The Trouble With Time-Turners
By: Neo-Silver Snape
Warnings: Spoilers for all five books
Disclaimer: The usual; don't own 'em, not making any money from 'em.
Hermione Granger looked around the dark, deserted common room in confusion trying to blink the sleep out of her eyes. What had woken her up? Then her eyes widened as she saw Crookshanks come sailing through the air with a yowl. He landed in her lap unceremoniously and dug his claws in to prevent her from moving him. The reason for her pet's agitation soon became clear as Ron's owl, Pig began circling her head and screeching. The hyperactive ball of feathers was trying to dive at Crookshanks, but could not find an opening since Hermione was now huddled protectively over him.
"Ronald Weasley! You stop that this instant!"
"Stop what?" asked trying to sound innocent and slide his wand up the sleeve of his robes. "Can I help it if birds and cats are natural enemies?"
"No, but you could help the owl treat that you've been hovering above poor Crookshanks."
Ron started guffawing and Harry, whom Hermione hadn't noticed until that moment, was trying not to laugh. "Come on Herms, it's just a joke." Ron said in between snorts of laughter. "You're just grumpy because you fell asleep in the common room again."
Hermione was in no mood for Ron's antics. Since Fred and George's departure from Hogwarts, Ron seemed to think the jokers' mantle had fallen to him and that 'carrying on their proud tradition' was his purpose in life. Unfortunately, the pranks that Ron attempted were nowhere near the twins' caliber of genius. Ron, of course, was completely oblivious to this fact.
Hermione didn't bother to respond. She just picked her wand up from the table and flicked it first at Crookshanks, then at Ron while muttering an incantation quietly enough that Ron and Harry couldn't hear. The owl treat flew across the room and started hovering over Ron's head quite close to his messy red hair. Pig was diving after the treat before Ron had even registered the owl had stopped orbiting Hermione's head.
"Bloody hell!" Ron cried as Pig landed on the back of an armchair to enjoy his hard earned treat. "He took some hair with that!" Crookshanks took the opportunity to dash up the stairs and presumably into Hermione's dorm room.
"Come on Ronnikins, it's just a joke." Hermione smirked as she put books, quills, ink, and various sized pieces of parchment in her magically enhanced book bag. Ron's face had gone a bit red at the twins' hated nickname for him. However, Ron was unable to reply as Pig took to the air again and began chasing him around the room.
"What do you want? You already got your treat!"
Harry who had remained silent decided to clue his friend in as Hermione walked past him to the stairs to the girls' dormitory.
"Um...there's another owl treat over your head; I think Hermione put a Replenishing Charm on it."
Hermione was still fuming as she changed into her pajamas to enjoy a bit of proper sleep for the few hours that remained of the night. Ron really was becoming a bit of a nuisance. How could he be so immature all the time? She took a deep calming breath then drew the curtains around her bed. She could think about it tomorrow, right now she needed sleep.
The next morning dawned far too early for Hermione's liking. She opened her eyes slowly then shut them quickly as sunlight streamed in through an opening in her curtains. Great she thought. She had definitely slept later than intended. Though it was a Saturday, she had been planning on waking up early to finish the Arithmancy work she'd fallen asleep on the previous night so she'd have the rest of the day to relax. She groaned and forced herself to crawl out of bed. Hermione flinched when she saw her reflection as she went in search of a long hot shower.
Moments later a piercing scream echoed off of the tile as a she leapt from a shower stall and scrambled for a towel, her teeth chattering violently. Hermione wondered if her day could get much worse.
"I'll just go to the prefect's bath instead," she sighed. Unfortunately, that required she get dressed first since she wasn't about to traipse around Hogwarts in a towel. She pulled on some baggy clothes, comfortable shoes, and threw her school robes over her head. All she needed to do was grab her wand and she was ready to go.
"Don't you think you should dry that hair of yours dearie?"
Hermione hated it when her mirror made sense. She said a simple drying charm before she dashed out the door and down the stairs. The common room was mostly empty with only a few early risers as she made her way to the portrait. (What Hermione considered oversleeping was still too early for most Gryffindors on a Hogsmeade Saturday.) The halls were blissfully empty as she walked briskly towards the luxurious prefect's bath.
She shut the door behind her and with a flick of her wrist locked it. "Finally," she said to herself "maybe my day is looking up after all." She turned on multiple taps and the tub began filling with blue water and lots of bubbles. She had just finished folding her clothes and was walking to the now full and steaming bath when something shot out of the water and zoomed around the cavernous room. "Who's there?"
"Oh hello Cat, didn't figure you to be the exhibitionist type."
The morose nasal voice left little doubt that it was Moaning Myrtle who was speaking. She floated into Hermione's line of vision picking at a spot on her translucent face. For the second time that morning, Hermione found herself frantically looking for a towel.
"Myrtle! What are you doing in here? This bath is for Prefects!"
"Oh sure, rub it in that I'm not a Prefect. Everyone made fun of me when I was alive, why should things be any different now that I'm dead."
"Myrtle, I wasn't rubbing it in on you, I just meant that, well, this is a bath and since you don't need to bathe and you have your own bathroo-"
The ghost's dramatic wail made Hermione's ears ring. "Oh why would Myrtle need a bath? She hasn't even got a body anymore. No Myrtle should just stay in the bathroom where she died. No one ever comes to see me anymore, not even that messy haired boy who told me he'd come back to see me. But I guess it doesn't matter if you lie as long as it's to a ghost!" Moaning Myrtle floated up in the air, and then dove in Hermione's bath and out the drain.
"Well, that was awkward." Hermione threw her towel down and dove in before anything else could disrupt her daily hygiene routine. She enjoyed a leisurely bath and returned to Gryffindor tower in much better spirits. Ron waved her over to the table where he and Harry were sitting when she entered the common room. Harry nodded absently as she sat down, his attention focused on a drawing of green and red stick figures.
"Hey Hermione. I have a bit of a proposition for you..."
"You must be joking!" Hermione said indignantly.
"Why? What's wrong with it?" asked Ron sounding genuinely confused.
"You actually expect me to do your homework for you while you and Harry go off to Hogsmeade?"
"Well, yeah. I mean you've always helped us on our work and I don't see how this is any different really. This way you won't have to lecture us on how we should pay attention in class or revise our essays when we're finished because you'll know they're right if you've written them. Think about it, I'm actually trying to make this easier for you. Besides, it's not like you have anything better to do anyway. You're already a month ahead in your notes. Come on Herms, be a sport." Ron attempted a charming smile that fell well short of the mark.
Hermione's already bad mood soared to Professor Snape's menacing levels. Her eyes narrowed and though somewhat small of stature, she suddenly seemed to fill the common room with her presence as she stood. All conversation stopped and the room's inhabitants took a collective step away from the irate witch. The only ones who hadn't moved were Ron and Harry. Harry was looking from Ron to Hermione trying to figure out what was going on. He had been so focused on working out the details of their planned raid on the Slytherins that he had missed their exchange entirely.
Hermione's voice was dangerously quiet as she replied. "So Ronald, I'm just a boring little bookworm who has no other interests at all, and as such, I should of course just jump at the chance to do your homework so you can goof off? Does that about sum it up?"
"Pretty much, except for the part about me goofing off. See Herms, I won't be goofing off; I'll be getting supplies for tonight's sneak attack. It's your duty as a Gryffindor to help Harry and I stick it to those slimy Slytherin snakes." Ron gave what he thought was a rallying smile while the rest of Gryffindor gasped as one.
The temperature of the common room seemed to plummet as Hermione responded, her voice whisper quiet and shaking with suppressed rage. "That's it. You've finally gone too far. You and Harry are on your own from now on; I'm not helping either of you with any of your work anymore."
"Fine. We'll find someone else then, won't we Harry?"
"Uh..."
"Sure we will, someone who won't be such a prissy know-it-all and actually knows how to appreciate a good prank." Ron had a very nasty look on his red face.
Hermione had her wand out and pointed toward Ron before he even realized she was reaching for it. She spoke softly in a language that neither Harry nor Ron recognized. A deep purple mist encased them both, then faded away. Ron and Harry looked at each other franticly trying to discern the result of Hermione's spell.
"What are you playing at?"
"Oh just something Victor taught me." A predatory smile that seemed out of place on Hermione spread slowly. "It's a dead useful little anti-cheating jinx. If you try to look off someone's notes or homework, all you'll see is blank parchment. If someone tries to read them to you, both your parchment and theirs will burst into flames. If you attempt to hand in any assignments you haven't actually written, you'll find yourself compelled to admit to being a cheat to the professor of that class."
Ron's face was contorted into an expression of absolute horror. He knew that Hermione was unmatched in her jinxing ability. "You mean, I'm going to have to pay attention in class and do my own work?"
"You and Harry."
"But Hermione," Harry began. "I haven't done anything."
"Exactly. You may not always join in, but you stand back and watch Ron be a prat and a bully. In a way that makes you even guiltier, because you know how it feels to be on the receiving end."
Hermione calmly turned on her heel and disappeared through the Fat Lady's portrait, leaving behind a stunned audience.