Ch 15 - Memories

A Wednesday evening, at five o'clock.

Professor Dumbledore hadn't forgotten his promise to restart Harry's occlumancy lessons. As all the evidence still pointed to Lord Voldemort being out of the country, the headmaster decided that it would not be an unjustifiable risk to teach Harry himself. Fortunately for Harry, his approach remained gentle but thorough.

It was definitely thorough.

Harry sat in an armchair in the headmaster's study with his thoughts swirling through his head like a snowstorm, each memory coalescing and playing itself through before disintegrating into a million individual flakes. Memories of his childhood, memories of school, memories of the graveyard, memories of the hall of prophesies, memories of the chamber of death, memories of Voldemort….

Harry couldn't stop a single one.

The headmaster finally ceased probing.

'I do not believe you are trying, Harry.'

He sounded almost infinitely disappointed.

'I'm sorry Professor.' Mumbled Harry.

Dumbledore stood tiredly. 'I am almost forced to believe you want me to see these memories. It occurs to me that you may think that by passing on everything you know I may be able to take the burden from you, work out a meaning to it all, find a way to halt Lord Voldemort. I'm sorry Harry, there is no escape that way, - I wish there were.'

Harry said nothing.

'Hmmm.' Dumbledore returned to his desk and thought for a while.

'Perhaps there is another reason you find difficulty in defending most of your memories, Harry?'

'Perhaps there is' he breathed.

'Now, what would that be, do you think?'

Harry struggled to put into words the sudden revelation he'd had.

'I think, - I'm not sure – but I think it may be because I don't believe you know what I've been through, Professor.'

'No one understands you. Is that it?'

Harry deflated rapidly. It sounded so petulant when the Headmaster expressed it like that.

'Oh well,' he said, trying to sound offhand, 'perhaps not.'

'Don't dismiss your ideas so readily Harry! I confess that you have had experiences that I for one would never willingly undergo. Probing your mind is an education in some respects.'

At the mention of education, Harry thought suddenly of Dora. Had Dumbledore stumbled on those memories? Harry squirmed in embarrassment until he realised that he hadn't thought of Dora at all during the headmaster's probing.

But he was now!

Harry desperately tried to stop thinking about Dora. He couldn't! Why hadn't his protection spell warned him? He frantically attempted to shut down his thoughts, but the picture show continued. Dora running through Little Whinging, Dora at his birthday party, Dora in Daigon Ally, Dora in the library at Grimmauld Place! Dora –

NOOOO!

A final despairing effort - and Harry's mind was a jumble of formless thoughts, churning and bubbling like boiling lava. Harry fought to keep order from returning, fought to keep the mixture tumbling. He poured his power into the chaos in his mind, conscious only of the fact that he couldn't go on much longer.

The pressure released.

Harry leaned forward, sudden pain behind his eyes. He felt sick and dizzy with the effort he had been expending. Slowly the pain eased and the nausea retreated. He sat up again and looked coldly at the headmaster

Dumbledore was smiling.

'Well done. Harry!' he said 'That was most impressive!'

Harry still looked coldly at Dumbledore.

The Headmaster stopped smiling. 'You realise why I had to try and trick you?'

'Yes, Professor, though I thought my protection spell would have warned me. It did earlier!'

'I designed that spell, Harry...'

'Oh! Yes, I see, Professor.' he said stiffly.

'I don't expect you to approve, but I had to try to find memories which you would defend.'

'I – er – understand what you were trying to do, Professor. The truth is, though, if I have to use that much energy and effort, the whole thing's just a waste of time.'

He made as if to leave but Professor Dumbledore stepped forward and put a hand on his shoulder.

'Wait Harry! I do not think you realise quite what I'm trying to teach you. I was simply trying to find memories you would fight for before I started to teach you the principles of occlumancy. I did not expect you to force me out! Though I have to confess that you were so close, I persisted far longer than I should have done to see if you could succeed. For that I must apologise.'

Harry had sat down again.

'So I wouldn't have to use so much power?'

'No, almost none, most of the time at least.'

The Professor sat down in front of Harry once more.

'Shall we see if we can find an easier way to achieve what you managed with brute force?'

- o -

'Hi Harry'

Ron was already tucking into his first course

'Hi Ron. No Hermione?'

'She'll be here in a minute, just went to put her books in her dorm. Save her that place beside you, can you?'

Harry dumped his bag on the bench beside him.

'What've you been up to, then?' asked Ron.

'Occlumancy Lesson with Dumbledore.' groaned Harry.

'Bad?'

'Bad! But not as bad as Snape's attempts.' Harry looked up at the staff table. Snape had the usual scowl on his face and was peering at Harry through his greasy fringe.

Harry saw Snape begin to mouth something and immediately the cold voice in his head said "Legilimens" and his scar gave a twinge of pain. He flinched slightly before looking at Snape once more. For some reason, Harry found he was remembering his meeting with the headmaster. He'd just entered the headmaster's study in his memory before he began to try to envision the roiling chaos that had defeated Dumbledore.

The meeting began to flicker and grow grainy, like a bad television picture. The words were still clear, but as Harry increased his power, even the sound faded out as the chaotic image filled his mind.

Harry was exulted to see Snape sit back suddenly in his chair and shake his head. The pressure in Harry's mind snapped off as Snape moved.

Harry smiled slowly at Snape then turned to start on his dinner.

Ron was looking at him quizzically.

'You alright Harry?'

Harry smiled. 'Yeah. Definitely. I'll tell you why when we get back to the common room.'

- o -

'You actually pushed the Headmaster out of your mind?'

They were sitting together in one corner of the common room, talking quietly.

Harry nodded.

'That's amazing Harry!' Hermione was almost too enthusiastic. 'How on earth did you manage to find the strength?'

Harry wondered if he should tell her; he decided it wasn't anything that would shock Hermione now.

'He started to look at my – er – private life.'

Hermione and Ron looked at each other. Ron began to grin

'Stop it Ron!' hissed Hermione.

Ron ignored her. 'How far did he get then?'

'He didn't – quite – get anywhere. I managed to stop him in time.'

Ron looked disappointed. Hermione glared at him.

'What did he say?'

Harry looked thoughtful. 'He said -"Well Done".'

'Is that all?'

'No. He said "Let me show you an easier way"'

'And did he?'

'Yep'

'And did it work?'

Harry smiled 'It just helped me to throw Snape out of my mind when he did a legilimens spell at me during dinner.'

Ron and Hermione stared at Harry with their mouths open.

'WHAT?'

The other occupants of the common room looked round in surprise, but rapidly lost interest.

'That's disgusting, Harry.' muttered Hermione. 'Have you told Dumbledore yet?'

'No, not yet.'

'Well you'd better, he'll want to know.'

Harry hesitated before answering her. 'He might be more interested to know that my scar hurt when Snape looked at me. It hasn't done that for quite a while now.'

'Maybe it's connected to Snape trying to look into your mind?'

'Could be, but it didn't hurt when Dumbledore looked.'

'Why Snape then?' she asked.

Harry shrugged. 'Maybe because he was a death eater, touched by Voldemort, who gave me the scar?'

'That's just guesswork, Harry,' scoffed Ron

Hermione didn't agree. 'There's some logic to it, Ron. – Whether it's the right logic though – Did your scar hurt when Snape tried to teach you last year, Harry?'

To be honest, Hermione, I can't remember.'

She changed tack 'Was it easier to get rid of Snape?'

'Yeah!' Harry became thoughtful. 'It might have been 'cause he was a long way away, though

Either way, Harry, you must tell the Professor tomorrow!'

'OK Hermione, I'll tell him tomorr –' he stopped.

Harry?'

'I just had a thought! If I hadn't had a warning spell, I'd hardly have known Snape was trying to pry. He was far more subtle than when he was supposedly trying to teach me.'

'So?' asked Hermione exasperatedly.

'So how many times have I had my mind read by Snape? Or you, Hermione, or Ron?'

Hermione and Ron looked at one another in horror. 'How would we know?' asked Ron.

Despite his concern, Harry couldn't help but smile at the look of panic on their faces.

'First Ron, you'd have to be visible to him, secondly you'd have to start remembering something in detail, and not be able to stop remembering.'

Ron relaxed a bit. 'Good job he doesn't teach me any more. What about you Hermione?'

Hermione was staring into the distance. 'No, - I don't think so, well, nothing embarrassing anyway. I'm usually too busy in potions to think of anything else but work.'

'I reckon we could all do with that protection spell, Harry.' grumbled Ron.

'I think it's a bit experimental, mate. Dumbledore said that he designed it.'

'But he gave it to you!'

'That's because Harry's the one Voldemort wants to kill, Ron!' hissed Hermione.

'Yeah, well, I bet the rest of the order have it.'

Harry looked thoughtful. 'Maybe. That would mean Snape has it. Care to hex Snape to find out?'

Ron finally laughed. 'Nah, I don't fancy being sent to the Hospital wing in a basket.'

'Ron's right though Harry,' murmured Hermione. 'Maybe you should ask if he'll give the spell to the rest of us in the Order.' She looked thoughtfully at Harry. 'I wonder if Snape's used Legilimancy on any of his own house?'

'Like Malfoy?' suggested Harry.

'Could be,' agreed Ron.

'It might explain a lot' mused Hermione.

'Like why he's so cosy with Malfoy?' hazarded Ron.

Harry stood up. 'Yeah. Might explain how he's helping the order. Doesn't explain why he hates me so much though.' He picked up his heavy bag. 'I'm going to number 14 to do some work for tomorrow's lesson.'

Who've you got?'

'Slytherin and Gryffindor seconds.'

'Any good?' asked Ron.

Gryffindors are good, Slytherins are asking for a couple of freezings'

'Or Toads?' asked Ginny, as she joined them.

'Too easy to tread on.'

'Harry! that's horrid!' exclaimed Hermione.

'Some of them deserve it.' muttered Ron

'But Ron, think of their poor parents!'

Ginny look grim. 'Some of their parents are supporters of Voldemort, Hermione!' She turned back to Harry. 'What's the old book?'

'From my library at number twelve. It's about legilimancy and occlumancy'

'You're going to go into it in depth, then?

'Yep, I might try to learn legilimancy myself.' He grinned evilly at them 'I'll see you all later.'

- o -

It was after eleven o'clock before Harry finished his homework and completed his preparations for the next day. As he left the classroom he felt almost happy, work up to date, preparations complete, and hopefully everyone would have left the common room. His feeling of contentment lasted as far as the end of the classroom corridor.

'Well, Well, what have we here?' murmured Professor Snape. 'Mr. "I don't know the meaning of the word rules" Potter.'

Snape's eyes glittered with malice, a small smile played on his lips.

'And what, may I ask, are you doing wandering the corridors at this hour?'

Harry hesitated before replying. 'I'm returning to Gryffindor from my classroom, Professor, What are you doing?'

The word Professor required a massive effort.

Snape's smile grew wider. 'I'm on my way to visit the headmaster, Potter, to congratulate him on his outstanding success in teaching you the crudest possible form of Occlumancy.'

Harry smiled. 'Crude, Professor? Possibly, but it does the job!'

Snape's smile vanished. 'Arrogant boy! You have no ability and little power! I could squash you like a bug, I could open up you're mind like a can of muggle sardines!'

'Would you like to try, Professor?' asked Harry quietly?

Snape drew himself up. 'I have no intention of duelling with a sixteen year old boy!' he snarled. 'I had heard for Mr.Filch that you consider yourself to be a teacher. Frankly I had trouble believing you could be so arrogant. Obviously I owe him an apology!'

Harry looked Snape in the eye, and waited for the cold voice in his head.

Snape turned towards the Headmaster's study, 'You will come with me! We shall see if the Headmaster agrees!'

Harry considered simply walking in the opposite direction, but decided against it. This was the crunch. Would Dumbledore back him, or not. If not, Harry didn't intend to stay at Hogwarts one more day.

- o -

Professor Dumbledore was seated in the same armchair in which Harry had endured his occlumancy lesson. Before him a small fire burned in the grate, producing little heat but adding a touch of life to the slightly sombre décor of the study.

Snape had stormed into the Headmaster's presence and viperously denounced Harry for breaking almost every rule in the book. He only missed out setting fire to the sorting hat because the hat was sitting on its stand in the study, watching.

Dumbledore had sat in silence for nearly five minutes, whilst Snape seethed. One of the convoluted instruments on the Headmaster's desk had chimed twice in the period, which had evinced a sharp look from him. Somehow, Harry didn't think it was a clock

'Severus,' intoned Dumbledore, 'I'm afraid I must disappoint you again.' A hiss of breath through teeth. 'There can be no doubt that Harry is indeed teaching students at this school. I too have heard from Mr. Filch, and I repeat to you what I said to him. I have entrusted Harry with the instruction of students. There can be no greater trust, as you yourself know only too well, Severus! As I trust you to traverse the corridors after hours, so I must also trust Harry to do so.'

'Headmaster! I cannot – ' Snape stopped and slowly closed his mouth. 'Very well Headmaster!' he snapped.

Dumbledore stood and straightened his shoulders. Harry realised that the Headmaster was actually quite tall. His habit of stooping slightly gave an erroneous impression. He seemed to tower over Snape and Harry.

'Perhaps you could return to your evening perambulations Severus, I have a couple of questions to ask Harry before he returns to his common room.'

Snape gave Harry an almost incandescent glare and left without further ado.

The headmaster watched the door close with a sigh of resignation.

'I occasionally feel sorry for Severus, but not tonight. Please, sit, Harry.'

Harry gingerly sat in the second armchair before the fire. Dumbledore returned to his previous seat.

'So Harry, what were you doing in the corridor?'

'Exactly as I told Professor Snape, Professor, returning to Gryffindor House.'

Dumbledore remained silent, simply watching Harry, who attempted to fill the silence.

'I was doing some preparation for tomorrow's lesson - and a bit of homework.'

'A bit of homework?'

'Well, quite bit of homework really.'

The Headmaster raised an eyebrow.

'It's so much quieter than the common room, Professor, I get so much more done and, well, I sometimes feel a bit, - oh, I don't know, - as if I don't belong with the rest of the school any more.'

He finally managed to stop talking.

Dumbledore contemplated Harry for a few seconds and smiled.

'Very well Harry, a classroom is a place of learning. If I could be sure all the other students would be so diligent, I would allow them all in the classrooms in the evenings. Alas, such is not the case. I hope you will not misuse the trust I am placing in you'

He looked at Harry closely.

'I believe someone attempted to read your mind this evening at dinner.'

Harry started.

'Er – ye – yes Professor. – How on earth did you know?'

'I felt your protection spell act, Harry. As I told you, I designed that spell, almost specifically for you. I didn't know exactly how it would work on you, but I am extremely surprised to find that I remain in contact!'

'Did you hear the spell act when Pritchard attacked me, Professor?'

Dumbledore thought hard.

'No, I must confess I do not recall receiving any intimation whatsoever. It may of course be attenuated by distance. A trial may be in order, - but not tonight, I think. It is getting late.'

'Professor,' asked Harry, 'Do the other members of the Order have the use of the same spell?'

'No Harry, they do not.' Dumbledore looked almost embarrassed. 'The plain fact is, Harry, the more people who have the use of that spell, the sooner Lord Voldemort will know of it and find a way to neutralise it.'

'I understand the logic Professor, but the thought of Ron, or Hermione or – Ginny even, being hit by a spell, - '

'You have forgotten Miss Lovegood and Mr. Longbottom, Harry.'

Harry looked at the floor, suddenly ashamed. He'd hardly spoken to Luna and Neville recently, but they were in no less danger for that.

The Headmaster stood.

'I suppose I cannot blame you for looking to protect your nearest and dearest, Harry. I will consider the matter. At least they are within the school most of the time, and hence unlikely to be giving way the secret. - Good night.'

Harry paused at the door.

'Thank you, Professor, it would take a load off my mind. Good night.'

As he made his way back to Gryffindor tower, Harry reflected on the Headmaster's use of words. Nearest and Dearest.

Perhaps he'd given away more than he thought.

- o -

Ron and Hermione were halfway through their breakfast before Harry arrived.

'Late to bed again Harry?' enquired Ron.

Harry looked at him and grinned.

'Yeah, met Snape on the way back!'

'Harry!' gasped Hermione, 'What happened?'

'Yeah,' chuckled Ron, 'You're still the same shape! Was he feeling ill or something?'

'He was after he took me to see Dumbledore.' Harry smiled at the memory. 'The Headmaster agreed that I'm a teacher and said I could be out after hours!'

Ron and Hermione looked relieved.

'What would you have done if he hadn't?' asked Ron, smiling.

Harry was suddenly serious. 'I'd have walked out of here with my brooms and headed for London.' he said quietly.

Ron looked down at his toast and spread some marmalade on it, in silence.

'Did you tell the Headmaster about Snape using the Legilimens spell on you?' asked Hermione after a while.

'He already knew!'

'How?'

Harry shrugged. 'He designed that protection spell, and apparently he can hear it work. At least if he's in sight, he can. He didn't know it was Snape though.'

'Awesome!' muttered Ron.

'Yeah. It's a cool spell. I asked about the rest of you having it. – He'll think about it.'

'Just think about it?'

Harry leaned across to speak quietly. 'He reckoned he'd designed it with me in mind - and no, the order don't have it.'

'Perhaps it needs modifying for someone else' mused Hermione.

'I'll keep reminding him. It's all I can do.' He paused. 'Damn' he murmured, 'I forgot to tell him about my scar hurting.'

'You think it matters?'

Hermione was more certain. 'It could be important, Ron!'

Harry tucked into his eggs and bacon.

'It'll have to wait till later anyway,' he mumbled through a mouthful of bacon, 'We've got double transfiguration first and then I've got to resist freezing a Slytherin before lunch.'

- o -

Katie Bell had booked the quiditch pitch for Saturday morning practice.

Harry and Ron shuffled down to the pitch, brooms in hand, muttering imprecations at the team captain. They were the last ones there, receiving a matching set of glares from the rest of the team.

'Can't we have an afternoon practice next week, Katie? complained Colin Creevey, as they all stood and shivered in the cold northeasterly breeze.

'Yeah, preferably in the Great Hall.' muttered Ron, very quietly. Alison giggled whilst Ginny rolled her eyes in exasperation.

Luckily, Katie didn't hear Ron or the giggles. 'Can't handle a bit of wind, Colin?' she scoffed, 'There's a reason for practicing in cold weather! The first match could be in a rain storm, even a hailstorm. I want you to be able to shrug off all the discomfort and concentrate on the play.'

She looked round. The rest of the team looked rebellious, but open mutiny didn't seem to be on the agenda for today.

'OK. The usual warm up stuff for the first quarter of an hour, then we'll go through a few plays.'

A few groans of acceptance greeted her instructions before they all took off in a ragged bunch.

- o -

It was the third play of the practice. Katie and Ginny were one team, Harry and Colin were the other. Ron and Andrew were goal keeping for Katie and Harry respectively, with Jack beating bludgers around both teams. To add a bit of spice they'd magiced the quaffle so that the chasers could only handle it for ten seconds before it leapt out of their hands and transferred itself to the nearest player for the other side

Alison dropped the Quaffle between the two pairs and retreated.

Katie was the first to grab the quaffle. She circled left but was intercepted by Colin. She passed to Ginny, who darted off to the right with Colin in hot pursuit and closing fast. Ginny's ten seconds was up before Katie could get within range, so she threw the quaffle at Colin and rushed back to a defensive position.

Colin advanced down the left side, passing to Harry with half a second to spare. Harry climbed and circled right, Katie charging at him from in front of the goal whilst Ginny marked Colin. A Bludger distracted Katie for a millisecond, allowing Harry to try for goal, but Ron swept the quaffle away down the pitch, with almost negligent ease. Harry muttered to himself; this chasing business wasn't easy.

Ginny was the first to reach the quaffle, picking it out of mid air and accelerating towards the other goal. Colin was just about quick enough to catch her, before she passed back to Katie, who jinked left to avoid running into Colin. Harry was storming down the pitch and about to grab the quaffle out of Katie's hands when a shout from the ground distracted him.

'They've escaped!'

Harry caught Katie a glancing blow and skidded sideways into Ginny, knocking the breath out of her and almost knocked her off her broom. He grabbed her round the waist and hauled her upright before propelling them both towards the figure of Hermione, who was standing at the edge of the pitch waving what looked like a newspaper.

Back at ground level, the rest of the team were landing as Harry helped the still winded Ginny to the ground. He turned to Hermione, who was still panting after her run from the castle.

'Did you have to shout quite as loudly as that?' he fumed.

Hermione ignored him.

'Are you alright Ginny?' she asked solicitously.

Ginny nodded and breathed slowly and carefully. 'Yeah,' she gasped, 'It's okay, Harry, - not your fault, - either of you -.'

Harry looked dubiously at her for a few seconds then turned to Hermione.

'So, what's all the fuss about, then?'

'They've escaped!

'Who've escaped?' asked Katie.

'Some of the prisoners in Askaban!

Harry's heart missed a beat; several beats in fact, leaving his head swimming for a few seconds. Gasps from the rest of the team showed they'd also heard. Harry looked into the scared faces of Ron and Ginny.

'When?' he whispered.

'Yesterday afternoon. There was a mass break out, with outside help, but only a few got outside the anti apparation spells at Azkaban and got away!'

'Who made it?' asked Ron.

Hermione held the Saturday edition of the Prophet up for his inspection. Three pictures were plastered across the front page, three unpleasant looking individuals, with names beneath the pictures.

McNair.

Crabbe.

Rookwood.

Harry looked at Hermione.

'No Malfoy?'

She shook her head.

'Well, that's something' muttered Ron.

'Yeah,' said Ginny, 'I bet dragon boy's going to be livid.'

Harry snorted with laughter, relieved that Lucius Malfoy was still behind bars and only three Death Eaters had escaped.

'Where'd you hear that?' he chuckled.

Ginny glanced at Alison. 'My spy in your classroom, Harry'

Harry frowned at Alison, who smiled back nervously, but she was spared further interrogation by Katie's impatient muttering.

'Okay, its bad news, but they're not banging on the doors yet. So, are we going to practice, or does the world end now?' she complained.

Harry looked at the others. 'Sorry, - yeah we'd better keep going, we can't do anything about this, at the moment, anyway.'

Katie looked at him as if he was suffering from delusions of grandeur and waved for the team to get back to practice.

Harry climbed back onto his broom but waited whilst the others took off. 'Thanks Hermione,' he said quietly, 'See you at lunch. I reckon we need a meeting, just the six of us, yeah?'

'POTTER' yelled Katie.

Harry gave Hermione a long suffering look and kicked off the ground.

'After Lunch!' he yelled

Hermione waved and started back to the castle.

- o -

Katie blew her whistle for the end of practice to a ragged cheer from the team. All but Harry streaked groundwards looking for a warming shower and lunch. He slowed down and climbed, circling lazily upwards like an eagle in an updraft.

The countryside opened out below him. The lake spread across the southern part of the valley, its eastern downstream end enveloped in trees close to the railway station. South and West of the Lake, the enchanted forest spread to the feet of the surrounding hills.

Harry swung round to look eastwards at the castle, and beyond the station, the roofs of Hogsmead were just visible amongst the trees. Stands of woodland dotted the lower slopes of the hills around and formed an almost continuous necklace along the base of the range of hills behind the school. So many places to hide, thought Harry. Any attacker could keep in cover from either end of the valley until they were within a hundred yards or so of the northern side of the castle.

Three Death Eaters might not be a lot, but with Bellatrix Lestrange and any others she could gather, they could cause a heap of trouble if they wanted to. Harry didn't know how far out the School.s protection spells were effective, now might be the time to find out.

Harry pointed the handle of the Firebolt downwards and dived cautiously to rejoin his team, as they headed for the castle.