A/N: Sorry if the first part of this story is a little disturbing to some of you! I don't know what was goin through my head when I read this, it must have been late. Hope you still enjoy it!!
Gordie sat on his bed, wearing one of Denny's old shirts that his parents weren't aware he had, working on yet another El Dio story. He couldn't believe he was writing one of these. It had been years since the last one…he had gotten sick of them, and despite the pleas from Teddy, hadn't felt the urge to write them anymore. He knew it was a bit childish that he was writing something so unchallenging, but he didn't care. It had been about a month and a half since he had talked to Chris at all, and since then, twice he had walked in on his mom talking to Dericia, his infant sister, about how she was going to grow up and be just like her older brother, Denny. It made Gordie sick to think about…she wasn't even talking yet and they were putting pressure on her like that!! They probably wouldn't have even had her if Denny had lived. Facing this, on top of not being able to talk to Chris about it, had been too much for him, so he had escaped to the childhood memories of El Dio. As he sat there writing, flashes of Teddy and Vern fighting flashed through his head, along with different scenes of him and Chris over the years. Suddenly, the childhood response to Shut-up popped into his head, and with it, a whole different set of good memories, including just a couple of weeks ago when he had joked around with Chris at the tree house. Had that really only been a couple of weeks ago? Gordie shook his head, the smile falling from his face. Suddenly, he heard Rici (he refused to call her Derry like his parents) crying and, when, after a few minutes, the crying didn't cease, went to check on her. When he opened the door to her room, he immediately saw his mother, standing next to the window, holding a picture of Denny to her chest and crying her eyes out, not even aware of the wailing from Rici. Gordie shook his head in shame and picked up his baby sister.
"Shhh…Shhh, honey, everything is okay. Are you hungry? Huh? Come on, lets go get you some food, okay?" Gordie said, cuddling seven-and-a half month old close. He loved being an older brother and couldn't wait until Rici got a little older. He loved her more than anyone else in the world…well, almost. He reached for the doorknob, on his way to get a can of baby food, when his Mother realized that someone was in the room and looked up.
"Denny?" She asked, dropping the picture, her hand shot up to her mouth in shock. Gordie looked up in shock, then saw her glossed over eyes and realized she was slightly drunk.
"Mom…" Gordie began.
"Oh, Denny, is it true? Every night I prayed and prayed that you would magically be here. I even made a bargain with God, I told him that he could have Gordie, if he would just let me have you back…even just for a little while. But I never dreamed it would actually happen!" Gordie stood in shock, watching his hysterically happy mother run toward him with open arms. Something she had never, ever done to him before. She rushed up to him, ready prepared to squeeze him in a bear hug. Gordie ducked away from her just in time to save little Rici, who's cries had ceased to small whimpers, from being squashed between them.
"Whaa…" his mother said with a hurt, confused look "Oh!" she said, seeing the baby "Isn't she adorable? Looks just like you! I bet she'll be a cheerleader!" his mother gushed.
"Uh…yeah. She's beautiful" Gordie said, not knowing what else he could.
"Oh, Denny, I'm so happy! My babies are finally together! Wait till your father comes home! Oh, Denny!" She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tight. Gordie, choked back a sob and, not knowing what else to do, hugged her around the middle with his free arm and closed his eyes. Mother and son stood with a baby in between them, sharing their first real embrace, both imagining it is someone else with their arms around them.
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When Chris walked into school the next day, he saw Gordie standing with that Bridgett bitch again, his eyes filled with a joy Chris had rarely seen in Gordie's eyes. He saw Bridgett freely laugh at something Gordie said, completely comfortable with him. He felt his blood surge with irrational anger and wished he had the right to care, to do something about it. He was completely miserable. Gordie seemed fine though. It was common knowledge now that he and Bridgett were going out. Because of this, and the fact that he and Gordie hadn't talked for nearly two months, all teasing about being gay had stopped. Gordie had a nice, normal life now. He had a nice, normal girlfriend, wasn't teased, and didn't have to worry about Chris anymore. Chris knew he should be happy for him. He had been right, Gordie's life was a lot better now. This was what he wanted. Chris thought, not quite able to make himself smile for his friend. One more person who didn't need him.
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Gordie looked up at the best friend he had at the moment, Bridgett. Since he and Chris had stopped talking, he had spent a lot of time with her. She was the only one he had been able to tell what had really happened. She had reacted perfectly, with just the right mix of sympathy and indignation for him. He hadn't told her all the details, that wouldn't have been right…no, he had just told her enough to give her the basic idea. He had spent so much time talking to her that people had started thinking they were going out. Bridgett had suggested they let people think this for a while, saying it would be a great way to shut the trio up. Gordie, who had been pleasantly shocked to hear this, had hesitated for a second, thinking of Chris' reaction, then, deciding he didn't care, had agreed.
"Yeah, she's almost eight months! She's getting big!" Gordie said, his eyes filling with a joy only Rici could create.
"You really like your baby sister, don't you?" Bridgett said, having brought up the subject, knowing it would take his mind off of Chris.
"I'm crazy about her! She's so adorable! She's started teething! Did I tell you that? It's disgusting! I'll be holding her and when I put her down, my shirt will be soaked! It's so nasty! I can't wait until she gets older and I get to start teaching her stuff! Last week we went to Grandma's house and mom put her in this adorable little pink dress with white lace! It was so cute!" Gordie said animatedly, a huge smile on his face.
"Oh my gosh, Gordie, you're going to spoil that poor little girl so much! I can see it now, she's already got you wrapped around her tiny little finger" Bridgett said, laughing.
"I know! Bri, she's so awesome! You know, this one time…"
Bridgett watched Gordie talk so excitedly. She just didn't understand it. How could Chris possibly not want to be with someone who cared so much?
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Chris was finishing washing his hands in the school restroom when Gordie pushed through the door.
"Okay, see you at lunch, Bri !" Gordie said over his shoulder before he noticed Chris, his wide smile disappearing immediately.
"Bri! What the fuck kind of name is that?" Chris said sarcastically.
"Um…maybe the kind that's short for Bridgett! You fucking retard!" Gordie said, if Chris was gonna be mad, he could damn well be mad back!
"Don't fucking call me that!" Chris shouted, his back going rigid.
"I'll call you whatever the fuck I want to! What the fuck are you going to do about it, Faggot!!" Gordie shouted back, taking a step forward and dropping his book bag to the ground, getting ready.
"This!" Chris shouted, lunging at him and hitting him hard in the jaw.
"I fucking hate you !" Gordie shouted, knocking the wind out of Chris with a swift blow in the stomach.
"Wow! Really! I never would have guessed, you were so heartbroken! Completely fucking devastated, weren't you" Chris exclaimed bitterly, elbowing Gordie in the chest.
"Oh, I am just so fucking sorry that I didn't fucking crawl into a hole and die properly! Can't seem to do much of anything right, can I?" Gordie screamed, grabbing Chris in a headlock, choking him.
"Fuck off! I fucking hate you!" Chris escaped from Gordie's grasp and kicked him in the back of the knee, hard. Gordie fell to the ground with a thud, but quickly got back up, ready with a retort.
"Oh! Watch it there, Chambers, you sure are saying fuck a lot! If you're not careful, you might get addicted, and then, of course, you'll go completely, randomly crazy and shoot me or something, and you'll have absolutely no control over it! Because, remember, your future's already been decided, you have absolutely no fucking control over it!" Gordie said mockingly, elbowing Chris hard in the back.
"You're a real asshole, you know that?" Chris asked, kneeing Gordie in the gut.
"You wanna know what I think?" Gordie asked, punching Chris in the eye.
Chris gasped, whether from pain or in response wasn't clear "you think?"
"I know you're not going there! If I'm dumb, I don't even want to think what you are!" Gordie shouted back. Both boys stood there for a minute, catching their breath, then lunged at each other again. A passing teacher heard the commotion and opened the door, then, seeing who it was, continued down the hall.
"That was a good one, Lachance! Real original!" Chris said, punching him square in the nose, causing a stream of blood to start flowing from it.
"Almost as good as yours! Why the fuck are you trying to change the subject, asshole?" Gordie kicked him hard, knocking him to the ground, then wipe his nose on his forearm, waiting for him to get up.
"I'm not! Why the fuck would I care what a little fuckface like you thinks?!" Chris got up and pulled on Gordie's hair, forcing him to lean back, then kneed him in the spine.
Gordie gasped, flinching hard in pain "That's twice you said it! Be careful! You're tempting fate, man!" Gordie grabbed Chris' wrist and twisted it behind his back, causing Chris to slouch a little in pain "Now, I'm going to tell you what I think. I think you're full of shit, Chambers. This whole boohoo act about wanting to fucking spare me ain't cutting it. You're afraid, Chris. You were right about one thing, you've never had any serious relationships, but it's not because you're trying to spare them, give me a fucking minimal break! You were trying to spare yourself. You're afraid to let anybody in because you're afraid they'll hurt you, and you knew with me it would be the real thing, so you cut it off before I could get to close." Gordie whispered all of this next to Chris' ear. "Well, fuck you! Don't feed me any bullshit about fucking loving me! You don't love anyone but yourself. If you did you would have thought about how I felt! Maybe I don't want to be spared! If you seriously cared, you wouldn't be able to not be with me, no matter what the consequences were! But you don't love me, because you won't let yourself, because you're fucking afraid. You are a coward, and you fucking disgust me!" Gordie said, pushing Chris roughly away from him and walking back out into the hall, leaving Chris laying on the floor in a crumpled heap.
Chris laid on the floor for some time after that, thinking about what Gordie had said. He must be seriously mad at him…he had never laid an angry hand on Chris before in his life. He had never even thought it would happen, no matter how mad he had been at him. He had never wanted to take the chance that Chris would start relating anything he had done to his dad in any way. Chris wouldn't have, but there were just some things you didn't leave up to chance. Slowly, Chris began to realize just how much truth there was to what Gordie had just accused him of. He wasn't just afraid, he was fucking petrified. Knowing that Gordie knew Chris that much better than he knew himself kind of scared Chris. He had hit the nail on the head, so to say. But, knowing this didn't make Chris any less terrified, just more ashamed. He wished he could not be afraid, he wanted to not be afraid for Gordie. He wanted to be with Gordie more than he'd ever wanted anything in his entire life. Thinking about this, being with Gordie, terrified Chris more than anything had ever scared him in his life. It also made him hate his Dad just a little bit more. Why couldn't he have just been normal? Just a regular guy with regular problems, like a curfew that was too early, or parents who were overprotective, or even parents that ignored him? Why did he have to be Chris Chambers?
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Gordie rushed out of the restroom with feigned indifference. As soon as he got into the empty hall, he slid down the wall and put his head in his hands, already regretting what he had just said, but knowing there was nothing to do, the damage had already been done. Gordie didn't despise Chris, never had, never would, and never could. He just didn't' seem to be able to control himself when he got angry at Chris. It made him so furious to think that Chris would chose to not be with him. It made him even madder to realize that there was absolutely nothing he could do change that. Part of him felt so bad for him because he was so scared, but another part of him hated him, he wasn't enough to make him want to take the chance. Chris was his best friend in the entire world, he would do absolutely anything for him. He had always thought that Chris felt the same way, but it looked like the one thing he couldn't do was to simple trust him. Gordie couldn't imagine any fate worse than a life without Chris, and if Chris wanted it to, he would work his entire life trying to keep that fate from coming to pass. But if Chris didn't want it as bad as he did, then what was there for him to do? Nothing, there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. He would just have to learn to live his life without his best friend and the only person over the age of one that he had ever loved.
Gordie slowly stood up, feeling like a huge chunk of his heart had been ripped out and what was left was leaking blood into his entire body, making his limbs feel heavy, and stiff, almost immovable. Gordie walked into his forth period class, ignoring his teacher's reprimand for being late, as well as the concerned look of his fellow classmates, who were looking at his already badly bruised face and the dried blood on his forearms, as well as over his face and still flowing, unchecked, from his nose. Gordie didn't notice any of it, all he could think about was the realization that this time, it was real, this wasn't some stupid bicker over a bruised ego, or something equally stupid and unimportant…no, this time, it was for real.
A/N: Ha ha! Title got your hopes up didn't it?!