That summer was a reprieve from all of the evils that had plagued us. The
raiders had moved on (or been sufficiently decimated that they no longer
had the strength to attack us), the wolves had been banished and the
villagers who had taken shelter inside the walls now returned to their
homes.
With the beautiful weather I was busily planting my herbs or diligently studying late into the evening. Ah! I can still remember the faint smells of basil and lavender hanging on the warm summer breezes as the fading sun threw pink and violet streaks across the sky. How I miss the colors! My world is now only shades of grey. This was the last peaceful time in my life that I remember when I was still pure of heart and innocent.
After this summer, my life became not my own although I would not be aware of that for many years. Ah, the folly of youth and ignorance! How I long to return to those days but it will never come again for the likes of me.
Even if I were to be released from my bonds I doubt if death would have me. There is truly no rest for the wicked. It pains me to speak of that time and I beg your indulgence. You see I still had a choice although I was not aware that one had been offered to me. No, I was too confused and too anxious to do what was right to see the terrible choice.
Mother had been right all along and now I understand why Annatar felt so threatened by her. She understood me better than he did and he could not abide by that. For he wanted total and utter control of my will and the only way he could obtain it was to destroy those who knew me better than I knew myself. And so he set himself to this nefarious task.
The days grew shorter as summer drifted lazily into fall. Annatar continued to pay his visits to the tower and I continued to watch him suspiciously, never finding fault with any of his actions nor his manners. It was annoying to me. I knew something was wrong with the man but I just could not put my finger on it and I could not, in good conscience, blatantly ignore and avoid him. He had never done anything outwardly to harm me and until he did, I did not feel I had any reason to treat him badly.
But I listened and watched as if he were some deadly snake that may strike at any moment.
He had recently returned from his home bearing more gifts for everyone that he dispensed with his usual largesse. For Kendriun, he returned with a small mithril dagger that he said he had obtained from the dwarves. I was stunned by such a gorgeous and cunningly wrought knife. Kendriun graciously accepted the gift with a smile and I have to admit I was rather envious of such a splendid object.
For me, Annatar had acquired a gazing stone from the elves. It was small but breathtaking in its perfection. My eyes nearly came out of my head at the sight of it and I was at a complete loss for words. I strangely felt guilty for suspecting him of everything from the wolves to my mother's death and I accepted his gift partly to assuage my own guilt.
"It is truly from the elves?" I marveled as I removed the small sphere from its dragon claw stand to examine it more closely.
Annatar beamed at me. "Yes, yes it is! When I saw it I thought of you and knew you would appreciate its beauty."
I turned it over in my hands lovingly, feeling its exquisite smoothness. It seemed to glow from the inside and I was fascinated by it.
"How does it work?" I wondered as I handed it to Kendriun to examine.
The Lord of Gifts shrugged. "I am not certain. The individual I obtained it from was not very wise and did not understand the value of the object. To him it was merely a nice bauble."
Kendriun remained silent as he examined the stone, a frown of deep concentration on his face. He grunted then handed the object back to me as I looked at him questioningly.
"I think it is closed to us for now. Perhaps someone unskilled has tried to use it and damaged it in some way. Mikal may be able to bring it back to working condition," Kendriun said thoughtfully and I was determined to do just that.
As it happened, when the stone did open up to me, I was completely caught off guard by it. It happened one winter morning after the first snowfall. I was sitting near the fire in the tower mending a pair of my wool socks when I happened to glance up at the stone as it sat on the mantle above the fire.
A glowing mist seemed to have appeared inside it and I stood up to get a better look at it, thinking that it was just the reflection of the fire upon its surface. As I drew close, I could see the light inside the stone growing brighter and swirling around, like someone had lit a candle in a smoky room. I gazed into it, fascinated by the spinning smoke and light when suddenly the smoke vanished and I could see myself in the sphere.
I gasped and took a step back for the image of myself that I saw was one of an older me, clothed in fine robes and standing next to a king that I did not recognize. My surprise at the image seemed to break the connection and the light in the stone faded until it was gone all together.
With a trembling hand, I removed the stone from its perch and stared at it in fascination. How had I established a connection to the stone? I was eager to try and get it to work again but, alas, it remained dark and unyielding to my efforts.
With the beautiful weather I was busily planting my herbs or diligently studying late into the evening. Ah! I can still remember the faint smells of basil and lavender hanging on the warm summer breezes as the fading sun threw pink and violet streaks across the sky. How I miss the colors! My world is now only shades of grey. This was the last peaceful time in my life that I remember when I was still pure of heart and innocent.
After this summer, my life became not my own although I would not be aware of that for many years. Ah, the folly of youth and ignorance! How I long to return to those days but it will never come again for the likes of me.
Even if I were to be released from my bonds I doubt if death would have me. There is truly no rest for the wicked. It pains me to speak of that time and I beg your indulgence. You see I still had a choice although I was not aware that one had been offered to me. No, I was too confused and too anxious to do what was right to see the terrible choice.
Mother had been right all along and now I understand why Annatar felt so threatened by her. She understood me better than he did and he could not abide by that. For he wanted total and utter control of my will and the only way he could obtain it was to destroy those who knew me better than I knew myself. And so he set himself to this nefarious task.
The days grew shorter as summer drifted lazily into fall. Annatar continued to pay his visits to the tower and I continued to watch him suspiciously, never finding fault with any of his actions nor his manners. It was annoying to me. I knew something was wrong with the man but I just could not put my finger on it and I could not, in good conscience, blatantly ignore and avoid him. He had never done anything outwardly to harm me and until he did, I did not feel I had any reason to treat him badly.
But I listened and watched as if he were some deadly snake that may strike at any moment.
He had recently returned from his home bearing more gifts for everyone that he dispensed with his usual largesse. For Kendriun, he returned with a small mithril dagger that he said he had obtained from the dwarves. I was stunned by such a gorgeous and cunningly wrought knife. Kendriun graciously accepted the gift with a smile and I have to admit I was rather envious of such a splendid object.
For me, Annatar had acquired a gazing stone from the elves. It was small but breathtaking in its perfection. My eyes nearly came out of my head at the sight of it and I was at a complete loss for words. I strangely felt guilty for suspecting him of everything from the wolves to my mother's death and I accepted his gift partly to assuage my own guilt.
"It is truly from the elves?" I marveled as I removed the small sphere from its dragon claw stand to examine it more closely.
Annatar beamed at me. "Yes, yes it is! When I saw it I thought of you and knew you would appreciate its beauty."
I turned it over in my hands lovingly, feeling its exquisite smoothness. It seemed to glow from the inside and I was fascinated by it.
"How does it work?" I wondered as I handed it to Kendriun to examine.
The Lord of Gifts shrugged. "I am not certain. The individual I obtained it from was not very wise and did not understand the value of the object. To him it was merely a nice bauble."
Kendriun remained silent as he examined the stone, a frown of deep concentration on his face. He grunted then handed the object back to me as I looked at him questioningly.
"I think it is closed to us for now. Perhaps someone unskilled has tried to use it and damaged it in some way. Mikal may be able to bring it back to working condition," Kendriun said thoughtfully and I was determined to do just that.
As it happened, when the stone did open up to me, I was completely caught off guard by it. It happened one winter morning after the first snowfall. I was sitting near the fire in the tower mending a pair of my wool socks when I happened to glance up at the stone as it sat on the mantle above the fire.
A glowing mist seemed to have appeared inside it and I stood up to get a better look at it, thinking that it was just the reflection of the fire upon its surface. As I drew close, I could see the light inside the stone growing brighter and swirling around, like someone had lit a candle in a smoky room. I gazed into it, fascinated by the spinning smoke and light when suddenly the smoke vanished and I could see myself in the sphere.
I gasped and took a step back for the image of myself that I saw was one of an older me, clothed in fine robes and standing next to a king that I did not recognize. My surprise at the image seemed to break the connection and the light in the stone faded until it was gone all together.
With a trembling hand, I removed the stone from its perch and stared at it in fascination. How had I established a connection to the stone? I was eager to try and get it to work again but, alas, it remained dark and unyielding to my efforts.