Thank You

By Arashi Doragon

Disclaimer: I do not own Thunderbirds. That right belongs to Gerry Anderson, and to him I am eternally grateful for bringing Thunderbirds into my life

Part Two: Hurting You

Notes: I had to write a second chapter. This is 2/3. Yep. Three chapters. Just because. Although this chapter features the brother heavily, I am in love with the father/son relationship between Alan and Jeff , so expect that conversation in the third chapter. --. Anyway's, hope you like this as much as the first, and be sure that there's another fic from me on the way. Once I get around to posting part 4 of Judas. Enjoy and I've decided to make this Tv-verse. So Alan's 21.

I hated you…

Alan Tracy stared at his father, unable to from the words to say what he felt in his heart. The sight of John next to him filled him with courage. Courage he may not have been able to summon otherwise. The conversation with his elder brother had really helped him and he was grateful for John in every way.

When he had told Gordon what was bothering his brother hadn't been able to lift the depression settling on the youngest Tracy's shoulders. Alan hadn't expected any of his other brothers to try. Least of all John. Especially considering it was John and his father with whom he had the biggest argument of the day.

He almost winced and felt the touch of his brothers' hand on his arm. Taking a deep breath, he looked his father in the eyes and spoke. His voice sounded alien even to him but he couldn't keep this in anymore.

"I'm sorry dad. For what I did."

There was silence in the Tracy lounge. The other three Tracy brothers regarded Alan in barely contained wonder. It was a well-known fact that Alan never apologised to their father after an argument. After a fight, the two would slip into a sort of agreed truce and things would carry on. This…this was new.

Jeff seemed to share the same thoughts as he searched his sons face for any indication of what was bothering Alan. He knew that he had walked in on a precious moment between the two brothers and since then he had wondered what could have caused Alan to cry on his brothers' shoulder so profusely.

And he couldn't shake the uneasy feeling that he was in some way responsible for the tears.

It pained him to know that he wasn't as close to his youngest son as he would have liked. Alan had always been independent and bristled at anyone who tried to exert control over him. Something Jeff had long since learned. But he was also aware that he had kept Alan at a distance for a reason.

A reason for which he had no excuse.

The silence was beginning to eat at all of them. Before Alan could open his mouth to speak, Scott broke the uneasy stillness of the room.

"What's going on?"

Alan didn't want to answer Scott just yet. He needed to speak with Jeff first. Turning a pleading look on John, he tried to make the elder blonde understand without using words. John, who was more adept at reading Alan than the youngest Tracy realised, turned immediately to their brothers.

"Guys. Can I talk to you a minute?"

Scott looked set to argue, but saw the expression on Alan's face. Realising that John would be able to tell them what Alan could not, he nodded slowly, and pulled on Virgil to follow him out. The middle Tracy followed amicably, but Gordon remained where he was.

It took a glare from John and a prompting expression from Alan to get him to move, but he wasn't happy that he couldn't be with Alan. John gave his youngest brother a reassuring glance before he followed Gordy out of the door.

Jeff understood that his youngest boy had something to tell him, and the look on Alan's face told him he wouldn't like what he was going to hear.

"What's this about Alan?"

"I wanted to tell you why I've been acting the way I have."

"What happened?"

John met Scott's imploring stare head on. Deep down he knew that Alan would need support right now, but the younger boy had made it clear he wanted to do this alone. He resigned himself to telling his brothers about it.

"He thinks he's to blame for mom dying."

The silence that met that statement instantly put John on his guard. He hoped, with all his heart, that his brothers would support what he had told Alan, and follow the reactions he had suspected. As he looked at each brother in turn, his heart fell. Surely they didn't blame Alan?

Gordon's reaction lifted his spirits a little. The definite harsh glare reminded John of his earlier words and he cocked his head to one side in an inquisitive manner as Gordon sputtered a reply.

"That's so stupid! The idiot!….gah! I have no idea what he was thinking! The stupid git!"

The words continued to pour from Gordon's mouth and John smiled slowly. He could have hugged Gordy in happiness had he not noticed Virgil's expression. The middle Tracy looked almost guilty as he stared at the floor, not opening his mouth to say a word. John knew that was bad sign. Of all the brothers, John had suspected the resistance to come from his artistic brother. Virgil had been closest to their mother, his talents born from hours of love and attention from Lucille.

And John couldn't deny that when they were younger, Virgil had never been close to Alan. It was only after Alan's accident at the Island waterfall, that Virgil had become almost dangerously protective of the younger blonde.

And Scott had that dangerous protectiveness too.

John recognised the elder brother's expression almost immediately. It was one of self-hate. Being the eldest brother, he should have known something was wrong, and John knew Scott saw it as a betrayal that he hadn't helped when he could have.

"Virg? What's wrong?"

The minute John opened his mouth he wished he hadn't. Scott and Gordon saw the expression on Virgil's face and realised immediately what the problem was. John knew that the expression currently residing on Gordon's face was a dangerous one. And one that spelt trouble for Virgil should he say one word he didn't like.

"I…"

Virgil couldn't speak and the emotions on his face made John feel vaguely sick. He was going through everything John had gone through whilst talking to Alan. So. Virgil had blamed Alan. The question was did he still blame their little brother?

"It's all…"

"Hell no! It is not alright John and you know it!"

Gordon's words were harsh and cut through the tense silence like a knife. The red-head rounded on their middle brother, his glare daring Virgil to admit that what he was saying was wrong.

"How could you even think of blaming Alan? He had no control over what was happening!"

"I'm sorry okay!"

Virgil's heartfelt shout silenced Gordon for a second.

"I never wanted to blame him, but he was just…easiest. It means that I had something to vent my frustrations on…my hate. I couldn't help it. I loved mom so much that I needed something to help me deal with what I was feeling."

Gordon stared down his brother, adamant that he was going to have the last word.

"So think what Alan's going through. He didn't have that to fall back on Virg. How do you think he's going to feel, knowing this?"

Gordon's words pierced Virgil's stubborn silence and Scott's silent depression. John had remained out of the discussion, feeling that he had already accepted what had happened and knew that Alan now had him. Would he have his other brothers too?

"He deserves that from us."

Scott and Virgil turned at his words and Gordon nodded vigorously. The eldest Tracy sighed slowly and ran a hand through his hair. John felt it was time to help out this brother too.

"Scott…I don't know what you're feeling right now, but I know you think you're responsible. Believe me, I feel the same way. But if Alan didn't want help, he sure as hell wasn't going to take it."

Before Scott could open his mouth to reply, Gordon felt it his duty to throw in his two cents.

"And I know you have the whole I'm-big-brother-and-I-should-have-known thing going on, but it really isn't your fault for not knowing. None of us bothered to find out what was wrong."

Scott sighed slowly, and nodded, but John knew that this wasn't the end. He knew that Scott would probably be reflecting on this for a long time.

"How am I supposed to apologise for this?"

Virgil's soft words brought further silence to the room. Jon knew that Scott, who would normally be the first to comfort his brother, was in no position to do so and stepped in, lying a hand on his brother's arm.

"I think he already knows how you feel Virg…"

Scott's eyebrow raised and Virgil stared at John in surprise. Even Gordon turned to look at him.

"What do you mean?"

"When we spoke in his room, he cried on my shoulder. Man, but he was sad. I don't think I've ever seen him that upset. He was so sure that we'd all hate him forever because of this. I had to say something."

Gordon's lip quirked upwards as he realised what john was trying to say.

"What was my reaction?"

Virgil and Scott still looked bewildered but John smiled at the red-head. Gordon understood. When it came to Alan Gordon always understood.

"I told him you wouldn't even be able to think of hating him. Let alone doing so. And I guess I was right."

Gordon nodded smiling now, and Scott finally understood what they were talking about.

"What about me?"

There was a small smile playing on the eldest boy's lips and John grinned.

"You would shoot your foot off before hating him."

Scott chuckled and Gordon snorted, trying to cover up his laughter. Virgil however, regarded John slowly, seeming to understand that John had covered for him as well. But how badly.

"And me?"

John hesitated, and put Scott and Gordon back on their guard. Virgil felt his heart constrict. Bad.

"I told him you loved him too much to think that way. I told him you didn't hate him and never would."

Virgil felt like crying. But he pulled himself together. How could he face Alan now, knowing that the small blonde believed what John had told him?

"Virgil?"

The brown-haired Tracy looked up to meet John's eyes.

"Don't beat yourself up over it. I hated him too. And I admitted it. He understood. He knows how hard this is for us. But we have to be here for him now. You need to focus on that. Your guilt will mean nothing if it doesn't go right in there."

John brought the situation down to earth with a bump. Scott almost winced. Jeff Tracy wasn't going to like hearing this from Alan.

The rift between Jeff and Alan would either be fixed today. Or would widen so rapidly that there would be no hope of repair.

Done. Last part up soon. I promise. R & R?