Not yet Forgotten Chapter 5: Heart over Mind, a harry potter fanfic

Notes of Prowess : Well, here is the next chapter for, I think the most awaited fic amongst all that I have. It happens to be my favorite too, come to think of it. I'm actually glad that it is worth crying for. I really don't want to write a crappy angst story. Thank God people also realized the depth in it. I'm glad people saw Harry's dilemma about letting go. I think my foreseen ending would suck. It's cause I'm twisting myself all around. I'm debating on whether it's going to be a happy ending, or a sad ending or a happy and sad ending or a moderately sad with a tinge of happy ending, you get the picture. I think I squeezed all the juices in my brain already and I still haven't had the final destination for it. Although I think I'm on the right track. I hope I get inspiration on the way. I was kind of thinking if I was going to make a sequel for this or just leave it as it is, but I don't know. As for the renovations, the changing of chapters, and the like, I'm still taking into consideration finishing the story first before editing. Am I on the right track or will it be better for me to edit as soon as possible. If I do edit first, I update even more slower, which I think in the long run will give a very annoying cliffhanger so… I don't know. Anyway, here's the next chapter for Not Yet Forgotten. Enjoy.

Heart over Mind

by prowess

I prayed this day wouldn't come. But I knew it was inescapable. Yet I prayed it wouldn't come soon. But it did. It brought me to a stage of hatred and anger towards everyone who were like them. Like her.

It wasn't so much to shut up. I was able to do it. I was able to live alone, to keep the grief to myself and to will myself to move on though inch by inch. And I was Harry's friend.

I was Harry's love.

What more to people who just met him once? Twice? Along the street? Can't they leave what is left behind and move on with their lives? Should they still relive each moment and tell it to everyone? Personally, I think it isn't their business. Sure, Harry is a hero to everyone who knows him. But heroes are a legend, their greatest contribution immortalized in the hearts of those he saved. And as for Harry, I intend it to be that way. I don't want his memory to be tainted by bad mouths, who talk of him bitterly. It doesn't take a lot to quietly come and go through all the doings during the funeral, to sit down and pay respects. It wasn't expected of everyone, but a few words of gratitude and admiration would lift the spirits of those he left behind. Yet, so many could not do it for Harry; despite all that he did for our world and beyond, there are just certain people who cannot just press their lips and move on with their lives. They can't let Harry be the wonderful memory everybody has.

There are just people who can't do it and it frustrates me. Despite their creative talents or their incomparable intelligence, they can't even respect a man who died an honest and honorable death; who gave a single life, his own, to save the rest. They can't even let his soul peacefully lie, knowing that he had done all he could and have done well, his only consolation that the people he left behind are safe and happy. Instead, they corrupt the essence of his memory. All that is left for me to hold in my heart are being dug out shovel per shovel and are being corroded with disparagement or condemnation.

I tried to brush it away. But it is so hard to look into the eyes of people he died for and see that they have neither remorse nor respect for the one who kept them alive for a hundred more years. It brings me to tears that such people think of him insignificantly now despite saying otherwise before. The charlatans they are. They come to see his remains with a sorrowful mask on, but once they left, so did the mask dissolve and they continue with their lives as if nothing happened. And to them, nothing really happened. But to me, everything was lost.

I wished I didn't pass by this place. It was eerie and full of people I can live without. I didn't know why I chose to just walk, but inside my heart, I felt as if something was calling me. And then I heard her voice. A voice I prayed I never heard. I regretted following my heart then and there.

She was definitely not my favorite, I never really listened to her nor believed her. I really don't care about her. If it were a different situation, I would've just left her head held high. But now, I'm on the brink of sobbing breathlessly. Because now, she has done something I can never forgive her for the rest of her life. Everything about what she said, made me want to just go and see if it was really her. And I prayed to all the gods and wished upon all the wizards and witches that she wasn't. But then again, I wished it was her. Just so I can hate her even more, if that is even possible.

"You see, Harry was a very nice boy. He was truly shocked during our first encounter. He didn't seem to believe a word I say, but I don't blame the young man. Things like that can really be a cause of denial. But no matter, since today I have come to tell you that I really speak of the truth. And now, I hold in my hands, the most precious work of the boy who lived. However, he is dead now of course." Her small laugh made my blood warmer and my soul darker as I prevented myself from hexing. Thank God nobody laughed with her or I'd have burned the place down in a split second.

"I really never thought you would stoop so low and preach around here Professor." I butted in unemotionally. "Is this where you 'work' now?"

"Granger. You never really tried to like me didn't you? You thought I was an old liar? From all that has happened, I guess you owe me an apology. I can predict things after all, hmm… Would you like it to be your turn now?"

"Don't you dare conclude that it was your prediction that determined Harry's fate. He would have died without your stupid premonitions. He would have died for anyone who needed him. For the sake of peace. Your so-called predictions don't measure to what he did so don't go telling everyone you were a part of all that has happened to him. Don't act like you're some hero, some divine messenger sent to preach people's deaths. You make me sick. Trying to prophesize events in people's lives and taking credit; overshadowing what they have truly done for our sake. What have you done anyway? How does it compare to what Harry has done? I can't believe he would save someone like you. If I were him I wouldn't even think twice if I were going to choose to leave you to rot. But then again, I salute him for being too kind."

"Which is why he is the hero and not you." I bit my tongue and clenched my fists. I pretended not to hear it. I denied being here. I wanted to get away from this reality. "You see, I really don't think people appreciate what I do. I warn them of what is bound to happen. Nobody sees me as the help I am supposed to be. Instead, I am persecuted and considered insignificant."

"If you claim to predict Harry's death, don't flatter yourself for thinking it was because of you that he is gone. You were one of hundreds, but none of you made sense. Everyone dies so don't take credit for saying it. Nobody tells others when they die and how.

"Don't you see, Ms. Granger, that it is Harry that gets all the praise here. I do honor his death if you just cared to listen."

"But with it came your magnification for yourself. I can't believe it professor, but it seems that you are in dire need of education on your own craft. You do not know how to handle it and your pride comes in the way. You should be ashamed of yourself. You're trying to convince people that you really are a real fate reader in expense of Harry's dignity as someone who sacrificed his life for all of us. You transformed what he has done into a betting game, where you are the winner who gets to say 'I told you so' in front of all of us. Well let me tell you something. He knew he could die when he fought there and it wasn't you that was in his head. It was a hope that once everything is over, we can all live peacefully. Look what you're doing. That is nowhere near what Harry wanted for us."

"And who are you to say that that is what Harry wanted? I assume that are just mere conclusions of yours. Don't discriminate me for an act that you do yourself." Within a split second I had slapped her in the face.

One by one the people forming the crowd slowly walked away, pretending they heard nothing. They don't want to be part of a fight, more so between a pupil and a teacher. I take it back. I was never her pupil. I deny that I once became part of a class that didn't teach what I was supposed to be learning not only in witchcraft, but also in life. In the end it was just me and her staring face to face, me teary eyed and she emotionless. I have said all I had to say. But there was just one last thing I had to let her know. Before I spin on my heels and walk away, and pray that I never cross paths with her again.

"What I want for Harry, is a state of peace. Because it is the only thing he can get from where he is now. And it is the only thing I can give him, by stopping rumors spreading about him, all those half truths and lies, by letting everyone know what he has done so he would be satisfied. I want people to remember him as a hero, just like he deserves to be. I don't want him to be remembered as a fulfillment of a premonition because that is not what his life is about. I don't want him to be remembered for the undeserving things. And I will do anything to get it, even if it means shouting to you or to anyone that stands in my way. You don't have to tell me when I'll die. It doesn't matter, because I will anyway. And before I do, I won't think of you, or if you really predicted my death; because it isn't important. I have more important things to worry about by then and it doesn't include you." As another cold tear played in the sides of my eyes before slowly jumping to my pale cheeks, I slowly turned around and took a big step forward. My other foot followed, and I felt as if I was walking the slowest I ever had in my life. I took big breaths, trying to alleviate myself from what just transpired. And I wished she never said anything anymore, so that I can just continue walking and walking away from her. I vowed never to pass by that place again; but then again, maybe she won't be there anymore. Still, I won't take any chances. I just wanted to go to Harry right now. Just as I saw more people walking around and just before I blended with the crowd what I dreaded to hear came and it felt as if my ears weren't the ones who heard it. It was my heart again, and being the fool that I am, I listened, despite my preconditions of not listening in times like this.

"Take it," she said. I rolled my eyes in protest, but then I questioned what she said. What did it mean? I didn't want to turn around, so I just stopped and froze right there. By people walking and doing their business. Time seemed to move slow, and all I heard was her voice calling me to take whatever she wanted me to.

"What?" I said impatiently, and annoyingly, making sure she got the idea that I never wanted to talk to her ever.

"Harry's most prized possession." My eyes widened. For a moment, I failed to catch that detail. I was blown away by what she said that I didn't digest that she said anything about Harry's prized possession. I spun quickly around and walked towards her, doubtingly, every step with me questioning myself if it was right. I mean, I did say I never wanted to see nor hear her again, and I wanted to keep my Word. In no time, I was in the same spot I released all my feelings to her, but this time instead of a face filled with anger, I wore a veil of disbelief.

"Don't ask where I got it. I won't tell you whatever you do. But even if you deny my powers, I predicted I was going to give it to someone special to Harry, so take it." It was wrapped in brown paper, secured with thick rope. I didn't want to trust her on this one, but again my heart fluttered when she did say that. I still don't believe it was her powers. Maybe it was just logic that got into her. But I didn't argue anymore. I have said all that was in my heart, and nothing was left except for longing for Harry.

"What if I don't want to take it? Just to prove your "premonitions" don't work? Is my denial included in your 'premonition'" I asked sarcastically.

"I just said I'll give it to someone special, whether you accept it or not. It is up to you if you'll take it, unless you are not the special someone I envisioned." She replied emotionlessly. Silence ensued the most uncomfortable I ever experienced. I wasn't sure if I was going to take it. But then I thought, what so bad about bringing it?

"You know Ms. Granger, I admire your personality. Very few people are like that nowadays. You won't see me here anymore if you are worried about passing here again. But I'd like to thank you. I don't know if you want to see me after this but it does not matter. Good luck with your journey, and your impossible dream." She stood up and left taking all that was hers and leaving the package on the table. As her footsteps sounded farther and farther, I just stared at the wrapped object. I took it and slowly opened it. My eyes widened as I saw the red velvet. I knew I saw it at Hogwarts. And I knew it was Harry's.

It was his journal, a present he received during his sixth year: what he called his maturing year, where he said he had grown to accept things around him. It was a collection of events in his life, at Hogwarts, with Ron and me and his other close friends. We even wrote some inserts in between his passages writing wacky comments and funny faces. Tears welled up my eyes remembering the times. As I reminisced, Trelawney's voice echoed in my head, and what she last said made me wonder. It seemed so shallow, but my heart, again, told me there was something deeper to it. I didn't know what, but it just echoed in my mind, even when I was at my apartment, in my bedroom, with my favorite night garments and my fluffiest pillow. I stared at the ceiling and just before closing my eyes, I bid my good night to Harry and her voice floated to the air again. My ears weren't hearing anything, but my heart was, receiving the message loud and clear.

Good luck with your journey, and with your impossible dream….

Journey, and with your impossible dream….

Your impossible dream…

Dream…

Notes of Prowess: There I ended it. I am so happy, I am back into writing. I hope people still get to read this. I hope updated stories don't come that often so that this little piece of writing can still be recognized and reviewed on. I was reading all the mail and comments I received and the fact that people actually think this can win an award is just…WOW…it just lifted my spirits up a bit (okay, a LOT) so I'm so psyched to get the development in the story. I hope you got the hints of depth, as what I like to call them, in the chapter. Kind of like the dilemma of Harry wanting to live again to be with Hermione or let Hermione be as he watches her as a spirit…You know, deep insights like that in a seemingly shallow story. It was the question in my mind as I write this story actually, that if you were dead what would you want for yourself, you know? It is actually hard to answer which is why the ending is still kind of twisted. Anyways, there are also some hints of depth I placed on this chapter. I don't know if you get to see it but it's there. I did question premonition, and it's not that I am against it or anything, I just needed it for the story. Appreciating it for the angst or storyline is fine, but it's nice to go deeper, you know? Sort of like phenomenological theory in philosophy about realizing something deeper in simple things- that's what I pretty much do in this story which is actually interesting cause it's just now that I learned about philosophy and I'm already writing around doing it before I knew it existed. I did touch a pretty different character here, Trelawney, and to tell you the truth I don't know much about her, but she seemed like a stern person in the book. She might be out of character her but I just needed to get her attitude, and boasting about predicting Harry's death to another level. I hope I didn't overdo it. This chapter was pretty long, I hope I get more inspiration and time to write as long as this. Anyway, your comments please, I got frustrated about What's Held Within cause it was easily swept away by new updates so I guess nobody really saw it, but I hope this is different. Was I gone for that long? Geez…I think I'm beginning to regret it. Till the next chapter then, but before that a little extra something for you…

Hermione woke up, beads of sweat trickling down her cheeks. She pushed her hair back and cleared strands of hair stuck to her skin from her forehead. She wasn't breathing heavily, but she felt cold. It was a strange dream she had, I guess, but I wouldn't know, she looked peacefully asleep as I watched her from where I am. She is still so beautiful. I don't know what happened during her day today, I didn't follow her, but she seemed pretty happy when she came. There was a package in her hands. Maybe somebody gave her a gift to cheer her up.

I dreamt of something different. Never mind the sweat or the cold. It was about me and Harry, and the diary. I tried to brush it away, but I felt as if this was a piece of the puzzle I am solving. I felt as if the pieces were all before me, but I can't seem to put them together. I was getting irritated already, not wanting to go through this anymore. Then my heart skipped a beat, and then pumped heavily as I finally got hold of what I was feeling a while ago with Trelawney. It was the same mixture of feelings – confusion, doubt, disbelief… But it seemed like there was a sudden splash of hope and I felt that I saw the puzzle coming together in front of me. Then it came again.

Good luck with your journey, and with your impossible dream….

Come to think of it…my dream seemed impossible, but achievable. Maybe Trelawney had a bit of truth in her, maybe not. Whatever it is, I deny the fact that I have to thank her for this one.