Desperately I prayed to whatever higher powers might be listening. I was
still too inexperienced to be without Kendriun and I needed his gentle
guidance to reach my full potential.
I became desperate, much like I had when mother fell ill and all of the pain and insecurities I felt at her illness came back to me tenfold. Kendriun was the nearest thing to family that I had left and I did not know I could stand to lose him.
I still blamed myself for my mother's death and now Kendriun's life was in my hands – or so I thought. Even now it pains me to think that no matter what I did my dear friend and mentor was doomed. We had all been doomed from the start.
The tough old sorcerer held on for another week but he never became conscious again. There were two days when I thought he might finally be coming out of his stupor but he succumbed to his wounds.
As near as anyone could tell, he had slipped on the snowy cobblestones and fallen, striking his head and this caused his death. At least, that is what the Kings crowner decreed.
I was desolate with grief and lingered by his graveside begging him for some sign that he had not totally abandoned me. I was forsaken, like a child lost and alone in a world full of evil. I thought I would go mad with grief and refused to eat or sleep as a twisted sort of self-inflicted punishment to myself.
I had failed them both and I did not deserve to live. I was a failure. I could not take my place beside the king as his advisor. The two people dearest to me had died because I could not save them. How could I go on pretending to be a competent sorcerer and herbalist when it was painfully obvious that I could not heal the sick nor comfort the dying?
Grief overtook me and it seemed that I, too, would surely perish. And then, like a miracle, the seeing stone that Annatar had given me so long ago showed me another vision.
I was sitting across the room from it, staring moodily into the fire lamenting my worthlessness when the mist began to swirl again in the stone. I blinked at it, thinking it must be an illusion but the mist in the stone began to clear and I walked over to it and gazed deeply into its depths.
The scene was much the same as before. It was I and I was older with grey hair and a short grey beard. I was standing next to a king that I did not recognize and both of us were dressed in splendid robes. My robes were of deep purple velvet trimmed in silver and I was holding a staff that was capped by the very seeing stone in front of me.
Upon my finger was the mithril ring that Annatar had offered to me so long ago. I gasped again. The figures were smiling at each other and seemed to be speaking but I could not hear the words. As the image began to fade, I cried out but it paid me no mind and the stone went dark.
That was the first night in nearly three weeks since Kendriun's death that I slept through the night and had no nightmares. I was by no means "healed" but I was at least functional and could resume my duties. I believed that is what the sphere was trying to tell me – that I still had my duties.
Of course, the seeing stone was merely an instrument of evil but I did not know that. It had shown me what I wanted to see nay, what I NEEDED to see and so I believed it.
I became desperate, much like I had when mother fell ill and all of the pain and insecurities I felt at her illness came back to me tenfold. Kendriun was the nearest thing to family that I had left and I did not know I could stand to lose him.
I still blamed myself for my mother's death and now Kendriun's life was in my hands – or so I thought. Even now it pains me to think that no matter what I did my dear friend and mentor was doomed. We had all been doomed from the start.
The tough old sorcerer held on for another week but he never became conscious again. There were two days when I thought he might finally be coming out of his stupor but he succumbed to his wounds.
As near as anyone could tell, he had slipped on the snowy cobblestones and fallen, striking his head and this caused his death. At least, that is what the Kings crowner decreed.
I was desolate with grief and lingered by his graveside begging him for some sign that he had not totally abandoned me. I was forsaken, like a child lost and alone in a world full of evil. I thought I would go mad with grief and refused to eat or sleep as a twisted sort of self-inflicted punishment to myself.
I had failed them both and I did not deserve to live. I was a failure. I could not take my place beside the king as his advisor. The two people dearest to me had died because I could not save them. How could I go on pretending to be a competent sorcerer and herbalist when it was painfully obvious that I could not heal the sick nor comfort the dying?
Grief overtook me and it seemed that I, too, would surely perish. And then, like a miracle, the seeing stone that Annatar had given me so long ago showed me another vision.
I was sitting across the room from it, staring moodily into the fire lamenting my worthlessness when the mist began to swirl again in the stone. I blinked at it, thinking it must be an illusion but the mist in the stone began to clear and I walked over to it and gazed deeply into its depths.
The scene was much the same as before. It was I and I was older with grey hair and a short grey beard. I was standing next to a king that I did not recognize and both of us were dressed in splendid robes. My robes were of deep purple velvet trimmed in silver and I was holding a staff that was capped by the very seeing stone in front of me.
Upon my finger was the mithril ring that Annatar had offered to me so long ago. I gasped again. The figures were smiling at each other and seemed to be speaking but I could not hear the words. As the image began to fade, I cried out but it paid me no mind and the stone went dark.
That was the first night in nearly three weeks since Kendriun's death that I slept through the night and had no nightmares. I was by no means "healed" but I was at least functional and could resume my duties. I believed that is what the sphere was trying to tell me – that I still had my duties.
Of course, the seeing stone was merely an instrument of evil but I did not know that. It had shown me what I wanted to see nay, what I NEEDED to see and so I believed it.