Chapter 5: The Mary Sue Chant

Woo Woo Mary Sue Woo

We are Mary Sues with perfect hair

With Perfect eyes too

We are perky and give out hugs woo

We give to the poor and feed the hungry

We excel at everything we do

Every boy loves us

We disrupt cannon just for fun

We bypass laws of physics and science

We ignore reality and truth for we are perfect

Woo woo Mary Sue Woo

We are perfect

We are pretty

Who are we you ask?

Just call out and you will see

We are the Mary Sues

Queens and princess all alike

Mary sues we all are

Three cheers for the Mary Sues

The Mary Sue chant, kindly labeled so by the school's secretary, whom happened to be Linda, was kindly heard throughout the school's corridor. Meme had had enough and smacked them systematically with anything she could get her hands on.

Q and Star, who walked the university hall in a trance - like state, seemed unfazed by Meme's violent tactics. Sometimes reprimanding her with things like violence never solves anything and peace is the answer or a verse of the 'I love you song'. Absgirl watched as Meme pulled a desk free from the floor and started charging towards Star and Q. She realized that Meme had hit her extreme limit and was spurred into action., only noticing because Meme had managed to pull the desk off the floor and was charging towards Q and Star whom were at the top of the stairs, did she take action.

Absgirl was currently chasing after a highly irritated Meme when the Bash Brothers collided with her. "Must . . .stop . . .mad . . . Meme." She stammered through grasps of breath as she started to get up.

"Whoa." Portman grabbed her by the shoulders as she winced.

"Too tight." She whimpered as Portman smiled happily. "Oh right." She shook her head as he grabbed her. "Must stop Meme."

"Why?" Fulton raised a brow mischievously.

"Might kill Star and Q."

"Killing on premises." Fulton snickered as he looked at Portman. "And we're not even into finals yet."

"Must stop Meme."

"Don't worry." Portman finally released her from his death grip. With this simple response the Bash Brothers left her standing there perplexed.

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Q and Star were currently standing on the top level of the student dormitories. They were looking quite pensive Mary thought as she watched them from behind them. Maybe she should nudge them to make sure they were in a conscious state. Hannah, who was one of the few who hadn't listed a Mighty Duck lust object, was currently contemplating the girls' next move at the bottom with Sy who was taking bets on the matter.

Q's rambunctious and comprehendible rambling had only spared them for a five minute break then came the idea of propagandizing the Mary sue chant into their minds. It was like the stupid song that never ended; it was going on forever and ever and ever in their brains. At the moment the only salvation they could come up was . . . No it was too horrid to even mention their final last desperate attempt to get it out of their brains.

Averman and Ken had taken them in for studies for weeks after letting them out. But had found no other permanent damage other then the brainwashing. They had hoped maybe with the return to vigorous and painful daily life would beat it out of them but no such luck. Now the staff was left with a hefty problem that may be in dire need of outside help. Which would only lead to a mass production of paperwork and they weren't time oriented enough to give it the proper amount of time. They would have to wing this one out and only hope for the best.

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PJ had finished making a few phone calls here and there in search of the long needed answer to the Mary sue puzzle. But alas she had not come to the proper conclusion when Julie and Averman stormed into her office.

"We have a situation in student dorms." Julie panted as she looked at PJ with concern.

"What is it?" PJ let out a deep sigh as she tossed down her pen. "Which lust object club is it this time?"

"No nothing like that." Averman huffed out as he looked at her. He looked almost serious about it and PJ then knew it wasn't a task to be handled lightly. When Averman was half serious about anything it meant trouble was just behind it.

"Suicide situation at the stairs." Julie stated as she straightened up.

"How many?" PJ said pushing herself up off the desk.

"Two."

"Which ones?"

"Star and Q." PJ nodded as she stormed out of the office assessing the situation at hand. She couldn't blame them if she were in their position she would endure the same sentiment. But really the school stairs? She snickered at this. Maybe the school roof, even the school pool, maybe hanging oneself from the basketball hoop. But no they chose the school stairs how original, how simple how Mary sueish. PJ groaned as it began to hit her, the Mary Sue's not had only ingrained their song into them but themselves. Could it be that they were turning into Sues themselves.

She pushed through the already accumulated mass of Duff students to assess the situation head on. She looked up the stairs to examine the girls. They seemed ordinary enough they seemed normal enough. Though the pensive state they were in, the blank stares ahead, the foaming mouth, the twitching bodies surely wasn't a good sign. Physically though they looked like themselves. They portrayed no physical attributes correlated to the Mary Sue syndrome.

"Now girls." PJ slowly trotted up the stairs slowly as she watched them. "Lets not do anything hasty." Sy and Charisma were animatedly discussing the many outcomes of the situation.

"MARY SUE IN MY HEAD!" Q suddenly screamed clasping her hand over her ears. "STOOB! MUST ROCK STOOB!"

"Supercallifragalisticexpeallidocious." Star suddenly mumbled trying to mutter anything besides the stupid Mary Sue chant. "Kill Sue! Must kill Sue!"

"I love you . . .No Stoob! Stoob! MODNAR MODNAR SINEP STOOB! ONIBLA ONIBLA ONIBLA FOR THE SAKE OF BOB DOLE AND ALL THAT IS GOOD AND GREAT IN THIS WORLD CALLED JELLOVILLE! I AM DAVE KARP, ALL HAIL MY JELLO QUEEN! Nasewaya! Babaheseababo! Hey hey ya! Oh na! Hey na! IF I WERE A STOOB AND YOU WERE I SINEP THEN I WOULD BE BOOTS AND YOUR MOM WOULD EAT A CANDY BAR! NO! YES! MAYBE! I will sit on a club of babysitters! ONIBLAR! Oniblar (n.): to onibla. Just thought I'd clear that up. With Claritin. For your sinuses. THAT'S MY CIGAR! YOU'LL STEAL ANUDDER. Baby born with to heads, must be from Brooklyn. HEY MARIO, I'M FLYIN'! BOOM BOOM, AKALAKALAKABOOM! BOOM BOOM, AKALAKABOOMBOOM! IT WAS A NIGHT LIKE THIS, FOURTYMILLION YEARS AGO, I LIT A CIGARETTE, PICKED UP A MONKEY SKULL TO GO... Oh, I just can't WAIT to be king! YOU'VE GOT TO GO DIG THOSE HOLES (with your sinep in a hole with macaulay culkin and krissy and the baby mitra and the sticky cabose). Sticky Caboose, Sticky Caboose, fuzzy little chubby bubby all stuffed with fluff. OH! Sticky Caboose, Sticky Caboose, stoob your little sinep with your mom. OMG IT'S BUG HALL AND RACETRACK HIGGINS! *swoon* *swoon* *noows* *onibla* OH MY BUG HALL!" Q suddenly began to chant repeatedly.

"All right stand back." Meme screamed that with the towering desk lunged on her shoulders. "That's it."

"No put the desk down Miss Meme." Ken pleaded as he looked at her. "Put it down nice and slow."

"Sure." She moved over to Q and Star. "I'll let it down nice and slow on them."

"No." Guy cried waving his hands in the air.

"I think it best we take drastic action." Charlie wiggled his brows suggestively as he tapped the stair railing. "Time to bring in the mini's."

"I'm afraid so." PJ sighed dejectedly as she slowly progressed up the stairs. "Just let's not have a massacre." The boys gave her an odd look something like the Dinner look Charlie and Averman gave Russ. "I mean lets not dirty the carpet. It's quite new." Thus the cannon staff cackled loudly as they each went to collect their mass army of Mini – Ducks.

The Mini–Ducks after dispersing the first floor crowd floor progressed to the top floor while Luis, Portman, Guy and Fulton took hostage of Q and Star whom had begun flinging random objects around the hall.

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"Thus why we do not create Mary Sues!" Adam repeated seriously. Belle sighed as she twirled her pen in her fingers. Adam looked so hot. Cecilia listened carefully as she wondered why this was being repeated in Slash 101 it never happens. They were in the middle of finding the breaking point of why everyone was adamant to why Charlie and Adam is such a hot commodity.

"Yes and Slash does not happen." Charlie retorted as he sat on top of the desk hands crossed over his chests. "Platonic love, learn it, love it, live by it."

"Exactly."

"What's Platonic love?" Jillian, whom had scored extra points by removing the desk from Meme's hand using the force, asked curiously.

"It's a love that is only based on friendship. A pure, spiritual affection, subsisting between persons of opposite sex, unmixed with carnal desires, and regarding the mind only and its excellencies; -- a species of love for which Plato was a warm advocate." Charlie explained as he stared at them. "As I said learn it, love it live by it." With that the bell rang and the class emptied the room.

A shout out to my great and wonderful beta. You know who you are and I responded to your email. Thanks a lot.