"It's terrible I say." Jake mumbled as they walked down to the courtyard.
"It's wonderful." Canadianhockeygirl whooped with a jump as they came to the doors.
"Terrible. Awful. Horrendous. A nightmare, if you ask me." Kaila muttered with a shake of her head.
Rick, Cole and Coach Wilson snorted happily as the gloomy students walked behind them.
"But Averman and Goldberg are teaching." Bacon squeed and suddenly she felt teeth clenching on her leg. It was well known Mini–Ducks hated squeeing just as much as the lusted Ducks that caused the squeeing.
"It's going to be a piece of cake." Bunny said with a smile and a laugh. "Classes with those two are like automatic A's."
PJ was not pleased at this. Classes were not to be taken lightly. Classes were never easy as the alphabet, at least not at DUFF.
"Not to worry PJ." Averman came up behind her with a smile. "We've got some tricks up our sleeve." He reassured her with an evil grin.
"You just sit and enjoy all the fun . . . I mean all the pain." Goldberg snickered.
"It's always best to hit them when they're not expecting it." Averman remarked as they made their way to the center. Today was their first taste of grammar camp. The oblivious students took it to be another field day, which would probably mean plenty of pain and not much fun. But this was Goldberg and Averman's session and that meant, at least, some fun.
"It'll be a cinch." Belle only became interested in her breakfast on the go as she replied. Then taking a bite of her strawberry jam bread she walked on.
"I heard grammar camp was a nightmare." Emily Johnson said with a twitch as she stood in the grass field area. It was very good strawberry jam, the best if you asked her.
The whole school was going to be out today. This was a rare and unique event. Grammar camp was only going to be held once or twice per semester, as the students were informed in the handbook – had they read it – and it was quite a feast day, for the teachers that is.
"Before you know it there will be the typical cliché 'this one time, at grammar camp…' jokes." Chelsea King whispered to Mya, as Belle only licked strawberry off her finger tips without a care to the world.
"This should be a good spot." PJ said as she settled into the lawn chair in the courtyard. "You get the perfect view of the action minus all the bloodshed. Perfect don't you agree Lamson?" The Mini-Duck settled into her lap and sighed contentedly like a puppy dog.
To Belle, classes with Averman and Goldberg usually consisted of lazy days and no homework. No actual work was done in class. The class lazily discussed matters of nonsense and were usually the most painless, considering their other subjects. Of course, the reason may be that Averman and Goldberg were not the top lust objects at DUFF. There would be the occasional luster here and there but nothing as severe as the Luis Massacre in 'How to be a proper skater' class last Tuesday.
Belle watched Chee and Terra with mild interest as they were both going to spring on their lust objects, Charlie and Connie respectively, but were greeted instead with Mini droppings on their shoes, along with a nasty bite.
It appeared the whole staff had come out to enjoy the spectacle with happy faces. Happy teachers, at least here in DUFF, usually meant injured students. Belle only groaned as she rubbed her butt unconsciously, she was barely recovering from her last adventure and she still had about a third of the feathers to wash off.
"It's hot." Kaila muttered as she fanned herself with her hand. Coach Wilson smiled at them as they had all finally settled and blew his whistle. Thus began the students first taste of grammar camp and it wasn't very pretty.
"Say it again." Averman hollered as he looked at Belle. Belle winced as Fulton put his full weight upon her body.
"Y O U R means you are." She repeated as Fulton compressed her so hard that she fell to the ground and she got a mouthful of dirt.
"Try it again." Goldberg shouted in her ear as he blew the whistle in her ear. Belle only groaned, as she wondered who really cared about the importance of proper grammar. It was fan fiction for crying out loud, not some piece for the New York Times. She really thought they were over reacting over such a small insignificant topic.
"I can't hear you!" Averman screamed in her other ear as she felt a Mini snapping at her toes and fingers.
"Y O U R means belonging to." She replied hastily as Fulton removed his new metal boots from her back.
"We can do this all day." Goldberg snickered as he watched the Varsity team and the Bash Brothers hovering over the students. Grammar push up's was just the beginning of his ingenious teaching tactics.
"Your, Y O U R, means belonging to." Averman screamed through the bull horn. "Example: Isn't that your hockey stick, Fulton?"
"As opposed to you're as in you are, yes it's a contraction people learn it, live by it and for pete's sake use it. YOU'RE, note the apostrophe novices." Goldberg followed with a grin. "Example: you're my cuddle bunny, Portman." He said with mock love eyes towards Portman whom only growled and gave him the finger. "Love you too."
"Understood?" The students only groaned in response. "Now moving on lets tackle the there, their, and they are problem." He smiled as he motioned his hand down giving them the okay to add a bit more weight upon the students. "They're, yes another contraction, get used to it, is they are." Students only groaned as they listened. Belle was already feeling the bruise in the making as Fulton stood over her like a prize winning catch. "Example: They're getting married next Tuesday."
"There, T H E R E, meaning a place." Charlie continued with a smirk. "Example: isn't that Luis over there, snogging Averman?" Luis and Averman both glared at Charlie as Charlie ignored them. It was not condoned to use or write Slash in the fandom but that didn't mean the teachers could not use it against each other It was just too hard to pass up.
"Last but not least there is Their, T H E I R, means belonging to them." Adam continued with a roll of his eyes at his peers. "Example: I've been to their dorm, it's small."
Belle gasped for air as the pressure on her back was removed. It was good to breathe again, she realized, then began an exhausting coughing fit. That was it, she thought with a grin. That was nothing, the little voice in her head cried hotly. There couldn't possibly anything worse, it had said, but alas her little voice in her head was wrong. There was a whole list of things that were worse then grammar push ups.
Belle couldn't decide which had been worse the sling shot Capital Letter Game or the Yo – yo –yoing for spelling. Everything in her body ached. Parts she didn't even know existed throbbed and burned in pain. But at least she had sneaked out of the Mini–Duck mud ball tournament and had ducked into the abandoned school. The plan was she'd probably make it to her dorm room unnoticed, seeing as the staff was having so much fun with the students – no their victims – they wouldn't miss her.
She rubbed the back of her neck as she dragged on into the school. She winced in pain as her legs throbbed and ached. Her hair was disheveled as she fell upon the stairs to the dorms. Something felt off about the school. She sniffed the air, was that roses and strawberries? A confused look came upon her face as she felt the air about her. It seemed almost a giddy happy place. This was not right. DUFF facilities were usually cold and dark never happy and giddy; well unless the students were thoroughly being taught.
She looked about her as tunes of Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson and Mariah Carey, yes it was Mariah Carey, filled her ears. "Odd." She muttered as she grasped on to the stair railing to help her to her feet. Belle heard the door slam and she slowly slipped behind the 'Mary Sue statue' to hide. It seems she wasn't the only one to slip away, there was Chee, one of the two wizard's attending DUFF – though they held no powers at all in accordance to the Rules of Species provided by OFUM – and Cecilia and Jillian the Jedi.
"Psst." Belle whispered as she looked at them. "Psst."
"Who goes there?" Jillian spoke as she looked about the empty hall. "Show yourself."
Belle came out from behind the statue and exposed herself and the three sighed as they plopped down onto the floor. "It is I." She said as she looked at the trio. "There is something odd going about."
"Odd? Odd?" Jillian laughed as she threw her head back. Long had it been known that there was nothing ever odd in DUFF. Everything and anything was expected.
"Everything about this place is odd." Cecilia chuckled as she rubbed her bare feet.
"No, I mean really odd." The suddenly there was loud shrieking heard through out the halls. The four girls clasped their ears tightly. "Make it stop." She wailed as her ears throbbed.
"You think this is our punishment for sneaking out?" Chee questioned as the screeching only got louder.
"Make it stop." Belle wailed as she curled into a ball. The loud shrieking then turned to some kind of off tune singing. The mixed tunes of Britney, Jessica and Mariah filled the empty halls of the facility.
"Something is going on." Cecilia said as she looked at them startled. "Something bad has happened."
"They sound like those wretched Mary Sues!" Chee wailed as they all clasped tighter to their ears. Jillian was clutching so tightly she had started bleeding at the tip of her ear.
"I am Razor!" Suddenly a single singing voice broke out. "I am Razor the queen! I will not be ignored! I am Razor the queen that will rein this school." The girl came skipping into the hall singing awfully. Belle rose to her feet with the others. There was a sparkle in her eye as she looked about them. "Oh hello friend." Razor said as she smiled happily and bounced around. "Nice to see you again."
Belle was shocked as she looked at the Mary Sue. Averman had said that it had all been a vision; it was all some holographic image. But here she was in the flesh, shaking her hand. She felt real, as real as a student feels in DUFF. How could this have come about? It had all been some AU universe not something real.
"Won't you be my friend?" She asked in her sickly sweet voice. "I just want to be friends." Belle wanted to punch her square in the face instead as she took back her hand. "Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?"
"No." Belle spat as she looked at her. "You aren't real."
"But I am." She clapped happily as her eyes lit up brightly. "I am ever so real Belle."
"No Averman said you weren't."
"But I found a way to come to the real world! I have saved all my sisters and brothers!" She squealed as she beamed proudly. "I saved them all!"
"But you're a Mary Sue and that would mean . . ." Belle suddenly felt ill to the stomach as she realized what had happened.
"I released them all from that dirty old globe! I set them all free, them all on my lonesome because no one would help me! I go and ask nice students for help and they turn me away! They are so mean! You should have seen the things they did and heard what they told me! They called me prissy and UN-perfect! I am perfect! But I didn't need them after all"
"We are screwed." It was the only thing Belle could muster as the songs of Britney taunted her into despair.