Gordie closed his locker drearily, his day had been just as bad as his night had been. Chris had been acting weird today. The silence, he could handle…Chris went on silent pitches a lot, especially when shit happened with his dad. He could even almost handle the indifference, the feeling that Chris didn't even remembered that he existed, much less had any kind of feelings toward him. But today, no, today, he had been different, strained, so to say. His back had been rigid, and he had been eerily quiet…even for him. And once, Gordie had even caught him looking at him! Chris was obviously upset about this whole ordeal, so why didn't he talk to him?! It's not like this was what Gordie wanted! It never had been! Chris had been the one who had suddenly decided he knew what was best for Gordie! If he wasn't happy with the situation either, then why didn't he do something about it? If Gordie was miserable, and Chris was miserable too, then what was the point of all this? Ugghh! Sometimes Chris could be so…!
"Hi there, Gordie!" Gordie heard Vern's familiar voice say, as he punched him in the shoulder.
"Hey, Vern. What's up?" Gordie asked, not at all in the mood for conversation.
"Not a whole hell of a lot. I was gonna go over to Teddy's in a couple of hours, wanna come?" Vern asked.
"Eh, not really." Gordie said honestly.
"Aw, why not man?" Vern asked, disappointed.
"I just don't feel like getting out."
"Man, I know you're upset about you're old man and all, but what you don't understand is that that's all the more reason to come! It'll be great! Teddy may not be the brightest crayon in the box, but he's always great for a laugh!" Vern persuaded.
Gordie looked doubtful.
"Guaranteed to take you're mind off your problems, at least for a little while! Come on, it'll be fun!" Vern said with a huge smile.
"Man…I don't know" Gordie said, still not convinced.
"What else are you gonna do?" Vern asked, lifting one eyebrow.
"Alright, sure, fine, whatever." Gordie said, not sounding to excited.
"Gee, try not to piss yourself in anticipation" Vern said, rolling his eyes.
Gordie responded by pushing Vern's shoulder. With an "it'll be fun" he walked down the hall and out the door, waving behind him.
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"Hi guys." Teddy said, moving to let Vern and Gordie in the door.
"Hiya Teddy." Vern said with a wave of his hand.
"Hello" was all the downhearted Gordie said.
"Where's Chris at?" Teddy asked curiously.
"I asked him if he wanted to come, but the pussy said he had too much homework" Vern explained.
"Wimp!" Teddy exclaimed.
"I know it!" Vern replied with a laugh.
Gordie sat down.
"Well, girls, the parents are gone for the night. I've got the cards, I've got the cigarettes, and, most importantly, I've got the beer!" Teddy said excitedly.
"All right! Looks like we're all set!" Vern exclaimed, taking his seat.
"Yup. What game's first?" Teddy asked.
"How bout poker?" Vern suggested.
"That's cool. Whaddaya say, Gordo?" Teddy asked.
Gordie shrugged.
"Gee, why is he in such a chipper mood?" Teddy asked, his brow crinkling in a worried frown.
"He had it out with his old man a few days ago," Vern said in explanation.
"Yeah, that sucks. What happened?" Teddy questioned.
Gordie made no response.
"Gordo? Hello Gordo. Earth to Gordie." Teddy said, waving his hand in front of Gordie's face with a laugh.
"Huh?" Gordie asked, snapping out of it.
"I asked you what happened with your Dad." Teddy explained, raising his eyebrows at Vern in a slightly worried expression. Vern shrugged, showing that he understood.
"Oh, you know, just you're typical. I'm not Denny" Gordie said, realizing the irony of his lie and missing Chris all the more. He would have been able to tell him the truth.
"Aw, that sucks" Teddy took a swig from his beer. "Want one?" he offered.
"No, thanks, man, I don't drink." Gordie said, and felt a pang, he didn't drink because of Chris.
"Shit, man, you've never had a beer before?" Vern asked, shocked.
"No way, man. That shit's nasty." Was Gordie's response.
"You gotta be shitting me! Alright, well this will be your first" Teddy said offering a beer to him.
"No thanks man, I'm cool." Gordie declined.
"Come on, don't be a pussy, it's just one beer, it won't get you drunk or anything." Teddy persuaded.
"No, seriously, I don't want one." Gordie said with more force.
"Gordie, look man, just have one, and if you don't like it, I'll leave you alone. You're not going to get hooked in one night, I promise you." Teddy said, raising his eyebrows.
"Teddy, man, let it go." Gordie said forcefully.
"It'll make you feel better about you're Dad" Vern suddenly put in. Teddy nodded his head.
"Really?" Gordie asked doubtfully.
"Sincerely, man. But I personally don't care if you drink or not. It's no skin off my neck." Vern said with a shrug.
"Well, I guess one can't hurt" Gordie reasoned.
"Yeah" Teddy said enthusiastically.
"Alright, then" Gordie said, taking the bottle Teddy held out too him. Fuck Chris. If he cared too damn much about Gordie's welfare, he'd be here. Gordie twisted the cap off and took a swig. He flinched at the slight burning sensation as it went down his throat, then smiled at the warm sensation when it hit his gut. This stuff wasn't half bad, he decided.
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Several hours and beers later, Gordie tossed down his cards and stood up suddenly.
"Where you going, shit heap?" Vern asked as a very drunk Gordie hiccupped, stumbled, and plopped back into his chair.
"Home. I'm sleepy man" Gordie said in explanation.
"But I thought you were fighting with your Dad" Teddy said, confused.
"Oh, him. He don't even know I exist, you think he still remembers that fight?" Gordie asked skeptically.
"Whatever, man, that's cool, take care of yourself." Vern said to Gordie's back.
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Gordie stumbled down the street, not quite sure where he was, but not caring. Man, this whole being drunk thing was awesome. He knew he was supposed to be upset about something, but he couldn't remember what it had been. He suddenly stopped walking, wondering where he was. He recognized the houses, but none of them were his. He was about to turn around and head the other way when he realized the people inside the house he was in front of were fighting. He turned in time to see Chris step onto the porch and slam the door shut behind him.
"Chris, is that you?" Gordie asked stupidly.
Chris jumped back, surprised, "Gordie? What are you doing here." he asked, squinting to see him in the dark.
"You know, I don't quite know. I was walking home, and then somehow, all of a sudden, I was here instead" Gordie said with a laugh, scratching his head "You think it's fate?"
"Gordie? Are you drunk?" Chris asked incredulously.
"No Chris, I'm just incredibly happy. You wouldn't believe how great my month's been. I swear, every night is a party" Gordie's voice dripped with sarcasm, all euphoria gone.
"I can't believe you got fucking drunk, Gordie! You, of all people! I can't believe you would do something that idiotic! I thought you were smarter than that! After all…" Chris was cut of by Gordie's bitter voice.
"Why the fuck are you trying to act like you give a fuck, Chambers? You don't give a fuck about me! I know that by now! I may have been a little slow to it, but you got your point through loud and clear. Not even you're desperate enough to need my friendship. Well, fuck you too, then! What I don't get, is why, if that's the way it was, did you try to act, not only like you did like me, but like you felt more than friendship for me? What was that? Like, the ultimate pity or something? Well, you know what, fuck you Chambers! I don't need yours or anyone else's pity! I'd rather die a bitter old man than to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me." Gordie was silent for a second, seeming to be in deep thought, when he finally spoke, it was in a soft, almost inaudible voice. "Damn…and you couldn't even fake it could you? I'm so fucking repulsive, that even you, who I guess felt like you owed me something or some shit for me sacrificing myself for you, couldn't even pretend to have feelings for me. Damn." Another minute or two of silence, "You must think I'm pretty damn pathetic, huh? You feel bad for me, and try to do me a favor, and you end up with a fucking pussy-ass little crybaby lapdog sitting here crying, drunk as all hell."
"Gordie……that's not how it was" was all Chris could think too say, his brain was tingling from all of this shocking new information.
"Then what? Were you sick of me and figured if you made me think you were gay, I'd freak out and run away? Figured I'd be freaked out enough that I'd drop you, but I'd still be pathetic enough to where I'd never tell anyone, that way you get rid of me without any long, drawn out drama? But you plan backfired, huh? You weren't counting on me turning out to be a flaming faggot and falling in love with you, were you? Yeah, now that I think about it, that does make more sense" Gordie said sadly.
"Gordie…" Chris said desperately.
"Don't worry, it's not like I'm going to tell anybody." Gordie said with a self-mocking half-smile.
"Gordie…" Chris began again.
"No. Don't say anything. You don't have to explain. That would probably just make it worse. I'll be okay. If you even care. Damn, I'm a pussy" Gordie said, shaking his head in self-hatred.
"Gordie…"Chris tried once again, his throat thick with emotion. He was glad Gordie couldn't see his face.
"Just…tell me one thing. When we kissed. How did you do it? Did you have to imagine some girl or something? Cuzz it felt real. Probably all in my head, huh?" Gordie voice was thick and filled with despair.
"Gordie, I think I need to explain." Chris said, feeling his chest squeeze painfully at the hurt in Gordie's voice. All he ever seemed to do was hurt him.
"No!" Gordie shouted, his voice breaking, "Don't. I know it's pathetic, but I don't think I can handle it. I know I asked, but I can't know. Just…tell me one thing okay. I have to know, did it completely disgust you?" Gordie asked, squeezing his eyes shut and bracing himself for more pain.
"No Gordie, it didn't disgust me at all." Chris said immediately and absolutely.
"I'm so dumb. Why did I even ask. Its not like you would tell me. Nobody kicks a dog when it's down."
"No, Gordie, I would never lie, not to you. If I didn't want you to know, I just wouldn't answer, or I'd try to change the subject or something. I wouldn't blatantly lie to you. Not you." Chris said, now wishing he could see Gordie's face.
"Yeah, I'm the most important thing in the world to you. That explains why you could completely cut me off without any problem. Makes sense." Gordie said in a voice that now depicted no emotion.
"Gordie, no" Chris said forcefully.
"Chris, please, don't. I can't. I just can't do this anymore. It hurts too much. I'm sorry about this. I really didn't mean to come here. I'm not stalking you or anything quite that pathetic. I just kind of…ended up here. Somehow, I always seem to. Sorry." Without another word, Gordie turned around and walked away.
Chris called his name a couple of times, terrified that Gordie thought all those things. Terrified that he had been so upset he had gotten drunk. Terrified that he would turn around and come back.
