Hey guys! Sorry for the delay but life and school is kicking my butt! I
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LIZZIE'S POV
"Ha.....Hey Gordo, can we talk" I said.
He just starred at me with disgust written all over his face. He looked at me with this coldness that I never seen before. I knew he was angry with me. He was hurt and definitely upset.
I tried my best to avoid eye contact with him because it hurt me to look at how much he was angry with me.
"We can talk outside," he said flat and coldly.
He brushed pass me hitting my arm in the process. He didn't bother to say excuse me. He walked to the door and swung it open angrily. He didn't even hold the door open for me like he used to.
He walked to the bench that was across the street from the Digital Bean and sat there waiting for me to join him.
I contemplated running off but the situation would never be settled if I did that. He had to understand that I still love him and I need him and that's why I did what I did without thinking.
I waited for the sudden rush of cars to subside then I met him at the bench.
I took a seat.
We just sat there in silence for what seemed like eternity. I wanted to say something but every time I tried I couldn't find the right way to explain what I was feeling.
"Why did you do it," he said breaking the death like silence between us.
I just sat there for a minute trying to gather my thoughts together.
"Answer me!" he yelled at me.
I jumped when he yelled. Never have I heard Gordo speak that way to me. I guess I deserve it.
"I did it because......because I still love you Gordo. I mean I'm still in love with you and I didn't know how to explain that to you. I was so mean to you and Miranda and I didn't know why. But in the back of my mind I always knew. I was jealous Gordo; I wanted the relationship that you had with Miranda. I wanted what we never had.....true love. I figured the reason we never had true love is because I never gave it or you a chance and I wanted to change that," I said in a shaky voice.
He just looked down at the ground before he responded to me.
"That still doesn't give you the right to kiss me knowing full well I had a girlfriend," he said sadly.
"No that doesn't give me the right to kiss you Gordo and I'm truly sorry for what I did. I just didn't know how else to explain to you how I felt," I said.
"You could have tried talking to me. That's what normal people do they just don't go around kissing each other," he said angrily again.
"Gordo I said I'm sorry. I don't know what else to do. I can't help the way I feel. I'm sorry that I hurt Miranda's feelings, I know I hurt Jason, but Gordo I love you and I can't get rid of these feelings," I said starting to cry.
"That's no fucking excuse! Do you realize what you did; you kissed me right in front of Miranda. The girl that I love with all of my heart and soul," he said standing up. "Lizzie you have screwed up so much. I can't believe you would do this to me knowing I love Miranda the way I do," he said yelling.
"Gordo please stop yelling," I said.
"No I won't stop yelling. Because of you the girl I cared about most in this world broke up with me. She barley wants to talk to me right now. She dumped me this morning because of you, because of what you did!" he said still yelling.
I couldn't say anything, I was in total shock. I just sat there completely shocked.
Eventually I said "I'm really sorry Gordo, I didn't think she would break up with you".
Inside I was sorry that him and Miranda broke up but I was also relieved because that meant we might have a chance with one another.
He starred at me for a long time.
"You're not sorry. That's what you wanted right, you wanted me for yourself. Well guess what you will never get me because I don't want you. You had your chance and you blew it, I finally find happiness and you couldn't stand it. You were so unhappy that you had to go and destroy my happiness," he said angrily.
"Wait a minute Gordo that's not true. And if I remember correctly you kissed me back yesterday!" I said angrily now.
He was about to yell back at me but I knew I struck a chord inside him.
"The fact is Gordo you kissed me back. I know it, you know it, and Miranda probably knows it. I'm sorry that I kissed you like that but like I said before I wasn't thinking and that's the only way I could tell you how I felt. Gordo your not angry because I kissed you, you are angry at yourself because you kissed me back!" I said yelling.
"You know what, your right Lizzie I am angry because I kissed you back! That was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life to date. The fact is I will never love you they way I USED too. I'm not in love with you like you are with me. I love Miranda and I will always love Miranda. I'm not in love with you anymore and you kissing me or me returning that kiss will ever change that fact. My heart belongs to Miranda today, tomorrow, and forever. So your right Lizzie I'm made at myself for kissing you, but I will never forgive you for doing what you did to me, Jason, but more so Miranda!" he said angrily.
He looked at me for a while until I soaked everything in.
"But Gordo are you saying you don't love me at all" I said in tears.
"No that's not what I said. I said I'm not in love with you anymore; I never could stop loving you as a friend. But right now I really don't want to be your friend" he said a little more calmly.
"But Gordo" I said.
"No buts Lizzie. This is the way things are now. Lizzie I really don't want to talk or see you for a long time" he said and walked away.
For a long time I just starred at Gordo walking away. After he had disappeared into the cool afternoon evening I sat on the bench and cried. That was all I could do. How could he say that he didn't love me that way anymore when I know I felt something there?
I guess I deserve what is happening to me right now, I did break him and Miranda up but that was not my intention. I don't know how to fix this. I don't even know if I can fix this.
I got up after calming my self down and walked around the town. I really didn't want to go home because I spent all last night there crying.
My mom asked me what was going on but I refused to talk to her I just sat in my room and cried.
I walked and walked until I came to the park. It was the only place I knew I wouldn't find anyone to bug me. Not Gordo, not Jason, or Miranda.
I walked over to the tennis courts were everyone hung out for the first time. I looked around and there were some tennis balls laying around were someone had unintentionally left them.
I picked one up and bounced it up and down like a mechanical doll.
I kept doing this not knowing that I was being watched.
"I thought I was the only person that was going to be out here today," said that familiar voice.
"Funny, I thought I would be too," I said.
"It's not been a good couple of days for you has it," said the voice.
"No. I guess the same for you," I said turning around.
I looked into the beautiful eyes of Jason. His eyes usually sparkled with joy but they look sorta dead inside, like his joy was taking away.
I took the ball that was now in my hands and bounced it towards him. He caught the ball and went and sat by a near by tree. I followed not really knowing why.
We sat there awkwardly for a while. For some reason unbeknownst to me I just started to cry.
He just let me cry, he didn't offer to console me he just let me cry.
When I finally calmed down he handed me a piece of tissue. I cleaned my self up with the tissue. Finally he said something.
"I saw you and Gordo today outside the Digital Bean. I guess things didn't turn out like you wanted them to," he said.
"Naw, it didn't," I said.
"Lizzie I'm not going to act like what happened yesterday didn't hurt because it did. I expected you to talk to Gordo, just not that soon and not in that way," he said.
"I know Jason and I am really sorry for what I did. I really don't think I can handle any body telling me that I screwed up anymore because I know I did," I said.
"I'm not telling you that you screwed up. I think you already know that. I'm just telling you that I don't understand why you did it," he partly asked.
"I don't know it just seemed right at that moment and I thought it was right when he kissed me back but it wasn't. I regret not really talking to him before I acted on my feelings. I think it would have saved a lot of trouble in the end. I don't regret how I feel about him because I can't. Regretting and ignoring my feelings would be like me ignoring myself and I just can't do that," I said sniffling.
"Oh" was all he could muster up.
We sat quietly for a few minutes.
"You know they broke up" I said breaking the silence.
"I figured as much. You know your going to have to apologize to her" he said.
"I know but I don't think she wants anything to do with me right now. I know Gordo doesn't want to see or talk to me for awhile. He told me so himself," I said disappointed.
"Can you really blame them" Jason said smartly.
"No, I can't. Why do you still talk to me," I asked him.
He sat there and thought awhile.
"It's simple when you love somebody; you will do the craziest things and don't know why. Even if they hurt you," he said.
"I'm sorry Jason, I really am sorry," I said.
"I know Lizzie," he said.
We sat there until well after dark.
Not saying anything to one another just sitting and enjoying the nice evening even though we both were in pain.
LIZZIE'S POV
"Ha.....Hey Gordo, can we talk" I said.
He just starred at me with disgust written all over his face. He looked at me with this coldness that I never seen before. I knew he was angry with me. He was hurt and definitely upset.
I tried my best to avoid eye contact with him because it hurt me to look at how much he was angry with me.
"We can talk outside," he said flat and coldly.
He brushed pass me hitting my arm in the process. He didn't bother to say excuse me. He walked to the door and swung it open angrily. He didn't even hold the door open for me like he used to.
He walked to the bench that was across the street from the Digital Bean and sat there waiting for me to join him.
I contemplated running off but the situation would never be settled if I did that. He had to understand that I still love him and I need him and that's why I did what I did without thinking.
I waited for the sudden rush of cars to subside then I met him at the bench.
I took a seat.
We just sat there in silence for what seemed like eternity. I wanted to say something but every time I tried I couldn't find the right way to explain what I was feeling.
"Why did you do it," he said breaking the death like silence between us.
I just sat there for a minute trying to gather my thoughts together.
"Answer me!" he yelled at me.
I jumped when he yelled. Never have I heard Gordo speak that way to me. I guess I deserve it.
"I did it because......because I still love you Gordo. I mean I'm still in love with you and I didn't know how to explain that to you. I was so mean to you and Miranda and I didn't know why. But in the back of my mind I always knew. I was jealous Gordo; I wanted the relationship that you had with Miranda. I wanted what we never had.....true love. I figured the reason we never had true love is because I never gave it or you a chance and I wanted to change that," I said in a shaky voice.
He just looked down at the ground before he responded to me.
"That still doesn't give you the right to kiss me knowing full well I had a girlfriend," he said sadly.
"No that doesn't give me the right to kiss you Gordo and I'm truly sorry for what I did. I just didn't know how else to explain to you how I felt," I said.
"You could have tried talking to me. That's what normal people do they just don't go around kissing each other," he said angrily again.
"Gordo I said I'm sorry. I don't know what else to do. I can't help the way I feel. I'm sorry that I hurt Miranda's feelings, I know I hurt Jason, but Gordo I love you and I can't get rid of these feelings," I said starting to cry.
"That's no fucking excuse! Do you realize what you did; you kissed me right in front of Miranda. The girl that I love with all of my heart and soul," he said standing up. "Lizzie you have screwed up so much. I can't believe you would do this to me knowing I love Miranda the way I do," he said yelling.
"Gordo please stop yelling," I said.
"No I won't stop yelling. Because of you the girl I cared about most in this world broke up with me. She barley wants to talk to me right now. She dumped me this morning because of you, because of what you did!" he said still yelling.
I couldn't say anything, I was in total shock. I just sat there completely shocked.
Eventually I said "I'm really sorry Gordo, I didn't think she would break up with you".
Inside I was sorry that him and Miranda broke up but I was also relieved because that meant we might have a chance with one another.
He starred at me for a long time.
"You're not sorry. That's what you wanted right, you wanted me for yourself. Well guess what you will never get me because I don't want you. You had your chance and you blew it, I finally find happiness and you couldn't stand it. You were so unhappy that you had to go and destroy my happiness," he said angrily.
"Wait a minute Gordo that's not true. And if I remember correctly you kissed me back yesterday!" I said angrily now.
He was about to yell back at me but I knew I struck a chord inside him.
"The fact is Gordo you kissed me back. I know it, you know it, and Miranda probably knows it. I'm sorry that I kissed you like that but like I said before I wasn't thinking and that's the only way I could tell you how I felt. Gordo your not angry because I kissed you, you are angry at yourself because you kissed me back!" I said yelling.
"You know what, your right Lizzie I am angry because I kissed you back! That was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life to date. The fact is I will never love you they way I USED too. I'm not in love with you like you are with me. I love Miranda and I will always love Miranda. I'm not in love with you anymore and you kissing me or me returning that kiss will ever change that fact. My heart belongs to Miranda today, tomorrow, and forever. So your right Lizzie I'm made at myself for kissing you, but I will never forgive you for doing what you did to me, Jason, but more so Miranda!" he said angrily.
He looked at me for a while until I soaked everything in.
"But Gordo are you saying you don't love me at all" I said in tears.
"No that's not what I said. I said I'm not in love with you anymore; I never could stop loving you as a friend. But right now I really don't want to be your friend" he said a little more calmly.
"But Gordo" I said.
"No buts Lizzie. This is the way things are now. Lizzie I really don't want to talk or see you for a long time" he said and walked away.
For a long time I just starred at Gordo walking away. After he had disappeared into the cool afternoon evening I sat on the bench and cried. That was all I could do. How could he say that he didn't love me that way anymore when I know I felt something there?
I guess I deserve what is happening to me right now, I did break him and Miranda up but that was not my intention. I don't know how to fix this. I don't even know if I can fix this.
I got up after calming my self down and walked around the town. I really didn't want to go home because I spent all last night there crying.
My mom asked me what was going on but I refused to talk to her I just sat in my room and cried.
I walked and walked until I came to the park. It was the only place I knew I wouldn't find anyone to bug me. Not Gordo, not Jason, or Miranda.
I walked over to the tennis courts were everyone hung out for the first time. I looked around and there were some tennis balls laying around were someone had unintentionally left them.
I picked one up and bounced it up and down like a mechanical doll.
I kept doing this not knowing that I was being watched.
"I thought I was the only person that was going to be out here today," said that familiar voice.
"Funny, I thought I would be too," I said.
"It's not been a good couple of days for you has it," said the voice.
"No. I guess the same for you," I said turning around.
I looked into the beautiful eyes of Jason. His eyes usually sparkled with joy but they look sorta dead inside, like his joy was taking away.
I took the ball that was now in my hands and bounced it towards him. He caught the ball and went and sat by a near by tree. I followed not really knowing why.
We sat there awkwardly for a while. For some reason unbeknownst to me I just started to cry.
He just let me cry, he didn't offer to console me he just let me cry.
When I finally calmed down he handed me a piece of tissue. I cleaned my self up with the tissue. Finally he said something.
"I saw you and Gordo today outside the Digital Bean. I guess things didn't turn out like you wanted them to," he said.
"Naw, it didn't," I said.
"Lizzie I'm not going to act like what happened yesterday didn't hurt because it did. I expected you to talk to Gordo, just not that soon and not in that way," he said.
"I know Jason and I am really sorry for what I did. I really don't think I can handle any body telling me that I screwed up anymore because I know I did," I said.
"I'm not telling you that you screwed up. I think you already know that. I'm just telling you that I don't understand why you did it," he partly asked.
"I don't know it just seemed right at that moment and I thought it was right when he kissed me back but it wasn't. I regret not really talking to him before I acted on my feelings. I think it would have saved a lot of trouble in the end. I don't regret how I feel about him because I can't. Regretting and ignoring my feelings would be like me ignoring myself and I just can't do that," I said sniffling.
"Oh" was all he could muster up.
We sat quietly for a few minutes.
"You know they broke up" I said breaking the silence.
"I figured as much. You know your going to have to apologize to her" he said.
"I know but I don't think she wants anything to do with me right now. I know Gordo doesn't want to see or talk to me for awhile. He told me so himself," I said disappointed.
"Can you really blame them" Jason said smartly.
"No, I can't. Why do you still talk to me," I asked him.
He sat there and thought awhile.
"It's simple when you love somebody; you will do the craziest things and don't know why. Even if they hurt you," he said.
"I'm sorry Jason, I really am sorry," I said.
"I know Lizzie," he said.
We sat there until well after dark.
Not saying anything to one another just sitting and enjoying the nice evening even though we both were in pain.