Chapter 10 – Strong People, Stronger Emotions

Donnia sat alone eating the last bit of food in her pack. She knew that neither Nathyrra nor Valen had much more left themselves. No one was speaking. No one really knew what to say. Each sat separated from the others with their own thoughts.

Donnia was thinking of how she got started in her life as a fabled adventurer. Since her victories in Neverwinter and Undrentide, people had begun writing stories of her life and her adventures that were far from being true, but made the bards some money. Most of the tales were not bad, but Donnia hated being confronted with questions based on those false travels.

She never understood why so many people wanted to know about her life. There were so many other people in the world that had done so much more than she had who better deserved the attention that was given to her.

She had been wondering this same thought since she had found the fourth Waterdavian Creature so many years ago. What truly saddened her was that she did not really know how long ago it had been. She had lost all clues as to how old she was, how long it had been since seeing her father, how many years had passed before she cried for her mother.

Since she never got any farther with that line of thinking she tried thinking of something else. She was exhausted from the day. Her weariness had nothing to do with the beholders. Never before had she been through so many emotions in one day. What made it all the worse was that she did not understand what all of them were.

That morning she had awoken happy for the first time for as long as she could remember. Her dreams did not haunt her in sleep or in her waking. As the day continued she had been hurt deeply by the way Valen had regarded her after coming back from the Valsharess. She did not know that anyone had the capability of hurting her that strongly anymore. Her emotions wore an armor that was second in strength only to that she wore on her body. "When did a person get the power to hurt me so?" she wondered to herself.

Much of the time she had spent in the beholder caves was blank to her now, wiped out from her pain. The entire time it felt as though someone were standing on her heart and would not let up. She was glad that Valen spoke to her when he did for she did not if she would have been able to go on much longer with that pain in her chest.

Nathyrra sat by watching the other two. They did not know what was going on between them, but she could see it. The Seer had told her such would happen. Nathyrra smiled as she silently congratulated the Seer on yet another perfect prediction of events.

She did know that Valen had been in love once. The memory of his story from earlier in their adventure still wore on her heart. He had been captured by one of the devils while he had been fighting in the Blood Wars. He had been deeply in love with a most wonderful woman who had seen past his outer appearance and taint to the truly good person he was. The devil did not just torture his body, but tortured his soul. With Valen tightly bound to prevent him from escaping, the devil brought in his love and killed her in front of him. After that, Valen said he remembered little. His mind shut off while his body lashed out at everything. Nathyrra was there the day he had found the Seer.

He had walked in, stumbled was more like it, bleeding and near death. He had not stopped fighting in a war though he was far from the battlefields. He had allowed his taint to overrun his body, but the Seer had seen past all of that. She had taken him in and slowly revealed him back to his humanity. Seeing the person he was then and seeing who he was sitting before her he barely appeared to be the same man.

Valen too sat by with his thoughts. Though he had apologized to Donnia he felt that nothing he could say would make what he had done better. The night before when he had held her meant so much to him. He had seen then how she had trusted him with everything at that point. Yet when she would have needed his support more than ever he turned his back on her and cast her aside as a traitor.

He looked up at her, sitting across the fir from him staring off into the darkness. "She doesn't realize the power she holds," he though to himself. Even just sitting there she was something to behold. Her long legs were stretched out, warming near the fire. Her hands idly toyed with the ends of her long red hair. She reached back and untied the bit of rope that held her hair out of her face and let it fall.

He watched her for several minutes before she caught him staring at her.

For what seemed an eternity she just looked at him with her powerful eyes. Even from such a distance he could see their bright pools of color with him in their sight. The longer they stared at one another the more it felt as though she were examining his very essence of being. As uncomfortable as it may have felt, neither one could look away.

Nathyrra was enjoying watching them figure it out. She also knew that her presence would be a hindrance. "I'm going to stretch my legs a bit, they're a bit crampish. I won't be gone long. Do not worry for me."

Neither Donnia nor Valen spoke. Nathyrra could not stop smiling as she walked away from them.

Minutes passed and still neither of them said a word. Their eyes said enough for their mouths.

When Donnia had first looked up at him she had felt him watching her for several minutes but could not bring herself to look at him. She wanted to know exactly what he could and could not see when he looked into her eyes.

Valen saw through all of her defenses. He saw the pain still there from the night before when she at last cried for her mother. He saw her memories still battling behind her eyes from her many adventures. He saw the pain he had put there himself and felt some of the pain she had felt earlier that day.

Valen stood up without looking away from her eyes. He did not think he could even if he tried. He walked around the fire and came to a stop by her side. He knelt down beside her and carefully wiped away the tear that had just fallen. "Please don't cry anymore. It breaks my heart when you do."

At such close distance he could feel himself being pulled in by her eyes. If he knew nothing else about her, he could see everything if he could just look into her eyes. "It hurts even more knowing that those tears are my fault."

Donnia did not know what to say to him. She had never before felt like this. She wanted to look away from his gaze, but felt herself being pulled in by it. The warmth from the fire was reflected in his bright blue eyes staring back at her. The flames only added to the power they exuded.

Valen pushed her hair back with a gentle hand and brought her lips to his. The warmth seemed to spread throughout all of his body at the meeting of their lips. The meeting was brief but still powerful, leaving a hint of more.

"Valen, I..." But that was all she could say before he kissed her again. Her mind had been racing before, but now no thought would come. The only thing in her mind was feeling.

Valen had not planned on this, but he was not going to stop it now; he did not think he could, he did not have the power to. Her hair was soft in his hands as he ran his fingers through it. He heard her sigh as it passed from her to him through their lips.

Valen slowly broke their contact and opened his eyes. Her tears had dried and her eyes showed no more pain. He said nothing, but his eyes said much.

Donnia smiled at him, her eyes saying the same thing, but both were afraid to speak it aloud. She took his hand in hers and laid her head against his shoulder.

Valen sat back, following her lead, and wrapped a protective arm around her as she fell asleep, finally allowing him to have first watch. How did you come to be so important in such a short time? And you're not just important to the rebels of Lith My'athar any longer. You're vital to me. I feel more in control with you at my side than ever before. Valen wished he could speak these thoughts aloud to Donnia, but was afraid that the intensity would frighten her. Until then, he was content to know that the humanity she coaxed out of him without him realizing it was enough for a moment like this, with her in his arms, the sound of her deep breathing from sleep the only sound to fall on his ears.

This ground was not something entirely new to him. He had been in love before. He had been with women before. That was the past, and this was now. Even when he became unsure of the next step, Donnia was there giving him the confidence to trust in his emotions, to follow through on what he wished to do; like he was doing just then, cradling her in his arms, protecting her from the night.

Again he felt unsure of whether his actions were right, but decided to move on what he felt instead of doubting himself. He lightly pressed his lips to the top of her head and whispered, "Sleep well, my Lady Donnia. I will protect you while you dream."

Later that night Donnia awoke for her turn to keep watch over the other two. Valen still held her in his arms, guarding her in her sleep. Valen glanced down at her when he felt her stirring. Once again she felt herself being pulled by the depth of his eyes. Like him, she could almost read his thoughts from the expressions of his eyes. She knew that part of him was a demon-spawn, she knew that he had to fight his taint nearly every moment of every day. She knew what it was like to have to fight yourself, to fight something growing inside yourself.

"Valen, are you planning on going directly to sleep?" she asked him.

"I was, but not if you require something of me, my lady."

"It's not a requirement that I have of you, just curiosity on my own part. I want to know what it's like, fighting your taint. What is it like for you? How do you deal with it?"

If Valen was shocked by her question, outwardly it did not show. "I don't know that I can put it into words." He sat there, thinking of how to describe to her how his entire being was overtaken by his taint. "It's as though there is another part of me, another person inside of me. When I fight it I have to fight it with all that I am. It's just as strong, if not stronger than I am. Every time I fight it I can feel the battle going on; one side screaming at the other.

"Haunted" – Evanescence

"It's like 'long lost words whisper slowly to me', calling me, beckoning to me. I 'still can't find what keeps me' there. 'All this time I've been so hollow inside' but I know it's 'still there, watching me, wanting me, I can feel' it 'pull me down'." Valen looked away from Donnia, getting lost in his thoughts, his memories of old battles within himself. He continued on as though alone, speaking only to himself, "'Fearing you, loving you'. No! 'I won't let you pull me down'. But that's not the end."

Something in his eyes changed. The blue tint became dull, lifeless. Slowly the tint came back, but as a searing red. Fear began to slowly creep up on her. The voice that came from his mouth was Valen's, but had none of his life behind it, "'Hunting you, I can smell you, alive, your heart pounding in my head'."

Valen vigorously shook his head. The red slowly melted from his eyes, returning them to the cerulean depths Donnia was looking for, waiting for, hoping for.

"No!" he repeated again. Yet again, he was lost in his battle, unaware of Donnia's presence beside him, though he knew that he felt stronger, felt more able to fight his taint back. "You're 'watching me, wanting me. I won't let you pull me down'.

Slowly Valen turned to face Donnia. He read the emotions on her face. Saw the fear, but also felt her strength. He understood how he was able to fight it off, how he was able to be stronger. "'Saving me, raping me, watching me,' always watching me."

Donnia reached out to take his hand in hers. "I'm here. I won't let it take you away again." She echoed back his words that he spoke to her earlier in the beholder caves, "I will stand by your side when you have to face your next evil, even into the depths of the hells. No longer will you have to fight alone." She placed a soft kiss on his lips. "It's time for me to keep watch. I will keep you safe as you dream."