Disclaimer – Trigun belongs to the honorable Nightow-sama... not me. So don't sue!

Chapter 4

Vash was doing everything in his power not to grin from ear to ear. It seemed as if he had managed the impossible – spending time with Meryl without getting beat up! It was a miracle!

Big deal, a voice in his head taunted. You're walking down an empty street with no one around to bear witness. Besides, why would they care anyways?

Vash whimpered internally. His inner voice could be pretty mean when it wanted to be. And he'd thought Wolfwood – rest his soul – was bad...

There's nothing spectacular about walking, it went on. You may as well be walking by yourself if she's not talking to you!

'Good point,' He glanced over at the short brunette walking alongside him. He allowed himself a small smile; she was really quite the looker when she wasn't so worked up and angry. Small, petite form, short black hair framing a heart shaped face. She seemed lost in thought, her stormy eyes slightly clouded over as they viewed something far away.

Apparently she didn't see the trashcan jutting up out of the sand right in her path.

Vash sputtered in surprise, rushing forward to intervene. "Hey, look out!"

000

Meryl found her world tilting on its axis as she fell forward. The trashcan had caught her completely by surprise, sending her flailing and wind milling like the cartoons you saw in a Nickelodeon. Struggling to regain her footing and then resigning herself to a lost cause, she closed her eyes waiting to hit the sand.

"Hey, take it easy now," Arms wrapped themselves around her, supporting her weight so she could reclaim her footing. She looked up to sea green eyes smiling down at her. Astonished, she merely blinked. "Who knows what's beneath all this sand. Wouldn't want you to hurt yourself."

She righted herself, never breaking her gaze. "..Wouldn't want me... to get hurt...?"

His smile turned to confusion. "Of course not... what kind of gentleman would I be if I did...?"

Right... Vash helped everyone, no matter how trivial the situation. "Thanks."

"No problem." His voice was suddenly gentler... or was she imagining things? "Guess I'm not the only one who's a bit of a klutz."

Her face growing red in indignation, Meryl glared up at him. "Excuse me?" she exclaimed. "I'll have you know I am not a klutz! I just didn't see that thing with all this stupid sand all over the place."

Vash's expression suddenly grew apologetic. "Sorry about that..." he replied. "Maybe coming out here was a bad idea..."

She blinked, glancing downwards. Though she was standing stably on her own two feet, Vash's arms were still wrapped loosely around her waist. She didn't believe it but she wasn't about to comment on it lest he move them away.

"It's okay, Vash-san." She replied softly, chuckling ruefully. "I wasn't paying attention so I guess that does make me a klutz." He blinked at her, as if admitting he was right was something totally unexpected. "Besides, I wanted to come."

"Really?"

"Of course," She replied, poking him in the chest with her forefinger. "I do like to get out of the house from time to time despite what you might think about me!"

Vash cocked his head slightly, a few strands of gold falling across his brow. "And just what is it you think I think about you?" he asked. His eyes belied his tone, but Meryl didn't seem to notice.

"Oh please," she scoffed, stepping out of his embrace without noticing the slight resistance. Vash stared down at his hands blinkingly before stuffing them into his pockets quickly. Meryl glanced back at him, frowning. "You're not fooling anybody – I know you think I'm some loud, bitchy, bossy old know-it-all who nags at you all the time."

Vash thought about pointing out that he was older than she was but didn't feel like it was something that needed dwelling on, especially in light of what he was about to say.

"Well, you are," The look she gave him was sure to have taken some years off of his life, but before she could speak he continued on. "Sometimes. But I'm grateful for that."

She blinked, turning to face him fully. "Vash-san..."

He smiled at the sympathetic expression that made its way across her countenance. It was amazing how she could change moods so quickly. She seemed to have almost as many sides as he did. She was impressive, that was for sure.

"You and Milly... I don't know what I would've done if I hadn't had you with me..."

Meryl's expression saddened. After all they had been through, Milly was Milly and yet she was still Short Girl. But then, did she have the heart to complain? Wolfwood's death, LR, his climatic battle with his brother Knives followed by his suicide, ... he'd been through so much. Had they really been so helpful to him?

Vash looked down at her, noticing the upset frown forming on her face. "What's wrong...?"

If they hadn't followed him that one time, would it have been possible for there to have been another option? A solution that didn't involve taking a life? Could he have been spared that moment of torture?

"You're thinking about that day..." Meryl blinked. None of them ever mentioned the event specifically... not even now. Perhaps it would always be known as 'That Day'. Vash's gaze was straight ahead, his expression stoic. "Aren't you?"

She stared up at him in bewilderment. "How... did you know...?"

He looked at her with a smile that made her heart clench in pain. It always hurt when it wasn't genuine; you could see it in his eyes. "You always get that look on your face whenever you think about it." His eyes watched her carefully. "It still hurts you...?"

Meryl wasn't sure if he were referring to her injury from the pitchfork or not. She remembered how he had discovered it by accident, not relenting until she had revealed where she had gotten it. After that he'd stayed in his room for three days – just when he seemed to have gotten past the incident, he'd plunged himself back down into self-loathing once again.

And what of Knives? They'd all known he would have to face him eventually. So of course, he had left town one day – Cross Punisher in hand – set in the belief that he could, as he had put it, 'save Knives'. Meryl had been forced to wait and wonder as he battled with his twin that day in attempts to open his eyes, hoping that he would come out victorious and unscathed.

Yet, in a final effort of spite, as Vash had tended to the wounds his brother had sustained at his hands, Knives had pulled his own gun, thus taking his own life.

Two steps forward, five steps back.

She sighed, staring up at the stars that were just beginning to show through the clouds. How small they made her seem. Did Vash ever feel insignificant in comparison to their wonder?

Vash never lifted his gaze from her, waiting for her to respond. She could feel his eyes on her as if willing her to speak. When it seemed she had no intention of doing so, he decided to be the one to break the silence.

"It hurt me..." he replied. "Every time I think about it, it hurts..."

"Vash-san..." She sucked in a breath. Had they made the wrong choice? "I..."

"Wonder if things could have been done differently?" He locked gazes with her again. "So do I, everyday. Maybe things could have been done differently. Maybe there was a solution I just didn't see." He stopped, closing his eyes. "But when I think like that I have to remind myself that it's in the past. Nothing I do will reverse the actions I took."

She stared down at her feet, watching the wind push the sand across the ground. "I'm sorry..."

He touched her chin gently, lifting her head back up to face him. "You've nothing to be sorry for," he replied. "In fact, I should be thanking you. You saved my life."

She blinked at him. "What are you talking about?" she exclaimed, blushing at the intimacy of his action. How could it be he was being so gentle with her when they had had a hand in his suffering? Had they followed him after him with Legato... "If we hadn't been there, maybe you wouldn't have had—"

A finger to her lips effectively silenced her. "It was an accident – one that's in the past, remember?" He nodded at his own words. "How did you put it...?" Closing his eyes in concentration he recited the words slowly. "'...a terrible and tragic death. The death of a madman's pawn, the death of an honest man's spirit.'"

Legato... somehow he had come to terms with his brother's passing and yet the death of the jaundice-eyed mind reader still plagued him—

Hold on... she played his sentence back in her head. Those were her words; how had he known about that? Meryl was gawking at him now, her mind going back the incident in her room. He had been standing right behind her... He... had read her work!?

He smiled sadly. "Knives was crazy..." he replied softly. "I guess I'm willing to admit that now..."

She could barely get her vocal chords to function. "You... read what I wrote..."

He merely nodded. "I was kinda worried..." he replied. "You'd been cooped up in that room of yours for days... I guess I kinda got curious about what you were up to." He let out a nervous laugh. "I figured you were writing something, but I didn't think it'd be about me... well, you had your reports and all, but that was different..." Deciding he had rambled enough, he simply shut up.

Meryl merely blinked. She didn't know what to say. He looked at her hesitantly. "You're not mad, are you...?"

Should she have been? She had been writing about him, after all; if anyone should be upset... "Are you...?"

He shook his head. "You were right about what you said... I think a part of me did die that day." He looked down at the ground. "I'd spent so long living my life according to that vow... when I broke it, I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't think I could keep on going."

All the empty stares and hours of silence, moments of panic when he wasn't in his room and hours spent searching for him, nights of agonized cries in the dark... Meryl remembered it all. She'd been so frightened when she'd walked back into the house that day – she'd thought they'd lost him for good.

She thought she'd lost him for good.

"But then you were there in front of me," He was smiling down at her now, this time for real. "Standing in front of all those upset people... you reminded me that everyone makes mistakes... and that we can be forgiven for them so long as we learn from them."

"No one...no one has the right to take the life of another..."

She'd said that then, not realizing she had uttered the same words to Legato. He had tried to turn her own beliefs against her – could he have possibly known what would occur in the aftermath?

"And what of Knives...?" She immediately regretted her words as she watched the color drain from his face.

"I wish I could have saved him..." he replied softly, his eyes hazing over. "I wish I could have been strong enough to make him see..." He trailed off, taking a deep breath. "But I couldn't – he didn't want to see.

"I really didn't know what to do..." His hands were trembling slightly and when she took notice of them, he shoved them back into his pockets again. "Everything seemed pointless... but I remembered,"

Meryl froze as his gaze refocused on her. He took a few purposeful steps forward, quickly closing the distance between them. "I promised you I would come back."

He had come back...for her...? "Vash-san..."

Some of the color returned to his face as he gave her a small smirk. "Do you always have to add the –san on the end, Short Girl?" he asked her. "It makes me sound old."

That was Vash for you; never wanting to dwell on the bad things. Had she not been so shocked, she would have made some remark about his level of maturity. He was so much like a child sometimes – but that was one of the things that caused her to fall head over heels for him in the first place.

Flushing like a schoolgirl, she replied softly, "Do you..." She found herself suddenly short of breath. "...always have to call me Short Girl?"

He blinked at her. "You don't like that...?"

"It... seems so impersonal..." she replied. "You do know my name, don't you?"

"Of course." His expression was apologetic for a moment before turning to nervousness. "Call me simple," he began.

"Simple."

He stuck out his tongue before running a hand through his hair – a sure sign of his anxiety. Meryl tilted her head to the side; what did he have to be nervous about? "Well, you see," he went on. "I've never said your name 'cuz I guess it would make it all the more real."

She frowned. "Make what all the more real?" His expression turned intense once again. Meryl recognized as a look she'd been many times before, although she didn't know its meaning. "Vash-sa... Vash...?"

"My feelings for you."

End Chapter 4

Author's Notes - Well... bet you guys weren't expecting that, were ya? Next chapter's the last... see how the two come to grips with all that's happened. See ya!