The Intractable Interrogator
This AU fanfiction is about what would have happened if the Baudelaires had accepted a ride from Mr. Poe. It contains spoilers for The Grim Grotto. Disclaimer: none of the characters belong to me.
Alternate Ending for The Grim Grotto
The Baudelaires watched as a familiar figure emerged from the fog, took off his tall top hat, and coughed into his handkerchief.
"Baudelaires!" said Mr. Poe, "Egad, I can't believe you're really here!"
"You?" Klaus asked in astonishment, "You're the one we're supposed to meet?"
"I guess so," Mr. Poe said, taking out a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket. "I received a message that you'd be here at Briny Beach today."
"Who sent it?" Klaus asked.
Mr. Poe merely coughed and shrugged his shoulders wearily. The children noticed he looked much older than the last time they saw him, and wondered how much older they looked themselves. "The message is signed J.S., so I assume it's from that reporter at The Daily Punctilio, Geraldine Julienne. How in the world did you get here, and where have you been? You'd better come with me and see the police at once. You've been accused of murder, arson, kidnapping, and assorted misdemeanors! You have a great deal of explaining to do."
"Should we trust him?" Klaus whispered to Violet.
"Not!" said Sunny emphatically.
"I'm not sure," whispered Violet. "I couldn't find the poem for the second half of the Verse Fluctuation Declaration. We were told to come to Briny Beach, and Mr. Poe's here for us. And we know the telegram was copied to J.S., so I think we have to trust the person who sent him, at least."
"Stop whispering and come along at once," said Poe. "My car's parked nearby."
As they were getting into the back seat of Mr. Poe's car, they heard the sound of frantic honking. A yellow taxi with dark-tinted windows raced toward them.
"Come on, quickly," ordered Mr. Poe. "I don't like the look of that taxi." He jumped into the driver's seat and sped away. The taxi followed close behind, still honking at them.
"Dear me, this won't do..." said Mr. Poe. "Fortunately, I've begun carrying a revolver tucked into the lining of my top hat."
He drew the weapon, and with one hand on the steering wheel he looked backward and fired a shot between the heads of Violet and Klaus! It broke out the back window and went straight through the front windshield of the taxi. The driver was apparently hit, because the taxi swerved off the road and crashed into a tree.
The Baudelaires gasped in shock.
"I'm sorry if that frightened you," said Mr. Poe. "I suppose you were worried I'd hit you by accident? I'm an excellent shot. I used to be in the military years ago, you know."
"I... I just never imagined you would do something like that," said Violet. "You're not really taking us to the police, are you?"
"As a matter of fact, I'm taking you to see an old friend," said Mr. Poe.
"Count Olaf!" gasped Klaus. "You're with the evil faction of the VFD!"
"You'll wish it were Count Olaf," said Mr. Poe. "It's something much, much bigger than those two clownish factions. Sometimes they scare even me." He broke into another fit of coughing.
The Baudelaire remembered what Captain Widdershins told them about enormous secrets and an evil they couldn't even imagine.
"Casca!" cried Sunny.
"I thought Sunny could speak intelligibly now, but she's still spouting the same baby talk. She said that same word to me once before," said Mr. Poe.
"I know what she means," said Klaus, "because I know who killed Julius Caesar. One of them was named Casca. Like Brutus, he pretended to be a friend and betrayed Caesar."
"That's an unfair comparison," said Mr. Poe. "I'm an honorable man. I admit I sent you into dreadful living situations a few times, and pretended not to recognize Count Olaf in his absurd disguises, but it was nothing personal; it was business. They paid me to do it."
"What do they want with us?" demanded Violet.
"The same thing everyone else wants. To unlock the secrets of the sugar bowl," Mr. Poe said.
"We don't know where the sugar bowl is!" said Klaus.
"But they do," said Poe. "In fact, they've got it!"
The car sped off into the morning fog with the terribly worried Baudelaires. The tables of their lives had turned again... for the worse.
This AU fanfiction is about what would have happened if the Baudelaires had accepted a ride from Mr. Poe. It contains spoilers for The Grim Grotto. Disclaimer: none of the characters belong to me.
Alternate Ending for The Grim Grotto
The Baudelaires watched as a familiar figure emerged from the fog, took off his tall top hat, and coughed into his handkerchief.
"Baudelaires!" said Mr. Poe, "Egad, I can't believe you're really here!"
"You?" Klaus asked in astonishment, "You're the one we're supposed to meet?"
"I guess so," Mr. Poe said, taking out a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket. "I received a message that you'd be here at Briny Beach today."
"Who sent it?" Klaus asked.
Mr. Poe merely coughed and shrugged his shoulders wearily. The children noticed he looked much older than the last time they saw him, and wondered how much older they looked themselves. "The message is signed J.S., so I assume it's from that reporter at The Daily Punctilio, Geraldine Julienne. How in the world did you get here, and where have you been? You'd better come with me and see the police at once. You've been accused of murder, arson, kidnapping, and assorted misdemeanors! You have a great deal of explaining to do."
"Should we trust him?" Klaus whispered to Violet.
"Not!" said Sunny emphatically.
"I'm not sure," whispered Violet. "I couldn't find the poem for the second half of the Verse Fluctuation Declaration. We were told to come to Briny Beach, and Mr. Poe's here for us. And we know the telegram was copied to J.S., so I think we have to trust the person who sent him, at least."
"Stop whispering and come along at once," said Poe. "My car's parked nearby."
As they were getting into the back seat of Mr. Poe's car, they heard the sound of frantic honking. A yellow taxi with dark-tinted windows raced toward them.
"Come on, quickly," ordered Mr. Poe. "I don't like the look of that taxi." He jumped into the driver's seat and sped away. The taxi followed close behind, still honking at them.
"Dear me, this won't do..." said Mr. Poe. "Fortunately, I've begun carrying a revolver tucked into the lining of my top hat."
He drew the weapon, and with one hand on the steering wheel he looked backward and fired a shot between the heads of Violet and Klaus! It broke out the back window and went straight through the front windshield of the taxi. The driver was apparently hit, because the taxi swerved off the road and crashed into a tree.
The Baudelaires gasped in shock.
"I'm sorry if that frightened you," said Mr. Poe. "I suppose you were worried I'd hit you by accident? I'm an excellent shot. I used to be in the military years ago, you know."
"I... I just never imagined you would do something like that," said Violet. "You're not really taking us to the police, are you?"
"As a matter of fact, I'm taking you to see an old friend," said Mr. Poe.
"Count Olaf!" gasped Klaus. "You're with the evil faction of the VFD!"
"You'll wish it were Count Olaf," said Mr. Poe. "It's something much, much bigger than those two clownish factions. Sometimes they scare even me." He broke into another fit of coughing.
The Baudelaire remembered what Captain Widdershins told them about enormous secrets and an evil they couldn't even imagine.
"Casca!" cried Sunny.
"I thought Sunny could speak intelligibly now, but she's still spouting the same baby talk. She said that same word to me once before," said Mr. Poe.
"I know what she means," said Klaus, "because I know who killed Julius Caesar. One of them was named Casca. Like Brutus, he pretended to be a friend and betrayed Caesar."
"That's an unfair comparison," said Mr. Poe. "I'm an honorable man. I admit I sent you into dreadful living situations a few times, and pretended not to recognize Count Olaf in his absurd disguises, but it was nothing personal; it was business. They paid me to do it."
"What do they want with us?" demanded Violet.
"The same thing everyone else wants. To unlock the secrets of the sugar bowl," Mr. Poe said.
"We don't know where the sugar bowl is!" said Klaus.
"But they do," said Poe. "In fact, they've got it!"
The car sped off into the morning fog with the terribly worried Baudelaires. The tables of their lives had turned again... for the worse.