part ways, it's your call.
- I think it's for the best. I'll pack my things and go, you probably want to get going right away isn't it?
- Yes but Gabrielle? Will we see each other again? This isn't Goodbye?
- And it could never be, Xena. But we have to take different paths now; this redeeming life isn't for me anymore. It's what you need, not me.
- What are you going to do? Go back to the Amazons?
- Surprisingly yes! I could teach them so much and it feels like home there. They were the first to see the potential in me. They taught me how to fight and now I'll give all I've learn back to them.
- Brings the real meaning Strong Amazon Nation back right?
Gabrielle smiled, feeling relieved and more relaxed.
- Yes, I don't want us to be mad at each other, but it's something I have to do.
- I understand, well, I'll come and see you when things are back to normal in Chine.
They hugged, trying not to show each other how incredibly painful this was. But they were right. This splitting up was for the best. What they didn't know though, is that someone else had seen the scene and was pretty happy that Gabby was now alone.
The next morning, Gabrielle was on the shore of a river. She was trying to write her feelings down but couldn't get rid of her anger. Had her life been a waste? Xena hadn't even tried to make her change her mind. It was almost like she wanted to get rid of her. But no, that couldn't be, she knew it wasn't that. Being alone would help her regroup herself. Bursts of anger came through her mind. She had to move so she took her sais out and began training. But whit each strike a memory came back to her.
* Perdicas dying, Xena standing there doing nothing* * When she had Hope, Xena ordering her to kill her and then got suspicious* * Xena had a child without a father too but HERS had to be good* * She hadn't even wanted me to learn to fight, the Amazons showed me* * How many times had I died for her? Did I ever get a thanks? No* * Every time I tried to save her she got mad at me* * All those times she hit me, even with her chakrom almost killing me. When she was being possessed that was OK but when it's me, she has to try to kill me* * she had never wanted to help me deal with the whole Hope thing, how was I suppose to feel?* * Solan, she tried to kill me for that too, even if I had nothing to do with that. I sacrificed my own blood and bones for her.* * I got crucified for her* * I've been used more as a bait than fishes for God's sake* ..................
She felt a tear running down her face and she fell to the ground, exhausted.
- Did that felt good Gabrielle?
- Ares?
She stood on her feet, startled.
- What are you doing here? Xena's not here, you know that!
- Oh! Believe me, I know!
- Then what do you want? Have you been following me?
- In fact I have. I knew something was wrong with you since you couldn't sleep peacefully anymore.
- And how do you know that?
- I....I.... That's not the matter Gabrielle! What I wanted to talk to you about was what you were going to do now!
- And why would that be any of your business?
Ares smiled at her attitude, that was more like the Gabrielle he liked, all fired up. He always knew she had it in her.
- I have a proposition for you! Couldn't you guess it?
- Well I'm not going to lead your army, Ares!
- I know, calm down just a little will you? Just listen to me ok?
- All right, all right.
- Why don't we go in a more comfortable place to talk?
He snapped his fingers and they found themselves in one of his temples, sitting on giant piles of soft cushions. It reminded her of Gurkham's harem. He handed her a delicate goblet of the finest wine he had in his cave and smiled when she took a sip, closing her eyes to savor the sweet taste and the warmth she felt inside.
- That's good stuff Ares.
- Only the best for the best!
She gave him a shy smile, the one that made him feel vulnerable. For a moment, he completely lost track of time and why he had brought her here. She opened her eyes and stared at him, waiting for him to speak.
- I... Oh yes! As I was saying, I have a proposition for you. As you know my War duties have changed since Xena gave Dite and me our Godhood back! I'm not in lust for violence without purpose anymore.... I mean I enjoy more a fair fight these days than an army sacking an innocent village.
- Are you serious? Is that why the whole country is at peace?
- Yes! I never thought anyone had noticed. I realized a lot of my wrongs while I was a mortal, and wanted to make it up. No, don't get mad. It's not about redeeming myself. He winked at her, making her smile again. It's more about learning how to lead people the right way. I've been hanging a lot with Augustus Caesar lately and we're on the same page. Since he had to fight Livia for the control of the Empire, he also saw what war could bring. He came back to his Roma Paxa... Roman Peace, that's why the Empire has grown so powerful, he even gave a lot of power to the population. Well, Eve had a lot to do with that one but..
- What do you mean Eve? Is she in Rome?
- Actually, Yes! She is residing in the Palace as Augustus's adviser or priestess. I'm not sure which and I don't really care. But things have sure changed.
- I guess you're right! But what do I have to do with all this?
- The fact is I want you at my side Gabrielle! I need your wisdom, your advice, your skills, and your love...
He whispered that last one and she didn't seem to hear it.
- You want me to be your second in command??
- Not really, I want you to be my equal Gabrielle; I want us to finally be honest with each other, no more games, just you and me, face to face.
She choked on her last drops on wine when he said that. He slowly took the goblet off her hands and held her face in his large, amazingly soft and warm hands.
- What.... what do you mean Ares?
- What I've been trying to tell you since that Mavican story, that I need you, that I...Love you Gabrielle....I'm in love with you and I want you to marry me. We could do so much for each other. You made me see who I could be and you complete me. When I killed Eli, I came so close to reveal all I was feeling for you but you were so mad at me that I couldn't make you more confused. I had to let you grieve. You broke my heart when you refused to follow me; I thought you would never forgive me.
-But then you go and gave up your immortality to save me. That erased everything we've been through. You gave up your life for me! I wasn't going to forget that!
- How did you know?? Who told you?
- Eve, after the mess with Caligula, she told me about a little chat you had in your prison cell. That made me realize a lot too...Things I didn't want to think about, stuff that was too confusing for me.. But now, I want to be honest with you too Ares....
- So does that mean....
He couldn't finish his sentence as Gabrielle leaned over him to offer her lips. He met her and the sweet kiss seemed to go on forever, as Ares knew nothing could ever be the same. But so much was still unresolved......
Did you like? If so then maybe there's going to be a sequel!!!! lol