Chapter 5 of Book the 12th
After what seemed like hours in the darkness and slime of the Holding Cell, the Baudelaires blinked in the sudden brightness when the door opened. Justice Strauss shouted out words of command in some strange language and the tentacles let them go.
"Baudelaires, come out," she ordered. "You men, stay behind."
"Thank you for the opportunity to see such fascinating marine life close up," called Phil, before the tentacles grabbed him again.
Justice Strauss brought the children to the command room. Sonar screens were blinking but there was no sign of another vessel close by.
"Tell us, where was Count Olaf's vessel when you saw it last?" said Jerome Squalor, holding up an ocean map.
"Why should we help you?" said Klaus.
"You need to stay useful to us. We don't necessarily need all three of you as hostages," said Squalor.
"All right," said Klaus, pointing to a spot on the ocean map. "It was about there. But they said they were going to the Hotel Denouement to burn it down."
"Fernald radioed us that Count Olaf got a telegram soon after you escaped; it informed him that the cabal had the sugar bowl. That scared Olaf badly. He decided to stay at sea and keep a low profile for a while," said Strauss.
"Why didn't Fernald tell you where they were?" asked Violet.
"He would have, but the transmission was interrupted suddenly," said Strauss.
"What do you want with Count Olaf's vessel, anyway?" asked Klaus.
"We're going to board it," said the Justice. "Our man Bruce is being held there, according to the report from Fernald."
"What are you going to do?" asked Violet.
"Rescue the Snow Scouts, Fernald, Fiona, and Bruce. And of course we'll kill Count Olaf, kill everyone else working for him, and sink his ship," said Strauss. "Nobody messes with our agents."
"Now be quiet or we'll put you back in the Holding Cell," said Squalor.
They sailed along in silence for a while, with Jerome punching buttons to control the nervous system of the giant nautilus as it searched for the enemy mechanical octopus.
"By the way," said Justice Strauss to Jerome Squalor, "Whatever happened to Beatrice Dante? We ought to track her down. She might lead us to Lemony Snicket."
"I thought of that," said Jerome, "But it's too late. After Lemony went on the run Beatrice ended up marrying someone else and raising a family. But Olaf and Esmé found her in her new life. One afternoon they set fire to her house and killed her. It's the only time I know of where one of Olaf's fires killed only one member of a family."
"Oh well, it was just a thought," said the Justice.
The Baudelaires felt sad. This was one more bit of evidence that neither of their parents had survived the fire.
Just then there was a ping on the sonar. "Aha, we're found it!" said Squalor. He pressed buttons to cause the Interrogator to race forward and seize the other vessel in its intractable tentacles.
"Now, we board," said Strauss. "Violet and Klaus, you're coming with us because you've been aboard and you know the layout. Sunny will stay here with one of the men as a hostage, so don't try anything."
"Shiver me timbers," Sunny cried.
"No, Sunny, you can't be a pirate along with us. We'll be back soon," said Klaus.
Strauss, Squalor, and the second thug led them downstairs to the lower part of the shell where there was an airlock and a motorized boarding pod that looked like a giant clam.
"Tell us how to get in, brat," ordered the thug beside Klaus.
"Go for the hole in the middle of the metal tentacles," said Klaus. "It's the octopus mouth that leads inside."
"What a pathetic imitation of our fantastic vessel," said Strauss. "This faction of the V.F.D. has really gone downhill, technology-wise."
The boarding-clam shot down the tube painted with eyes, passing briefly through the room where the Snow Scouts were forced to row, and ending at the metal dock where Count Olaf had greeted the Baudelaires with hoots of laughter.
There's a saying that "He or she who laughs last, laughs best," which doesn't mean that their laughter is of greater volume or quantity, but that whoever ends up on top of a situation enjoys it the most. Strauss and Squalor were the ones laughing last at this point, and their laughs were not full of the silly syllables Count Olaf had affected in his.
"Hahahaha," laughed Jerome Squalor. "We're in."
"Heeheeheehee," laughed Judge Strauss, "Now which way to the brig?"
"Along this passage. We'll pass the room with the Snow Scouts, then got down a twisty corridor to the brig," said Violet, "But we didn't see Bruce the last time we were here."
"We'll find him," said Strauss.
As they passed through the rowing room they saw no sign of Carmelita Spats or any of Olaf's other henchpersons. The Snow Scouts sat chained to the benches, looking very tired and miserable.
"Quiet, Snow Scouts, we're here to rescue you," called Justice Strauss in her most pleasant manner. She nudged Violet with a sharp elbow and whispered, "Say something reassuring!"
"Better do what they say," Violet said, "And you won't get hu-" breaking off suddenly when Strauss gave her another sharp nudge in the ribs. The Scouts smiled and waved them on.
Jerome and the salmon-waiter thug broke down the door to the brig with a crash. Inside were Fernald and Fiona.
"Klaus!" cried Fiona, almost running to him, but Klaus frowned and waved her back. Who knew what the two J.S's would do to her if they knew she was his friend?
"Good to see you, Boss," said the hook-handed man to Jerome Squalor. "I'm glad you got here. Count Olaf caught me using the radio to report to you, and he threw Fiona and me in here."
"Where's Bruce?" asked Strauss.
"Through there," said Fernald, pointing with a hook to an inner door. They quickly broke down the other door and found Bruce.
"Thanks for the rescue, Jerome and Justine," said Bruce. "I hated being kept quarantined in there, even though Snow Scouts are accommodating, basic,...er, kept and quarantined." It seemed as though he would have liked to recite the whole Snow Scout pledge, but Jerome make him cut it short with a hard stare.
"So, where are Olaf and his associates?" asked Jerome.
"They would have barricaded themselves in the secure inner part of the vessel at the first sign of trouble," said Fernald. "I'll show you where it is."
"What a turncoat," whispered Violet to Klaus. Klaus nodded back.
The group moved through branching corridors to a heavy metal door like the one on the brig. Jerome and the salmon thug pounded on it, but it wouldn't budge.
"Open up, Olaf," said Jerome. "The game's over."
"I bin not Olaf, I bin the janitor," came a voice from the other side of the door. Then the voice gave a nervous laugh, "Heh heh heh dumkoft."
"Enough with the phony accent, Olaf. I'd recognize that laugh full of silly syllables anywhere," said Strauss. She laughed. "Heeheeheeheehee."
"Jerome, darling, is that you out there?" called Esmé, "Please rescue me. I've been kidnapped by this horrible man! I don't think crime is 'in' any more." She also laughed nervously, "Heh heh heh heh helpmate."
"Crime is 'in' for me now," said Jerome, "I don't like to argue, so consider this a divorce." He also laughed. "Hahahahahah."
No answering laughs came from behind the door. Those who has laughed last, laughed best.
Klaus and Violet had lagged furthest behind in the corridor. While everyone else concentrated their attention on the locked door, they looked around for anything that might be helpful. They ducked into a side passage and found a frilly pink bedroom.
Behind the bed, in a bedraggled frilly pink tutu, with an enormous pink crown on her head and two pink wings taped to her back, was crouched a frightened but angry young girl.
"What are you cakesniffers doing here?" Carmelita Spats demanded.
After what seemed like hours in the darkness and slime of the Holding Cell, the Baudelaires blinked in the sudden brightness when the door opened. Justice Strauss shouted out words of command in some strange language and the tentacles let them go.
"Baudelaires, come out," she ordered. "You men, stay behind."
"Thank you for the opportunity to see such fascinating marine life close up," called Phil, before the tentacles grabbed him again.
Justice Strauss brought the children to the command room. Sonar screens were blinking but there was no sign of another vessel close by.
"Tell us, where was Count Olaf's vessel when you saw it last?" said Jerome Squalor, holding up an ocean map.
"Why should we help you?" said Klaus.
"You need to stay useful to us. We don't necessarily need all three of you as hostages," said Squalor.
"All right," said Klaus, pointing to a spot on the ocean map. "It was about there. But they said they were going to the Hotel Denouement to burn it down."
"Fernald radioed us that Count Olaf got a telegram soon after you escaped; it informed him that the cabal had the sugar bowl. That scared Olaf badly. He decided to stay at sea and keep a low profile for a while," said Strauss.
"Why didn't Fernald tell you where they were?" asked Violet.
"He would have, but the transmission was interrupted suddenly," said Strauss.
"What do you want with Count Olaf's vessel, anyway?" asked Klaus.
"We're going to board it," said the Justice. "Our man Bruce is being held there, according to the report from Fernald."
"What are you going to do?" asked Violet.
"Rescue the Snow Scouts, Fernald, Fiona, and Bruce. And of course we'll kill Count Olaf, kill everyone else working for him, and sink his ship," said Strauss. "Nobody messes with our agents."
"Now be quiet or we'll put you back in the Holding Cell," said Squalor.
They sailed along in silence for a while, with Jerome punching buttons to control the nervous system of the giant nautilus as it searched for the enemy mechanical octopus.
"By the way," said Justice Strauss to Jerome Squalor, "Whatever happened to Beatrice Dante? We ought to track her down. She might lead us to Lemony Snicket."
"I thought of that," said Jerome, "But it's too late. After Lemony went on the run Beatrice ended up marrying someone else and raising a family. But Olaf and Esmé found her in her new life. One afternoon they set fire to her house and killed her. It's the only time I know of where one of Olaf's fires killed only one member of a family."
"Oh well, it was just a thought," said the Justice.
The Baudelaires felt sad. This was one more bit of evidence that neither of their parents had survived the fire.
Just then there was a ping on the sonar. "Aha, we're found it!" said Squalor. He pressed buttons to cause the Interrogator to race forward and seize the other vessel in its intractable tentacles.
"Now, we board," said Strauss. "Violet and Klaus, you're coming with us because you've been aboard and you know the layout. Sunny will stay here with one of the men as a hostage, so don't try anything."
"Shiver me timbers," Sunny cried.
"No, Sunny, you can't be a pirate along with us. We'll be back soon," said Klaus.
Strauss, Squalor, and the second thug led them downstairs to the lower part of the shell where there was an airlock and a motorized boarding pod that looked like a giant clam.
"Tell us how to get in, brat," ordered the thug beside Klaus.
"Go for the hole in the middle of the metal tentacles," said Klaus. "It's the octopus mouth that leads inside."
"What a pathetic imitation of our fantastic vessel," said Strauss. "This faction of the V.F.D. has really gone downhill, technology-wise."
The boarding-clam shot down the tube painted with eyes, passing briefly through the room where the Snow Scouts were forced to row, and ending at the metal dock where Count Olaf had greeted the Baudelaires with hoots of laughter.
There's a saying that "He or she who laughs last, laughs best," which doesn't mean that their laughter is of greater volume or quantity, but that whoever ends up on top of a situation enjoys it the most. Strauss and Squalor were the ones laughing last at this point, and their laughs were not full of the silly syllables Count Olaf had affected in his.
"Hahahaha," laughed Jerome Squalor. "We're in."
"Heeheeheehee," laughed Judge Strauss, "Now which way to the brig?"
"Along this passage. We'll pass the room with the Snow Scouts, then got down a twisty corridor to the brig," said Violet, "But we didn't see Bruce the last time we were here."
"We'll find him," said Strauss.
As they passed through the rowing room they saw no sign of Carmelita Spats or any of Olaf's other henchpersons. The Snow Scouts sat chained to the benches, looking very tired and miserable.
"Quiet, Snow Scouts, we're here to rescue you," called Justice Strauss in her most pleasant manner. She nudged Violet with a sharp elbow and whispered, "Say something reassuring!"
"Better do what they say," Violet said, "And you won't get hu-" breaking off suddenly when Strauss gave her another sharp nudge in the ribs. The Scouts smiled and waved them on.
Jerome and the salmon-waiter thug broke down the door to the brig with a crash. Inside were Fernald and Fiona.
"Klaus!" cried Fiona, almost running to him, but Klaus frowned and waved her back. Who knew what the two J.S's would do to her if they knew she was his friend?
"Good to see you, Boss," said the hook-handed man to Jerome Squalor. "I'm glad you got here. Count Olaf caught me using the radio to report to you, and he threw Fiona and me in here."
"Where's Bruce?" asked Strauss.
"Through there," said Fernald, pointing with a hook to an inner door. They quickly broke down the other door and found Bruce.
"Thanks for the rescue, Jerome and Justine," said Bruce. "I hated being kept quarantined in there, even though Snow Scouts are accommodating, basic,...er, kept and quarantined." It seemed as though he would have liked to recite the whole Snow Scout pledge, but Jerome make him cut it short with a hard stare.
"So, where are Olaf and his associates?" asked Jerome.
"They would have barricaded themselves in the secure inner part of the vessel at the first sign of trouble," said Fernald. "I'll show you where it is."
"What a turncoat," whispered Violet to Klaus. Klaus nodded back.
The group moved through branching corridors to a heavy metal door like the one on the brig. Jerome and the salmon thug pounded on it, but it wouldn't budge.
"Open up, Olaf," said Jerome. "The game's over."
"I bin not Olaf, I bin the janitor," came a voice from the other side of the door. Then the voice gave a nervous laugh, "Heh heh heh dumkoft."
"Enough with the phony accent, Olaf. I'd recognize that laugh full of silly syllables anywhere," said Strauss. She laughed. "Heeheeheeheehee."
"Jerome, darling, is that you out there?" called Esmé, "Please rescue me. I've been kidnapped by this horrible man! I don't think crime is 'in' any more." She also laughed nervously, "Heh heh heh heh helpmate."
"Crime is 'in' for me now," said Jerome, "I don't like to argue, so consider this a divorce." He also laughed. "Hahahahahah."
No answering laughs came from behind the door. Those who has laughed last, laughed best.
Klaus and Violet had lagged furthest behind in the corridor. While everyone else concentrated their attention on the locked door, they looked around for anything that might be helpful. They ducked into a side passage and found a frilly pink bedroom.
Behind the bed, in a bedraggled frilly pink tutu, with an enormous pink crown on her head and two pink wings taped to her back, was crouched a frightened but angry young girl.
"What are you cakesniffers doing here?" Carmelita Spats demanded.