Gordie covered his throbbing eyes with his hands and turned over in his bed, trying to get away from the blinding sun, thinking that he would never touch alcohol again as long as he lived. That is, if he lived passed today. Chris may be an asshole, but he was right about alcohol, there was nothing good about it. Chris! Suddenly, the night before flashed painfully through Gordie's head. Oh, jeez, Chris! If school had been awkward before, it would be unbearable now! Gordie thanked his lucky stars that it was Saturday and pulled the covers over his head, going back to sleep.

---------------------------------------------

Chris jerked awake from the same dream he had been having for weeks, covered in sweat. Well, it wasn't always the exact same dream. But it always centered around the same subject…Gordie. Sometimes his dream was about how happy he would be with him. Sometimes it was about how unhappy Gordie would be. Sometimes it was about life without Gordie. But most of the time, like this one, it was about Gordie being taken away from him, and never in a happy way…those were definitely the worst.

In this one, he and Gordie had been watching T.V. together. It had been a very simple thing, but Chris had been so happy; both in the dream and the one laying in bed. It was so nice, seeing himself being normal with Gordie again. They were so comfortable, so relaxed, so…them. Suddenly, the T.V. was gone and they were surrounded by people…teachers, Teddy, Vern, Eyeball, preps, snobs, everyone was there. They all started shouting things, like; fag, Chambers, loser, hopeless, failure, pussy, and fag. The dream Chris started to panic, but Gordie just sat there, staring at where the T.V. had been, laughing now and then, completely oblivious. They started crowding in around them and Chris felt his breathing quicken, Gordie tapped his shoulder and pointed where the T.V. had been and laughed, chewing on popcorn. Chris looked at him watching T.V. and smiled, he brushed the hair out of his eyes, causing Gordie to turn his head and smile this huge smile, his eyes glowing with happiness, he grabbed Chris' hand and rested their interlaced hands on his thigh, looking back toward the T.V. that wasn't there. Chris kissed Gordie's temple, Gordie sighed happily and rested his head on Chris' shoulder. Chris hesitated, then saw the faces of the trio in the huge crowd and pulled his hand away and stood up. Gordie looked up, confused, Chris saw him mouth something to him. Seeing the confused, innocent look on Gordie's face, Chris took a step toward the couch, then looked up and saw his dad. Suddenly, he was naked, covered in bruises and cuts. He heard everyone laughing, then looked at Gordie, who stood up and opened his arms, as though to hug him, not even noticing the marks on his body. Chris again took a step toward him, then Teddy and Vern grabbed Gordie's shoulders and jerked him back, disgusted looks on their faces as they stepped in front of Gordie, blocking him off. Chris' shoulders slumped in defeat, he turned and started walking away, the crowd started clapping, and right before Chris woke up, he looked back and saw Gordie standing behind Teddy and Vern, smiling with his arms open for a hug.

Chris shook his head, thinking about the night before. He couldn't believe Gordie had been so upset that he had gotten drunk! Gordie never drank! Then Chris realized something, Gordie had never drank because of him. Now that he felt like Chris didn't care, he didn't have any reason not to drink. "Damn!" Chris said, thinking about what Gordie had said the night before. He had never wanted to hurt him…that was what he had been trying to prevent, as a matter of fact. He had known that there would be some pain involved, but he had always just assumed that it would be less in the long run. Last night, Gordie hadn't sounded to concerned about the long run.

Gordie didn't seem to care at all about what other people thought. All that seemed to matter to him was that he was happy. Chris was certainly used to people hating him. If he was going to be hated, why not be hated for something you actually do, especially if its something you want. It really did seem pointless, he was miserable, Gordie was miserable, he had obviously been wrong in thinking that he was doing Gordie a favor. Chris decided that whatever a future with Gordie might bring, it had to be better than a life without him.

---------------------------------------------

Gordie was lying in his bed, peacefully wishing for death, when someone rudely started pounding on his roof. Gordie grabbed his head and dived under his pillow, damning whoever the asshole was. After a few minutes he realized that the noise was coming from his window. He forced himself to roll out of bed and walk over to it. Without opening his eyes, he opened the window, then opened his eyes, expecting to see Vern's friendly face. Instead, he was shocked to see Chris'.

"Holy Fuck!" Gordie said, slamming the window shut.

"Gordie, don't run off, we need to talk" said Chris as he climbed through the window.

"How the fuck did you get in here? I closed the window." Gordie asked, his arm thrown over his stinging eyes.

"I know you too well for your own good" Chris said confidently, tossing the stick he had used onto Gordie's belly.

"You're in a good mood" Gordie said grumpily, sitting up, tossing the stick on the grounds, resting his head against the wall, and looking at Chris.

"Yes, yes I am" Chris said, feeling better than he had in months.

"Yeah, I guess you're feeling real good about yourself, huh? Even after you treat me like shit all this time, I still come crawling like a little dog. I bet you feel utterly irresistible," Gordie said bitterly.

"I have to say it was a bit of a wake-up call, not to mention the relief. This would be pretty awkward if you had gone and gotten over me." Chris said with a huge smile, coming over and sitting next to Gordie.

"Oh, gee, and I wouldn't want to make this hard for you, would I?" said a very sarcastic Gordie.

"I would hope you haven't gotten so bitter that you would want for my life to be more difficult for me, you of all people." Chris said, looking Gordie right in the eye. "But as for hard, I don't think there's much you can do to prevent that." he whispered, lifting his eyebrows playfully. "But I know how you can help."

"Chris!" Gordie said, jumping off the bed, completely shocked.

"Oh, now see, that's not at all what I was thinking of." Chris said, shaking his head "But, hey, if you prefer standing up, I'm all for it." Chris said standing up.

"Chris!" Gordie shouted again, jumping back in shock.

"You really shouldn't shout with that hangover. I hear they really hurt. I'm sorry you had to go through all this because of me. But it'll be better now, just wait." Chris said, hugging Gordie to him. "I promise I'll make it up to you" he whispered into his ear, kissing his jawbone softly.

A shiver ran down Gordie's spine. He jumped back once again "What the fuck, Chris! You don't say more than a word at a time to me for months and then all of a sudden, you're all over me! What the fuck?"

"I changed my mind, saw the light, so to say. Why does it matter why I want to be with you? Isn't the important thing that I do?" Chris asked, stroking Gordie's cheek.

For a second Gordie closed his eyes and simply enjoyed the caress, leaning into it. "No" he said determinedly, pushing Chris' hand away.

"No?" Chris asked, all playfullness gone from his voice.

"No. A couple of months ago, yeah, if you had just suddenly changed your mind, I probably would have shit a brick and jumped at the chance. But not now, not after all this time." Gordie said

"What-what do you mean?" Chris asked, feeling a lump rise in his throat.

"What do I mean? What's wrong, Chris, not used to being the one who gets rejected?" at the look on Chris' face at that, Gordie immediately regretted his words "Look, Chris, I'm sorry, that was unnecessary. And untrue…this isn't exactly a pleasurable experience for me either. It's not like I want to have to say no to you."

"Then don't" Chris said simply, a flare of hope sparking in his eyes.

"It's not something I want to do, Chris, but I can't risk it. I can't risk being hurt by you again. I'm tired of the way you play with my emotions. You were the one who told me that you had feelings for me. And then, you let me realize that I'm in love with you then tell me that you not only don't want to be with me, you can't be my friend either. And then, you waltz in here and start hitting on me like it's just suddenly all going to be okay?. It's like you don't even think of me as a person, much less a man, like I don't have any ego, feeling, heart, or anything like that. Like you can just play with me and I'll just keep coming back." Gordie said in a rush.

"No, Gordie, it's not like that at all. I know you have feelings, I just thought that the one's you had for me were important enough to you that you would at least give me a chance. And I know you have a heart, I just thought that I had a place in it and didn't think that you'd be able to shut yourself off from it. I thought that you would give me the benefit of the doubt and at least try to understand that I thought I was helping you. And as for your ego, I never saw you as the type to let your ego get in the way of your feelings."

"First off, if this was just my ego, I could get over it. You have to know that you're more important than my pride. You're the most important thing in my life. And it's not that I don't want to give you another chance, it's not like I'm not dying to just walk over to you, take you into my arms, and just pretend like none of this ever happened. I wish I could Chris, I do. But I can't. I just can't. I can't get happy and comfortable with you again just to have you decide that I'll be better off without you. Who the hell are you to decide what's best for me? Did you ever think to ask me what I wanted? Did you ever stop to consider the fact that I would rather be old, ugly, homeless, and hated with you, then rich, famous, and the most handsome man in the world without you, because as long as I don't have you, I won't be happy no matter what else I do have. I love you, Chris. Do you even understand what that means? I love you. I don't love anyone. Not even Denny. You seem to think that I just hand my love out to anyone or something and it's not a big deal. I told you that I was fucking in love with you, and you have the nerve to decide that I'd be better off without you! Where the fuck do you get the right??"

"Gordie…just let me explain" Chris started.

"No, don't even try. Just go home. Go the fuck home." Gordie said pointing to the window.

"But, Gordie, you don't understand. Don't you see? I love you too! I'm in love with you. I want to be with you. I'm sorry it took me so long, but now I know, I'm in love with you Gordie." Chris walked over to Gordie and took his hand "Gordie, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. That's where I get the right, but I do admit that I was wrong. I was so wrong, and I never want to be away from you again."

"Why Chris, why do you do this to me? Why won't you just go? If you care about me like you say you do, then leave, and make this easier for both of us."

"But, Gordie, I'm sorry." Chris pleaded desperately.

"Me too" Gordie said sadly. "Now please, just go" Gordie said, sounding a bit desperate himself.

"But I don't want to lose you Gordie" Chris said, his voice breaking in the middle.

"Don't you understand by now, Chris, you never will. Not really. I'll always be here if you need me. Because I'll always love you. But I can't be with you. It just hurts too much. I'm sorry. Now please…just go home."

"But" Chris said, feeling his heart sinking, realizing there was no hope.

"Please…for me?" Gordie said, looking Chris right in the eye.

"Alright, but this isn't over. Not by a long shot."

Title tricked ya didn't it? I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter…the dream seems pretty stupid to me, but whatever. Tell me what you think. Your reviews really inspire me. Im sorry this update took forever, my computer has been messing up, I promise the next one w/in the next week or so.