Disclaimer: Don't own it...

A/N: The conversation between Sirius and Harry is taken directly from the Chapter 'Percy and Padfoot' in the Order of the Phoenix.

Chapter Thirty-Six: Face in the Flames

"We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe."

--Johann von Goethe

...&&&...

"So what are you going to write back to Harry?" Remus asked over lunch.

"Harry wrote?" Anna inquired as she placed the salad onto the tabletop.

"Mmm..." Sirius replied. "Told me about Umbridge, about what a cow she was – "

"As if we didn't already know that," Remus interrupted. "Stupid, prejudiced old hag... I wish I could just hex the bat and be done with it... maybe I should bite her... see how she likes being a 'half-breed.' Miserable old pig..."

"Well," Sirius commented sardonically. "That was out of character. Anyway, he was just telling me that his scar hurt him while he was in detention with the horrid pimple of a woman."

"I don't think you should write to him Sirius," Remus mused. "It might be intercepted by the toad-woman."

"Wow," Anna commented dryly. "Perhaps we should start a 'I Hate Dolores Umbridge And Like To Come Up With Different Insulting Nicknames For Her' club. What did she do to us, anyway?"

"The brainless wart drafted a legislation that makes it pretty much impossible for me to get a job. Anywhere."

"Ah," Anna said wisely. "Bastard."

...&&&...

"So you never did tell me if you were going to write back to Harry," Remus pointed out over dinner later on.

"I think I might Floo him."

"Don't you think that's a tad dangerous?" Anna asked, her eyebrows raised.

"No," he replied. "How and why would Umbridge (the repulsive cow) even suspect that I was there?"

"A valid point, Padfoot my old friend. Just be careful."

"Will do."

...&&&...

"I would, I just don't want you to get chucked in Azkaban!" Harry retorted heatedly from the Gryffindor Common Room later that night.

Sirius's brow furrowed. "You're less like your father than I thought," he said coolly. "The risk would've been what made it fun for James."

"Look –" Harry begun.

But Sirius cut through him. "Well, I'd better get going, I can here Kreacher coming down the stairs." It was a blatant lie and Harry knew it. "I'll write to tell you a time I can make it back into the fire, then, shall I? If you can stand to risk it?"

Sirius pulled his head from the flames, not waiting for an answer. He turned to find Anna and Remus both staring at him, arms crossed, with equal expressions of anger on their faces.

"You did not just say that," Anna ground out.

"Apparently I did," he replied pertly.

"That," Remus stated coldly, "has to be the stupidest and most immature thing I have ever witnessed you do."

"That's a rather big statement to make, Remus. I've done some pretty immature things in my time."

"Yes, but that certainly beats them all. How could you be so... so... selfish? Look, Sirius, I know you hate being stuck in this house but you're not alone! And it's no reason to be such a prick to Harry! The boy is going through enough at the moment without your utter idiocy on top it all off!"

Sirius was – to say the least – surprised by Remus's outburst.

"He's right, Sirius," Anna remarked calmly. "You really have to stop being such an insufferable twat. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to write a letter to Hermione, asking her to explain to Harry why his godfather is such an ignoramus."

Anna turned on her heel and stalked out of the room.

"Padfoot, you are such an idiot."

...&&&...

For the next few days Anna and Remus kept up a cool indifference whenever Sirius was around, making Grimmauld House not the homiest place to be. Sirius thought that perhaps while Remus and Anna were angry with him, their stony silence was to teach him a lesson more than anything else.

And so he found them on the Thursday after their fight in the drawing room, each curled up before the fire with a book. He cleared his throat and tapped softly on the door. They turned to look at him.

"Can I come in?"

"I don't know, Sirius, do you deserve to? Do you think he deserves to, Remus?" Anna asked with mock dubiety.

"Hhmmm..." Remus pondered. "Well, we have been ignoring for the last four days. Perhaps he's learnt his lesson?"

"I guess we'll have to ask him. Sirius, have you learnt your lesson?" Anna asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm, sounding out the words clearly as if she was conversing with an incompetent child. "You need to grow up Sirius. You're 36 years old. Stop acting like a petulant child. And if you do something so bloody foolish to Harry again I will personally make sure you regret the day you were born."

"Feisty."

"You bet."

"We're serious, Sirius," Remus said sternly in what Sirius had termed his 'Professor' voice. "Harry is not James. No matter how much they look alike, Harry is a completely different person. Not to mention the fact that if James had have been in the same position you put Harry in the other night I'm not to sure that James would've acted much differently. He probably would've told you that you were a nut and to go get your sanity checked at St Mungos. But he always did seem to have more sense than you..."

Sirius sighed sullenly, sinking into the squishy chair. "I just keep doing things wrong, don't I?"

"Yes, you do," Remus said bluntly. "But because we are such wonderful people who are far to loving for our own good, we'll forgive you. This time."

"How kind of you."

"Yes, I thought so too."

A/N: Hmmm... I think I'll leave it there tonight. Hehe, don't you just love a good Umbridge bashing? If any of you come up with some interesting names for the stupid cow, feel free to send them in with your reviews and I'll include them in the stories. Oh, and am I letting Siri off to easy?