Disclaimer: Like I own any of the brilliance that is Firefly …..It´s all the property of one Joss Whedon!
NOTES: My muse is pretty much evading me lately, this I had to wring from her little hands!
JANUS
She was still leaning where he left her when Jayne returned dressed in the first pair of cargo pants he could find on the floor of his bunk. Was Simon even feeding his sister? The darn girl weighed close to nothing. He had to lean down to pick her up, a shivering bundle, the girl felt as fragile as a tiny lil´ bird. But she had that look on her face again, that questioning look, inspecting his face. Jayne glared down at her, hoping his stare would dissuade her from staring at him, but it didn't work. Her big brown eyes roamed over his face as though searching for something. It made Jayne downright uncomfortable. Most of the things she said did not make sense to him and never would. Not that he would actually be tempted to invest his time or energy into figuring her out.
He just hoped nobody would be up and about as he carried his shivering, clammy load to Simon's cabin.
"Now don't be sayin´ anything along the lines of this being my fault somehow, ya´ hear me?"
River bit her lip, nodding.
"There was a spider….." she whispered, even her voice sounded shaky and breathless.
" Yeah ..I think we covered that." Jayne growled, making a mental not ever to mention where he sat the ruttin´ thing down while she was in hearing distance. If this was her usual reaction to creepy crawlers, he'd make damn sure to avoid bein´ anywhere near places where River Tam might encounter one. One drama the likes of this was sure as hell enough for him.
Since he had no hand free to knock on Simon´s door Jayne used his foot to repeatedly bang against the metal. The door swivelled back to reveal the sleep befuddled doctor, his usually well groomed hair standing up at weird angles, tousled from sleep.
Simon's eyes widened as he took in the picture before him. "What have you done?" Simon gasped and somehow Jayne figured that the remark was directed at him instead of River.
"I'll have you know that I didn't do nothing!" Jayne growled back at him. Sure…..as though he had not seen this coming! As usual it was all his fault!
"She's soaking wet!" Simon yelled.
"Will ya keep your gorram´ voice down?" Jayne hissed at him, scanning the corridor from both sides to make sure nobody was being woken up. "I found her like this in the shower! I didn't do nuthin´ , got that?" Simon's eyes narrowed as he looked up at the mercenary who still held his sister in his arms as though she weighed nothing, almost like he had forgotten she was there at all. The doctor opened his mouth to say something unpleasant when River's soft voice cut in very quietly.
"Spider …."
Simon blinked at her, flustered. "What?"
"I went in ….there was nothing, just the call of the water. I wanted to feel the rush, the drops on my skin….cleansing, cooling , but I turned and…..it was there." She swallowed, leaning her head against Jayne's chest as though speaking exhausted her. Simon's eyes flew from her to Jayne and back.
" Big …nasty spider, coming for me with it's legs, trying to ……" she squeezed her eyes shut. "There was a spider Simon, a big, big spider ……I made the water run and it perched, waiting for me….it froze me."
"Damn ugly critter, but not the biggest one I'd ever seen!" Jayne mumbled and then mentally cursed himself. River's reaction to the words that had been directed at her brother was a strangled squeal. Shaking her head she buried her face in his chest, cold fingers gripping at his shoulders. Simon's eyes widened a bit more.
"Mei- Mei …don´t!" he said, trying to give his voice a soothing sound, but there was anger perceptible in his tone. Jayne could tell. He frowned, trying to think of a way to extract himself from this situation as smoothly as possible.
"Found her huddled in the corner of the showers, cold water running at full blast. It took the damn thing out, but she could hardly move from the cold ….."
Simon swallowed, nodding slightly.
"Thank you…..She …..she was afraid of spiders as long as I can remember. She always was so fearless in everything else that sometimes I just…." The young doctor sighed, giving Jayne and River another once over look before he stepped aside.
"Can you put her down on the bed…..I´ll need to get her out of those clothes and…" Simon stopped himself, giving Jayne a hard, serious look. "Just sit her down on the bed. I´ll get a heating blanked from the lab."
Jayne shrugged, still holding her without effort, but the cold water still running from River´s hair and dress was starting to seep into the cloth of his pants and her face was still buried in his chest. This was not a situation he wanted to be caught up in, but he couldn´t very well growl at her to let go of him if he wanted this to go down smooth with her brother.
Simon watched Jayne with unease, but finally hurried off to get the blanket while Jayne tried to unclasp River's cold hands from his neck.
He kneeled down on the floor, sitting her down on the bed. Time for Simon´s things to get all soaked in ice water. The mercenary couldn´t help but grin at that.
"There ya go." Jayne said more to himself, straitening up, but River´s hand shot forward with surprising speed. She caught a hold of neck again, holding him at eye level with her. Jayne blinked in surprise.
"Think we had enough of this for now….." he grumbled, moving to pry her fingers loose.
River shook her head very slowly, putting her other hand on his to still his attempt.
" Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh……" She might be cold, but the breath that caressed Jayne´s face was warm and sweet. He shot her an impatient glare, suddenly caught by those big doe- eyes again. From up close her face was heart- wrenchingly beautiful in its openness and delicacy. Long, dark lashes framed her wide eyes like lace, her skin flawless like expensive china. The thought of how much a man would have to pay on some planets, in order to lay a finger on skin as unblemished and smooth as this, crossed Jayne's mind.
She shook her head, leaning forward to lay a gentle kiss right on his mouth, a fleeting touch so quick that Jayne didn´t even have the time to contemplate a reaction.
"Thank you….." she said very softly, nodding at him with sad expression on her face. She meant it. Jayne stared at her in confusion, trying to make sense of it.
And that moment …Jayne felt something in him click, like a switch….
It was as though the world shifted just ever so slightly, changing focus …..changing view. He looked at River Tam and didn´t just see the doctor's moon brained, crazy sister anymore. Up close, looking into those dark eyes that gazed back at him intently, Jayne saw another River Tam; a confused, sad girl who was sometimes all to aware of the fact that she had no control over her own body or mind. In her eyes, her expression he could see the confusion, but also the anger and frustration that came with it ……anger at herself, because she wasn´t strong enough to break through the shell that kept her from whomever she might have been.
Jayne swallowed, as her tiny hand fell away from his shirt and straightened himself.
For a moment he glowered down at her, wanting to yell at her very much or hit something out of pure frustration.
Damn her to hell! Why did she had to be there in the shower and why did she have to make him see?
The truth was, Jayne would have been completely satisfied with continuing to think that her bein´ crazy was all there was to the ruttin´girl! He was not a thinker. He was the brawn, not the brains of this whole gang …..Sometimes it bothered him, but mostly he liked bein´ the last line of defence. He didn´t like to ponder things or brood over them for days, like Mal. Now he couldn´t look at her ever again without thinking about that other side of her bein´ crazy…..of the girl he had seen. Something about her appealed to him and he did not like it, he did not need complications like that.
"Got me good there, didn´t ya´?" he rumbled at her. River looked up at him, with a serious expression.
"Two sides to everything. You knew that …. just thought it was easier not to see…", she whispered, shivering.
Jayne scoffed, crossing his arms in front of his naked, damp chest. What he resented the most about this was her being right
. " Thank you …" she said again, lying back down, curling up on Simon´s bed in a fetal position. Jayne couldn't help but grin at that…..no matter how fast Simon returned, his bed and sheets were gonna be soaked in cold water.