Remus was ill.

He was sick in the head and he was sure what to do about. He thought about talking to one of his friends but one look at them and the words dried in his mouth.

They weren't likely to take well to his sickness and he couldn't - just couldn't- lose them because of it.

He thought to talk to his father about it but his Dad had put a stop to that quickly enough.

"Tell me you're interested in a girl and I'll help you," Mr. Lupin had said when Remus broached the subject. "But tell me you're a queer and I'll throw you out the house." And then he laughed and clapped Remus on the shoulder and ruffled his hair and the words died.

Remus thought to tell Madam Pomfrey but he already knew what her views on the subject where – deviant and immoral – and Remus admired her to much to lose her respect and earn, instead, her disgust.

He kept quiet, laughed at all the 'queer' jokes his friends made and was careful. He took Astrea Clearwater to Hogsmead, brought her sugar-quills and chocolate frogs. They shared soft, timid kisses together that were nice but nothing more and held hands.

Sirius probed him for details, laughing at Remus's virgin blush and recounting his own tales of conquest.

Astrea was pretty, blond and smart. Her laugh was sweet and her smile gentle but her teeth, unfortunately, were crocked. That, Remus said after the forth date to end with just a chaste kiss was the reason nothing went further. He couldn't bring himself to fancy her more.

Sirius laughed dirtily and flashed a smile of his prefect teeth, and Remus was lost.

Violet and he went to Hogsmead again that weekend and when they kissed Remus found himself thinking of a cocky, arrogant young man with perfect teeth.

Later Astrea flusteredly told her friends how passionate he was.

"And you thought he'd gone off me!" she laughed.

They were an official couple now and Remus felt obliged to keep her around, to make small-take and kisses with her. Peter was jealous, James was deeply envious and Sirius just didn't seem to care. That upset Remus more than he liked to think so he ignored it, smiled happily and kissed Astrea on the cheek, pretending his eyes didn't stray to check Sirius was watching them.

And then he went home for the holidays and his father refused to let him watch Monty Python because of 'that queer Graham Chapman."

When Remus went back to Hogwarts everything had changed. James and Peter were suddenly keeping a distance from Sirius and both had girlfriends rather sharpish.

"What's wrong?" Remus asked James who looked about furtively and whispered "Sirius is a shirt-lifter."

"What?"

"He told me in the summer hols. He was sleeping in my room!" James roared in disgust. "He's seen me naked!"

"It's not great." Remus muttered.

James looked at him.

"You're not a poof are you, Moony?" he asked.

"Piss off, James. Look! Backs to the wall, here comes Sirius."

The look Sirius gave him should have struck him dead and Remus wished it had.

He broke up with Astrea the next week.

They ignored Sirius in lessons now and at lunch and dinner times. Sirius washed on his own and slept in the common room.

"Good riddance." Said Peter, happy to have James all to himself, and Remus wondered how five years of friendship could be so easily thrown away.

There were still old loyalties at work though – Sirius was exempt from the mistreatment and hatred of the whole student body. It was agreed Sirius and his problem was not to be talked about, he might be a dirty pervert but he had been one of them and that warranted some leniencies.

So Sirius survived and Remus, terrified of what would happen if he was found communicating with Sirius, survived on hand and imagination alone.

After all, Sirius was a liability and one Remus could not afford to be to close too.

But one day Sirius came for him.

"You're a poof, Remus." he said as they sat researching their joint project for potions – obviously the potions master was the only professor who hadn't gauged the animosity between the old friends and had, for a treat, set them to work together. Peter had offered Remus some painful charms if Sirius got to close for comfort and Remus wished he'd bothered to listen.

"Go away, Sirius." Remus said sternly, his cheeks burning and he looked around to see if anyone had heard what had just been said to him. The library was disserted and Remus realised to late he had no escape.

"You are." Sirius growled and Remus tried to hide behind his potions homework.

"Sirius, please."

"You don't even try and deny it! You're a bloody hypocrite."

"You're an idiot. Nobody wants to associate with a queer."

Sirius grinned dirtily at him.

"I'd associate with you." He said, wiggling his eyebrows.

"You're disgusting." Remus said, wishing he sounded more convincing.

"What to try?"

"What?"

"It, together."

"No!"

"Come on, it'd just be two friends getting each other off."

"You're a faggot."

"So are you." Sirius said and then surged forward, kissed him and stuffed his hand down Remus's trousers.

Remus fought, at least, he meant to fight but the battle was short and the surrender sweet and long, Sirius teasing and perfect as he tortured every last truth form Remus.

"I really fancy you." Sirius said afterward because it was important and mattered more than any quick toss off in the library.

"I'm not brave like you," Remus said. "I can't say it like you can."

Sirius shrugged.

"I still fancy you."

"Thank you." Remus said rather clinically and Sirius laughed and kissed him again.

Maybe James and Peter would come around – more likely they wouldn't but Remus didn't have to tell anyone and Sirius didn't seem to mind.

It was perfect.