Sorry guys for the lack of updates, but I'm just getting into the swing of things here at school.

Black Knight- thanks for the great stories and all of the love

That goes to all my reviewers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIZZIE'S POV

SMACK!!!!!!!!!!!

I felt my face swing to the right as I instantly went to grab it. I felt the blood rush to my face, followed by this instant throbbing.

I just stared at her in disbelief. I can't believe she just smack me! Before I could control myself I felt the tears slip out of my eyes and onto my face.

She stared at me with such hatred. I've never seen that look in her eyes. She just kept starring at me like she wanted to hit me again.

Miranda raised her hand to smack me again. I just braced myself for the impact. Under any other circumstances we both would have been rolling around in the ground by now, but this wasn't just some other circumstance. I completely demolished our friendship and trust in a simple act, I guess I deserved this. I definitely had it coming.

I braced for the second impact, but I received something totally different.

"How could you Lizzie!" she yelled at me while tears were streaming down her face. "How could you!"

I looked at her. I saw in her eyes how much I deeply hurt her. I just realized then that she was more hurt than angry. She just wanted a simple answer rather than beat my face into the ground.

"How could you" she asked again a little more calmly, but crying just as hard.

"I....I.... love him. I still love him" I whispered.

She shook her head at my response. She leaned back on her foot and crossed her hands over her chest. "I don't believe you. That is so lame" she responded.

"It's true, Miranda I still love him and that was the only way I knew how to express my feelings to him. I now know that was a huge mistake. I'm really sorry Miranda. I'm sorry for everything, but I'm mostly sorry for hurting you and Gordo" I said a little more clearly.

"I don't believe that you're sorry Lizzie. So no I don't accept your lousy ass apology. I think you meant to kiss Gordo, and you could have cared less who it affected" she yelled at me.

"That's not true" I said rubbing the side of my face. I was trying to get the feeling back into my left cheek.

"You know what Lizzie you're full of it. You knew how much I loved him" she said chocking up. She looked away; I knew this was hard for her. Showing her emotions and all.

"Look Miranda" I said.

"No you look Lizzie! I love Gordo with all of my heart, and you went around my back and kissed him. You initiated that kiss Lizzie. And your excuse is that you still love him. What if the tables were turned? What if I dated Gordo first and we broke up and he started dating you. I realize that I'm still in love with him but he is head over heels in love with you. You know what I would do Lizzie? I would have hidden my feelings. I wouldn't go and try and kiss him. I would have let him love you unconditionally. You know why Lizzie? Because I value our friendship too much, it wouldn't even cross my mind to do something that would damage our friendship because I love you too much Lizzie. But as usual you could only think about yourself and what you wanted, no matter who it affected in the end" she said.

"You didn't want to damage our friendship" I said in disbelief. "Miranda if you didn't want to damage our friendship than you never would have started dating him."

"You said it was fine with you. If it wasn't okay Lizzie I would have never agreed to go with him" she said.

"That's bullshit" I yelled. Now I was officially upset. "If my memory serves me correctly you two were sneaking around for weeks before I caught you two together! And you honestly think that wouldn't hurt me" I yelled.

She just stood their in silence. I knew I had gotten her. "The fact is Miranda you hurt me first by going out with him. And I did suck it up until I couldn't take it anymore. Miranda I love him, I have always loved him. From the moment we saw each other in pre-k until now. I sucked up my feelings, I even tried dating someone else but I couldn't deny those feelings anymore because they hurt too much."

"You just realized this year that you two were supposedly meant to be together, and you went after what you wanted without any regard to me and how that made me feel. I hated it Miranda, seeing you two huddled and cuddling together. That hurt so much. Kissing Gordo was the only way I knew to get his attention and tell him how I felt" I said crying.

"So what your saying is that it's my fault you kissed him" she said angrily.

"No what I'm saying is that you hurt me too Miranda by dating him" I said.

We stood there in this awkward silence that seemed to last forever.

"I still love him Lizzie and he still loves me too and he has made it clear that he doesn't have those type feelings for you anymore" she said.

That hurt really badly. I knew that was true but she didn't have to say it.

"I know he doesn't want me anymore Miranda" I said sarcastically.

She stared at me with those sad brown eyes. It seemed like her spirit was dead.

"If you could go back in time, would you still have kissed him" she asked?

"If you could go back in time, would you still have dated him" I asked?

She thought for a moment. "Yes Lizzie I would have still dated him or else I would have never known what we could be" she said.

"Then I still would kiss him. I don't regret kissing him, I just regret the outcome" I said.

"Even though kissing him has cost you the best friend you ever had" she said tearing up.

"Me kissing him didn't cost us our friendship Miranda. You loving Gordo cost us our friendship." "We both wanted something that only one of us could have" I said.

"So you still don't think you didn't do anything wrong by kissing him" she asked.

"I was wrong for kissing Gordo, but like I said before I don't regret it, I just regret the outcome. Miranda I can't help the way I feel about him. Me denying my feelings is like me not being true to myself" I said. "You can blame me all you want but the fact still remains that Gordo kissed me back, so he obviously still has some feeling towards me whether you admit it or not."

Miranda looked at me and turned around to leave.

I shouldn't have said that.

"Miranda!" I yelled. She turned around to look at me. "Will you ever find it in your heart to forgive me for everything" I said looking her straight in the eye.

"Yes, but that doesn't mean I will be able to trust you. I don't think I could ever trust you again Lizzie" she said.

"Why" I asked sadly.

"Because you don't have any remorse. You don't regret kissing him even though you knew he was with me. I'm really sorry about dating Gordo behind your back and I'm sorry that I hurt you even though I wasn't aware. But I would never do that to you Lizzie. That's the difference between you and me; I never would intentionally hurt you. I would never kiss Gordo if you were dating him. I would suck it up because I knew that if I acted wrongly you would get hurt" she said.

"Do you ever think we can be friends again" I asked.

"I can't be friends with somebody I don't trust" she said.

"So our relationship is over" I asked starting to cry.

"You said it yourself Lizzie, we both want something that only one of us can have, and as long as that something is there we can never be friends again" she said clearly crying now.

Once again she turned to leave. I didn't have the heart or energy to tell her to wait.

I turned around and headed for my house, for the last weeks that's the only place I felt comfortable in. I've officially lost everything now. My best friend, my boyfriend/friend, and most of all the love of my life.

You know everything Miranda said was true, I only thought of myself when I kissed Gordo. She never would have done that to me, I know she wouldn't have and maybe that's why me hurting her is definitely the worst part of all of this.

I screwed this up for real; I don't know what else to do. I guess I deserve everything that comes from this. I just don't know how to make it right.

Do I cut off my feelings even though they tell me that Gordo is the one?

Or do I keep my feelings and hope he comes around and realize that we had something special.

If I cut off my feelings and don't pursue Gordo than I will lose him forever to Miranda. But if I keep going after him and telling him how much I love him he still won't want to be with me.

So either way I lose.

I have to fix this some how.

When I reached home I went straight to me room. My mom knows everything and she comes and consuls me each night. I swear without her I would be lost right now.

I hopped into the shower still thinking about everything. I dried off and put my pajamas on. I looked at my dresser.

There was a picture of the three amigos during happier times.

I threw myself into my bed and continued my month long ritual of crying myself to sleep.