Disclaimer: As I hope you all realize, I don't own Beowulf. I don't write epics. If I did, I'd probably die.
AN: It's very short, very spoofish, and very I-needed-a-break-from-what-I've-been-posting-on here-lately-ish. Oh yeah, when my group performed our little skit, I got to read the part of Beowulf. FUN STUFF!! So anyway...
Beowulf vs. The Dragon
Cast:
Beowulf
Wiglaf
The Dragon
Random soldier
Scene 1: The Kingdom of the Geats
Beowulf: The dragon has killed again! It is my duty to defend my people. If I die-
Wiglaf: And you probably will.
Beowulf: (glares at Wiglaf) -it will be with great honor. Yet if I live-
Wiglaf: You'll be famous, baby! You'll be great! I can see your name in lights!
Beowulf: What are lights?
Wiglaf: Don't bother me with details! Don't you have a dragon to slay?
Beowulf: Oh yeah. (suddenly excited) I'll tear him apart! I'll mop the floor with him! He's mine, I tell ya! You saw what I did to Grendel! That was nothing!
Wiglaf: Alright, champ, go get him.
Beowulf: (scared) Wait, aren't you coming?
Wiglaf: Sure! I'll be right here behind this bush.
Random soldier: We're all behind you, boss.
Beowulf: That's what I'm afraid of.
Scene 2: The Dragon's Lair
(Wiglaf and the Random soldier hide behind a bush.)
Beowulf: Come out, Dragon, and fight like a man!
Dragon: ROAR!
Beowulf: Okeydokey. (starts to run away)
Wiglaf: You're not going to take that from him, are you?
Random soldier: You can take him, boss!
Beowulf: I can? Well of course I can!
Dragon: Who dares disturb me?
Beowulf: (scared) Beowulf, king of the Geats, Mr. Dragon, sir.
Dragon: Thieves! I should swallow you all whole!
Beowulf: Can't we talk?
Dragon: Well, I guess, but I can't promise it will do any good.
Beowulf: Why won't you leave us alone? What have we done to provoke such attacks?
Dragon: My lair is full of every treasure you can imagine, and it's my job to protect it. Last week one of your little hoodlums snuck in when I was sleeping and stole one of my golden chalices.
Wiglaf: A cup? You're angry over a cup?
Dragon: No, he took my leg warmers, too!
Beowulf: Leg warmers?
Dragon: They were my mother's! Anyway, that's not the point. I didn't ask for this job and I didn't make the rules, but if I don't get that cup back the gods will never let me get back to sleep.
Beowulf: Infidel! I shall smite thee! There's only one god!
Dragon: Oh brother.
Beowulf: (kicks Dragon in the leg)
Dragon: Ow! That's it! (karate chops Beowulf) Hee-ya!
(Beowulf falls to the ground)
Wiglaf: (to random soldier) We should help him.
Random solider: (looks at the Dragon) Later. (runs away)
Wiglaf: (comes out of hiding) Guess it's just you and me, boss!
Beowulf: Wiglaf! Help me up! We'll fight him together!
(They fight and kill the Dragon)
Beowulf: Wiglaf, I'm dying. I want you to take my place as king and all of the riches in the Dragon's lair.
Wiglaf: Hot diggity! I mean, no!
Beowulf: Be strong, Wiglaf! My people need you! (cough) Rosebud. (dies)
FIN