Futility
Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of Symphonia or Linkin Park or any characters/songs thereof.
A/N: I think that from this point on, the story will be told in first person, usually from either Sheena's POV or Zelos's. (Does the possessive form of a name that ends in "s" need an s after the apostrophe? Doesn't matter.) The reason for this will become clear eventually...
Track 2: From The Inside
Sheena's POV
Don't know who to trust
No surprise
I was very unsure of myself. Zelos said he'd give up his constant flirting for me. But could I really believe that? And what about his lechery? Would he give that up, too, or would he continue to satisfy his lust upon me? I want to believe him... I want him to truly love me, and only me. I still think he only sees me for what I am on the surface...I can see what's inside, what's really inside—a good person despite his lewd tendencies—and that is why I love him. I deny it to everyone else, but it's true. Despite everything I hate about him, I still love him. But I don't know what to do...I think he loves me too, but does he love me for the right reasons?
Heavy thoughts sift through dust
And the lies
Someone was moving outside. "Zelos, that better not be you again! I told you I'd talk about it tomorrow!"
"It isn't. Can I talk to you?" Raine asked.
"Ah, sorry Raine...sure, no problem," I said distractedly.
She came in. "Something wrong?"
I sighed. "Yeah...it's about Zelos."
"I could tell. Something he said has gotten to you. You don't seem to be angry, though..."
"No...just confused. He said...he said he'd give it all up for me. All the debauchery, the promiscuity... He said he couldn't live without me."
"He's probably lying," she said. My thoughts exactly.
"That's what I thought, too...but I'm not so sure. I think he really meant it."
"But you can't get past all that he's done."
"No. I...I want it to be true. I've wanted it to be true for quite some time. But I'm not sure if he even can give it all up."
"Then take him up on his offer. If you want to believe him, then believe in him. You want him to love you, right?"
"Y-yeah..." I wasn't entirely sure if it was what I wanted. I felt like I was trying to resist it, because I couldn't admit to myself what I really wanted.
Trying not to break
But I'm so tired of this deceit
Every time I try to make myself
Get back up on my feet
All I ever think about is this
All the tiring time between
And how
Trying to put my trust in you
Just takes so much out of me
"Then trust in him. There will be ample chance to test him. Very soon, actually."
"Yeah...wait, what do you mean, 'very soon?'"
"We're going into Altamira tomorrow. If there's still any of his old tendencies left, they'll show themselves there."
I groaned. "The beach. Yes, truly a testing ground for the perverted."
"Now, we should go to sleep. It's late."
I nodded, and she left. I continued to think about this, though, long afterwards. I would tell him that I would take up his offer, but...I still didn't trust him.
I take everything from the inside
And throw it all away
'Cause I swear
For the last time
I won't trust myself with you
I felt someone shaking me in my sleep. "Good morning, my sweet!" Zelos called out.
Groggily I awoke. "Zelos? You're touching me. I thought I told you to keep your hands off of me."
"Actually, I think you just told me to keep them off of certain parts." I started to roll over. "You might not want to do that just yet," he said. "My hands are still on your back. If you roll over now, you'll force me to break our agreement."
Damnit. He was right. I had only told him to keep away from the private areas. Not only was he not breaking our agreement, but he was keeping me from moving using that very agreement. "Okay, you've got me stuck here. What do you want?"
He let go of me. "You, of course," he said smiling. "Have you considered my offer?"
I rolled over and sat up. "Yes, I have. And, despite all your flaws, I'm still going to take you up on it. Under the conditions that you keep your hands to yourself and stop flirting with every girl you see."
"You drive a hard bargain, Sheena. But I'd do anything for you, so I'll do it."
"Good. I'm holding you to it, though," I said. Then I laid down again. "By the way, that felt kind of nice. A bit rough, but I suppose that was necessary to wake me up." I smiled, and he got the hint. This is going to be good...
Tension is building inside
Steadily
Everyone feels so far away from me
Heavy thoughts forcing their way
Out of me
"So, what made you do it?" he asked me.
"A few things. One, I know that you're a good person despite all of your flaws. Two, giving you my love will help erase those flaws. And three, I've always loved you. I just could never admit it to anyone else because...well...you know."
"Yeah, I do. Because of my reputation as a womanizer."
"Yes, and because I never made any secret of the fact that I always hated that about you. Those were my original three reasons. Now I have a fourth: you give really great massages." I laughed.
"Glad to know you appreciate it. I suppose I haven't had much practice, never having committed myself to one woman for any great period of time." He was surprisingly stone-faced.
"Is something wrong?" I asked.
"No...I'm just thinking about how things are going to be...it's going to be hard at first. Keeping myself from flirting with other girls, I mean. It's sort of an instinctive thing for me now. I meet a girl, I flirt with her. You see?"
I sighed. "Yeah, I see...I'm not happy about it, though."
"I'm going to try, though. Try as hard as I can. I promise you, I won't disappoint you. Ever."
Trying not to break
But I'm so tired of this deceit
Every time I try to make myself
Get back up on my feet
All I ever think about is this
All the tiring time between
And how
Trying to put my trust in you
Just takes so much out of me
"I knew we shouldn't have sent Zelos in to get her," Lloyd sighed.
"Why not? There hasn't been any screaming...I think Zelos is actually behaving for once!" Colette said hopefully.
"That isn't what we're worried about," Raine explained. "Sheena has decided to see if Zelos really can behave himself, so she has taken up his offer. She wasn't even reluctant to do it in the least."
"She likes him, doesn't she?" Colette asked.
"Yeah, I think she does. You can tell by the way she abuses him every time he does something perverted. She's trying to get him to change. But at this rate, they're both going to miss breakfast!" Genis said, right as Zelos and I came out.
"Sorry I took so long," Zelos said. "She just didn't want to get up."
"What did you do to her?" Regal asked.
"Nothing!" Zelos said defensively.
"Don't be so modest, Zelos," I teased, "that was certainly something."
"Sheena! You're going to give them the wrong idea!"
"Please. They know that if you tried to do something I didn't want you to you'd be red all over. And I do mean all over."
"Sheena!" The others were snickering, and Zelos was turning red all over, out of embarrassment.
"Sorry, I just couldn't resist." I put my arm around him and smiled. Everyone's eyes went wide.
I take everything from the inside
And throw it all away
'Cause I swear
For the last time
I won't trust myself with you
"Is it that hard to believe that Zelos and I are actually this close? Or even," I put my other arm around him as well, "this close?" I waited for him to grab me somewhere he shouldn't. He didn't. He didn't even move at first. I nudged him, and he put his arms around me. Oh, god, he's giving me another massage! He's...he's...wonderful. If only we could have found out sooner that we were meant for each other. But we have each other now...and nothing's going to change that.
"Now I see why it took them so long," Lloyd said wryly.
"We should be going soon," Presea said.
"She's right. Let's have breakfast," I told him.
He agreed. Soon afterwards we left, and we got into Altamira before noon. "The beach awaits, my hunny."
I glared at him. "Please don't do that. It makes you sound like the same person you used to be."
He laughed. "Just getting back at you for this morning. I won't do it again, I promise."
"Thanks. Let me change into my swimsuit." Still expecting the worst, I figured that he'd volunteer to come with me. He didn't. Why did I keep expecting him to be perverted? Did I actually want him to be like that? No...no, I was just overanalyzing his personality. I came back out to find Zelos missing. "He probably went down to the beach already...I went down to the beach and he wasn't there. Confused, I started back.
"There you are," Zelos said. "What happened? You were supposed to wait for me!"
"Wait for you? Where were you?" I asked, confused.
"Well..." He scratched his head sheepishly, "After you left, I remember that I had forgotten about my own swimsuit. Sorry about that." I sweatdropped. "You're looking nice, by the way," he added.
"Er, thanks." Here it comes...
"Come on, let's go. The others are probably waiting for us." Okay, maybe not.
Lloyd and Genis were having a diving contest, and Colette was getting on Lloyd's case for leaving her out every time he surfaced. Raine was sitting in the shade, reading a book on archaeology. Presea and Regal still weren't there. Some girl came up to us. "Hey, Zelos!" she said, obviously flirting with him. Surely he'd slip up this time, right?
"He...hello, miss. Is something the matter?" he asked politely. He had started to falter, but he caught himself. He really was trying to keep his promise. "How was that?" he asked me after the girl left, grumbling about how her friends had lied to her. The friends in question, whom I recognized as the three young ladies from Meltokio that used to follow Zelos everywhere, had been laughing, but abruptly stopped as the girl returned. She mistook their laughter as being directed at her, for believing their lie, when in fact they were laughing at me, or possibly Zelos, expecting that the girl would lure him away from me. Needless to say, they got what they deserved.
"Very good, Zelos," I replied, smiling.
"How's the water?" he called out to Colette, as Genis and Lloyd were both underwater at the time.
"It's fine," she replied, and pretty soon I felt Zelos tugging on my wrist and running toward the water.
I caught my balance and started running with him. "What's the hurry?" I asked.
"People are starting to stare at you," he replied, "and with a body that nice, I don't blame them!"
"Zelos..." I sighed. He himself hadn't been staring at me. "You...really amaze me. Never did I think you could change so quickly."
"What do you mean, 'change'?" He lowered his voice to a whisper. "I just want you all to myself."
I won't waste myself on you
You
You
Waste myself on you
You
You
"I'm not like that, Zelos. You may have been like that, but I'm not."
"I know..." A twisted smile told me he was about to break. "But now no one can see what's going on between us..." I swam away. Certainly he wouldn't try anything that far from shore, where the water was that deep... He swam after me. "Come on!" he said, "I was just kidding!"
"I can't be sure of that," I replied. Then he returned to shore, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Let him suffer a little, make him think he blew it. This suddenly backfired, as he had returned to his old harem. "ZELOS!"
I take everything from the inside
And throw it all away
'Cause I swear
For the last time
I won't trust myself with you
Everything from the inside
And throw it all away
'Cause I swear
For the last time
I won't trust myself with you
You
You