Author's Note: Ah, geez, thanks for all the positive reviews. Tsumani, shame on you for making me blush! But anyway, I'm glad you all like it so far. I worked hard on this next chapter, so you guys better like it. And make sure you read my note at the bottom of the page. It's very important! Now on with the fic!

Chaptuh 5

"What do you think you're doing?" the voice demanded. Numbuh 30C snapped his head up in the direction of the voice and found Hoagie standing in the doorway, glaring at him. He quickly snatched the note up from underneath the floorboard and slipped it into his back pocket. Unable to think of a good response, he just sat there stupidly for awhile before he managed to weakly reply, "I just noticed this board was a little loose, so, . . .I. . ." He fumbled with his words, silently cursing himself for getting caught.

Numbuh 2 eyed his foe suspiciously. "What was that you slipped in your pocket?" he asked.

Think fast!, Numbuh 30C thought frantically, his gaze darting back and forth between Hoagie and the door. He finally answered, "Ah, it's...nothing. It's just some notes I was writing--that's all."

Numbuh 2 slowly walked over to Numbuh 30C and held his hand out. "If it's nothing, mind if I take a look?" he asked.

Before Hoagie got his response, Numbuh 30C knocked him to the ground and bolted for the door--catching Numbuh 2 by surprise. "Hey!" Hoagie cried out. But luckily, because of his experience as a fighter pilot, Hoagie had the reflexes of a cat. He caught Numbuh 30C's ankle just in time, as the boy tried to whip past him. 30C landed with a THUD! on the ground and the two immediately began to wrestle on Hoagie's floor.

"You must be hiding something!" Numbuh 2 gasped in between short, agonizing breaths, "so give it up!" He tried--unsuccessfully--to pin his opponent down.

"I should say the same about you!" Numbuh 30C accused, trying to push Numbuh 2 off of him. But by now, Hoagie had the boy pinned underneath his full weight, and Numbuh 30C felt his ribs being crushed. "Get off me! You're crushing me!"

The two continued to struggle for what seemed like an eternity, before Numbuh 30C finally managed to push the heavier boy off him.

Hoagie had to sit back and catch his breath. Seizing this opportunity, Numbuh 30C kicked him squarely in the knee.

"OUCH!" Numbuh 2 yelped, clutching his knee in pain. "Why did you have to kick me so hard?"

Numbuh 30C hastily scrambled to his feet, his heart beating violently. His lungs gasping for oxygen, he took a long, deep breath and finally blurted out, "You were crushing me, you moron! What do you weigh? Like 300 pounds?! Besides, what would the Moon Base say if I told them you were treating me like a criminal here on my first day?"

At that, Hoagie didn't answer and he sat back on his heels. He watched helplessly as Numbuh 30C took the crumpled letter out of his pocket. "I'm curious as to what this letter has to say. Why don't I read it for the both of us?" He straightened his Hawaiian shirt and read aloud:

"'Dear Hoagie,

Hopefully, by the time you read this, you and your team will have been decommissioned. You are such an idiot for practically handing those plans over to me. Now, 'Father' and I can continue our evil plot of destruction against the rest of the Kids Next Door and blast you all into deep space! Ha Ha Ha!

Love always,

Cree

P.S. Next time, don't be so predictable.'"

Numbuh 30C stared from the letter, to Hoagie, and then back to the letter, confused. "So, are you going to explain this?"

Hoagie felt a fresh wave of panic wash over him and he begged, "You're not going to tell the others about that letter, are you? Please! Please...I'll do anything. Anything! Numbuh 1 will have me served up with french fries and batter sauce, and--and he'll--"

"Ahem!" Numbuh 30C cleared his throat, tapping his foot impatiently. I got 'Chubby' right where I want him. Now I can start with Plan One, he thought with a wicked grin.

Hoagie proceeded to explain the letter to Numbuh 30C...

FLASHBACK...

It happened three weeks ago: Hoagie had been at the local burger joint, revising some blueprints and plans for their latest mission, when...he looked up and suddenly saw Cree standing over him, watching him work. He felt his pulse quicken and his palms start to sweat. She smiled at him sweetly and asked, "What are you working on?"

"Uh, it's nothing." His jaw dropped open and drool dripped from his mouth when she leaned over slightly and he caught a glimpse of her cleavage.

"Can I ask a favor?"

"S-surrrre...Cree." Anything for you.

"My bike's parked outside but I forgot to bring my chain. Do you mind watching it for me while I order a salad?"

"No p-p-problem."

"Thank you!" She blew him a kiss, and he felt like he was walking on air as he waited outside for her. Then five minutes passed, and then another five minutes. Thirty minutes later, he walked back inside and suddenly remembered--his notes! Oh nooo! He quickly rushed back to his table and realized it was too late. She had already stolen the blueprints, the plans, and even worse--the last of his cheese fries!

And that was how this last mission got screwed up and resulted in Sector V's temporary suspension from the Kids Next Door. Hoagie claimed he had found that letter from Cree on his bed, a week ago, and panicked. He had quickly hid it in his Yipper comic book before the others could find it.

"Everyone will hate me," Numbuh 2 said sadly. He felt ashamed and full of remorse, yet somehow relieved--the guilt at keeping this secret had been slowly gnawing away at his insides. He dared to look up at Numbuh 30C.

"So, you don't have to tell anyone about this, do you?" he asked hopefully.

But Numbuh 30C was quietly smirking, and he pondered out loud: "And this whole time I thought Sector V were just a bunch of incompetent bozos. . . There was never an engine malfunction, or the S.C.A.M.P. 's bad timing, or even bad planning. All along, your girlfriend knew what you guys had in store for the Delightful's, and she warned 'Father'! That's why he was able to easily defeat you that day. And you didn't even bother to tell your leader about this! Man, you seriously suck!"

"Hey!" Hoagie shouted defensively.

"Well, Numbuh 2, I think I can be a little forgiving about this. But I wouldn't be so sure about your teammates. . ."

"Please, you don't have to tell them..." Hoagie begged.

"Okay, okay, I'll cut you a deal. Just get up and quit your whining!" Numbuh 30C ordered, the sight of Hoagie groveling on his hands and knees making him nauseous. And then a thought suddenly came to his mind. For a moment, his eyes darkened. Then, in a serious tone, he said, "First, I want you to tell me everything you know about your teammates. . ."

In the living room, Numbuhs 4 and 5 were sitting on the couch watching television, when--out of the blue--Numbuh 4 asked her a question.

"Numbuh 5, I need your advice on somethin'."

Numbuh 5 turned her attention away from the screen and looked at Numbuh 4.

"Shoot for it, shorty."

"Grrrrr...don't call me 'shorty'!" The Aussie growled.

"Oh, I'm sorry, my sincerest apologies, Numbuh 4. So, what's on yo' mind?"

Numbuh 4 felt his cheeks grow red as he replied, "Uh...it's kinda a personal question..."

"Don't worry, Numbuh 4! Numbuh 5 will keep this jus' between us." Suddenly interested, she muted the television and scooted closer to him. She thought, Ooh boy! A personal question, eh? I bet it's about Numbuh 3! Those two been actin' weird lately. Oops, he's lookin' at you! Bettuh keep it cool, Numbuh 5!

"So you have a friend, thaz riiight?" She relaxed back on the couch and crossed her arms, giving him a mischievous wink. He only stared at her in confusion and asked, "Is there somethin' in your eye, Numbuh 5?"

"What? Oh, no. Jus' go ahead and ask me da question, okay?"

"Okay, well you see, I have this 'friend'. And he's--"

"This 'friend'--have any of us evuh met him?"

"Er...no. That's because he lives in Australia."

"Oh? It's funny, 'cuz Numbuh 5 nevuh heard you mention any friends in Australia befo'." She winked at him again.

"Will ya get that eye problem fixed?! Anyway," he continued, "this friend of mine is kinda shy so that's why I never mention him. But he likes a particular sheila--a girl--and he wants to know the best way he can tell her this so maybe she might like 'im back."

"Ahhh, so this 'friend' jus' wants advice on romance, right? Well, Numbuh 4, I hate ta say this, but I am probably da last person you should be asking for advice on romance and junk."

"But, you're the only girl Ah can talk to!"

"What about Numbuh 3?" Numbuh 5 asked, watching his cheeks blush even more profusely. His eyes widened in horror and he shook his head emphatically. "NO way! I don't want to talk to 'er about this!"

"Hmmm...well, since I have an older sister and all, she usually likes readin' love poems dat guys write for her n' junk. I suggest you write Kuki a little love poem--oops, I mean your friend write his sheila a little love poem."

His face brightened and he got up from the sofa. "Thanks a lot, Numbuh 5! And, uh, could you do me a favor and, uh, not tell anyone about this?"

"Yo secret's safe with me, shorty." She chuckled.

He walked away and grumbled. "Grrrrrrrr..."

Meanwhile, back in Hoagie's room, thirty minutes earlier...

It took about a half an hour, but Numbuh 2 managed to spill everything he knew about his teammates. The whole time he had been talking, Numbuh 30C had unzipped his suitcase and unloaded its contents on the bed.

Hoagie's eyes widened in amazement as he watched Numbuh 30C hook up a state-of-the-art mini-computer (with a CPU clock speed he gaged to be faster than the speed of light) to a flat, LCD monitor, and then split some wires and attached them to a control panel with blinking red lights.

"Wow! This is awesome!" Hoagie exclaimed, picking up a weird-looking gadget that resembled an insect. He turned it around over and over again in his hand, studying it. "Numbuh 30C, what does this do?"

"Put that down!" Numbuh 30C snapped as snatched it out of Hoagie's hand. He turned his attention back to the machine and hooked up some more wires to a microphone.

"Sorrrry. What is all of this for, anyway?" Hoagie asked, trying to sound casual. Numbuh 30C didn't answer him right away as he carefully split some speaker wires and hooked them into a black box. He handed Hoagie a small black object shaped like a complex, mathematically perfect octagon.

"Your mission, Numbuh 2,"he stated matter-of-factly, "is to sneak into Numbuh 4's room and plant this chip somewhere where he won't find it. And after you're done with that, I want you to hide this micro-camera up in his ceiling, somewhere high, so 'short stuff' isn't likely to find it. I'll be out in the hallway, keeping an eye out for you and if I hear anyone coming, I'll give you a signal. You got that?"

"Y-yes. But, we're not going to do anything 'bad' to Numbuh 4, are we?" Hoagie asked, somewhat hesitant.

Numbuh 30C gave his new 'partner' a reassuring pat on the back. "Relax, my good pal Hoag--we're just going to have a little fun."

Barely missing Hoagie by two minutes, Numbuh 4 entered his room, excitement plastered all over his face. Unaware that there was a camera and a small chip hidden in his room, and that Hoagie and 30C were watching him through the monitor from Hoagie's bedroom, Numbuh 4 walked to his nightstand and retrieved a notebook and pencil.

He started to write:

'Numbuh 3--when I stair at you I kan't help but want to make out with you.'

"Grrrr, what are you? A freak? She won't like that!" He crumpled up the letter and ripped out a fresh sheet:

'Numbuh 3, whenever i look at u, my heart feels up with joy...'

"That's horrible! You sound like a cruddy mushball!!" he thought aloud to himself. He wrote:

'Kuki, your i's are like the stars and the moon...'

"Well, that IS a bit of an improvement." But he read it over once more and frowned. Frustrated, he walked over to his punching bag and started pounding away. He did this for about a good five minutes, muttering the whole time, "Women, why do they always have to fall for that kissy, loveydovey crap anyway?"He stopped pounding and froze when a deep, mysterious voice responded:

"Because, Wallabee Beetles, women won't settle for a simpleton."

Numbuh 4 looked around his room. "What's a simpleton?" he asked. Then the realization dawned on him that no one was in the room with him, and he was probably talking to himself. "Ah must be hearin' voices," he mumbled.

"That's what they all think when I first appear to them, Wallabee Beetles."

"Wait a second!"Numbuh 4 had a sudden epiphany. "If Ah'm hearing a voice, then why does it keep callin' me Wallabee Beetles? I hate that name!"He looked up at the ceiling and shouted, "'Ey, voices, whoever you are, you bettuh quit callin' me Wallabee or Ah'll beat ya to a bloody pulp!" Numbuh 4 growled, clenching his fists. He started punching on the walls, trying to make the voice stop when it continued:

"Numbuh 4, did you know that bottling up all that anger and rage will only contribute to heart problems later in life?"

By this time, Numbuh 4 was close to flipping out and he started searching his room. He lifted up his mattress, looked under his bed, pulled opened his drawers, looked in his closet, searched underneath the wrestling ring.

"Whoever you are, you don't want to mess with Numbuh 4!" He threatened, scanning the corners of his room and pushing clothes and comics out of the way. He finally gave up and sighed.

"Okay," he said to the voice, finally defeated, "who are ya and what do ya want?"

"I am the 'Higher Power', the 'Master', the 'Eternal One', the 'Infinite Wisdom', the 'End All, Know All--"

"Jus' get on with it, will ya, you dolt?"

"Silence! You shall not address your master that way. Because, Wallabee Beetles, I am God

Numbuh 4 froze in midair. "Y-y-you're God?"

At that exact moment in time, in Hoagie's room...

Numbuh 2 and 30C watched Numbuh 4 tear up his room in panic on the computer monitor with some kind of sinister amusement. It was Numbuh 30C who spoke to Wallabee as "God", cleverly disguising his voice and using the ECHO feature on his microphone. Hoagie whispered to 30C, "Tell him to do something funny!"

Numbuh 30C rolled his eyes at him and spoke into the microphone:

"Wallabee, I want you to twirl around in your room like a ballerina!"

Back in Numbuh 4's room....

Numbuh 4 looked around in amazement. "You want me to do what?"

"Did I stutter, Wallabee?"

"Uh, no, I suppose You didn't. But why do You want me to do that?"

"Because I want to help you, Wallabee."

"How?"

"Uh, er, I want to help you with, uh...any problems you might be having right now."

"But how is twirling around like a ballerina gonna help me with my problems, God?" Numbuh 4 asked, still uncertain.

"Because, my son, I want to...er, know if you're a loyal follower. So stop asking me stupid questions!"

Numbuh 4 felt ridiculous, but he twirled around in pirouettes, even executing a fine arabesque, and other acrobatics for about a minute when he finally asked, "Is that good enough, God?"

Numbuh 4 frowned when God started laughing. "I said, is that good enough, God?!"

"What? Oh, yes, son, very good. Uh, now I want you to rub your stomach. No, counter-clockwise. Yes. Very good. Now pat your head! At the same time, Wallabee. Very good. You're catching on. Now sing 'Kumbaya.'

Numbuh 4 obeyed but he felt utterly ridiculous singing. Jeez, if the others saw what Ah was doin' right now, I'd never hear the end of it! I've gotta put a stop to this. Maybe someone really is playin' a joke on me!

He was lost in deep concentration when God finally asked:

"What were you writing earlier that made you so angry?"

"Uh, nuthin'. Nuthin' at all," Numbuh 4 replied quickly.

"Don't lie to me."

"It was jus' a poem for Numbuh 3, er, I mean, a girl."

"Well, throw it away! Get out another sheet and you're going to write this instead..."

Numbuh 4 took out his notebook and pencil. "Okay, I'm ready, God."

"The first line shall read: 'Dear Kuki'...."

My final note: If you've ever seen Real Genius with Val Kilmer (an awesome 80's movie, btw) then you'll see where I got that idea from. You know, the part where Mitch and Chris planted a chip in Kent's mouth and they spoke to him via the chip and convinced Kent that they were God? Haha, well, if you haven't, don't worry. BUT, if you're a little confused about what just happened, imagine that Hoagie and 30C are 'security guards' and they're in Hoagie's room watching Numbuh 4's room. Now imagine that there's a speaker in 4's room, without his knowledge, and 30C can talk to him through that microphone. And Numbuh 4, of course, doesn't know this and he really thinks it's God he's talking to. Okay, I'll quit rambling. Next chapter there will be a lot of fun stuff, guarantee!